because it's 12:30 in the morning and I have to be up at seven. Church.
So there have been a few ups and downs, this week.
Up: I blogged about Andrea and got it off my mind and actually felt better because I had put my anger and hurt in my blog and not sent her the eff you kind of email that was quite literally on my fingertips.
Down: She saw the angry/hurt blog (Seriously who knew she still read my blog? She hadn't talked to me in months) And of course, she took it about six different directions of wrong, I guess. Maybe she didn't. I don't know. Quite honestly, I am not sure I care. As far as I'm concerned, like I said, the fact that she didn't even give me as much as a courtesy text that she was pregnant spoke volumes. What I heard was "I don't consider you a friend anymore" So que sera. Whatever, I responded to the comment she left and left it alone.
Up that's not really an Up but rather a pretty heinous down: I went looking for a high school friend that up until I checked last week we were friends and sent her a facebook message asking how we had become unfriended and said that if she did it for a reason I wouldn't ask to be her friend again. She approved me and then unfriended me the very next day and wrote me "It doesn't really matter now does it" in response to the message I sent her when I sent the friend request. So of course stupid stupid me was curious as to what happened.
The really crappy down: She responded and told me flat out that she didn't respect me as a person. Not that I know what that was about but again stupid me asked and what followed thatwas she didn't like the stuff I say about my mother, my kids, and her. First off, I need to go looking back at like everything I've ever written because I don't remember writing anything bad about my mother. Whatever, and yeah, I say things about my kids but I'm usually only expressing my angst about the things they do and my parenting skills. As for what I say about her, I don't think I have EVERsaid her name in my blog and never had anything but good to say about her. Personally I think she's reaching for reasons for us not to be friends. When she was going through a bad relationship when I was I college, she basically gave me the brush off with an email punch in the gut and years later blamed it on she was in a bad situation and took it out on her friends. She ensured the punch in the gut again this time when she flat out said that she thinks the problems I am having with my son are my fault. Yeah, sucker punch me one shame on you, sucker punch me twice shame on me. I will not make the same mistake a third time. Rot in hell and burn slowly. She said I talked about her, there you go. I officially said something bad about her. I wish her well in life but when she leaves this earth I wish her nothing but pain and torment. Any hurt that she caused anybody on this earth, I hope that their pain fuels the fire she burns in.
Not very adult of me I know. In fact I'm pretty sure that might qualify me for the kindergarten hall of shame but a little bit of me wants to be petty for even just a moment in time and you know what, this is kinda an open blog so she may troll and see that. I don't care. Sucker punches in the gut like the one she gave me don't get to be forgiven. Ever.
Up: My bills are being paid off little by little.
Down: I don't have any spending cash but it's not really a down because hell I am going to be debt free soon.
Up: I'm sorting out my personal life. I am thinking before I make my choices. and then even before I'm making those choices I'm thinking again.
Down: I usually talk myself out of doing something before I can get to the choice but hey if I can talk myself out of it I didn't need it, right?
And that's kinda it. I think. It's late. It's like one am now and I'm about finished with my drink so I'm going to go to bed.
Oh and a side note I'm still taking my med. I'm controlling the urge to go out and grab the first man I see and do things that would get me locked up. Happy and floating on cloud nine but locked up on cloud nine. I'm also managing the sleeping thing. I find that it's about having the will power. When I got Andrea off my mind I started to sleep at night and not need to be asleep all day. So it was stress over the crap in my life that was making me feel that I needed to crawl into bed and sleep for another four hours after the kids went to school. I still go back to sleep some days but not for four hours. Maybe only two and then I'm good. My attitude is definitely better. I blog and I'm done. It's out of my head and gone from my subconscious. It's still not controlling my headaches like it's supposed to but I'm going to give the stress free life a try and see if that was hindering the meds from working.
I am going to live a stress free life. If people around me want to act high school, they can and I will just walk away. If they wanna sucker punch me, they can. I'll get over it. Guys can text me or not text me, I'll go on breathing. The world will keep on spinning and I will keep on typing. It's all good. Life is life. If you spend it working hard to make it go the way you want it, you're going to wake up old and tired because you have spent your whole life trying to change the course of the ocean by digging new rivers with a baby spoon.
So yeah.
Oh! I have figured out my Halloween costume this year, but more on that later!
Ta!
Dette
