So woke up at 2 am with a burning in my throat. If this is the worst of what I get this winter, I'm okay with that. I have a flu shot and a pneumonia shot as internal defense. I hope they work.
Of course this cements my plans to stay here in the house for New Years. I don't think I want to go out drinking and shouting if my throat is still sore. This way I have an excuse to wrap up in the blankets of my bed and sleep in the new year. Now if my throat decides it's not going to win the day then I will probably spend the new year writing. I'm making decent headway on the latest story. I also found another publisher that I'm going to submit Chasing the Duchess to. They are looking for romance and Romance suspense. If they break parts 2 and 3 into two different books and offer the prologue (part 1) as a teaser chapter for free, I feel like it will sell. They'll get two books out of it and I'll get published. Plus, Part 2 closes with Paige leaving the island with Milo unsure if he will ever find her.... In all actuality between that part and part 3 I did skip a few months... I could write a novella in the middle and be just fine. But I need to change the ending and go back to what I originally wanted. I changed it to something quick with a lead in to Juliet's book when I was pitching it to Crimson. I don't like it and I personally feel that if the author doesn't like her own ending, no one else will... well except J.K Rowling when she killed Sirius... and Dumbledore... She said she cried. I threw the book at the wall while crying.
So back to today. I am sitting here listening to the rain pour outside. I know it is so very un Christian of me but I just want to crawl back in bed and forget church. I really shouldn't be that way but I'm that way when it comes to rain. Whatever the plan, if it's raining I want to chuck it. I'm pretty sure this will apply to my wedding should I ever get the chance. Who am I kidding. Should I ever get the chance to get married again I'll probably spend the night at the top of the aisle. They'll get there and I'll be there fully decked out with a cup of coffee talking about "come on, let's go!"
So tomorrow marks two years that I have been celibate. I would love to be able to say that this was a choice. Well it was. It's a choice on the part of the men in Charlotte. Nope, can't go there, can't blame them. I am a little picky. I want who I want and I don't like substitutes. So mostly me. But here's the thing. I hate celibacy. Like seriously hate it.
And I hate sex. I'll give you a second to start breathing again. Yes I said it. Not quite out loud but I said it. I really don't like the act of sex. I'm good with foreplay, I'm good with oral but the actual act, I could really care less for. I rarely achieve orgasm and in fact that is a totally new feeling for me as the last guy I slept with was the one to show me what I'd been faking for years. If I were a shrink, I might attribute my dislike of the act to being raped in college but somehow I think it might go further than that. I don't know why. Growing up, I had no interest in boys in that way. All I wanted was to make out with them. I would even go so far as to say the thought of sharing a bed with them crossed my mind but not in a sexual way. In a holding me in his arms till morning kind of way... So no, I don't think the guy in college that pinned me against the wall and forced himself on me is the reason I don't like sex. It just seems messy and painful, and if the same ending can be achieved with hands and fingers why bother with the rest?
I am one screwed up duckling... a friend of mine once read a story I wrote where the sex scene took up like five pages and said that it made her hot, but I don't like sex. I make my characters have sex at the drop of a hat, but I don't like sex. Somehow, I think I might need to see a psych. One of my friends (Another one) said that I don't like sex because I haven't done it with the right guy. Well hell, can Mr. Right hurry the hell up and get here cause I would really love to see what people are raving about.
And in case anyone is wondering, I know I've managed to connect what? three of the letters in the alphabet blog to sex and love, but the S blog WILL NOT be sexual. I have actually chosen a pretty cute topic.
Sigh... It's eight A.M. I need to get up and start pretending that I want to leave my house. The kids run church today so my ex mother in law wants to go and see. Totally not a problem. Just means we need to be out of here by nine ish so that I can go pick her up and get to my moms so that we are on time. Then I take everybody save my mother back over to Providence court and I come home and wrap up in a blanket and raid my DVR.
That sounds like an awesome plan. Can we skip to that right now?
I would say stay frosty as per my usual closing but considering the rain outside right now, I'm gonna close with Don't float away!!
Ciao Bloggers.
