Oy!!! What a day!!

I can do this without tears or cussing because at this point, I have now gotten eight full hours of sleep and am able to do like the psychologists say and look back with a bit of a laugh.  not a big laugh, but still a laugh...

So yesterday I took the kids up to my mother in law so that they could spend a week with her.  Randy is going to meet them up there Friday and they are going to celebrate the fourth there.  Then they are coming back because I finally made Randy see that although I would LOVE LOVE, LOVE a month to myself while I prepare to pull up stakes and head out of dodge, it wasn't worth it to the kids because they would spend 7am to 5pm in day camp and then three nights a week with a babysitter while he goes to school.  They wouldn't be spending the summer with Daddy, they'd be spending the Summer in Daddy's general vicinity.  He understood and finally agreed!  Yay me!!

And don't get me wrong I still think my mother in law is quite possibly a decent sized thorn in my side but after this month, I really won't have to deal with her as much anymore.  I won't be an hour and a half away and therefore in her summoning circle.  So anyway.  I took the kids up to Newark to meet her.  That actually went off without a hitch.  My train was scheduled to leave at 8:23 on track four so we said out goodbyes and parted ways.  I sat on the platform for probably twenty minutes due to the delayed status of my train.  It stayed delayed until 8:41 when it changed to canceled.  I didn't freak out, bloggers.  I held my cool.  I found a train station official and asked him what I was supposed to do now.  He said in one of the thickest Jamaican accents I've heard in a long time that I was supposed to get on the 9;21 local train.  I wasn't happy about it but what can you do?  You have to get home somehow. 



OMG!  The train was sooo crowded.  I mean there was barely standing room that's how crowded.  As I stood there panting because it was soo hot on the train one of the guys in a seat looked up and said "I can't have  you standing.  It's got to be hard to stand to stand like that!"  Then he moved and gave me his seat.  As I got marginally comfortable, he asked me when I was due and suddenly his chivalry made sense.  I looked up at him and told him late October. 

Oh don't look at me that way, I know it was wrong.  I also know that that one little sentence probably earned me an extra hot fire in hell but it got me a seat. 

Soon enough the train thinned out and I was able to get really comfortable so I slid on my music and let the train lull me to sleep.  I so wish I hadn't gone to sleep, Because when I woke up I was in REALLY unfamiliar territory.

That Territory being Trenton.  Okay, now i was upset.  I was panicked and upset and all the things that a person could be when they find themselves in strange territory.  I was crying and I was angry at myself for falling asleep and I was angry at the train official in Newark that told me to get on this train.  The police officer in the transit center in Trenton told me that I would probably have to go back o Newark to get on the train to bring me back to Long Branch.  I was even more upset to learn that the train to take me back up wouldn't get there until 11 and by the time I got home it would be close to two.

Turns out that when you cry and blubber and basically live up to every stereotype of brainless women that men hold dear, they like you just a little bit more.  So I cried, and a blubbered, and I whimpered.  And I got to ride the train back to Rahway for free.  The train to Long branch was only ten minutes later and guess what?!  It was one of the double trains!  Yay!  Got to Long Branch and the last Asbury train was waiting at the tracks. 

So one would think there ends my tale, right?  Nope.  I didn't have the five on me to catch a cab from the train station so I hoofed it.  Really so not the drama.  I walk the same walk almost everyday to get to the bus for work.  What was the drama? 

The Drama was when a car pulled up alongside of me and two white guys sat inside and the one in the passenger side asked me if I could give him and his friend a early morning special.  UNBELIEVABLE!  Granted I was dressed in my not much of a shirt scarf shirt but still!!!

I was tired.  My feet hurt.  My back hurt.  I had to use the potty.  What else could I have done?  I approached the car and and was about to tell them exactly how to get to the part hell they needed to be in, I saw the driver move his hand to just below his leg.  And it hit me.  VICE SQUAD!! Are you freaking kidding me??   I smiled, I leaned in and told them that I don't know who taught the police how to troll for hookers but they don't use phrases like 'early morning special' and that when looking for a hooker, it's not wise to roll two by two.  Then I leaned up and walked home.

I mean come on!  On the bright side I can now move away from Asbury Park with the full knowledge that I have been mistaken for someone else by both Asbury Public School Truant officers and now the Vice Squad.

Oh you didn't hear bout the truant officer?  That's a really short story.  About five months after I moved here I was walking back from somewhere and the police that pick up the kids cutting school (yes, they actually have that) asked me if I had a good reason for not being in school.  I said yes, I had graduated ten years prior.  He asked for ID and I didn't have any.  I must not have been going far or whatever because I had nothing but a few dollars on me.  Suffice to say this didn't  follow with the officer who made me get in the car and he drove me to the high school.  The lady in the office told him that she didn't recognize me.  I told her it was because I wasn't a student there, I was a great grown woman with kids of her own.  Ya!  In Asbury Park, that's not actually something that screams "I'm not in high school, you jackass!"  I  was given the opportunity to prove my age by calling someone to prove how old I was.  To his credit, the officer looked apologetic and drove me home saying he was sorry.

So I've been confused for a high school kid and a hooker.  I have been told that I looked young    and I've been told I looked trashy.  BY THE COPS.

I think it's time to leave Asbury Park...  What do you think?

Single and blogging is never taking the train again...

New look

I decided that with the move to a new town, I am going to do a new look.  I have lived the last eleven years one way and I am going to try something new.  Not that there was anything wrong with the old look, I am quite pretty with the old look. 


So I have had basically long hair for 12 years not counting the months when I rocked the baldy, and admit it, I rocked it most of the time, I have had hair that went well past the middle of my back.  At first doing it was a rebellion because although my mother let me express myself with braids, she insisted I keep them fairly short.  When i turned 18 I began wearing them as long as I could and I thought I looked good.  I was the woman in the summer who had masses upon masses of hair and was fine with it.

Yeah, not so fine right now.  Four day of ninety plus degree heat has taught me that long hair is not necessarily a good thing and straggling hair and buckets of sweat do not a pretty Dette make.  SO on the advice that I trim the matted end, I kinda went up further... I chopped it to my shoulders (RELAX!! I am talking about the braids I already had)  They aren't matted anymore, they flow ncely and the curls bounced back.  I think this length makes me look my age but not older or younger.  I like it...

Secondly I have always thought my eyes were the best part of me.  But by that I meant the shape.  To be very honest, I hate my brown eyes.  They do nothing for me.  My dad described them as beer bottle brown once in my youth and it stuck with me.  Every time I look at the color of my eyes I see beer bottle.  Hell I even give my sim green or blue eyes when I am making myself or I will give generations of sims grey, blue, and green and then give my father brown and let sim genetics tromp all over his.

Anyway, got off track there... I went to the hair supply store and get this!  They sell colored contacts that are the exact same that you get from the doctor except you don't have to have a prescription and you dont' have to pay the 99 dollar eye exam few for them.  I wanted grey, but of the colors they had I only liked purple and blue and I chose blue.  I plan t get purple, topaz and green before I move to NC.

So the result is the picture that I posted on my facebook.  I am happy, I am cooler (degrees speaking) and I  think I look more my age that I ever have.  I will post a picture here so you all can see...  You tell me...

So what do you think? 

I have to sign off, I am taking my kids to the city tonight to be with their grandmother for a week. 

Single and blogging is living with the heat...

Navy Numa Numa

Holy rusted metal, Batman!

Did you ever have one of those days where your skin was the only thing keeping you from spiraling off in a million different directions?  I think I am having one of those nights.  I want to jump up and down, I want to go to the corner store and buy a soda (although in retrospect I'm thinking that might not be such a good idea), I want to do cartwheels, I want to just move.

And not move in the terms I have been jabbering on all week about.  Move in the terms that I live three freaking blocks from the beach and a late night run in the sand and surf giggling like a crazy person might just come close to fixing the situation.

I really shouldn't have broken in the new coffee mug with actual coffee...  That stuff I get and grind at the commissary is powerful stuff Kemosabe.  Might be the espresso beans I ground up in there.  I really should have remembered those before I brewed the coffee and had two cups....

Gah!!

Stop laughing!  I know you are laughing.  Manky I know you are rolling off your chair right now, Andi, I just KNOW you are sitting there going "the girl has lost it, she's finally lost it!"  Clue for you chickadee, can't lose what you pawned off eons ago!!  LOL!!  You love me!!  Sneeze, you are probably shaking your head and telling lilttle one that Ms. Dette has broken out of the looney house again.

Seriously, i want a soda.

I think I am going through Greys anatomy and Desperate housewives withdrawal.  Lifetime whacked up the schedule so that now DH comes on at ten-one, GA is 1-4 and WS is 4-7.

Aside:  My downsairs neighbor is playing that song that has the beat that repeats over and over and over and over and over again and I am tapping my toe to it and I don't want to tap my toe to it.

I feel like Blanche in that Golden girls episode where she has insomnia and stays up and writes that novel that she thinks is award winning and basically it's just sunshine and rainbows on clear cloudy days...  That kind of crap.  I am so going to look at this tomorrow and be like Dude, WTF?

Oh wow, only ten minutes of the boom boom boom.  We're getting it down to a science.  It's like they know just how many minutes it takes to get me to the brink of insanity and they turn it off.  Haha Fooled them I passed the brink of insanity about a month ago!  HAHAHAHA!

OMG  Someone shoot me!!  Okay, I'm going to finish playing Evony now.  Well you can't really finish you just keep going anf going and going and going.  Yeah it's like that...

Dude, Single and blogging is having a skitzo moment...

Final Days...

So this morning I got out of the car at work and my boss walked up to the door with me.  I said "Good morning." but the response I got was "Are you still leaving?"  I gave a firm yes and I could almost hear the iron door on my good day shut tight.

It wasn't a bad day, per se, but it was the kind of day where you're in a conflict and one person in said conflict has just realized that no matter how much they baited and goaded, they've lost.  Lost with the kind of splat that a pie makes when it hits someone in the face on television.  We chatted but like the last few weeks' worth of conversations, I kinda felt that it was very stilted.  Two players on a stage kind of thing.  My artsy fartsy kinda readers should understand that.  This last month has really felt like a bad B rated stage play. IDK work used to be my sanctuary.  I used to go in and just know that it was going to be a good day.  I was going to be happy.  Then suddenly like a lot of things in my life lately, the whole axis just tilted and I could take it or leave it.  My AM, she started picking and choosing what days she was going to be nice and which days she was going to snip and snap at me to the point where internally I wanted to pull her throat out through her ears.  My relationships with my coworkers is the same.  Some days we all laugh and joke around and other days it's like "why are you even walking up my aisle??"  One of the guys used t laugh and joke with me and then his humor suddenly turned nasty and downright mean.  I don't get the supposed Ghetto humor but oh well.  My actual boss and I hit a plateau and that's where we are now.  In that horrible b rated stage play each of us dancing neither of us giving the final line.

I don't care anymore.  I can take it or I can leave it.  This can get read and I can get fired tomorrow for saying anything about my job although I didn't mention names of call anyone anything and it honestly wouldn't make a ripple in my pond because I realized something a few days back.  Dammit I've been in retail for sixteen years.  I may not count cash and do markdowns with the speed and accuracy that certain people expect from me, but very few people can whittle down a line of customers like I can.  I am a pro on most registers and I can do it with a smile and not have pissed off customers when all is said and done.  I don't need a recommendation or a transfer. I can walk into almost any retail store and ask and probably get a job .  I think if I am going to stay in retail when i get to Charlotte, then I would like to work in a boutique where it's just the manager and myself.  I wouldn't mind being a photographers assistant either.  I have so many interests it's hard to know which one I would like to turn into a career.  BUt I figure if I hold my faith, the path I am supposed to take will glow.

I am going to miss my friends.  For a long time, they have seemed like the wind that helped spin my world and I realize now that some of them weren't the wind.  Some of them were the base my world sat on.  And that was wrong.  I got to a place where I depended on my friends to include me in the things they were doing and it didn't dawn on me that not only did I not belong with them sometimes, I had spent my life being such a wallflower that they began to assume that I wouldn't want to be involved.  It was my fault and I apologize if anyone reading this ever thought that I was attacking them in my hurt at being left out.  I am not apologizing fror the being hurt, just apologizing for the way I handled that hurt.

I have a little over a month before I leave New Jersey.  The old me would have expected my friends to rush in trying to spend that last minute with me but the new and improved me knows that they won't.  My good friends, the ones that have put up with my mood swings and everything that comes with them, might want to spend a day with me and that is fine I will take it and I will smile and I will laugh and I will have a good time and at the end I will probably cry.
One thing I would like to do before I leave... I would like to have a night in the city.  I want to go to a club or a bar in NYC and dance and drink and have the absolute time of my life.  If I could I would like to get dressed up and for once, for once look like I am thirty and flirty.  I know it'll never happen mainly because most of my friend don't like the city and hmmm what am I forgetting?  Oh yeah!  I own nothing that makes me look thirty and flirty.  Well I do have the dress and thanks to Andi I have the support so I can wear the dress, but I don't have any place to wear the dress.

Enough lamenting and wishing.  I have somewhere to be soon so oh well... 

Wonder where I can get a countdown widget for my facebook...

Single and blogging is feeling a bit wistful...

Promise me...

Promise me that when I have given up on you and walked away without once thinking of you, you'll sit and wonder why...

Promise me that you'll remember all the times you went and partied on, forgetting me and then telling me "you should have been there" and you'll feel as bad as I did sitting...

Promise me that when you see pictures of me havign fun with friends that care about me you think about how I tried to be the spotlight dancer but you stole it all away...

Promise me that you remember how you called me a wallflower because I didn't like your music or your games and chose to sit quietly contemplating the fact that every move you made made me feel like I wasn't worthy and why was I there...

Promise me that while you are out there going on random date with girls who giggle and snort, girls who demand and don't give, that the "wallflower" was maybe the woman that could have been the one but she was too ladylike to make the first move.

Promise me that you won't waste your breath saying "we should have spent more time together" after I've gone. 

Yes after I've gone and left you, promise me that you'll remember that I was a much better friend to you than you than you were to me and that I am totally justified in walking away without giving you the first thought I sat and wished you had given me.

I would say something crude but I just can't  so all I'll say is... promise me...

Promise me...

When I'm gone...

When I've left...

Promise me...

migraines....

I sometimes sit and wonder who came up with the name of so and so... and I wonder myself into a headache or i go to Google and solve the question but this time I don't even want to know or why they call a migraine a migraine.  I just want to know the ultimate cure for it short of cutting your own head off or drowning your brain in alcohol.

I mean Why would God give man a pain like this???  It's excruciating!  I think this is one of those long reaching punishments for what that dapple headed dolt, Eve, did...  Man if I had a time machine...

Anyway, So I went to a BBQ today.  I sat in the car in the ehat and read and read and read and thenwalked to the store and came back to the car and read.  I'm a shade darker and my migraine isn't any better but you know what?  The pain reminds me that I am alive and I have days and days and days more of this rythmic pounding and stiffling pressure to look forward to!



So I'm going to go play with my sims until my excedrin kicks in... So if you don't hear from me for a few days just know that more than likely I am fine and my inner bitch hasn't broken free and killed someone.  I promise to come back and blog about playtime with the natives soon...

Single and blogging is in pain people!!

uhmmm...

Okay, so as was evident, yesterday I was just alittle bit pissed off...

Here's the thing... There are a few states in this blessed union that have a law that not many people know about.  IN those wonderful states, a woman cannot be held responsible for acts committed when she is in a womanly way... all I can say is, that asshole better be lucky that I had no viable weapon near me yesterday.

SO I have calmed down a bit, I went to the store last night and after careful consideration of the abundant chocolate aisle they have, I chose a tasteful bag of almonds...

I so want chocolate but it's not going to help and I know that...

See and you didn't think I was going t let the rational thinking part of my brain go free ever did you?

I kinda think of it like this.  If I give in and eat chocolate, then I wont stop and I'll get fat again and then the only man I'll be able to get is some fat country hick that's spent his life being called Bubba and his only ambition is to work in some factory.  Call me a snob, I don't care I want a man that I want to look at. 

And call me a racist snob because honestly, I think I'm done with black men altogether.  I don't see what the big deal is.  I lived with one for almost ten years.  They are absurdly attached to their mothers, they make up horrible nicknames for their women and nine out of ten of them wouldn't know how to treat a good woman if he had Respect for Dummies sitting in front of him.

I am not going to make this long.  I do however want to issue an apology to the people that ignored the foul language warning and read the blog anyway. 

Single and blogging is busy today.

Fuck him!

I am warning all who tread this dangerous path right now.  This is a rant.  There will be cussing, there will be man bashing, there will be threats.  Read it if you want to and if you have a weak stomach or a fragile constitution GET THE FUCK OFF NOW!

So yesterday the water company turned off the water to the house (four apartments)  We didn't know why.  So we (my downstairs neighbor and I) started calling the landlord to find out what was going on.  Like usual, he wouldn't pick up his phone.  So I texted him to please call Nikki or me and let us know whats going on.  A half hour later I got a text that said BE ON SOON.  I said OK.  Two and a half hours later, we still had no water.  So we called him, separately, to find out if shortly had a time.  As per his usual, he didn't pick up his phone.  So I called the water company to find out if they had a time.  That is all I wanted to know.  They told me that because he made the payment after 3, it would be on by 7:30 the next morning.  Apparently he has a friend at the water company that turned the water on.  Problem was he didn't see the need to maybe call or text anyone sitting here with kids to tell them that he had someone on it.  He simply left it at the shortly from hours before. 

We couldn't even flush the fucking toilet!!  Who in the hell wants to go to the bathroom and go on top of someone else's shit?!?  No one.  I called the company to simply ask when, that's all.  The woman offered up all his information to me telling me it was a payment problem and whatnot.  She then told me that if I had him call they could turn it on immediately.  There was a 100 dollar reconnection charge that he was going to have to pay anyway but they would just apply it to the next bill.  I tried to get him to tell him this but again, he wouldn't pick up his phone.  Instead I called the former handyman who is/was a friend of his and asked him if he could get in touch with Sko and he said just go around back to his mother.  So I did and I told her what the water company said to me.  She said to call them for her.  I did.  They told her it was going to be 100 dollars.  He hadn't bothered to call her so she told them charge it and turn the water on.

No sooner had I hit END on the call did the water come on. 

So Sko is mad because his mom told them to charge the hundred dollars (which I might point out the water company told me he was going to have to pay anyway) and he got charged even though he had a hookup fix the problem.

The problem in the whole equation is that he is horrible at communication.  He stood there and yelled at me telling me that I had no right to go over his head.  If that pansy ass wanna be a baller motherfucker would take his swelled head out from between his his own fucking legs and stop puffing his ego by giving his own blow fucking jobs, he would see that I didn't go over his head.  I only called to get information.

Then that pissant shithead is going to stand there and tell me that he is the best landlord I am ever going to have?!?!?  Fuck him!!! Daffy fucking duck would make a better landlord.  So then we covered the communication issue.

I told him about when I was trapped up here with no heat in the middle of a fucking blizzard.  HE said he came and fixed it that day, I said yes but I had to call him for six hours first.  is response was I should leave a message and just wait.   HE will get on it when he can.  WTF?  No sorry that is more than the abbreviation WHAT THE FUCK!?!?!?  If he listened to the mesage I was asking him to please call me or text me and talk to me.

Then he says I shouldn't call over and over because problems like that aren't even that major...  I reiterate, WHAT THE FUCK?!?!?  In what universe is being in a blizzard with three children NOT  THAT MAJOR?!?!? 

His thing is unlike everyone else I know he isn't sitting by the phone waiting for me to call.  First off, motherfucker don't go assuming anything about anyone I know.  Second off, I don't expect him to be sitting by the phone but having someone else to call when we have an emergency (and again am I wrong in thinking that no heat in the middle of a blizzard/ or no water on the hottest day of the year with kids is an emergency?!?!?) who can get to him to let him know something is wrong here would be nice.  Thirdly, fuck it, no heat/no water is a fucking emergency!!

I am so fucking tempted to do a midnight move and a drive by throwing my keys at his house attached to a brick.  He is such a fucking prick!

Did you know that this asshole can't even be bothered to update my lease every year???  My fucking lease still says 11/01/2007.  There has been no amendment to say I'm still lilting here.  There's even an end date of 11/01/2008 still on the lease.  Yes that right, I have been here for almost two years with no actual legal lease.  Knowing his foul slumlord ass, he's going to use that to bilk me out of my security deposit. 

I hate him, I fucking hate him.  If I had a car that I could customize, I would attach spikes to the front of the car and run him down.  Then I would back up and run him over.  Then I'd castrate him and put piece of him up for auction as a Cannibal version of Ebay. (In my mind this site would probably be named something like IEat.  Bear with me, I'm running on flames of fuel)

I am so fucking mad right now, bloggers.  You just don't know.  And the worse part is rage is clouding the better judgment part of my brain.  IF the better judgment part was active and free, there wouldn't be so many cusses or any threats because I know this is the world wide web and what you say always come back to you but damn it, I've locked up the rational part of my brain and it's being guarded by the same guards that were responsible for the beating of the Iraqi war criminals.

So fuck it.

You know fuck is a very underestimated word.  The more I say it, the more rage is released.

Single and blogging is pissed off.