Wow, bloggies, can you believe it?? In just a nine (well technically 8 since it's almost tomorrow) days I will be celebrating the 7th anniversary of my 25th birthday!!!
Don't laugh, you all have a number you're holding onto like a person on the side of a cliff. 25 is my number.
Besides, I don't want to turn 32. 32 means it's over.
See, a long time ago, I promised myself two things. The first being that I was NEVER going to need prescription feel good drugs again. I did my time in Zoloftland and I refuse to go back to a state of mind where I know deep down something is very wrong but the drugs make the rational part of my brain think everything is hunky dory. No Zoloft, No nebutal, no nothing.
The second thing being that if I hadn't found love by the 32nd year of my life, I was going to give up. Just plain give up.
See the way I see it, I don't want to be one of those old women out there looking for love. Not that there's anything wrong with it, I admire them for hanging on and I congratulate the ones that find it. I think that's awesome but I don't want to be the person in their forties still going out on dates. I want to be married again. I want someone with all the nasty habits that wives world wide hate. I might even want to look into expanding my family and I don't want to be the woman that's pregnant at forty something. Then I will never be able to enjoy any kind of life after diapers.
Oh stop looking at me like that.
I just really want to fall in love. And, while it would be awesome to have it, I don't really need that Wham! Knock you off your feet kind of love. I just want that warm sit at home and cuddle on the couch kind of love. The one where your belly tingles because you know that that person is one his way home and he's going to smile when he walks through the door simply because you're there. I know, I know... cheesy as hell, but dammit, I want cheesy. I want funny, I want, tingly, I want all those teenage puppy love feelings and I want life.
And then theres the sexual side of it too... I've gone to bed by myself far too many nights for my comfort. It's been four years since my separation/divorce and maybe 14 years since a man held me in his arms and even my sneakers felt like he wanted me.
I went out with this guy in college once. I met him on the train on my way down to school for summer school. He was cute, he was funny, he was nice to me and lord! I thought the damn seats in the rail car we were sitting in were going to catch on fire the way he looked at me. So you know of course I told him what dorm I was staying in since I went to one of those colleges that has a guard at the gate but dammit he never stopped anyone. He came to my dorm, he picked me up. And you know what, even though he took me to McDonalds and paid for the shit with a fifty and then took me to see Woo (BTW Why, Jada?? Why??") I felt like wow! (Keep in mind that I was 18 and very VERY innocent. Okay well sort of innocent. Dammit not innocent at all but I played a good damn game. Nah I'm just playing. Except for one very bad event in my teen years there was very little to make me think that men were the scurge of the earth yet) Tell you the truth, I don't even remember much of Woo (Why, Jada?? Why??) except a chicken costume... We were kinda busy and we would have continued it if I hadn't had the ONE dorm monitor that sat in the freaking lobby waiting for her girls to come home. ( Oh I wanted to join the slapahoe tribe that night)
Sadly enough the next time I saw him was after Randy and I had gotten "Engaged" and I was feeling a little loyal so I told the guy and that was it.
Looking back now I really wish I could go back and kick myself and say run with this!! See where this guy is going to take you.
I wish I could go back to a lot of moments in life.
But I digress... I'm off my point...
I want to get married. I want to be with someone. Someone that loves me someone that understands me.. wait no, he doesn't exsist. No one can understand me...
Whatever.
So anyway, birthday plans... I am getting my nose pierced. I am not backing out this time. I am going to get it done. And then I am going to get piss ass drunk so that for about three hours of my life I don't feel the brand new hole in my face. Hah! Everyone keeps telling me that it's going to hurt like hell and I believe them but I still want it. I'll just have to woman up and take it. Of course I could get another tat. Much less pain and I think I'd look good with a tramp stamp...
Hehe let's see how well that one goes over on facebook...
ROFL!!
So okay, I have my good mood marginally back again and that means I must needs say farewell for the time being!!!
More scatter thoughts later!!
