So Random things that start with R....
Random People
Wow, that sounds like I'm about to just name random people and call out the attack squad doesn't it? Hehe no, I'm not... or am I?? LOL. No. I mean actual people that are just so random, you have to love them.
Personally Random people are my favorites among my friends. Everyone has a random friend. The one that can look you in the eyes for the briefest of seconds and say the very thing that is floating across your brain but they make it sound funny and not sarcastic and rude which is how it sounded in your brain... That's your random person. The person who always has a one liner that comes out of nowhere and makes everyone rofl, THAT'S your random friend. I have a couple of them. They are some of my best friends actually. Everyone needs one or two. In my opinion, they spice life up kinda like Emril thinks he's doing when he throws something in a pot and screams "BAM!" (I've had his spices, they aren't all that) We all need spice in our lives. Even the quiet librarian type that wears the froudy clothes and big glasses. Yes, she needs spice and chances are she simply hasn't found her random friend yet.
Being called Random is not an insult. You know how the "I'm so popular everyone should bow down I can do whatever I want and my shit doesn't stink because I'm a cheerleader" girl (no, I like them, the sarcasm hanging all over that last sentence was purely coincidental...) always turns to her friends and points out the outcast and says "Ohmigawd! That guy is soooo random!" (admit it, you said it in a valley girl, stuck up sort of way and if you didn't before you just went back and did...) Well, that guy should be thrilled that that itch thinks he's random because I think being random is awesome. I was actually called random once as an adult. I was sitting on the stoop in the development we lived in and I said something and one of the women looked up at me and said, "You're kinda special. You're just so random." Now I get that she thought she was insulting me and I could have let my face fall and acted hurt but I wasn't going to give her that. I looked up and told her that being special and Random were two of my best features. That she never knew what she was going to get from me and it just meant that she would have to keep on her toes and dust off her brain to try and figure me out. That sad part about that was maybe five people around her understood that I turned her insult back on her but she never did. That's the beauty of being random. No one knows what you are going to do or say next.
Now onto the next r...
Road Rage
This a very funny r and one that I... reportedly... suffer from but I gotta be honest with you... I don't suffer from it at all. As a matter of fact, I enjoy every minute of it. What? I do! There is something really special about road rage that releases a whole lot of stress for me. Other people feel tired after a bout of road rage takes them over, me? I feel like I could drive across the country and back again.
Now don't get me wrong, my road rage has almost gotten me in trouble a couple of times. The first time that I can remember it nearly getting me in trouble was in Newport News, Va. We used to live there when Randy was stationed at Norfolk Naval Base. I was on my way to Langley AFB via highway 64 to do some grocery shopping and needed to get out of my lane to the next so I could take my exit and get there but this dumpy white woman in the next lane was riding my six. I sped up and so did she, I dropped back and so did she. Despite the fact that I had a signal on that she saw, she refused to let me come over. And i know she saw it because in my rearview I could see her stupid grin. No doubt she thought she could have some fun with the nigger woman and yes I can say it like that because you have no idea how many people I met in Virginia who had no problem calling me that. Anyway, I missed my exit, a fact I made abundantly clear by my gesturing and cussing and I saw her give her passenger a malicious smile. That was it. I had tried to play nice. I had tried to be a good person and a good driver but she wanted to be a bitch so okay, I could play that game. There was no one behind me so I hit my brakes, which she wasn't prepared for and swung behind her. I didn't threaten her, I didn't do anything in my car that would suggest that when I caught her, I would do her harm but I followed that woman very close on her tail well through the Hampton Roads. She got over, I got over. She sped up, I sped up. I rode that woman's bumper like she was a big ol bar of chocolate and I was a hungry PMSing fat girl. The entire time I wore this wide malicious grin that probably made me look like the joker. She even thought that she could hop off the highway and lose me but no. I kept up. She ran lights, I ran lights. We did this for maybe an hour. Finally she drove into a police department parking lot and I guess she thought that I was going to keep going and let her go but I pulled in right behind her. She pulled into a parking spot and see I was young and dumb so I blocked her in. A cop who was watching came over and inquired what was going on. I got out and told him that I had been on 64 and had tried to get over because I needed to get to Langley and this woman had ridden my six so hard that I couldn't get over and I missed my exit so I decided to give her a little back and that I just wanted to ask her why she would do that to someone she didn't know. That I hadn't threatened her in any way and the only reason I could think of that she was do that to me was because I was black. She further proved my point on that when she jumped out and told the cop that this Nigger has followed her and was going to kill her. The cop looks back at me and says to her. "With a baby in the backseat? She was going to kill you?" (I had JoJo in the back. He had peacefully slept through all of this but then Jojo always did sleep through my driving.)
The woman went on to tell the cop that she had run red lights to shake me and had done illegal turn arounds and gone the wrong way on one way streets (That she hadn't done. I'm not that stupid and never have nor will be) and the cop is standing there listening to her. Finally he looks back at me and says "You said you just wanted to ask her why. Ask her." I swear on all that is holy that this woman didn't realize the hole she had dug herself into and she looked the cop right in the face and said that they were just having some fun with the nigger. I had no clue what happened after that because the cop told me to get in my car and go and to be nice and not scare the white people anymore. He was white and he said that with a smile so I smiled and drove off. I don't know nor do I care what happened to her.
My next forary in to memorable road rage was in Cali. Another person on the road. I can't remember if they were white or black. I just know it was a man. He tried to come over into a lane I was already in and I honked at him. I let it go, he pulled along side me and flipped me off. Then he tried again to get over, I honked and sped up. He pulled along side me again and this time made some really rude gestures. I reached over and took the one and only gun toy my children have ever had (Which looked incredibly fake. Seriously this thing was bright orange) and pointed it at him. To say he hung back was an understatement. He nearly hit his brakes. I lost track of him. I guess it was about two or so miles down the road that I see red and blue lights. And I'm like WTF? I'm not speeding, I'm not doing anything wrong but nevertheless I stopped. Cop get out and approaches the car and say he needs me to throw all weapons out. I'm like what the hell are you talking about? He asks me point blank do I have any guns in the car and I told him only this one and I held the kids toy gun out the window. Now the look on his face was awesome. He actually fell out into laughter. When he was able to compose himself he says to me that they got a frantic 911 call that there was a woman in a green taurus station wagon pointing guns at random people on the highway. Did I know what he was talking about. Now I don't lie to cops. I usually tell them the truth. I told him yes I knew who would say that but he tried twice to run me off the road so yes, I pointed this at him. It's not my fault that he couldn't tell a bright orange gun from a real one. The cop looked at the toy and told me that I was not nice and not to do it again. Then he says into his shoulder walkie talkie that it was a toy gun not in any way real looking at all and explained it. It may have been static but from the smile on the cops face, I think that was laughter coming from dispatch. I don't know what they said after that but he said yes and told me that he needed to bring the gun toy wit him. He said I could pick it up and named the station. I told him I don't like guns when they finished laughing over it, they could trash it. He let me go and that' was my last memorable trip into road rage and the story of how my son lost the only gun toy he ever had in my presence.
There have been other trips into road rage but none as funny as those two and I have made some serious mistakes, such as flipping off a police officer in NYC. But we live, we learn. Just remember, be careful who you decide to play a game with on the highway, you never know what their limit of road rage is.
That's it, I have no more r topics... I kinda do but I don't. And I think I've rambled on long enough. Stay Frosty!!
