Do not stand between a mother and her child's welfare.

...It is quite possibly the deadliest place to be...

So I haven't blogged in a while because two things have been all consuming on my mind and neither of which are things I WANT on my mind.  To that end I have been knitting and watching Downton Abbey incessantly.

But I think, perhaps, now I must blog about at least one of the things that has worn me down to a shell of my former conscious.

LAst Monday, 2/10/14, my daughter, Kayla was suspended from school for fighting.  To say I was upset is probably the understatement of the year but what will come at a shock was that I was upset at the school and not my daughter.

For four years, I have been going through this.  When my son was in Ranson, bullies picked on him and he told teachers, and I wrote letters and made calls and nothing was ever done.  My son never snapped  because he made friends with a thug that afforded him a measure of protection.  Did I like it, no?  Was I happy my son wasn't picked on anymore? Yes.  But it started again when Kayla started school.  She comes home, she talks to me, she goes to school and talks to teachers, I made calls and got sent to answering machines, I send notes that got sent to the place where notes they don't want to read go to die.  They haven't done a damn thing ever, but suddenly they want to do something the one moment that one of my children has finally had enough and snaps?

On top of this, The kids have been out of school since Tuesday afternoon.  According to the Zone Coordinator, the school day has to be in session for the suspension day to count.  With the last three days being called out, her suspension hasn't counted.  Tuesday counted as the first day but no other day has as yet counted.  If they go back to having school on Monday, which not saying anything against my fair city may not happen because they refuse to waste snow plows on the side streets that 40% of the children live on, Kayla can't go back to school until Wednesday.  IF they don't go back until Tuesday, she can't go back until Thursday.

My child is NOT going to get her 180 days and I will be damned if they try to make her go to summer school because of this.  I fired off a letter to the CMS school facebook as I don't know who runs the page but I have a feeling that they will see that it gets to the proper people.

I got a reply back from the web administrator who gave me the principal at Ransons Email. and I sent a letter off to her.  CMS is about to learn that the most dangerous place to be is between a mother and anything that concerns her child.  I may go down.  But I'm going down swinging...

The letter I sent to the principal:

I have a question and I hope that if you can't answer it, you can point me towards someone that can or forward it to whom it needs to be addressed.

My daughter was suspended last Monday from Ranson IB Middle for fighting a boy who called her, for lack of a better phrase and not to be crass, an "obese dog" if you get my meaning. Tuesday was the first day of said suspension but then there was no school Wednesday, Thursday or Today. I understand the "Rules" say that she can't now go back until next Wednesday because the school day has to be in session in order for the suspension day to count but I disagree.

For the first, as it stands, she will not get her 180 days of school. For the second, the child whom my daughter fought was given no recourse other than being taken off the bus that day for his slanderous remark towards my child. I know this for a fact because one, he lives across the street from me, I witnessed him getting on the bus in the morning, and several of the neighborhood children made it a point to come to me and tell me that he was on the bus telling everyone that the "obese dog" (again, I am trying to be tactful but please note that he was STILL calling my daughter out of her name) Got suspended for hitting him but he got nothing because he didn't fight back.

For the second, the exact same situation happened to my next door neighbors child during the first snow days we had. The days days the children missed then were the final two days of her suspension and when she went back on the very next school day, no one batted an eye.

Now I know that you cannot discuss the punishments of children not my own but I don't think that My child should have to face the possibility of summer school because she wasn't able to get her 180 days. I have spoken to the zone coordinator for Ranson and I do not think that my daughter should miss any more days. The fact is, that her problems with bullies at Ranson has gone on since 2012 and the school has done absolutely nothing about it. Whether this is by choice I don't know but I do know that my daughter has been trying to tell adults at Ranson as have I for over a year now and it is only now, when my daughter got tired of being bullied and ignored that they are choosing to do something. As I explained to Ms. Green, Since 2012 Kayla has been telling teachers to no avail, I have written notes that go wherever notes that no one wants to read in Ranson go to die. I have been put on hold when I call or given my name and number for someone to call me back and no one ever does. I understand that CMS has rules but CMS has to understand that as a mother I must look out for my child and when the place that I trust with her safety, welfare, and education for seven hours a day isn't caring whether or not she is one of the "unfortunate children who sometimes slip through the cracks" then maybe I should find a school district that will. I have the bullying and intimidation form from the handbook and have saved it for Kayla and myself to fill out, so there's no need to send it.

Also, and please understand, I am not meaning to be rude when I say this, but when you contact me, I don't need to hear CMS speak or what THEY want you to say. I want to speak to you not the rulebook. IF you aren't allowed to speak to me without quoting the student handbook, then I really don't think I can listen as I have grown up behind the scenes of a school district and know the CMS as well as other schools handbook by heart.

What I need to know is, Will my child be allowed back in school on the next school day and if she is not, who else do I bring this up with because my first inclination is to find the superintendent's office and sit there until he will see me personally. I don't like having to go straight to the top but I am fighting for my childs safety, welfare, and education none more important than the other.

If needs be Someone may call me on my home or cell phone both numbers I am putting at the bottom of this letter.

Claudette Wilson

I hope this works....

I've been Laying low for awhile...

I'm honestly stumped on a topic that starts with U besides umbrellas to do for the U blog so I'm at a stand still for the alphabet blog and then very little is going on in real life.  Last Tuesday I had four teeth removed and Wednesday, I didn't even bother to turn on my computer.  What little Facebooking I did, I did from my phone all of Wednesday.  Thursday I turned the computer on but I didn't post about my mouth.  I found about ten short of a million other things to post about.

Today I got to use my reason for plodding through the week, I got to go to Patty's!!  Yay!  I literally live for Fridays now because I get to go over there and just chill.  I don't have to be anyone else but me and me doesn't have to say a word because she knows me.  If I get over there, plop in the lounge chair and close my eyes, she doesn't want to talk about why I'm so tired, she just goes ahead and plays a game until I open my eyes.  It's awesome!  I don't have a lot of people in my real life that I can be the me that I am when I'm not trying to be someone.  And if you kept up with that you get a gold star! Good job.

I'm tired of pretending to be a million different people.  I have some friends that when I'm with them or on the phone with them I have to be the listening ear or the counselor and I have to be honest, a lot of times I want to ask whoever is telling me all of their problems did it ever occur to them that I have massive problems of my own and dumping theirs on me is just not the thing I need right now.  Most of the time I insert the 'uh huh's" and "mmm's" in when I think I'm supposed to and those particular friends don't even notice that I'm barely there.

And then there are the friends that I have to always be happy for.  I have to always have a smile on my face or a ready joke on my lips.  If I'm having a bad day, they ignore me because that's not right.  They don't have downer friends.  I think those friends are the hardest relationships that I have.

There's the face that I have to present to my ex in laws.  The one that says I'm not one of you anymore.  All but one of you made it abundantly clear when I was one of you that you didn't want me so why have you pulled me back in.  The side of me that was raised to respect my elders even when they are walking all over me with steel toed cleats on.  I have to hide the side of me that wants to tell them to stop trying to tell me how to live my life.  I made it to 35 with very little input from them and I'm pretty sure I will make to age 80 with the same amount of input.

I even have a side of me that I have to show to my ex husband.  And that is a hard side to maintain.  I was married to him for ten years.  He knows what's behind all of my faces.  He may choose not to see, but he knows.  He knows that when I'm frustrated, I cry.  He knows that when I'm sad, I intentionally make myself angry so that I have something to fight.  And he knows at what level of quiet there's something wrong and what level of quiet it's safe to ask what's wrong.

He either can't see or chooses not to see that a part of me is jealous as hell of him.  He threw me to the wayside and immediately had another woman.  When that one turned out to be batshit crazy, he had another one.  This one, in my eyes, is not only clingy needy and a general mess, she's immature and I wouldn't be surprised if she makes it to the summer, but the point is in the span of our years apart, he has never had a lack of women by his side and me... I can't find one that wants to give me the time of day.

I've liked two men since I've lived here in Charlotte.  One I slept with and later the addiction just vanished and the other I want in other ways that carnal, but I've been seriously friendzoned.  Like there doesn't seem to be a door leading out of that hellish arena AT ALL.  Can't show him the side of me that really wants him to see me as more than a friend because that side of me has a spastic condition that comes off as giggly and stuttery.

So you can see why I love going over to Patty's?  I can be me.  Not brave, not constantly funny, not even interesting.  Just Me.

Tomorrow I have to make a shit ton of confections that I will not be able to eat.  So my day will be spent screaming at my stove.  I have all my children so maybe I'll sneak in a family rock band session.

Church on Sunday and then chilling.  I might blog.  I might not.

So there you have it.  Tonight's random  thought.  Blog you later!  Stay Frosty!

I may sound offensive and insensitive... (So if you think I may offend you or I may sound like an insensitive ass, don't read)

But I have absolutely NO RESPECT for anyone that takes their own life.  In my eyes, you are a horrible coward, not very bright, and maybe the world is a better off place without you if you take your own life leaving others to mourn you and tell people that you will be remembered for all the good you've done.

No.  They can remember you for all the good you've done, I'm going to remember you as the dumbass that left people behind to cry and despair that you aren't here anymore.

And I can say that and come by those feelings honestly because once upon a time, I was the one contemplating suicide.  Once upon a time I didn't give a rats ass about who I'd be hurting if I ended it all.  And then I woke up and I realized that if I took myself away from this earth, I would be hurting three innocent children, condemning my mother to have to live without her child, and leave a whole host of other family and friends to try and remember how I had been and forget how I left.

I had an uncle that killed himself over a woman.  To be fair, that side of my family didn't have a terribly tenuous hold to their branches on the family tree (They were a little bit nuts) but still he left two children behind to mourn his loss and who were taken in by his wifes family and separated from their father's family.  To this day I have never met them nor do I know their names. Not that I definitely would have known them had their father lived because again, that side of my father's family is... well... ah... yeah... BUT there might have been an off chance.

And I HATE HATE HATE when news articles describe an actor as accidentally overdosing.  They live in the world.  They know that cocaine, heroin, and alcohol can kill them.  They know that mixing them together is a prescription for death.  No, they choose to mix/take them therefore there was no accident.  That, my dear Watson, is suicide.   Unless someone held them down, tied them up, and forcibly shot drugs into their body, they did it to themselves.  Feeling down?  Feeling like you don't matter to anyone at all?  Why go talk to someone that can maybe help you not feel that way when you can tie a rope to the ceiling and swing by the neck until you can't feel the pain anymore?  Totally a much better solution. Autoerotic asphyxiation... hmmm... let me deny my brain life giving oxygen just so that my twenty seconds of pleasure can become forty.  Never mind that I'm probably by myself and there's no one to take the belt off my throat, that forty seconds of mind blowing please is totally worth it!

Hang on, let me get a napkin, I spilled some sarcasm there.

Like I said, I've been in that dark place.  I've felt like there wasn't a damn thing or person that could make seeing the light seem possible.  I admit it, I was one of the lucky ones who had people willing to reach into the deep dark hole and pull me out but only because I was willing to let them try.

I just clicked a link to see 25 stars who were gone too soon (And of course out of disgust i closed the page and cannot find it again) but of those 25, 10 were drug overdoses, self inflicted gunshot wounds, and hangings.  The rest were truly accidents or medical.  On that list was Paul Walker.

Some might argue that he was a stunt driver he knew that by getting in that car he knew he could crash and die but seriously.  They weren't racing, they were just trying out a car so no.

And arguably, the one that pissed me off the most was Corey Monteith.  He died in a hotel room from a combination of heroin and alcohol.  He stuck the needle in his arm, he put the bottle to his lips.  The very same combination has killed so many actors it's almost an overdone way of dying. (So yesterday! As if!)  So why in God's name are people still mourning this dumbass?  Why is everyone remembering what an awesome actor he was (I have seen several of his episodes of Glee I am going to hold any comment I have about that) and what a great person he was.  Hello!!! He made the choice to take himself away from all of you! He is the reason you are sad!

Crap, let me wipe up my disdain.

If I had taken my own life all those years ago, do you think my mom would spend her life crying about what a good person I had been?  She might have for the first couple of years, but knowing my mom, she would have been angry as hell that I was selfish enough to do whatever I would have done to end my life (It was pills by the way).

I'm pretty sure normal, sane people aren't as cold and insensitive as I am when it comes to stuff like this.  I'm sure that someone somewhere is calling me a grinch and waiting for my heart to grow two sizes too big right now, but to me this is common sense.  I'm not going to sit and cry myself dry and wear mourning colors over someone that was selfish enough to take themselves away and not care about anyone else's pain.

I just don't see it.  I just don't.

SNOWMAGGEDON!!!!

For the life of me, I will never understand why people like snow.  Sure, it's pretty to look at but here's the thing, after you're finished looking at it, you have to live in it.  And by live in it, I mean you are either forced to go out in it or it is forcing you to stay in your house.

Let me show you something:  This was Feb. 16, 2013 here in Charlotte... 

 and when it finished maybe three hours later all we had was this: 

 and people look at me funny when I scoff because THIS:

was Feb. 2010 in New Jersey and that was about three days after the plows came through.  JUst to show you that Charlotte snow means absolutely bupkiss to me, watch this:  

I'll give you a minute to stop laughing.  In all seriousness that is what I am used to dealing with in the wintertime and that particular day, I left my house as normal to go to work and three quarters of the way to the bus stop, my boss called and said that they had closed the store.  When I called her an hour earlier BEFORE I went out in that mess, she said the store was still open (we later got in a fight as to why I left my house with the weather the way it was.  She denied ever telling me that I should start out and if I didn't get to work my job would be in jeopardy from the beginning, she swears to this day up and down that she told me to stay home and wait and that if they kept the store open and I was late it would be fine...)

And one would think that I dislike snow based on the fact that if on the the off chance we get enough of it, I am trapped inside with my kids but it has nothing to do with that.  I have no problem being in the house with my kids, they ignore me anyways.

I've always equated cold snowy days with sitting in front of a fireplace (Or a tv with a fire on it) snuggling with someone and my kids have passed the "let's snuggle on the couch and watch the snow" phase, they're more into the "Yes! School is closed so I'm going to play xbox all night" phase.  And my love of sitting with a hot cup of cocoa and watching it fall died too I guess.  I wish I still felt the same excitement I felt as a kids for snow but sadly, I don't.

This little Piggy...

Seriously that's adorable.  You can't tell me that's not adorable.  Baby toes are probably about the cutest things around, but I'm doing this wrong for an alphabet blog.  I have to put the picture of the letter... But still... baby toes!!!  And I actually know those toes!  They belong to one of the world cutest little girls!

Ahem... back to the way I'm supposed to do this...

OKay so growing up, I'm sure everyone heard the song head, shoulders, knees, and toes, right?  Growing up I did not know there was another verse to that song... (Eyes and ears, and mouth, and nose...)  I often sit and wonder about stupid trivia and the origin of the song is something I've looked up a few time, never satisfied with the answers.  It seems that someone took another tune, 'There's a Tavern in the Town" First sung by Rudy Valee as the Drunkards song.  It was actually Trinity University College's school song!  Tell me what kind of college has a song about a drunkard as their school song?  And how do you get a children's song from that?

Such questions I fear I will never find the answer to.  In the meantime, I need another picture of toes.

Toes are marvelous things.  One would think that they are completely unnecessary to the human but one would be wrong.  For the first they help with balancing.  Have you ever tried to stand on one foot without your toes touching the ground?  Bloody hard to do.  I know, I just tried and I almost just fell and the vodka in my Kool-aid had absolutely nothing to do with it.  Now put the toes down and magically, you can balance... Well you can... I just nearly fell again.  This time I'm pretty sure it was the Kool-aid.

I might as well say now that I just finished watching Saving Mr. Banks and the voice in my head, which is normally, Meredith Grey from Grey's anatomy is now speaking in a slightly exaggerated British accent so it might leak out to my writing.  Also I must note that I am cracking up here because Meredith Grey does not do British very well...

I don't know about Men, but women abuse the hell out of toes.  If I were a toe and capable of autonomous thought, I would cuss out the woman of who's foot I was on.  We cram toes into shoes and cramp them into a shape that toes weren't meant to so into all for the sake of the legs looking good and making the butt look good.  Screw the butt!

Oh hang on, laughing fit...

The toes of the world are vastly under appreciated.  We walk around like they aren't doing us any good or harm, we paint them garish colors, and some of us, don't take care of them yet still let them see the light of day. (Seriously, if you have fugly toes like I do, just please, keep them covered.  No one wants their next meal ruined because they happened to look down because your neon green nail polish caught their eye and they see ashy, misshapen sausages staring up at them.

Of course I totally feel that toes get us back for people not treating them right because dude!  Have you ever banged your toe into a table leg?  That ish hurts!!  But you are bound to give your toes some serious TLC directly afterwards.  Tell me you aren't going to cradle that foot and pray the pain away.

And speaking of bouund... Did you know that in China, it was considered a thing of beauty to bind women's feet?  I mean seriously?? is this:

Look beautiful?  It would certainly fit some of the Manolos out today but damn that even looks painful.  Supposedly the Emperor Li Yu asked his concubine to bind her feet into the shape of crescents and do a lotus dance for him on just the big toe.  How this because a symbol for beauty, I haven't a clue.  Seems to me that after awhile that would have hurt so much I would have to let those puppies bark.  But however that became a sign of wealth and beauty among women, it lasted until early in the 20th century.  Around the same time that America was begging for blacks and women to have the vote and have say in government, people in China were begging to stop biding women's feet.

We stuff our feet in these:

And think we are pretty, but for centuries, women who cam from money in china, wore these:

I don't know about you, but I'll take the red heels of death. (If you've ever seen me walk in heels after a few drinks you'd understand why I say that)

Men have it lucky.  Wait, time for another toe pic...

Did I mention that I love my friends?  I asked for toe pictures and several of my friends sent me pictures of their toes!  Even after I told them that they were going on the internet and all of my million readers would see them, they said it was cool.!  I love my friends.  And By the way, I love that color!

I saw a snarky e-card once that said if a man has a foot fetish and cheats on his wife, does that mean he got off on the wrong foot?  I laughed a little hard at that.

I love the phrase Twinkle toes.  According to the urban dictionary, it refers to someone who is light and graceful on their feet.  I.E. Ballet dancers.

She:

 would be a twinkle toe. They: 

would be twinkle toes.  And even still, She:  

is my personal hero because I would still be in that position on my death bed which I would have been moved to shortly after attempting that position...

TOE PIC!!

Not that I have a foot fetish by any means but I love kids toes.  I don't think I have met a kid yet that didn't enjoy a round of this little piggy.

"This little piggy went to Market;
This little piggy, stayed home;
This little piggy had roast beef;
And this little piggy, had none;
And this little piggy cried wah wah wah all the way home!"

According the the wikipedia page on the origins of the song, it started from "The Nurse's Song" written in 1728 (See no one can complain about today's musical artists ripping off other song!  We've been doing it since the dawn of time!)

I love playing that game with babues because of the tickle factor.  I'm big on tickles and the fact that I get to tickle baby feet, well the giggle I get from most babies alone is enough to make it well worth it.  Then there's that odd baby, that looks at me with an expression on their face akin to "Who are you and why the $#(& are you touching my toes?"

Anyone notice that the middle piggy is eating a cow?  Just thought I'd put that out there...

TOE PIC!!

Men don't have it any easier in the toe department.  They like to take care of those puppies too but let a man go to a nail salon and get a pedicure and suddenly he's gay.  Because manly men aren't supposed to enjoy someone massaging their feet and scraping all the dead skin off and generally making them look and feel better.  Bollocks. (Sorry, laughing fit.  British Meredith Grey just screamed that loudly in my head!)  Personally I think that a man that can openly do that and not care about the labels' society wants to brand him with is a real man.  He's an even better man if he sits right next to his girl and gets one while she is getting one.

TOE PIC!!

Love the red and green nail polish!  Right now mine are dark purple.  Not that anyone will ever see them until I have had a pedicure but that's the color they are.  A lot like the T above.

I'm pretty much out of things to say about toes.  But let's go over the basic points again...:

1. Don't bind your toes.  They look bad.  Woman alive today who had bound feet can barely walk now so if they aren't being treated well they can't get away.  No bueno...

2. If you have fugly feet, wear socks.  I have fugly feet and toes.  I wear socks everywhere.

3. If it's winter, please wear close toes shoes. No one wants to see Frost bite piggies.  That's like looking at week old vienna sausages.

4. Treat your tootsie's nice.  Don't smash them into things.  Doctors can do nothing but tape them up and charge you five hundred dollars for a fifty cent roll of tape.

5. Take care all of you that wear those high high heels.  It's not good for your foot and worse for your toes.  You may look good but when you are hobbling around at 80, you can bet it was because of all those look good moments where you crammed your tootsies into Manolo Blaniks and Jimmy Chos... Yes I know who they are!  Just because I wear converse and nike doesn't mean I don't know the good shoe designers!

6. Don't laugh at the man getting the pedicure.  If he's that nice to his feet, think of how nice he'll be to yours...

And finally, just so we can end the blog on a good foot (Snort giggle) My last toe pic!!

Stay Frosty Bloggies!! Love ya!!  Big thanks to my friends that sent me toe pics!!!  You guys rock!!

Quick blog before bed...

Nothing special happening today.  And I mean that more than I mean a lot of things.  My seasonal Pre-Valentines Day depression arrived all wrapped up in a pretty package of unwarranted tears for absolutely no reason.  I would just be sitting and boom! I have tears rolling down my face.  Let me tell you whoever said that women cry for no reason and are better for it didn't know shit.  Random bouts of tears; I'm upset to say that this happened over five times today, and then in the middle of that crying because I don't know why I'm crying and further crying because now I can't stop crying.

If i were a man, I wouldn't want my soggy, temperamental, obviously crazy ass either!

So I changed my profile picture on Facebook.  I found a lovely little picture of cupid lying face down on the ground with his arrows strewn about him and an arrow stuck in his back a few years ago and I have to say I love it.  It's dark and gruesome but it's exactly what I would want to do if I could.

Valentines is not a good day for me but then freaking Monday through Sunday isn't a good day for me either so what does it matter?  Monday through Sunday I see my friends getting engaged, getting married, going out on dates and generally being happy that someone on this stupid planet wanted to be with them.  On Valentines day double the amount of people who do this on normal basis will be doing it and they will be televising it. Hallmark will make ten thousand movies where someone hates someone then loves them or someone loves someone and looses them then find someone else and loves them.  They will have everything with a pulse fall in love.  Syfy will cover things without a pulse and things not from this planet or solar system. Animal planet will cover the animals.  National Geographic will cover love under the sea, in the air, on the rocks, the history of love and sex, and how other countries handle love.

Thousands of romance novels will be inspired.

I don't want to be inspired to write a romance novel (I already have most of it written) I don't care about love in the sky, or in the dirt, or in Africa.  I don't even care about the history of sex.

No, What I want is someone that can make me feel like I'm not alone in this crowd we call humanity. I'm standing in the middle of half million people wearing some sort of scarlet letter that makes people stay away from me.  I want the same thing that those million people have: Love.

I have stopped hanging out with my friends on a regular basis.  Believe it or not, I used to be a rather sociable person but now, I have stopped hanging out with them and most times would rather sit here in my house making Sims fall in love and screw like rabbits because watching my friends get that special glow or secret smile when it comes to their loved ones is waking up the green eyed dragon.  You don't want to see the dragon.  I don't like the dragon.  She ends some of my best relationships.

I hate being told that he's on his way.  Dammit someone get him a GPS and a fast car.  I've been waiting for mister right since I figured out I was engaged to Mr. Oh hell no so wrong  I'm tired of waiting.  I'm tired of sighing and smiling when my awesome friends tell me to just wait, he's coming.  I want to rage and scream and throw things and it's because of that one sentence and the ones that say the same in slightly different words.

Can we just skip Valentines day?  Skip over to... I don't know... the 4th of July.  Let me be scared to death of fireworks because they sound like gunshots.  I'll take scared to death right now.  Hell I am scared to death.  I'm scared that I was slated for one chance at being with someone and that was my ill-fated marriage to my ex.  My God, what if that was the only chance I will ever get?  What if i die as only his ex wife?

Oh goody the tears have started again.  At least this time there won't be extra tears because I don't know why I'm crying or how to stop.

I need to disappear.  Turn off all communication and just go away.  But I can't do this because my ex would tell the courts that I'm a horrible mother, my mother would have a heart attack at not being able to find me, I'm sure my friends would go on with normal life.  It's not like I'm a constant presence to be missed. (They'll likely notice tat I've gone ghost if I'm gone over a month)

Ugh.  Good God, These tears are going to drive me nuts.  I sound like a head case.  I'm going to bed.

Stay Frosty or thaw out.  Do whatever you want to do.  I'm outtie.

So tired... So very tired....

So LIv has come in the room twice now and caught me sleeping at my desk.  I would go to be but it's only seven and it seems the hours until bedtime are just slipping by.  Of course that may be because when there's a quiet five minutes I fall asleep...

Pretty sure I might have just fallen asleep right then as well.  Liv came in and said "Mom!" rather loudly.  Pretty good indication that I was snoozing.

Why am I so tired, you ask?

Because the writing bug only hits me on nights when I have to be up early in the morning.  Never on nights when I have nothing to do.

I got the bright idea to totally rewrite the end of Chasing the duchess because when I tried to submit it to Crimson Publishing I had to get it in by a certain time and it wasn't finished so I kinda rushed the ending and I felt a lot of characters got lost in the shuffle and just forgotten about.  I kept telling myself that no one would notice and it would be okay but then I read it again and the perfectionist in me put her foot down and said no so three chapters and an epilogue hit the cutting room floor and I'm currently rewriting.

But the damn bug only bites me when I have stuff to do the next day.

Last night I started writing KNOWING that I had to be up at nine a.m. this morning and the next time I looked up, it was three freaking o'clock!  I itched until four, was awake at five and then again at nine when Mommy called. And usually when she calls to wake me up, I'm bright eyed and bushy tailed but I think this morning I may have mumbled and groaned because she kept telling me to wake up.

So it's bed time and the kids are going down.  I've been sipping on a cup of fruit punch vodka and Kool-aid so of course I'm awake.  By the way... It's nine o'clock now...

I'm a little bit tipsy so I'm going to just end this.  Muh-wah!  Stay frosty!  And I realize to my northern friends that might sound like I'm making fun of you but I'm not!  Stay safe friends!  Love ya!!

Super Schmaghegy Smartbutt!! Sweet Stereotypes!!!

I gotta tell you, I have been looking forward to this blog FOREVER!!!  No seriously I decided on the S blog when I was still on D... and I was all like "Aw man! I can't wait for S, I gotta get through like ten letters though!!" And here I am!!! S, S, super duper S!  Subperulous, Schmexcellent, Super S!!!

So okay, first the picture....

(There was some debate as to whether I should make this Original size, X-large, or Large.  Large won out but the more important question is who was I debating this issue with...)

Now a disclaimer.  The disclaimer is very important in this blog.  There is a video following this.  It is not for the racist, the bigoted, and the generally stupid as hell.  If you are any of those three then first off, what the hell are you doing here anyway, the way I talk about people you should have been gone like eons ago.  Secondly, if you are offended easily, get over it, it will serve you no purpose in life and certainly not on this blog.  Crap, I'm meant to be disclaiming... seriously if you don't know how to take a joke then just close this now, cause I'm about to embed a video that I find quite hilarious and it's the basis for this blog so yeah... I have disclaimed, you have been warned... now those of you that are left, go enjoy the video and I'll see you when you stop laughing... what am I forgetting... oh yeah DO NOT WATCH THIS AT WORK IF YOU DON'T HAVE HEADPHONES! I HAVE OFFICIALLY DISCLAIMED SO YOU CANNOT HOLD ME RESPONSIBLE IF YOU GET FIRED FOR PLAYING THIS!

Have you stopped laughing or should I sit back and wait a few more minutes?

So I ran across this YouTube video totally randomly in 2011 and I was floored.  I was laughing so hard I didn't even catch the meaning until the fifth or sixth time of watching.  In case you missed it My Favorite Martian is basically saying take all the stereotype you've ever heard of and blow them out your rear end because 90% of them are shit.  And it's not just the cultural stereotypes that need to be tossed out it's all of them.  

A definition of Stereotypes:

The definition of a stereotype is any commonly known public belief about a certain social group or a type of individual. Stereotypes are often confused with prejudices, because, like prejudices, a stereotype is based on a prior assumption. Stereotypes are often created about people of specific cultures or races.

Almost every culture or race has a stereotype, including Jewish people, Blacks, Irish people, and Polish people, among others.

Stereotypes are not just centered on different races and backgrounds, however. Gender stereotypes also exist. For example, if you say that men are better than women, you’re stereotyping all men and all women. If you say that all women like to cook, you are stereotyping women.

A lot of stereotypes annoy the piss out of me but I'm going to pick a few and see how long this gets.  The first Stereotype that pisses me off is the ones about those on food stamps.

Want me to say it?  I'm on food stamps.  I need government help to feed my family.  Am I proud of it? No.  Am I going to put on a shirt that says that I get government aid, probably not. As soon as I can get off of it, am I going to march in my social services office and give them their card back? Yes.  Does this mean that I am on Welfare? No!  Am I ashamed of welfare? No.

People seem to think that all government aid is lumped together in one big ball of nedy lazy people that are taking advantage of your tax dollars.  That is not true.  That is not false but as a general stereotype it is.  There are always, always ALWAYS going to be people everywhere that will be given a hand and take a whole arm.  That is not all people.  The general stereotypes that I run into if I happen to be unlucky enough to have to sit through a discussion about government aid is that the people who need it are fat lazy good for nothings that would rather draw the benefits than do something with their life. The people on Medicaid are taking the free healthcare and popping out baby after baby after baby so that the people not on it have to pay through the nose for their care to cover other's care.  That they're all druggies who can't be trusted. Oh and my favorite, the people who don't need aid can't afford lobster for dinner, but people on food stamps can get it anytime they choose to.

Seriously, don't make me laugh.  Starting from the bottom.  If I could get lobster on food stamps, don't you think my ass would have learn to love that shit ages ago?  I JUST got to try lobster when my mother took us out for Christmas dinner and I'm freaking 34!  90% of stores that accept EBT/SNAP benefits have certain items that you cannot get on food stamps.  They don't fly.  You have to pay cold hard cash for them and let me tell you most steaks (The good one, t-bone, prime rib, porterhouse, etc), lobster, fresh seafood (the stuff in the seafood case not the prepackaged stuff) and NOTHING from the butchers block counter (The fresh meat they cut for you) can be bought with stamps... at least not in North Carolina.  You get tot he register and think we're getting away with that shit and the register tells us nope uh uh, cash please.  Hell this afternoon I wasn't able to use my EBT card for some black grapes because that is what they classify a gourmet item.  And the thought that the states should restrict what you can buy on stamps, they already have but what most people are calling for is no sugar type stuff.  They already have that program.  It's called WIC.  As for sugary stuff on stamps, let me ask you this... a gallon of apple cider costs what? Four maybe five dollars?  Guess what? Kool-aid costs two bucks.  And with that small thing of kool-aid we can make drinks for depending on the household up to three weeks. (insert double stereotype that poor folks guzzle kool-aid... I will handle that later.)  The government would have to up the food stamp roof to accommodate cutting out sugary stuff. because the healthy stuff costs so much more. That is not an opinion.  That is a cold hard fact.  Is it a fair fact? No.  But it's still a fact.

Next that welfare people are just druggies.  Seriously, do I have to debunk that one?  I have never tried to get welfare in NC but I tried just after my divorce in New Jersey.  They told me I couldn't get welfare because I had kids.  I asked then who does get welfare?  The woman told me that people with no kids who are trying to get a leg up on life.  That is per a reform that took place and went into effect almost ten years ago.  And the ones that were already on the old system were being phased into the reform which meant they were going to have to stop being the stereotype that unfortunately some of them created.  No more free checks and no more people with a blatant substance abuse problem.  And I love the people who post things on Facebook about all government aid recipients need to be tested for drugs before getting their benefits.  They tried that in Florida.  They spent 26 million dollars that the country technically doesn't have only to come up with one person.  Everyone else passed because here's the thing.  If you know that you are down on the food chain enough to have to ask for help feeding your kids, you know that it's defeating the purpose if you have a coke habit.  It's the ones that don't know just how far down on the food chain that find a way to do drugs and still get aid and somewhere in the back of their heads a little piece of them knows it's not going to last because the government keeps track of everything you buy with that card.  At any given time Social services can tell me how much I spent, where I spent it, and depending on the store what I bought.  Would I mind doing a piss test if they asked me to? Honestly? No.  Because I like the majority know that doing what they don't want you to do is the best way to muck it all up.

Having baby after baby after baby... Again, those of you crying about that have you ever trued to sign up for MedicAid?  Ever?  More than likely not.  The state of New Jersey tells you flat out.  We are covering the kids on this application.  We are not covering anymore.  If you need help for these, then you should be smart enough not to have anymore.  No shit that is exactly what my caseworker in NJ told me.  In NC they did one better.  The application asks if I would be willing to be sterilized and that if I am not it may affect the decision to give me aid.  For shits and giggles I told them no I would not be willing to be sterilized. (I had my tubes tied after my youngest daughter because we could barely scrape by with them and I wasn't bringing another into the picture especially when we had a loveless marriage on top of that.) The result was me being called to an itty bitty room and interrogated about my intention to have more children that I couldn't afford and that the government was going to have to support.  They tried to go the shame route on me.  There was one loophole to this interrogation however.  I could have very easily said that religion prevented me from saying yes.  There isn't a thing they could do about it then, but instead being the sarcastic ass I am, I started laughing and told the stern faced woman that I wouldn't agree to be sterilized because I had been sterilized years prior.  That gave the woman a good pause.  To which she actually apologized for the shaming she had tried to give me.  So no, you can't get on Medicaid and pop out babies like a pez dispenser. It doesn't work like that.

Fat lazy good for nothings... I'm not even going to try and disabuse people of that one.  For every one of us that are on government aid that are trying to do something with their lives there are five more that have simply given up and are content to sit and do nothing.  And yes, I said given up.  In most cases, they go out and they get the job, but it's minimum wage and it's part time but yet the state will cut benefits like it's a full time job.  You can make $150 a week and feel good about yourself and the state will see that you are making money and cut your benefits.  Normally this would be okay but if that $150 isn't guaranteed every week, then that cut in benefits stats to gain on you.  Say you made 150 week one, 75 week two, 100, week three, and 80 the fourth week.  But your benefits were cut $600 because you had a paycheck that said $150.  Your pay adds up to $405.  You are now $195 short on what you normally have to support your household.  The government aid system was not set up to deal with flexible hours and pay.  For most families, that missing $195 is an electric bill or maybe their share of the rent.  After six months of that you are now down about $1,200.  So yeah, I say given up because against odds like that, you really can't win.  Months of choosing which bill you are going to pay that month are going to pile up like a tsunami and engulf you so the thought it is, give up go back on full benefits, catch up with bills and not try to get ahead again.  Not fat lazy good for nothings.  People who have been knocked down so many times they don't know how to get up anymore.

And I will never say another word on Government assistance again.  It's not a topic that I discuss often.

Stereotype Number two and this was mentioned with the kool-aid vs healthy drinks line.

African americans drink nothing but kool-aid and eat fried chicken.

Have you ever seen a painting or drawing of a black family gathering?  Nine times out of ten the prominent food/drink there is Fried chicken and kool-aid.  Because that's what we drink/eat.  Yeah, we do.  But we drink and eat so much more.  Fried chicken goes back to slavery times.  And let me tell you.  Back then more slave owners ate fried chicken that the average modern african american family.  Someone, somewhere put flour on a piece of chicken and threw that bitch in some hot oil and chowed down and it was the greatest meal ever.  Chicken farms.  Hell unless you were lucky enough to have a dairy farm with a cow for beef and a pig for pork you could always find a chicken.  The truth is, chicken is one of the cheapest meats out there.  To make my family chicken wings for dinner, do you know how much it costs?  About 11-20 bucks and we have left over for days. Bag of wings is 7-9 bucks and the oil is about 2.  So depending if I'm making them to eat tonight or to eat for days, I'm still spending less than $25 bucks.  Now you get a whole bunch of people together that have the stuff and know how to cook the stuff, you get a lot of fried chicken, you will get potato salad, cornbread, and there is no doubt that you will get about five different desserts.  Is this a bad stereotype?   No but it's not a totally correct one either.  Have you ever heard of a kid drinking city punch?  You think that's slang for Kool-aid don't you?  Haha no.  City Punch is another way of saying water.  I actually saw on television one woman talking about all the kids telling her that they drink city punch and she went on and on about how the sugar in their diets was going to cause them to be obese and what not.  I think the show that was airing this let her go on and on because either they didn't know what City punch was or they wanted to see just how deep this woman could stick her foot in her moth and down her throat.  She was complaining about them getting fat on water. Hmmm...

Seriously the kool-aid and chicken thing is one of my favorite stereotypes.  I can't say for why totally but it makes me laugh. And if you come from my family, Hells yeah you're going to get fried chicken , all that other mess I don't eat, and five different desserts and if no one thought to buy a few cases of soda, Hell yeah you're going to find both Kool-aid and Cool-aid.  You figure that one out...

Women are bad drivers.  Well, you try putting on your make up in those tiny mirrors.  Let's see how well you drive!  Go on, how bout you shave on your way to work.  Go on!  See how well you drive?

Blacks are better at sports and dancing.  Have you ever noticed that a lot of the dance moves that blacks do look like we're having sex or getting the crap beat out of us or running away?  I'm going to let that marinate in your brain.  As for sports.  It's mostly the ones that we're running in.  Football.  We catch the ball and twenty guys start running at you.  Hell yeah I see a whole bunch of burly guys running at me at top speed, you bet your ass I'm going to run.  Baseball. We ain't hitting the ball.  We're hitting someone that pissed us off and then we're running because their brother/father/posse is coming after us. Track. WE ARE RUNNING AWAY.  Swimming. WE ARE GETTING AWAY.  Basketball. I don't know about them but I;m bouncing my ex husbands face into the floor over and over and over again and science tells us that if we drop it from high enough it's going to hit the ground harder usually so yeah I'm going to shove the butthead's face through an itty bitty hoop and slam it on the ground.  Y'all really think we thinking about the mechanics of the sport?  Ha!!  Good one.

I'm spent bloggers.  I'm hungry, my dinner is calling my name and since the kids are away, my big ol' tub that takes forty minutes to fill is calling me too so stay Frosty, guys!! Till next time!!

The problem with morning

Is that it's too damn early.

Now, I'm not stupid enough to claim that I'm one of those people that hit the floor running at the ass crack of dawn and hope that you believe me because I know that the majority of you will sit there, call me a liar, and laugh your ass off because you know I'm lying through my teeth.  The only time my feet hit the floor running in the morning is if I have to go to the bathroom... or someone is at my front door (mostly because they want to test the theory that I will maim you before 8 am)... or one of my kids is hurt/crying.

Otherwise my feet stay firmly under the covers where it's warm and the top half of me can cuddle with the million pillows I have on my bed.

Trust me, the devil does not look up at my floor and mutter that I'm up before ten and if, by some freak happening like today I'm up, he's so totally not concerned that I'm going to do any damage.  Not at all.

The earth should be split into two parts.  Those that like getting up early and running the world while it's spectacularly bright outside.  And those that like running the world at night and we should only congregate on overcast days and at dusk when it's neither day nor night.

The people on the dark side would all go to to work/school at night and the people on the light side could do all that in the daylight.  And yes, I realize about 85% of the worlds children would be on the dark side of the earth but here's how you sort them out:

• People on the light side will get paid a sun bonus.  Their jobs will end at nightfall and they will go to bed unless they get a day pass to the the darkside.
• People on the darkside will be okay with regular pay since most of the money will be going towards lighting and electricity.  They will sleep during the daylight hours unless they obtain a day pass to the light side.

Passes will only be issued if:

• You live on the dark side and are in a serious committed relationship and need to know what your other half looks like in sunlight.
• You live on the light side, are in a committed relationship and would really like a date without the sun shining on you. Please not that couples dating less than a year will only be granted this pass once every five weeks, couples newly married will get a three day pass, and couples with children will get a nightly pass every two weeks.
• You have saved up a total week of vacation at your job.  Please note you must work for one full year to earn a week so this pass is only available once a year to either side.

Every person at the age of 18 will be required to live on the opposite side of the earth for three months to decide if they want to be in the light or in the dark.

Farmers will always live in the light.  Except the cannabis farmers.  We already will have massive lighting on the dark side so why not take advantage and live on the dark side and use heat lamps.  The hippie cannabis farmers who like organic can live on the lightside and all cannabis farmers will be require to share.

Since even in a perfect world we can't control the weather (and every single one of you Sims players need to stop sniggering...) on any overcast day when the sun is NOT shining but it's not dark dark, the two halves may mingle and rules are suspended.

NO... I haven't spent a lot of time thinking about this.  I'm serious all of that bull shit just jumped off the top of my head this morning.  I'm abstaining from coffee.  No matter what I do save drinking it black, it messes with my tummy.  And one might ask, if I know it's going to do this, why have I still been doing it?

The same reason my lactose intollerant ass still eats ice cream and milk and cookies... because they are just too good to give up and I'm weighing the pain it will cause against the feel better aspect and the feel better aspect is winning.  The feel better aspect of coffee is not winning over the pain factor because I can't do that two days in a row.  I think I'll make myself some tea...  Be right back

...and yet my dumb ass ended up with coffee.. (You don't know it but I was actually AWK for like twenty minutes... I do it often.  Sometimes my blogs are two days in the making...) Remind me of this when I'm in pain in about forty minutes...

So I'm going to go fight with Time Warner cable. Yay fun!  Out of the first 100 channels I can't see about 45 of them so I'm missing a lot of shows... you know when I actually turn on my tele and when it actually wants to work... I don't want to call them, I want to turn my boxes in for newer boxes but I have a whole season of Once Upon A Time saved on my DVR and I don't wanna lose it! Yes I'm whining.

Mystery man was back again last night.  The conversation was... interesting.  We talked about sex.  Not had it, but talked about it.  He's not happy that I don't like sex.. Not happy at all.  Anyone know someone that uses the term cow dung instead of bullshit?  MM actually used that phrase last night.  I have never used that term in my life and don't see myself converting from bullshit to cow dung...

Mmmmm coffee... I love that feeling when each sip spreads through your central nervous system and you get all warm and relaxed.

Okay, I'm going to write again.  I have someone else that I'm thinking of submitting CTD to but this time I'm going to pitch that it's in two parts.

Ta y'all.

Fuck up Mom

That's what I feel like right now.  A major league, royal class fuck up of a mother.

I have one child that thinks she's a diva who can do what she wants when she wants, in the time she wants, because she wants.

This afternoon Liv's friends came to the house to ask her to play.  She acted like I wasn't even there and said "Sure, I'll be right out."  In my day, with my mom, especially if she were standing right there, she would have knocked me down the street and told me to pick myself up and get in the house.  If I cried I would have gotten knocked out again because I knew I was wrong.  And Liv knew she was wrong.  Even her friend knew she was wrong.  Quite honestly, if it weren't for the fact that my kids need to be outside as much as possible and not on the Wii, Xbox, and tablets all the time I would have told her to go in the house.

And this isn't the first time.  I will tell her to go do something and even if I'm standing there, she will go and do something completely different.  When I remind her that she was supposed to be doing the thing I told her to do she widens her eyes and puts on that cutsey girl tone and says "Oh yeah! I forgot!" Picture every blonde ditz you've seen in the movies and that's what she looks and sounds like.  Pisses me off.  I take away all the fun stuff and you'd think that the stuff she's supposed to do would get done but no.  She find another way to slack off and give me the oh yeah I forgot crap.  And her mouth!  Sometimes the child forgets that I'm her mother and she will unleash the wrong tone on me.  You have no idea how many times I have abstained from backslapping the ever loving mess out of her.

And I know that there are some people out there who would tell me to slap the taste out of her mouth and be done with it but no.  I don't hit my kids.  I don't hit them because that means I'm madder than I should be and I have an anger problem.  I recognize that I do and if i get mad enough to actually raise my hand I don't have the turn off switch to say enough.  I run on adrenaline and usually until it's spent I can't stop.  So no, I won't hit my kids.

And then Kay. I have no idea where I went wrong.  Sometimes I don't think I did.  Sometimes  I get the feel like my child is a very high functioning Autistic child.  And there is nothing wrong with that.  Autistic children are people too and more than capable of one day taking care of themselves.  But how does one go about finding out if their child is autistic?  I have taken her to the doctor and pleaded with her to send Kay for testing and recognize that something is wrong and she sends the referral but then I get a letter saying that MedicAid won't pay for the tests.  So I can't get the tests.

But that's besides the point.  She's thirteen and she acts like a ten year old.  I love LOVE LOVE it when she draws me a picture but she draws in the manner of a five or six year old.

If I told you that my thirteen year old drew this, you might ask me how I made it look so knew after all these years.  Because obviously a child drew this.  If I corrected you and told you that my thirteen year old drew this less than a month ago, you would look at me like I had a special child.  I know you would.  Most people do.  Seriously they do.

She doesn't bathe properly.  And I have gotten in the shower to bathe with her and show how how to wash.  And those rare days which are becoming more and more that she sticks and when I say stinks, I mean that smell that the world as we know it associates with the few overweight people who can't get to every crevice on their body.  It's musty and funky all mixed together in one nauseating smell that stays in a room long after the person has left the room.  When I tell her that she stinks she says "Oh well!" or "I know" with a shrug and a face completely void of emotion.

Kids tease her at school.  Acne has hit her hard as it did with me at that age and she's little overweight as I was at her age.  She's awkward and I can't help but feel like if she wore her glasses more she wouldn't be so clumsy but then she complains that the kids call her four eyes.  If I tell her that kids have called people with glasses four eyes since the dawn of glasses she goes into conniption about how much it hurts.

And saddest of all, she has inherited my anger issues.  I've sat an watched how something innocent can make her actually mad enough to threaten someone's life.  My fear for her at school is that she's going to tell someone that she's going to kill them and she will be expelled. They have a zero tolerance policy at school now because of all the kids that went postal and if a kid so much as bites their sandwich into the shape of a gun they expel them.  Kay is just off the chain enough to threaten someone's life in the heat of an argument and there goes her school life.  

I don't know what to do anymore and tonight is one of those nights where I feel like maybe their father was right in suing me for custody.  Maybe I am a shit mom who is doing more damage than good.  

I don't know.  And that both pisses me off and scares the shit out of me...