So I've decided to start the celebration to my birthday a little early... the problem with this is, my version of celebrating alone is finishing the little bit of alcohol I have been hoarding in my freezer and dammit! I under estimated how much a little was... SO now... I'm sitting here thinking about people that Don't think about me and don't give a fuck and I'm wondering why the hell do I still count them as close to me. I blame the booze.
I always blame the booze but here's the funny thing the booze only make things that have been buried in my brain get control of my mouth. So I'm glad that I am not actually around people right now.
You know what?? I am so fucking tired of being ignored. I have been ignored all of my life.
I have. And the saddest part is when I had the chance to stand up and shout "Hello!! Do you not see me? Are you fucking blind?? Do you not see the big black heifer in the room?? I didn't. I smiled and nodded and let other take the day away.
I am fat, and I'm not pretty. I have a nice smile and I can cook and I seem to have the patience of the angels but I don't. I listen to everyone elses problems but I never burden anyone with mine. Not that I have problems. You have to be noticed to have problems.
Damn booze. I don't want to feel these feelings. I want them to stay hidden inside so that I can hide the pain I feel like I always do. I'm so good at hiding.
Funny thing, I... I... forgot what what I was going to say....
I am not going to cry on this birthday. I am determined. I am decided. It's my birthday and I'm not going to cry. So don't make me.
Hehe, I wonder who will say the trigger words this year that will have me blubbering like an idiot. I have a feeling but I'm praying to every holy diety that They don't even bother. I don't think they will. I kinda pray they won't.
Please God, make my birthday about me. Please? Can I have one anniversary of my Twenty fifth birthday that doesn't suck shit? Just one? I promise to actually age if you make this one a decent one.
Aww hell. I'm tired.
