But I'm not sure I want this on my mind as I sleep...
I had another night of my mom pushing my buttons again. Well, not a night. A couple of days actually but it almost came to a boil tonight.
On Thursday or maybe Friday, I'm losing days, my boss said to me that he might need me to stay late today which is totally fine. I had planned to take Jojo to the mall but quite honestly, given that even if I had gotten out on time, by the time I made it to him it would only give us two hours of mall time tops, I figured that I would take him next week after they got out of school and maybe I could take him to lunch and really hang out with my son which is something that I haven't gotten a chance to do in a long time. But OMG I mention to my mom that I might need to work late and before I can get to anything else her first question is, "Don't they have anyone else they can call? You are always there." Yes mom, they do have others that they can call. But Sometimes they need someone quickly and if needed I can get there in fifteen minutes. And Yes, mom they do have other people they can call but nine times out of ten I'm not doing anything that can't be rescheduled so I'm a good candidate for call in. I kindly kinda didn't say any of that although I should have. I didn't really get the chance because on the heels of that she launched into "And you don't need to just brush Jojo off like that. You never make time for any of your kids anymore. You always prefer work. I've been more of a mom to your kids than you have in the past two months."
That was over the phone last night. (Or thursday) she has no idea of the hand gestures I made or the faces or the words I mouthed.
Why does she always go straight for the jugular when she isn't getting her way? Why? Even my ex only used that one a few times before he learned how dangerous that was.
On top of matters that probably could have been better in some alternate universe Hooptie's oil leak is now and oil flow. I put it in and she dribbles it out like a two year old. I buy more and put it in... She dribbles it out. Decided not to drive her home tonight because honestly I wasn't sure she'd get there. Had to call mom to come get me. I was still sticking to my plan of calling Jojo and offering to take him out the following week so that we could spend more time together but she decided no, lets all go get Jojo and take him to the mall.
I hate malls. I hate shopping. I hate shopping with my mom. I tolerate shopping with my kids. Going to the mall with my mom and kids... groan.
Keep in mind that it has now been 24 hours since I've eaten anything besides a Starbucks Frappuccino which has long since worn off. A fact that I mentioned to my mom who simply passed it off as "You always do that to yourself. You have no one to blame but you don't ignore your kids because you did something stupid."
That damn jugular again.
My mother has only been in HH once and that's for very good reason. I don't want her in my refuge. However, because of this, she doesn't get to see that some days, there are so many deliveries that if you don't learn to eat on the fly, you don't effing eat. Today was one of those days. I could have stopped at McDonalds to get something I know that, but I wasn't actually hungry and I figured I would grab something for the girls and I to have for dinner after I got off since my mom said she'd take them home around five. That was before discovering the car was now non functional which doesn't really matter because six pm rolled around and she still had them at her house and had fed them. I am not mad that she fed them mind you but...
So I spent the hour at the mall with my son. I had fun. He's a fun guy to hang out with. He's taller than me, stronger than me (So when I say he pulled me around the mall, I mean he pulled me around the mall) and has this Barry White esque voice that people hear and can't believe he's only fifteen. I sorely regretted that we only had an hour but mother must have her way.
When we took him home I mentioned that I should be nice and go in to see my ex mother in law even though I really didn't want to but thought I should be nice. Mom's response. "Just remember that I've had a long day and I'm tired."
I'm sorry, YOU'VE HAD A LONG DAY?!?!?!? I went to be at 2 am, was up at 8 to be at work by 930. I drove pretty much ALL DAY long until about a quarter to six and then had to wait for her to insist that I go to the mall because I was quote "ignoring my children" On the way to the mall I had to listen to her bellyache about my aunt who's moving down here. Because you know, Claudette doesn't have enough issues in her life right now and could always use more to pile onto her empathetic ass.
If you know me you know that I have a hell of a poker face and that face means something is very wrong. Also, if I start to speak in monotone, you should try to move away from me fast. Preferably in a zigzag pattern. Or if you are very brave and can stand the inevitable flow of tears, grab me and hug me tightly until I break.
After 34 year on the planet with me and giving birth to me and raising me, my mother still hasn't figured out how to tell if I'm pissed off. Or, if she has, she totally ignores it.
She also side seat drove. If I was going down a hil and the car sped up, you know like cars tend to do downhill, I got blamed for speeding. If the jerk in front of me slammed on his breaks causing me to do the same to avoid rear ending him, I should have anticipated that he was going to need to stop and not been following so close/stopped way back there/been slowing down so that a abrupt stop wasn't necessary. At one point I was next to someone who guided to the center line so their car was sorta close to me. I moved slightly over so that I was a good safe distance from the person. But I was too close to the edge of the road so just to make me turn my head and take my eyes off a very curvy and heavily trafficked road my mother suddenly grabs the dashboard and braces herself like we're going to crash. Because I was too close to the edge of the road.
I love my mother. I love my kids. But life is getting harder. to deal with now that I'm finally doing something for myself and working.
Let's not go into the fact that I'm sorta dipping my feet into the dating pool. Ssshhh... That's another jugular shot that has been hinted at but not used outright yet. I'm waiting for her to tell me that I'm putting a man ahead of my kids. Please god let her say it in front of someone that can either intervene on my behalf or strong enough to hold me back. Please God. The response she gets might just give her a coronary.
On another note, my ex sister law is moving and one of the places she looked at turns out to be a road less than three miles from my house. Pretty sure that if she's looking to rent a house, she's moving her mother, my xmil in with her. Three Miles from my house. THREE MILES. THREE GODDAM MILES!!!
You know what? right now, I don't know whether to bang my head against a wall until the bad thoughts stop or go down my melatonin and trazodone/ tramadol cocktail with an actual cocktail.
I have to be up for church tomorrow morning. I also need to find a ride to go get my car. My mother waited until I left my car at work to tell me that she won't be able to take me to get my car because she has a meeting directly after church.
So... I'm supposed to take her car home and come back to get her when she's all done at church. At four. When I have plans as early as five that I'm still getting ready for. Yeah no. Just let me strap on my Wonder Woman cape. I got this. I totally got this.
I spent time in an actual padded room when my kids were babies because I couldn't cope with my life and had a minor mental slip up. Regardless of what the memes say, the padded room IS NOT fun. The straightjacket IS NOT fun. Especially if you are a claustrophobic and being unable to move your arms drives you more insane than the thing that landed you in the looney room did. Do you know what they do to people who can't control their mental breakdowns and flip the fuck out? The drug them. And not the daily deal with humans drugs, oh no. They shoot you in the arm, it burns for a second and then you are knocked the fuck out dreaming of unicorns farting rainbows and potpourri clouds that rain skittles. And when you wake up, you have about five seconds of clarity to realize that if you don't want to be knocked the fuck out again you need to control yourself.. And then reality sets in and you try to move your arms and you can't and the whole vicious cycle starts all over again. I spent three days trapped in that cycle before some kind person thought to remove the straightjacket before I woke up so that when I woke up I was able to move and think and appear like I had my head screwed back in the right place.
Sigh. It's still not off my mind but I'm tired. I have eaten for those that were concerned. I braved the 11pm line at McDonalds and got food. I hugged my daughters goodnight. I kissed their foreheads. I told them sweet dreams and they told me that they loved me and called me Mommy. They are above my head, snug in their beds asleep and I am listening to them turn over on their mattresses that squeak slightly when they do.
NO matter how many times my mom goes for the jugular shot about me being a bad mom, I hold onto images like this. I take myself to the late nights when I can go upstairs and tuck them in and kiss their foreheads and whisper that I love them. I remember that every morning they burst into my bedroom and wake me up with hugs and kisses and say "Good morning Mommy!" I hold onto days like Mother's Day when they make me chocolate pop tarts and pour me Mountain dew for breakfast and give me huge gaudy cards that leave glitter everywhere that tell me I'm the BEST mom.
My kids love me. I love my kids.
I am NOT a bad mom.
I might fall down and screw up, but that's what mothers do and better the mom fall down than her child.
I am NOT a bad mom.
I am NOT a bad mom.
Why don't I believe that right now?
Sigh... Stay frosty, Peeps. Tomorrow is June. A whole new month. A whole new beginning.
Three months and sixteen days until my birthday. I might actually be looking forward to turning and admitting I'm 35...
G'night!
Saturday, May 31, 2014
Friday, May 30, 2014
Sleeping Angry
So last night I didn't sleep well at all. I didn't go to bed angry but something on my mind manifested itself in my dreams all freaking night long and would not go away until about five this morning when my subconscious tired of the repetition and inserted my standard wake up device.
There is this girl at work and when I came in I honestly tried to be nice to her but one of the first things I noticed was that her elevator didn't quite reach the top floor. This actually made me want to be a little nicer to her... at first.
But slowly, she shattered all of the walls I put up to protect myself from people like her.
First I have a pet peeve with people being in conversations that don't involve them. I have three kids and one of the first things I tried to instill in them is if someone around them is talking to someone else DO NOT put yourself into the conversation. You really never know how it's going to be perceived. You could be welcomed into the conversation or you could be viewed as a busybody who gets on peoples nerves. This particular person does this all the time. You could be telling someone about something that happened to you ten years ago and she will come into the middle of your conversation with "I know! I..." And all I wanna scream is "Friggen stop that! How the hell do you have any place in this conversation knowing that ten years ago you were climbing on the short bus wearing a sturdy plastic helmet to keep you safe?!?" But of course that is not a nice thing to say and believe it not, I am actually a nice person... sometimes. Saying something like that is neither appropriate for the workplace nor something that is tolerable in the workplace. It is however, something that is liable to come flowing out of my mouth when the censor guard is away...
Second I have a thing with people being unnecessarily loud. If people wince when you start talking or if people can hear you from the back of a place that has a roaring over, a blaring stereo, and a loud sheeting device going at full speed, you are too loud. Not a clue if you've ever been in the back of a pizza place but a good bit of the time we have all three of these. Maybe not a blaring stereo but a semi loud one and if she says something in the front, most of the time I can hear her in the back. Other people could fairly shout and I might catch every other word but with her, I can hear her clearly.
Third, I'm sarcastic but with me, ninety percent of the time it fits the situation. There is that odd ten percent of the time when it's totally uncalled for and I understand that and I usually apologize because I realize it was inappropriate. I never try to go out of my way to hurt people with my words unless they have pushed me off the high dive and insisted I swim in the cesspool of words that can come flowing out of my mouth. If you have known me more than ten minutes that you already know that I'm a writer and the daughter of an English teacher. I can phrase things in a way that can will actually leave you feeling like I've become the hideous old hag in town that cut everyone down with her sharp tongue and kept walking. Mostly I prefer to create you as a character in my stories and verbally (maybe physically) hurt you there but every now and then, it happens in real life. With her, every other word that flows from her mouth is sarcastic.
Yes, I make fun of her behind her back and have for a few weeks now but trust me making fun of her to her face is not my style and would get out of control very quickly. BUT I'm not the one that started that. That situation was going way before I got there. If she only knew what people say about her behind her back...
And for awhile I even defended her dumbass. The poking fun would start and I would turn away or actually say, "Her elevator doesn't go to the top floor, it's not fair to say that." I was sorta kinda on her side, or at least straddling the line between throwing rocks at her and taking up her cause. But it's ME that's she's decided to make a point of annoying now.
For the last six or so shifts, she has made it a point not to say a word to me. At first it wasn't an outright snub that I could see. But in the last couple shifts I've noticed that she will make a point to speak to everyone in the room BUT me. People who have actually told her to her face to leave them the hell alone she will speak to but me who has never actually cussed her out gets snubbed. Okay. People who have made it clear that they would prefer her not to interact with them, she will sit and talk to but me, she snubs.
Last night she actually said something to me but she chose to snap at me in front of customers and coworkers. The worst I did was slam the hotbox door.
So last night my dreams were pretty graphic. Most of the times my brain went over the fictitious situation I simply used my words to cut her down. Then somewhere near the end of my minds tether, she actually slapped me first. In a couple of the scenarios I didn't react. In a couple I beat the ish out of her right there in the store, one I hit her with a pizza pan, and the one that scared me the most because it actually seems like something I would lose control and do making it the closest to home my subconscious got to pegging me last night was she slapped me after I verbally cut her down and I went, clocked out, drug her butt to the parking lot off store grounds and beat the snot out of her.
I'm going to be honest. That last one was so close to being something I would actually do that it was frightening. It was just after that one that my mind put a full moon in the sky at daytime to make me realize I was dreaming and enabled me to wake up. That is my device. If i see a full moon in the daytime or the sun at night, I know I'm dreaming and can actually force myself to wake up. I lost control like that once before and afterwards it took way too many people way too long to calm me down. I didn't like me, I know others didn't like that side of me and it was one of the few times that landed me on behavioral meds that I didn't argue. Because I'm totally silent. Something snaps in my brain and the me that everyone else sees, just goes to hide. The one time I snapped like that, I didn't realize I'd done it until I came back to myself and was told what I had done. One of the main things they kept telling me was that I didn't say a word, just commenced to bashing the girl silently.
My hope is now that I've dreamt about it and blogged about it, I have gone a fair way to blow my steam out. I have put a little more time on the egg timer and given myself sometime to reassess.
I'm not going to say a word, I'm going to be okay with her not saying a word to me. I'm not going to speak about her, and I'm not going to make fun of her. I am not going to go out of my way to be nice to her either. She doesn't deserve that from me. I am not going to defend her when others talk about her. I'm not going to do anything but my job. And that's where it will end hopefully.
I love my job and don't want to do anything to jeopardize it.
Fuck it, I'm going to bake. Today is cookie/brownie day. I promise I would bring some in for them and I aim to keep that promise today...
Stay frosty peeps!
There is this girl at work and when I came in I honestly tried to be nice to her but one of the first things I noticed was that her elevator didn't quite reach the top floor. This actually made me want to be a little nicer to her... at first.
But slowly, she shattered all of the walls I put up to protect myself from people like her.
First I have a pet peeve with people being in conversations that don't involve them. I have three kids and one of the first things I tried to instill in them is if someone around them is talking to someone else DO NOT put yourself into the conversation. You really never know how it's going to be perceived. You could be welcomed into the conversation or you could be viewed as a busybody who gets on peoples nerves. This particular person does this all the time. You could be telling someone about something that happened to you ten years ago and she will come into the middle of your conversation with "I know! I..." And all I wanna scream is "Friggen stop that! How the hell do you have any place in this conversation knowing that ten years ago you were climbing on the short bus wearing a sturdy plastic helmet to keep you safe?!?" But of course that is not a nice thing to say and believe it not, I am actually a nice person... sometimes. Saying something like that is neither appropriate for the workplace nor something that is tolerable in the workplace. It is however, something that is liable to come flowing out of my mouth when the censor guard is away...
Second I have a thing with people being unnecessarily loud. If people wince when you start talking or if people can hear you from the back of a place that has a roaring over, a blaring stereo, and a loud sheeting device going at full speed, you are too loud. Not a clue if you've ever been in the back of a pizza place but a good bit of the time we have all three of these. Maybe not a blaring stereo but a semi loud one and if she says something in the front, most of the time I can hear her in the back. Other people could fairly shout and I might catch every other word but with her, I can hear her clearly.
Third, I'm sarcastic but with me, ninety percent of the time it fits the situation. There is that odd ten percent of the time when it's totally uncalled for and I understand that and I usually apologize because I realize it was inappropriate. I never try to go out of my way to hurt people with my words unless they have pushed me off the high dive and insisted I swim in the cesspool of words that can come flowing out of my mouth. If you have known me more than ten minutes that you already know that I'm a writer and the daughter of an English teacher. I can phrase things in a way that can will actually leave you feeling like I've become the hideous old hag in town that cut everyone down with her sharp tongue and kept walking. Mostly I prefer to create you as a character in my stories and verbally (maybe physically) hurt you there but every now and then, it happens in real life. With her, every other word that flows from her mouth is sarcastic.
Yes, I make fun of her behind her back and have for a few weeks now but trust me making fun of her to her face is not my style and would get out of control very quickly. BUT I'm not the one that started that. That situation was going way before I got there. If she only knew what people say about her behind her back...
And for awhile I even defended her dumbass. The poking fun would start and I would turn away or actually say, "Her elevator doesn't go to the top floor, it's not fair to say that." I was sorta kinda on her side, or at least straddling the line between throwing rocks at her and taking up her cause. But it's ME that's she's decided to make a point of annoying now.
For the last six or so shifts, she has made it a point not to say a word to me. At first it wasn't an outright snub that I could see. But in the last couple shifts I've noticed that she will make a point to speak to everyone in the room BUT me. People who have actually told her to her face to leave them the hell alone she will speak to but me who has never actually cussed her out gets snubbed. Okay. People who have made it clear that they would prefer her not to interact with them, she will sit and talk to but me, she snubs.
Last night she actually said something to me but she chose to snap at me in front of customers and coworkers. The worst I did was slam the hotbox door.
So last night my dreams were pretty graphic. Most of the times my brain went over the fictitious situation I simply used my words to cut her down. Then somewhere near the end of my minds tether, she actually slapped me first. In a couple of the scenarios I didn't react. In a couple I beat the ish out of her right there in the store, one I hit her with a pizza pan, and the one that scared me the most because it actually seems like something I would lose control and do making it the closest to home my subconscious got to pegging me last night was she slapped me after I verbally cut her down and I went, clocked out, drug her butt to the parking lot off store grounds and beat the snot out of her.
I'm going to be honest. That last one was so close to being something I would actually do that it was frightening. It was just after that one that my mind put a full moon in the sky at daytime to make me realize I was dreaming and enabled me to wake up. That is my device. If i see a full moon in the daytime or the sun at night, I know I'm dreaming and can actually force myself to wake up. I lost control like that once before and afterwards it took way too many people way too long to calm me down. I didn't like me, I know others didn't like that side of me and it was one of the few times that landed me on behavioral meds that I didn't argue. Because I'm totally silent. Something snaps in my brain and the me that everyone else sees, just goes to hide. The one time I snapped like that, I didn't realize I'd done it until I came back to myself and was told what I had done. One of the main things they kept telling me was that I didn't say a word, just commenced to bashing the girl silently.
My hope is now that I've dreamt about it and blogged about it, I have gone a fair way to blow my steam out. I have put a little more time on the egg timer and given myself sometime to reassess.
I'm not going to say a word, I'm going to be okay with her not saying a word to me. I'm not going to speak about her, and I'm not going to make fun of her. I am not going to go out of my way to be nice to her either. She doesn't deserve that from me. I am not going to defend her when others talk about her. I'm not going to do anything but my job. And that's where it will end hopefully.
I love my job and don't want to do anything to jeopardize it.
Fuck it, I'm going to bake. Today is cookie/brownie day. I promise I would bring some in for them and I aim to keep that promise today...
Stay frosty peeps!
Thursday, May 29, 2014
Slow and steady
Everytime I come to the conclusion that I'm not as old as I think I am, my body laughs and says, "yeah you are. Let me show you." and something starts to hurt. This morning it was my back, legs, and generally everything below my neck.
I can't blame all that on being old though. Last night I did an exercise in futility otherwise known as putting your all into mopping a kitchen floor the night before truck day. Only my Howie family will understand that. On Wednesday night, there is no point to putting any elbow grease into mopping that floor.
Whatever, it's done and as it's already one thirty in the afternoon I am pretty sure that my hard work has already been proved for naught. Popped a tram. It's all good.
SO last night I stood outside with J and we talked for a bit after work. He is a slow and steady kind of guy. I have never been with a slow and steady kind of guy. Ever.
This is going to be interesting. That's about the only word I have for it.
I really should be cleaning up my house because it's been decided. We are going to have what I think is a second date. He's coming over to watch movies on Sunday.
The conundrum is where in my house this is going to happen.
The working DVD player is in my bedroom. The Xbox that also plays DVD's is in the living room. The couch in the living room is horrible. It actually has wood boards under the cousins so that anyone over the age of ten can sit anywhere near comfortably on it. The small couch has wobbly and falling off legs. I can put the mattress that we keep down there on the floor to sit on but that kinda send the wrong message.
But saying the dvd player is in my bedroom sends and even worse message. Do you see where I'm stuck here? What in the sam hell do I do since there is no chance whatsoever of getting a decent couch between now and Sunday.
I also should go get the television that doesn't require a drumstick to turn it on from my moms house before Sunday. So much to do on top of making my house look picture freaking donna reed perfect. Okay not Donna Reed but at least not Peg Bundy....
Freaking GAH!!! I want a cigarette already and it's only a quarter to two in the afternoon. (Don't listen to me, don't hand me one. I don't need one...) I need to change the atomizer on my e-sig and see if that will help with the getting nothing issue. I need stronger liquid because 12mg is just not doing it AT ALL.
So today is Thursday. I'm baking tomorrow and have three hours left today to clean. I'm busy from 10 am Sat to ten pm and then church on Sunday. I guess I will stick to my norm which is to bust my @$$ cleaning in the two hours between when he aid he'll probably be here and getting home.
I also need to figure out what we are going to have for dinner and if he's going to want dinner or if he's going to want to snack...
AND OMG I JUST REALIZED this will be the first time he'll get to actually meet my daughters. I'm not ready for this. I hadn't planned on that. Oh crap.
I'm about to go spinning out of my mind and it's not one of those fun ones. This is going to be the outside calm and inside a bundle of nerves spinning. I'm going to be a mess for the next few days.
When I was with the last guy I was with I didn't introduce him to my kids. I didn't want to go there. And the only other guy that's actually been in my house since then met my girls but we are just friends so there was no "I want you guys to meet my friend." introduction. I don't even know how to make that introduction. Oh God Oh God Oh God.....
You guys stay frosty, I'm going to go worry myself into looking forty years old. I'm pretty sure I will give myself a million grey hairs in the next few days.
What the eff am I about to do????
I can't blame all that on being old though. Last night I did an exercise in futility otherwise known as putting your all into mopping a kitchen floor the night before truck day. Only my Howie family will understand that. On Wednesday night, there is no point to putting any elbow grease into mopping that floor.
Whatever, it's done and as it's already one thirty in the afternoon I am pretty sure that my hard work has already been proved for naught. Popped a tram. It's all good.
SO last night I stood outside with J and we talked for a bit after work. He is a slow and steady kind of guy. I have never been with a slow and steady kind of guy. Ever.
This is going to be interesting. That's about the only word I have for it.
I really should be cleaning up my house because it's been decided. We are going to have what I think is a second date. He's coming over to watch movies on Sunday.
The conundrum is where in my house this is going to happen.
The working DVD player is in my bedroom. The Xbox that also plays DVD's is in the living room. The couch in the living room is horrible. It actually has wood boards under the cousins so that anyone over the age of ten can sit anywhere near comfortably on it. The small couch has wobbly and falling off legs. I can put the mattress that we keep down there on the floor to sit on but that kinda send the wrong message.
But saying the dvd player is in my bedroom sends and even worse message. Do you see where I'm stuck here? What in the sam hell do I do since there is no chance whatsoever of getting a decent couch between now and Sunday.
I also should go get the television that doesn't require a drumstick to turn it on from my moms house before Sunday. So much to do on top of making my house look picture freaking donna reed perfect. Okay not Donna Reed but at least not Peg Bundy....
Freaking GAH!!! I want a cigarette already and it's only a quarter to two in the afternoon. (Don't listen to me, don't hand me one. I don't need one...) I need to change the atomizer on my e-sig and see if that will help with the getting nothing issue. I need stronger liquid because 12mg is just not doing it AT ALL.
So today is Thursday. I'm baking tomorrow and have three hours left today to clean. I'm busy from 10 am Sat to ten pm and then church on Sunday. I guess I will stick to my norm which is to bust my @$$ cleaning in the two hours between when he aid he'll probably be here and getting home.
I also need to figure out what we are going to have for dinner and if he's going to want dinner or if he's going to want to snack...
AND OMG I JUST REALIZED this will be the first time he'll get to actually meet my daughters. I'm not ready for this. I hadn't planned on that. Oh crap.
I'm about to go spinning out of my mind and it's not one of those fun ones. This is going to be the outside calm and inside a bundle of nerves spinning. I'm going to be a mess for the next few days.
When I was with the last guy I was with I didn't introduce him to my kids. I didn't want to go there. And the only other guy that's actually been in my house since then met my girls but we are just friends so there was no "I want you guys to meet my friend." introduction. I don't even know how to make that introduction. Oh God Oh God Oh God.....
You guys stay frosty, I'm going to go worry myself into looking forty years old. I'm pretty sure I will give myself a million grey hairs in the next few days.
What the eff am I about to do????
I'm not this old in real life... I swear...
OKay I am but that is sooo not the point...
Well today marks another day more spectacular than many others. Today, my first born turns... dare I say it... fifteen!!! I am seriously wanting to cry over here. I'm not old enough for this!!!
Fifteen years ago today, my now ex husband drug me to Rent a center because he wanted to rent a playstation... yes the original NOT the 2 or the 3... or the 4 (Great, I just made myself feel freaking older) and on the way there I made him stop at burger king because I wanted three chicken sandwiches. Now I can see the face that most of you are making now but there's a few factors in that. One, back in 1999 those sumbishes were not as thick as you would think. Two back then, they were 2 for $3.00. And three, I was nine million months pregnant and hungry all the damn time. So back to my story. The man wanted to rent a playstation and he decided I needed to get out of our brand new apartment that we had just gotten into a week before. I decided that if this tard was going to make me drag my pregnant butt out of the house where people could see a beached whale walking I was going to eat something good. I inhaled those sandwiches. So we get to Rent a center and I'm sitting on the couch with these pains that keep coming and going and the coming felt like I was going to be ripped in half. The lady looks up and realizes that I am tearing the trim off a God awful puke green pillow (I will remember that pillow all of my days because we had to buy it) and she's the first out of any of us to realize that I just might be in labor. She gets all alarmed, I wave her off and tell her that it's just gas because I just had BK, the ex gets impatient because he wants his playstation. This continued for about a half an hour more (Back then you had to fill out booku paperwork to rent to own something and they actually called your references to check up on you BEFORE you walked out of the store with the swag) And the ex was none too happy about having to buy this puke green pillow that his wife had destroyed. (He actually threw this pillow at me literally and metaphorically several times over the next few years) Finally the woman behind the counter asks me about the pains and when I described them, she looked at my ex and told him that the hospital was right down the street and if he didn't take me there right now, she was going to call an ambulance because I was clearly in labor and he needed to stop thinking about the damn playstation. I swear on a stack of hymnals she said it just like that.
So ex ponied up and took me to the er. All the while on the phone complaining to my mother about me tearing up the pillow. My moms advice? "Go in the er and tell them that your 19 year old wife is in the car and in labor." He did so. They naturally requested that I come inside the hospital because you know parking lot babies weren't really done back then. I flat out refused. Just the week before my doctor whom I had seen before I moved 200 miles south to the land of nothing and nowhere had informed me that my baby was backwards and would require a c section. I had informed him that the child would stay in there until he learned how to act and turned around. He laughed and Uncle Sam said move so I left my comfort zone and moved. So Randy then come back out the car, still on the phone with my mom and says I need to get out. I kinda pulled an exorcist move on him and screamed that it was just gas and to leave me the bleep blep bleeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeep alone. My moms advice? "Take the keys and go tell them she won't get out of the car." His response? "But ma, she can't drive stick." My moms response "Randy, she is scared and in labor. SHE WILL LEARN. Take the keys."
Damn my mother knows me so well. She's right. IN full blown labor, I would have slid over to the drivers seat as best I could and learned how to drive a stick shift that day. Unfortunately, he listened to my mother and took the damn keys. It took three orderlies to pull me out of that car. Partly because it was a Mazda Protege and I was the size of a buick and partly because I was holding onto the dash and the seat for dear life because I was not going into that hospital. I simply wasn't.
I ended up in the hospital. Three orderlies and needle full of sleepy medicine is absolutely no match for a vastly pregnant and scared nineteen year old. I woke up in a bed in a gown with monitors on. The kindly informed me that I was indeed in full blown labor and my baby was backwards. I was going to have a ce section. Two hours of me telling them that they were going to turn my baby and NOT cut me open later, they informed me that my baby was in distress and they were going to cut me open whether I liked it or not. There were a few discrepancies in their story there however. I've watched birthing shows so I know that when they say a baby is in distress they knock the mom out and get the baby. Not so here. They had time to take me to the OR and position me to get the epidural. It wouldn't take and the nice nurse who said "I don't care if you bite me or clow me, just don't move." while she held me for them to try came away with blood running down the side of her face because the doctor tried five times in the same spot to put the epidural in and kept hitting resistance. (I have back problems to this day) It was at this point that decided (A whole 30 minutes later with a woman who had a baby in utero in distress... see the discrepancies??) that they were just going to put me to sleep. I woke up a few hours later to see my husband sitting in the rocker looking up at me with this goofy grin. "So that gas... it was six pounds and eight ounces." That was all he said to me. Lovely lovely morphine knocked me out again and when I woke up my son was named Jovan. Like the perfume.
I flipped out. First of all I wanted to name him Nathaniel and second Jovan was a direct naming for Randy's sister Shavon. In my drugged sleep my child got named for my husband sister. Noooooo no no no no! The best I could do at that point I was told was change the spelling of his name. So i changed it to Jovaughn.
I didn't call my son by his actual name until he was two. I called him Jojo, buddah, or sweetpea. Never his name. After he was two I had two more babies and I had to give up the nicknames and call him by his actual name. It grew on me.
Interesting thing though. In my ex's family the boys all have their father's name as a middle name. Randy is Randy Paul because his father is Paul. Jovaughn is Jovaughn Randy because his father is Randy. If he chooses to continue the tradition his son will be XXX Jovaughn. I may have wrapped up most annoying grandmother of the year award fifteen years ago...
I love my son. We have issues because he was in his formative years when his dad treated me like crap and I took it so he slips and thinks this is the way to treat women most of the time but I'm hoping one day he'll meet that one good woman who will set him straight in a way that I haven't been able to do.
I'm taking him to the mall on Saturday after I get off from work. Because year... working an eight hour shift then trolling the mall with a teenager who probably doesn't want to be seen with me is JUST what I want. I wonder if I can con him into dinner and be done. I can't tell you how much I hate the mall.
Let me clarify. Hate the mall with my family. On dates it's actually pretty fun. Sort of.
So Happy Birthday Jovaughn. Thank you for reminding me just how old I am. Thank you for being my son and when you grow up and have flashbacks of all the mommy mistakes I made that probably should have killed you (I swear that child is alive by the grace of God cause only He knows what I was doing most of my child's youth, I was so unequipped) please don't put me in a groady nursing home and forget me. I love you boo boo! (No I won't call you that on your facebook page... or maybe I might...)
Stay frosty Bloggers!
Well today marks another day more spectacular than many others. Today, my first born turns... dare I say it... fifteen!!! I am seriously wanting to cry over here. I'm not old enough for this!!!
Fifteen years ago today, my now ex husband drug me to Rent a center because he wanted to rent a playstation... yes the original NOT the 2 or the 3... or the 4 (Great, I just made myself feel freaking older) and on the way there I made him stop at burger king because I wanted three chicken sandwiches. Now I can see the face that most of you are making now but there's a few factors in that. One, back in 1999 those sumbishes were not as thick as you would think. Two back then, they were 2 for $3.00. And three, I was nine million months pregnant and hungry all the damn time. So back to my story. The man wanted to rent a playstation and he decided I needed to get out of our brand new apartment that we had just gotten into a week before. I decided that if this tard was going to make me drag my pregnant butt out of the house where people could see a beached whale walking I was going to eat something good. I inhaled those sandwiches. So we get to Rent a center and I'm sitting on the couch with these pains that keep coming and going and the coming felt like I was going to be ripped in half. The lady looks up and realizes that I am tearing the trim off a God awful puke green pillow (I will remember that pillow all of my days because we had to buy it) and she's the first out of any of us to realize that I just might be in labor. She gets all alarmed, I wave her off and tell her that it's just gas because I just had BK, the ex gets impatient because he wants his playstation. This continued for about a half an hour more (Back then you had to fill out booku paperwork to rent to own something and they actually called your references to check up on you BEFORE you walked out of the store with the swag) And the ex was none too happy about having to buy this puke green pillow that his wife had destroyed. (He actually threw this pillow at me literally and metaphorically several times over the next few years) Finally the woman behind the counter asks me about the pains and when I described them, she looked at my ex and told him that the hospital was right down the street and if he didn't take me there right now, she was going to call an ambulance because I was clearly in labor and he needed to stop thinking about the damn playstation. I swear on a stack of hymnals she said it just like that.
So ex ponied up and took me to the er. All the while on the phone complaining to my mother about me tearing up the pillow. My moms advice? "Go in the er and tell them that your 19 year old wife is in the car and in labor." He did so. They naturally requested that I come inside the hospital because you know parking lot babies weren't really done back then. I flat out refused. Just the week before my doctor whom I had seen before I moved 200 miles south to the land of nothing and nowhere had informed me that my baby was backwards and would require a c section. I had informed him that the child would stay in there until he learned how to act and turned around. He laughed and Uncle Sam said move so I left my comfort zone and moved. So Randy then come back out the car, still on the phone with my mom and says I need to get out. I kinda pulled an exorcist move on him and screamed that it was just gas and to leave me the bleep blep bleeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeep alone. My moms advice? "Take the keys and go tell them she won't get out of the car." His response? "But ma, she can't drive stick." My moms response "Randy, she is scared and in labor. SHE WILL LEARN. Take the keys."
Damn my mother knows me so well. She's right. IN full blown labor, I would have slid over to the drivers seat as best I could and learned how to drive a stick shift that day. Unfortunately, he listened to my mother and took the damn keys. It took three orderlies to pull me out of that car. Partly because it was a Mazda Protege and I was the size of a buick and partly because I was holding onto the dash and the seat for dear life because I was not going into that hospital. I simply wasn't.
I ended up in the hospital. Three orderlies and needle full of sleepy medicine is absolutely no match for a vastly pregnant and scared nineteen year old. I woke up in a bed in a gown with monitors on. The kindly informed me that I was indeed in full blown labor and my baby was backwards. I was going to have a ce section. Two hours of me telling them that they were going to turn my baby and NOT cut me open later, they informed me that my baby was in distress and they were going to cut me open whether I liked it or not. There were a few discrepancies in their story there however. I've watched birthing shows so I know that when they say a baby is in distress they knock the mom out and get the baby. Not so here. They had time to take me to the OR and position me to get the epidural. It wouldn't take and the nice nurse who said "I don't care if you bite me or clow me, just don't move." while she held me for them to try came away with blood running down the side of her face because the doctor tried five times in the same spot to put the epidural in and kept hitting resistance. (I have back problems to this day) It was at this point that decided (A whole 30 minutes later with a woman who had a baby in utero in distress... see the discrepancies??) that they were just going to put me to sleep. I woke up a few hours later to see my husband sitting in the rocker looking up at me with this goofy grin. "So that gas... it was six pounds and eight ounces." That was all he said to me. Lovely lovely morphine knocked me out again and when I woke up my son was named Jovan. Like the perfume.
I flipped out. First of all I wanted to name him Nathaniel and second Jovan was a direct naming for Randy's sister Shavon. In my drugged sleep my child got named for my husband sister. Noooooo no no no no! The best I could do at that point I was told was change the spelling of his name. So i changed it to Jovaughn.
I didn't call my son by his actual name until he was two. I called him Jojo, buddah, or sweetpea. Never his name. After he was two I had two more babies and I had to give up the nicknames and call him by his actual name. It grew on me.
Interesting thing though. In my ex's family the boys all have their father's name as a middle name. Randy is Randy Paul because his father is Paul. Jovaughn is Jovaughn Randy because his father is Randy. If he chooses to continue the tradition his son will be XXX Jovaughn. I may have wrapped up most annoying grandmother of the year award fifteen years ago...
I love my son. We have issues because he was in his formative years when his dad treated me like crap and I took it so he slips and thinks this is the way to treat women most of the time but I'm hoping one day he'll meet that one good woman who will set him straight in a way that I haven't been able to do.
I'm taking him to the mall on Saturday after I get off from work. Because year... working an eight hour shift then trolling the mall with a teenager who probably doesn't want to be seen with me is JUST what I want. I wonder if I can con him into dinner and be done. I can't tell you how much I hate the mall.
Let me clarify. Hate the mall with my family. On dates it's actually pretty fun. Sort of.
So Happy Birthday Jovaughn. Thank you for reminding me just how old I am. Thank you for being my son and when you grow up and have flashbacks of all the mommy mistakes I made that probably should have killed you (I swear that child is alive by the grace of God cause only He knows what I was doing most of my child's youth, I was so unequipped) please don't put me in a groady nursing home and forget me. I love you boo boo! (No I won't call you that on your facebook page... or maybe I might...)
Stay frosty Bloggers!
Tuesday, May 27, 2014
Shortie mc Short Short
Not actually much to say tonight.
I have to be honest, I didn't start the day on a happy foot and that is a horrible horrible way to start any day. A co-worker and i played hopscotch with BOTH of our schedules so that I could have today off so that IF he wanted to hang out today and maybe have that second date that we've been trying to have. But I got up this morning and I knew deep down that it wasn't going to happen and I was looking at a day of piddling around my house doing what I always do when I'm in my house crap and crap, and probably laundry. Good news! I got two of the three loads of my clothes done! Yay me!
But whatever, I knew today was going to be a basic crap because last night I said to him to call me when he got off to let me know about today and he didn't. It actually told me more than I actually wanted to know. This isn't the first time that I haven't hit his radar to contact. But I marked it off to we've only had one date and a few kisses so if he doesn't think to contact me so what? It's no big deal but here's the thing. I actually went through our text stream this afternoon and I realized that I have started 95% of our conversations. Not him. To me, that says that I think about him way more than he thinks about me and sometimes that's just the way girls are, they think about the guy more than he thinks about them but something about that says no, there's something wrong here.
There's also the fact that right now he's having issues regarding family. There's another place where our families differ. ATM he's helping out a family member who's having a not so nice time. That is all I will say about that but in my family, the help and the time would be greatly appreciated but let the family member any of us are helping find out that we are putting a date or a potential social life upswing on hold for them and the first thing out of their mouths will be, "Please, go have your good time I'll still be here when you get done. Go get yours!" But that's the way we are. I have long since thought that my family was progressive. Or unique... or just plain weird. Yeah, let's just go with weird but the point is if I were sitting commiserating with a family member it would neither be appreciated or expected that I put my life on hold so that they can monopolize my time. And if say, the issue did require me to be there in person 24/7 the person with the problem would look up long enough to say "Didn't you have someone you needed to call?"
I don't know his family. I don't know their dynamic. I kinda wish I did so that I would understand him a little better but at the moment I'm stuck thinking that this attraction is one sided even if I have been kissed in a way that makes me want to melt while at the same time go spinning off in a zillion different directions. Have you ever gotten one of those kisses? I like them. They are awesome. If i could order them off a menu I would go broke doing so.
To tell you the truth I'm scared to think that I may have imagined some of it. The butterfly feeling in my tummy that used to just appear when I thought about him or when he walked into the room... gone. The butterflies have all gone away and the nothing feeling scares the crap out of me. I waited so long to feel that feeling and then it just goes away?? WTF? That's like giving me the big lollipop, letting me suck on it just long enough to decided I really like it, and then taking it away. No!! Give it back!! I want it back!! If I sit here and cry can I have it back?? No? Okay fie, I'll go on with my life, but I won't be happy about it. OKay, the people at work will make me laugh and joke but deep down I'll still be mad and moody. Okay, fine I won't be mad and moody, I'll just be ambivalent. (What does that word even mean? It sounds right to be using it there but I don't know... hang on, going to dictionary.com...
Well that makes perfect sense. NOT!! Just kidding so yeah, ambivalent was the right word... I think. Yeah.
I completely forgot where I was going with this blog today. Crap....
nope...
Oh shit! My day... duh!! Wow... maybe the blonde is actually seeping into my head.... That's not fair to blondes. I know some smart ones and it's hard to figure out just what color on my head is seeping in to make me that much slower.... So yeah...
But my day wasn't a TOTAL crapper. I did get a new phone because my s3 was dying and I couldn't wait three months to get a new phone. My navigation was dying and most of the time I'd be out on delivery and the GPS would lose signal and I'm all like "Well, crap! I don't know where I am and if you don't know where I am then I am well and truly screwed." Which actually happens less and less because I'm starting to learn my way around Charlotte much to the annoyance of my mom because I can take back roads and get us someplace and she's all like "Now I don't know how to get here because you take a different route every time!! Stop that!" So I ended up with the S5 and a brand new number because now that I have a job, guess what? I'm in charge of my own wireless plan!!! Yes you read that right, the little girl is growing up! Never in my life have I had my own cell phone plan. I was the other name on my ex husbands for a long time which really screwed me up because he had a penchant for not paying bills and then I was on my moms plan for like the last 8 years and it was all bueno but now for the first time ever it is my bill. All me! I'm awesome!! Who's a big girl doing her own dang thang!?? That's me! This girl right here!!
Sorry my self congratulatory session was getting out of hand. Needed to nip that one. And then on the heels of planning a night sitting here playing with my brand new toy, I got called into work. (But I work with really awesome people so it's like being paid to hang out with friends) But now I'm home and I'm going to sit and play with my new toy since the kids are now in bed and I'm 90% sure I'm not going to get a text message or a call from him. but you know what? I've blogged about it and I'm actually fine with it.
Just like I'm fine with my decision to not text or call him until he texts me first. If he actually does like me that way, it will happen. If it doesn't, I will have to learn to move on. Not everyone gets their happily ever after and I've said for awhile now that I truly do believe that I had my one chance at being happy with the ex and that got fudged up so I don't get anymore. I will have to learn to like myself.
I'm a pretty awesome person. (And if you knew where I was mentally just six months ago, you would know just how hard and how gratifying it is to be able to say that...) I am an awesome person. People like me. I like me. I matter.
Oh also heads up in two days there will be a very whiney slash funny/ slash hell if I know what else blong because my oldest baby turns fifteen. Seriously?!?! I'm not old enough for that!! I think that's what I'll call it... I need to go find those embarrassing pictures now... insert evil grin here...
Stay Frosty y'all! <3 p="">
I have to be honest, I didn't start the day on a happy foot and that is a horrible horrible way to start any day. A co-worker and i played hopscotch with BOTH of our schedules so that I could have today off so that IF he wanted to hang out today and maybe have that second date that we've been trying to have. But I got up this morning and I knew deep down that it wasn't going to happen and I was looking at a day of piddling around my house doing what I always do when I'm in my house crap and crap, and probably laundry. Good news! I got two of the three loads of my clothes done! Yay me!
But whatever, I knew today was going to be a basic crap because last night I said to him to call me when he got off to let me know about today and he didn't. It actually told me more than I actually wanted to know. This isn't the first time that I haven't hit his radar to contact. But I marked it off to we've only had one date and a few kisses so if he doesn't think to contact me so what? It's no big deal but here's the thing. I actually went through our text stream this afternoon and I realized that I have started 95% of our conversations. Not him. To me, that says that I think about him way more than he thinks about me and sometimes that's just the way girls are, they think about the guy more than he thinks about them but something about that says no, there's something wrong here.
There's also the fact that right now he's having issues regarding family. There's another place where our families differ. ATM he's helping out a family member who's having a not so nice time. That is all I will say about that but in my family, the help and the time would be greatly appreciated but let the family member any of us are helping find out that we are putting a date or a potential social life upswing on hold for them and the first thing out of their mouths will be, "Please, go have your good time I'll still be here when you get done. Go get yours!" But that's the way we are. I have long since thought that my family was progressive. Or unique... or just plain weird. Yeah, let's just go with weird but the point is if I were sitting commiserating with a family member it would neither be appreciated or expected that I put my life on hold so that they can monopolize my time. And if say, the issue did require me to be there in person 24/7 the person with the problem would look up long enough to say "Didn't you have someone you needed to call?"
I don't know his family. I don't know their dynamic. I kinda wish I did so that I would understand him a little better but at the moment I'm stuck thinking that this attraction is one sided even if I have been kissed in a way that makes me want to melt while at the same time go spinning off in a zillion different directions. Have you ever gotten one of those kisses? I like them. They are awesome. If i could order them off a menu I would go broke doing so.
To tell you the truth I'm scared to think that I may have imagined some of it. The butterfly feeling in my tummy that used to just appear when I thought about him or when he walked into the room... gone. The butterflies have all gone away and the nothing feeling scares the crap out of me. I waited so long to feel that feeling and then it just goes away?? WTF? That's like giving me the big lollipop, letting me suck on it just long enough to decided I really like it, and then taking it away. No!! Give it back!! I want it back!! If I sit here and cry can I have it back?? No? Okay fie, I'll go on with my life, but I won't be happy about it. OKay, the people at work will make me laugh and joke but deep down I'll still be mad and moody. Okay, fine I won't be mad and moody, I'll just be ambivalent. (What does that word even mean? It sounds right to be using it there but I don't know... hang on, going to dictionary.com...
Well that makes perfect sense. NOT!! Just kidding so yeah, ambivalent was the right word... I think. Yeah.
I completely forgot where I was going with this blog today. Crap....
nope...
Oh shit! My day... duh!! Wow... maybe the blonde is actually seeping into my head.... That's not fair to blondes. I know some smart ones and it's hard to figure out just what color on my head is seeping in to make me that much slower.... So yeah...
But my day wasn't a TOTAL crapper. I did get a new phone because my s3 was dying and I couldn't wait three months to get a new phone. My navigation was dying and most of the time I'd be out on delivery and the GPS would lose signal and I'm all like "Well, crap! I don't know where I am and if you don't know where I am then I am well and truly screwed." Which actually happens less and less because I'm starting to learn my way around Charlotte much to the annoyance of my mom because I can take back roads and get us someplace and she's all like "Now I don't know how to get here because you take a different route every time!! Stop that!" So I ended up with the S5 and a brand new number because now that I have a job, guess what? I'm in charge of my own wireless plan!!! Yes you read that right, the little girl is growing up! Never in my life have I had my own cell phone plan. I was the other name on my ex husbands for a long time which really screwed me up because he had a penchant for not paying bills and then I was on my moms plan for like the last 8 years and it was all bueno but now for the first time ever it is my bill. All me! I'm awesome!! Who's a big girl doing her own dang thang!?? That's me! This girl right here!!
Sorry my self congratulatory session was getting out of hand. Needed to nip that one. And then on the heels of planning a night sitting here playing with my brand new toy, I got called into work. (But I work with really awesome people so it's like being paid to hang out with friends) But now I'm home and I'm going to sit and play with my new toy since the kids are now in bed and I'm 90% sure I'm not going to get a text message or a call from him. but you know what? I've blogged about it and I'm actually fine with it.
Just like I'm fine with my decision to not text or call him until he texts me first. If he actually does like me that way, it will happen. If it doesn't, I will have to learn to move on. Not everyone gets their happily ever after and I've said for awhile now that I truly do believe that I had my one chance at being happy with the ex and that got fudged up so I don't get anymore. I will have to learn to like myself.
I'm a pretty awesome person. (And if you knew where I was mentally just six months ago, you would know just how hard and how gratifying it is to be able to say that...) I am an awesome person. People like me. I like me. I matter.
Oh also heads up in two days there will be a very whiney slash funny/ slash hell if I know what else blong because my oldest baby turns fifteen. Seriously?!?! I'm not old enough for that!! I think that's what I'll call it... I need to go find those embarrassing pictures now... insert evil grin here...
Stay Frosty y'all! <3 p="">
Monday, May 26, 2014
And the meltdown award goes to...
...Me!
Like you had any doubt.
Let's go back to Saturday. Saturday I was opening driver at work. It started off as an ordinary day no drama whatsoever. Joe even called one of the crew and told him not to come in till later because we weren't slammed in any way. Then about eleven twelve-ish, my lower left abdomen started to hurt like someone was intermittently punching me. Not sucker punches and not full force punches but still punching me. I may have doubled over a couple of times because Joe kept asking me if I was going to be able to finish my shift and I kept telling him yes I could I could soldier through it. I kept in the mindset that I just had so and so many more hours until my shift was over and I could go home and rest. However around three it was clear that I was not going to make it and I even told Joe yes, call someone in. However, I did have one more delivery to take which was a triple. Keep in mind that by that point the dull punching feeling had escalated to a sharp stabbing feeling. Sort of like my body's way of saying "You didn't seem to want to listen when it wasn't that bad so let me shout at you that you need to stop and sit the eff down!"
I cannot tell you how I made it back to the store. I really honestly cannot tell you. I remember leaving the parking lot at the mall after giving both deliveries there to their respective people and the next thing I know Joe and John were randomly standing at the car. There were some words said. My mom was called (I don't care what anyone says at 35 years old it is an awesome feeling to know that when I have a bad owie, I can still call my mommy... or in this case have my boss call my mommy...) I remember John asking me my car or his. And I remember getting in his car. After that. I remember morphine. At one point between them saying they were giving me morphine and me getting said morphine someone came in to get something from me and I told him to go away unless he had morphine. The morphine gave me one of those all over body shocks. I don't know if anyone has ever been quite this stupid but if you've ever licked a live 9v battery and the shock that radiates throughout your body from head to toe for a hot second... that's what the morphine did at first and then slowly it took the pain away.
Went to do an MRI. Discovered that when they give you iodine through an IV it makes you feel warm ALL OVER. Key note here when the tech tells you that you will feel like you've peed yourself, he is not lying. At all. I can't say that was the feeling my mind skipped straight to but because the suggestion was there I eventually came to feel like that.
So, a lot of poking, prodding, and a horrific pelvic exam later we found two things were going on in the end. One I was constipated. Two, I had a ovarian cyst burst on me. Apparently the blockage was fairly close to the cyst. What this means in medical terms I have no clue. Which one hurt the most, I have no clue. I don't know how bad the blockage was considering that one big glass of milk later that problem was solved. What I do know: That shit hurt like a motherfucker. IT's not often that I'm not able to take pain but this was one of those rare times that I was not able to take the pain. My wonderwoman cape slipped a little bit and I wasn't Super Dette, I was just pitiful human Claudette who wasn't able to cope with the horrible pain that felt kinda like I was giving birth all over again. Now factor in that I had C-sections for all of my kids and experienced very little labor time with any of them (I was in labor with Jojo for a couple of hours, I was in labor with Kay for maybe an hour and there was no labor with Livy) the fact that I felt like I was in labor should tell you just how bad I felt. I'm positive I was crying... hard. Whether or not I was ladylike about it or I cussed like a sailor on speed I cannot tell you.
I seriously went to be Saturday night at sevenish and woke briefly yesterday but everytime I took my meds I was back down within a half an hour (Which is not a good thing when you drink milk to solve a constipation problem. Also if you have a burst cyst that still hurts WITH MORPHINE and you need to poo, Don't do anything to force the poo... The result will be you sitting on the potty bawling your eyes out because now you hurt but you can't do anything about because you have to be on the potty. You can't call anyone because it's close to the middle of the night and what are they going to do anyway? Trust me, if you have the two things combined DON"T FORCE THE POO! NO matter how much Strawberry you put in the milk, don't drink it! Okay so that was more a note to myself but whatever.
Sunday was a puff of smoke. I attempted to clean out my dvr and I'm pretty sure I slept through a lot of the stuff I eventually said to delete. I did put a hurting on the mega bag of M&M's that I created though. Don't ask me when as my brain thought of very little until a text message asking me to work came through this morning at ten. I got dressed and my neighbor gave me a ride so I got seven hours in when I was technically off. I had residual pain but it was more of an ache that was easily controlled by tramadol. Made it through the day and had a good time.
I even got to have Jersey mike's Subs for the first time ever. Nothing spectacular... it was a sub... I have the feeling I didn't get the whole experience but then with the limited things I do eat, I rarely get the orgasmic experience that everyone else gets. I also got to see John and prove to him that I occasionally do have cracks in my armor that show but I am back on my feet in no time. I think I might have scared a few new grey hairs on him. It's okay. Only makes him more distinguished. LOL.
So this afternoon, my mom calls my x mother in law and tells her that she will be by to pick up my girls at six pm. Xmil says this is fine she will have had them fed by then and it's all gravy. My mom calls me at six thirty and says that she's sitting at the gas station up the street because she got there at six and the kids came out saying that they had JUST started to eat. Am I surprised? Not in the slightest. She always does this. Even when I was married to her son. You'd say "I'll be that at XX:XX. I need you to be ready." She'll agree and keep you waiting a half an hour. When I used to drive over there to get them for church I would say I will be there at nine fifteen and I need for you to be ready because I still have to go get my mom and be to church by ten. I would be there at nine fifteen and she would keep me waiting until twenty five after so that I had to speed and risk a speeding ticket to get to my mom so that we made it to church on time. So glad that they go to Elevation Cult... er Church now. SO GLAD!
Got the girls home and had to lay into them that they need to stop telling people that I don't have time for them now that I have a job. That is my pet peeve (Well one of them) They don't seem to mind when they say "Mommy I need" and I can go in my wallet and give but let me miss one night of unfettered Rock band and suddenly Mommy's never there for them... Livy wanted a locking doorknob... I got her one and surprised her with it. But Mommy never has time for them anymore. I'm here to tuck them in almost every night and I am here ever single morning when they get up but Mommy never has time for them anymore. I don't have a man lying up in my bed so that they can't tromp into my room whenever they want as much as I would LOVE to have a man in my bed... But I don't have time for them anymore. Most people write them off because they know me and know that I will always make time for my kids but they can tell that to certain people like my ex mother in law who will put a million well placed bugs in my ex husbands ears and boom, custody suit city all over again. He still hasn't cancelled that and it's still hanging over my head. I can't really do anything major concerning my kids because according to the state, I'm such a bad mother that my ex husband has petitioned them for full custody of my kids.
So that's my last few days. My Superwoman cape is back in place. My kids are resting before bed which they will be going to on time because they continue their EOG's in the morning. By tonight, I will know if I am going on a date tomorrow or not... maybe. It depends on whether o not he remembers I told him I would be awake (Which I probably won't be but I will wake up if he calls)
I need a new phone. This one is dying fast. The screen craps out on me on a regular basis and the GPS is crap on it which is not good considering my job. I've been holding out to see if I can join Joe and Patty's cell plan but now I'm thinking I need to go ahead and get my own and soon. I've been looking online to see if I can get a good deal without having to pay a tremendous deposit. It may need to happen sooner rather than later. I think I'll go back to looking tonight.
Well that's me in a nutshell bloggers. Toodle-oo and Ciao! Stay frosty!!
Like you had any doubt.
Let's go back to Saturday. Saturday I was opening driver at work. It started off as an ordinary day no drama whatsoever. Joe even called one of the crew and told him not to come in till later because we weren't slammed in any way. Then about eleven twelve-ish, my lower left abdomen started to hurt like someone was intermittently punching me. Not sucker punches and not full force punches but still punching me. I may have doubled over a couple of times because Joe kept asking me if I was going to be able to finish my shift and I kept telling him yes I could I could soldier through it. I kept in the mindset that I just had so and so many more hours until my shift was over and I could go home and rest. However around three it was clear that I was not going to make it and I even told Joe yes, call someone in. However, I did have one more delivery to take which was a triple. Keep in mind that by that point the dull punching feeling had escalated to a sharp stabbing feeling. Sort of like my body's way of saying "You didn't seem to want to listen when it wasn't that bad so let me shout at you that you need to stop and sit the eff down!"
I cannot tell you how I made it back to the store. I really honestly cannot tell you. I remember leaving the parking lot at the mall after giving both deliveries there to their respective people and the next thing I know Joe and John were randomly standing at the car. There were some words said. My mom was called (I don't care what anyone says at 35 years old it is an awesome feeling to know that when I have a bad owie, I can still call my mommy... or in this case have my boss call my mommy...) I remember John asking me my car or his. And I remember getting in his car. After that. I remember morphine. At one point between them saying they were giving me morphine and me getting said morphine someone came in to get something from me and I told him to go away unless he had morphine. The morphine gave me one of those all over body shocks. I don't know if anyone has ever been quite this stupid but if you've ever licked a live 9v battery and the shock that radiates throughout your body from head to toe for a hot second... that's what the morphine did at first and then slowly it took the pain away.
Went to do an MRI. Discovered that when they give you iodine through an IV it makes you feel warm ALL OVER. Key note here when the tech tells you that you will feel like you've peed yourself, he is not lying. At all. I can't say that was the feeling my mind skipped straight to but because the suggestion was there I eventually came to feel like that.
So, a lot of poking, prodding, and a horrific pelvic exam later we found two things were going on in the end. One I was constipated. Two, I had a ovarian cyst burst on me. Apparently the blockage was fairly close to the cyst. What this means in medical terms I have no clue. Which one hurt the most, I have no clue. I don't know how bad the blockage was considering that one big glass of milk later that problem was solved. What I do know: That shit hurt like a motherfucker. IT's not often that I'm not able to take pain but this was one of those rare times that I was not able to take the pain. My wonderwoman cape slipped a little bit and I wasn't Super Dette, I was just pitiful human Claudette who wasn't able to cope with the horrible pain that felt kinda like I was giving birth all over again. Now factor in that I had C-sections for all of my kids and experienced very little labor time with any of them (I was in labor with Jojo for a couple of hours, I was in labor with Kay for maybe an hour and there was no labor with Livy) the fact that I felt like I was in labor should tell you just how bad I felt. I'm positive I was crying... hard. Whether or not I was ladylike about it or I cussed like a sailor on speed I cannot tell you.
I seriously went to be Saturday night at sevenish and woke briefly yesterday but everytime I took my meds I was back down within a half an hour (Which is not a good thing when you drink milk to solve a constipation problem. Also if you have a burst cyst that still hurts WITH MORPHINE and you need to poo, Don't do anything to force the poo... The result will be you sitting on the potty bawling your eyes out because now you hurt but you can't do anything about because you have to be on the potty. You can't call anyone because it's close to the middle of the night and what are they going to do anyway? Trust me, if you have the two things combined DON"T FORCE THE POO! NO matter how much Strawberry you put in the milk, don't drink it! Okay so that was more a note to myself but whatever.
Sunday was a puff of smoke. I attempted to clean out my dvr and I'm pretty sure I slept through a lot of the stuff I eventually said to delete. I did put a hurting on the mega bag of M&M's that I created though. Don't ask me when as my brain thought of very little until a text message asking me to work came through this morning at ten. I got dressed and my neighbor gave me a ride so I got seven hours in when I was technically off. I had residual pain but it was more of an ache that was easily controlled by tramadol. Made it through the day and had a good time.
I even got to have Jersey mike's Subs for the first time ever. Nothing spectacular... it was a sub... I have the feeling I didn't get the whole experience but then with the limited things I do eat, I rarely get the orgasmic experience that everyone else gets. I also got to see John and prove to him that I occasionally do have cracks in my armor that show but I am back on my feet in no time. I think I might have scared a few new grey hairs on him. It's okay. Only makes him more distinguished. LOL.
So this afternoon, my mom calls my x mother in law and tells her that she will be by to pick up my girls at six pm. Xmil says this is fine she will have had them fed by then and it's all gravy. My mom calls me at six thirty and says that she's sitting at the gas station up the street because she got there at six and the kids came out saying that they had JUST started to eat. Am I surprised? Not in the slightest. She always does this. Even when I was married to her son. You'd say "I'll be that at XX:XX. I need you to be ready." She'll agree and keep you waiting a half an hour. When I used to drive over there to get them for church I would say I will be there at nine fifteen and I need for you to be ready because I still have to go get my mom and be to church by ten. I would be there at nine fifteen and she would keep me waiting until twenty five after so that I had to speed and risk a speeding ticket to get to my mom so that we made it to church on time. So glad that they go to Elevation Cult... er Church now. SO GLAD!
Got the girls home and had to lay into them that they need to stop telling people that I don't have time for them now that I have a job. That is my pet peeve (Well one of them) They don't seem to mind when they say "Mommy I need" and I can go in my wallet and give but let me miss one night of unfettered Rock band and suddenly Mommy's never there for them... Livy wanted a locking doorknob... I got her one and surprised her with it. But Mommy never has time for them anymore. I'm here to tuck them in almost every night and I am here ever single morning when they get up but Mommy never has time for them anymore. I don't have a man lying up in my bed so that they can't tromp into my room whenever they want as much as I would LOVE to have a man in my bed... But I don't have time for them anymore. Most people write them off because they know me and know that I will always make time for my kids but they can tell that to certain people like my ex mother in law who will put a million well placed bugs in my ex husbands ears and boom, custody suit city all over again. He still hasn't cancelled that and it's still hanging over my head. I can't really do anything major concerning my kids because according to the state, I'm such a bad mother that my ex husband has petitioned them for full custody of my kids.
So that's my last few days. My Superwoman cape is back in place. My kids are resting before bed which they will be going to on time because they continue their EOG's in the morning. By tonight, I will know if I am going on a date tomorrow or not... maybe. It depends on whether o not he remembers I told him I would be awake (Which I probably won't be but I will wake up if he calls)
I need a new phone. This one is dying fast. The screen craps out on me on a regular basis and the GPS is crap on it which is not good considering my job. I've been holding out to see if I can join Joe and Patty's cell plan but now I'm thinking I need to go ahead and get my own and soon. I've been looking online to see if I can get a good deal without having to pay a tremendous deposit. It may need to happen sooner rather than later. I think I'll go back to looking tonight.
Well that's me in a nutshell bloggers. Toodle-oo and Ciao! Stay frosty!!
Tuesday, May 20, 2014
So over it...
I might as well put out that warning now. I'm not in a good mood, this WILL be one of those woe is me posts, and please don't respond or comment with inspirational sayings or "Advice" because at this point I don't think I need it. More to the point, I don't want it.
I have come to the sad very sad conclusion that I am not meant to be romantically happy in this life. It sounds really fucked up but I honest to God believe it now. I thought it before, but now I believe it. I really think that my one chance at happiness was my fucked up marriage and I ruined it.
And You're probably sitting there and thinking "WTF is she smoking" to make me say that but here are a few fun facts about me.
After Randy and I split up, I didn't give time to anyone else until we were officially divorced. NOt that I actually wanted to because at the time I realized I needed to work on me and not work on another we, you know. I kept my head down, I raised my kids and I went on with life like nothing huge was happening because let's face it, nothing huge was happening. Towards the end of my penance in New Jersey I had a crush on a guy named Brent. I have to say, for the first time liking a guy since my husband it hit me hard but a couple of things were against me. First off, I was color blind, he was not. If you don't get that, I can't help you. Second off, the mutual friends we did have were trying to hook him up with someone else which for awhile made me feel like chopped fucking liver but I got over it. Right around the time I realized he was not colorblind.
So then I moved to NC and for a solid year, I did nothing, saw no one, and didn't have the chance to develop any attractions. I lived and let live.
About a year into my time here, my bff set me up with a night of fun. That was all he was supposed to be. I knew this and went into it willingly. I wanted to, hell my body needed to, so I did it but then a strange thing happened. He wanted my phone number and crap and he actually texted me and paid attention to me. We went on two date and slept together a couple of times before he just dropped from the face of the earth. Didn't stop me from obsessing over him for a good bit. And honestly, I know for a fact that it wasn't him I was obsessing over, it was the sex. For the first time ever, I actually enjoyed sex. For the first time ever, I orgasmed. In ten years of marriage, I never truly got to do that. I could fake like I got to do that like a porn star but I never actually got to do that. Anyway, I was caught up on him for a long time before my friend suggested that nother guy and I would be good together.
He actually was a good guy. A little self absorbed and a bit of a pompous know it all at time but he was a nice guy and Momma always said that sometimes you have to overlook a few bad habits when you are with someone special. We did go out once but it kinda fell in the category of hanging out with a friend. At the end of the night, he sat in the car and told me that his cats got out before he left home and he had to go let them in. End of outing. A few weeks later I got an attack of bold and actually asked him if he was ever going to ask me out because to be honest, we were walking that path... the pre date "I'm-gonna-ask-you-out-someday-just-wait-for-it" path But the answer I got was something along the lines of I was a disorganized homebody who didn't enjoy the outdoors so no, he was never going to ask me out. I'm not even going to get into how many ways he was wrong on his assumption but the fact was that it was an insult and it hit home so end of that attraction. Do I still find him attractive? Yes. If he realized he was a pompous ass who insulted me without giving anything a try and asked me out anyway, would I say yes? I might go camping or hiking with him put off any romantic connotations that came up and make it clear that I saw him as a friend because I honestly do see him in the friend light now.
So everyone said get a job and get out of the house and I would meet someone and I would have fun. For those people I have two words: Thank you. I did get out of the house and get a job and I am having the time of my life.
But on the first day at my new job, I turned around and I saw HIM and suddenly I was back in high school with a whole new twist. He was fine and he had a smile that made me see stars. He had a voice that sounded like Barry wife and sent shivers up my spine. And all the air sucked out of the room and it was impossible to convert air into carbon monoxide. Dude I was hooked. So after a few conversation I got another attack of bold and I asked him out. He said yes. We went out and had fun and at the end of the night he kissed me. A real kiss. One that still sends tremors to my belly and it's been a couple of weeks. But here's the thing, everytime we try to plan something something happens. I'm starting to think that it's fate trying to tell me, "No, you don't get to be happy. You had your chance and you screwed it up. No love for you! Love Nazi!" (If you don't get that, you aren't old enough to read this blog. Turn around and go back home to Mommy right now). I can't help it, but that's the way I feel.
And I have calmed myself down enough to realize that by thinking this way I am shooting myself in the foot by giving up so quickly. In reality, blogging out a little of my frustration has convinced me that I am doing just that and to take a step back to let it develop as it wants to. It's like that song. You can't hurry Love, you just have to wait. So I will wait and let whatever is going to happen, happen.
See, I started this blog all crying and angry and Now I'm not so upset. Blogging helps.
Gonna sign off now and go read. I started The Mortal instruments, City of Bones and it's really good. Stay frosty peeps!!
I have come to the sad very sad conclusion that I am not meant to be romantically happy in this life. It sounds really fucked up but I honest to God believe it now. I thought it before, but now I believe it. I really think that my one chance at happiness was my fucked up marriage and I ruined it.
And You're probably sitting there and thinking "WTF is she smoking" to make me say that but here are a few fun facts about me.
After Randy and I split up, I didn't give time to anyone else until we were officially divorced. NOt that I actually wanted to because at the time I realized I needed to work on me and not work on another we, you know. I kept my head down, I raised my kids and I went on with life like nothing huge was happening because let's face it, nothing huge was happening. Towards the end of my penance in New Jersey I had a crush on a guy named Brent. I have to say, for the first time liking a guy since my husband it hit me hard but a couple of things were against me. First off, I was color blind, he was not. If you don't get that, I can't help you. Second off, the mutual friends we did have were trying to hook him up with someone else which for awhile made me feel like chopped fucking liver but I got over it. Right around the time I realized he was not colorblind.
So then I moved to NC and for a solid year, I did nothing, saw no one, and didn't have the chance to develop any attractions. I lived and let live.
About a year into my time here, my bff set me up with a night of fun. That was all he was supposed to be. I knew this and went into it willingly. I wanted to, hell my body needed to, so I did it but then a strange thing happened. He wanted my phone number and crap and he actually texted me and paid attention to me. We went on two date and slept together a couple of times before he just dropped from the face of the earth. Didn't stop me from obsessing over him for a good bit. And honestly, I know for a fact that it wasn't him I was obsessing over, it was the sex. For the first time ever, I actually enjoyed sex. For the first time ever, I orgasmed. In ten years of marriage, I never truly got to do that. I could fake like I got to do that like a porn star but I never actually got to do that. Anyway, I was caught up on him for a long time before my friend suggested that nother guy and I would be good together.
He actually was a good guy. A little self absorbed and a bit of a pompous know it all at time but he was a nice guy and Momma always said that sometimes you have to overlook a few bad habits when you are with someone special. We did go out once but it kinda fell in the category of hanging out with a friend. At the end of the night, he sat in the car and told me that his cats got out before he left home and he had to go let them in. End of outing. A few weeks later I got an attack of bold and actually asked him if he was ever going to ask me out because to be honest, we were walking that path... the pre date "I'm-gonna-ask-you-out-someday-just-wait-for-it" path But the answer I got was something along the lines of I was a disorganized homebody who didn't enjoy the outdoors so no, he was never going to ask me out. I'm not even going to get into how many ways he was wrong on his assumption but the fact was that it was an insult and it hit home so end of that attraction. Do I still find him attractive? Yes. If he realized he was a pompous ass who insulted me without giving anything a try and asked me out anyway, would I say yes? I might go camping or hiking with him put off any romantic connotations that came up and make it clear that I saw him as a friend because I honestly do see him in the friend light now.
So everyone said get a job and get out of the house and I would meet someone and I would have fun. For those people I have two words: Thank you. I did get out of the house and get a job and I am having the time of my life.
But on the first day at my new job, I turned around and I saw HIM and suddenly I was back in high school with a whole new twist. He was fine and he had a smile that made me see stars. He had a voice that sounded like Barry wife and sent shivers up my spine. And all the air sucked out of the room and it was impossible to convert air into carbon monoxide. Dude I was hooked. So after a few conversation I got another attack of bold and I asked him out. He said yes. We went out and had fun and at the end of the night he kissed me. A real kiss. One that still sends tremors to my belly and it's been a couple of weeks. But here's the thing, everytime we try to plan something something happens. I'm starting to think that it's fate trying to tell me, "No, you don't get to be happy. You had your chance and you screwed it up. No love for you! Love Nazi!" (If you don't get that, you aren't old enough to read this blog. Turn around and go back home to Mommy right now). I can't help it, but that's the way I feel.
And I have calmed myself down enough to realize that by thinking this way I am shooting myself in the foot by giving up so quickly. In reality, blogging out a little of my frustration has convinced me that I am doing just that and to take a step back to let it develop as it wants to. It's like that song. You can't hurry Love, you just have to wait. So I will wait and let whatever is going to happen, happen.
See, I started this blog all crying and angry and Now I'm not so upset. Blogging helps.
Gonna sign off now and go read. I started The Mortal instruments, City of Bones and it's really good. Stay frosty peeps!!
Wednesday, May 14, 2014
Busy busy dizzy
So life has been kind of up in the air for me for a little bit.
I'm still working but working has a brighter lift to it. I get to work with someone I really like. As a matter of fact, we've actually had our first date. I'm not giving out any (many) details but I would say it went very well. I did get kissed at the end of it and it was the kind of kiss that has made me feel butterflies and tremors in the pit of my stomach for a week or more. I'm not being overly gushing or anything. I'm being totally serious when I say that if I just close my eyes for maybe five minutes, I remember and my stomach does a little flip flop. It's both an awesome feeling and a slightly irritating one since sometimes I don't have to close my eyes for it to happen since 55% of my day he is crossing my mind.
And working with him is not awkward at all. Once I got past the first shift where I really just wanted to kiss him again and let my good girl and work ethic sides beat the tar out of my slightly hormonal male company deprived side, I was fine. I'm able to work nearly side by side with him and am able to put aside most of feelings. I still tend to stop and stare at him sometimes but I'm getting pretty good at making my hands work so that it looks like I'm doing actual work while I do that.
So I got a pedicure last Monday and the guy skinned my toe because he was talking to the woman next to him and and still going at my foot with the scraper and now I think it's infected. I've done everything I'm supposed to short of going to the doctor. I have an appointment with her on Thursday next week I will ask her about it then unless I just can't put up with the pain any longer and I take myself to the ER... I'm betting I don't last past Sunday. What's your bet? Considering shoes are the ultimate enemy right this moment, I'm surprised I've made it this long and I'm pretty sure that my toe just might be gangrenous and ready to be sawed off by next Thursday but I am a worst case scenario kind of gal!
So last Saturday, I got caught in the torrential downpour that hit charlotte just as I stepped out of my car for a delivery. Soaked to the bone within minutes. I got back to the shop and my boss lent me his hoodie but I'm pretty sure he didn't count on me taking off the shirt and using just the hoodie for the remainder of the day, but that's what happened. I'm 90% sure that my last two male deliveries couldn't pick me out of a line up unless they only showed the chest area because neither of them seem ed to notice I had a face. Sadly, this was perfectly fine with me. As far as I'm concerned, my time is taken by someone else and no man need apply for the position because they will be turned away.
I am seriously about to fall asleep right now... It's kinda a miracle that I was able to stay up long enough to write what I have. I got off at 1130 last night... home by ten to 12, stayed up writing until 145 and didn't actually get into bed until 2 ish... I had to be up at 7 this morning because the kids has both dentist and doctors appointments and NOw I;m sitting here because I take them back to my mom about 33 so that she can take Big Girl to back to the dentist to get two cavities taken care of at four and I have to be to work for another closing shift...
So I think I'm going to take a short nap. Blog ya later!! Stay frosty!
I'm still working but working has a brighter lift to it. I get to work with someone I really like. As a matter of fact, we've actually had our first date. I'm not giving out any (many) details but I would say it went very well. I did get kissed at the end of it and it was the kind of kiss that has made me feel butterflies and tremors in the pit of my stomach for a week or more. I'm not being overly gushing or anything. I'm being totally serious when I say that if I just close my eyes for maybe five minutes, I remember and my stomach does a little flip flop. It's both an awesome feeling and a slightly irritating one since sometimes I don't have to close my eyes for it to happen since 55% of my day he is crossing my mind.
And working with him is not awkward at all. Once I got past the first shift where I really just wanted to kiss him again and let my good girl and work ethic sides beat the tar out of my slightly hormonal male company deprived side, I was fine. I'm able to work nearly side by side with him and am able to put aside most of feelings. I still tend to stop and stare at him sometimes but I'm getting pretty good at making my hands work so that it looks like I'm doing actual work while I do that.
So I got a pedicure last Monday and the guy skinned my toe because he was talking to the woman next to him and and still going at my foot with the scraper and now I think it's infected. I've done everything I'm supposed to short of going to the doctor. I have an appointment with her on Thursday next week I will ask her about it then unless I just can't put up with the pain any longer and I take myself to the ER... I'm betting I don't last past Sunday. What's your bet? Considering shoes are the ultimate enemy right this moment, I'm surprised I've made it this long and I'm pretty sure that my toe just might be gangrenous and ready to be sawed off by next Thursday but I am a worst case scenario kind of gal!
So last Saturday, I got caught in the torrential downpour that hit charlotte just as I stepped out of my car for a delivery. Soaked to the bone within minutes. I got back to the shop and my boss lent me his hoodie but I'm pretty sure he didn't count on me taking off the shirt and using just the hoodie for the remainder of the day, but that's what happened. I'm 90% sure that my last two male deliveries couldn't pick me out of a line up unless they only showed the chest area because neither of them seem ed to notice I had a face. Sadly, this was perfectly fine with me. As far as I'm concerned, my time is taken by someone else and no man need apply for the position because they will be turned away.
I am seriously about to fall asleep right now... It's kinda a miracle that I was able to stay up long enough to write what I have. I got off at 1130 last night... home by ten to 12, stayed up writing until 145 and didn't actually get into bed until 2 ish... I had to be up at 7 this morning because the kids has both dentist and doctors appointments and NOw I;m sitting here because I take them back to my mom about 33 so that she can take Big Girl to back to the dentist to get two cavities taken care of at four and I have to be to work for another closing shift...
So I think I'm going to take a short nap. Blog ya later!! Stay frosty!
Thursday, May 01, 2014
Why
Why are men so bloddy frustrating? Is it seriously in their DNA to make women want to wrap their hands around their necks and just squeeze until they hear a pop?
I wish I could go into more detail, I honestly wish I could but its just not going to happen today and work is going to be very frustrating until I figure out how to wrap my head around the whole frustrating male thing.
Good news is that it is a BEAUTIFUL day out today... bad news is I'm stuck inside for most of it... with said frustrating male...
Dint get me wrong... the view is awesome.
Gah!!!! I need a real scream...
I need a drink...
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