I'm finding that the only plausible reason for mornings is to remind me that I didn't sleep the night before.
So Monday night Tuesday morning was sorta by choice not to go to bed. My mom had to catch the 4:50 am bus out of Charlotte and I needed to be at her house by four ish because my mom is one of the few remaining people on this planet that lives by the die hard belief that if you are there any later than thirty minutes to the time that you're actually supposed to be there, you are late. And then her bus was late loading and apparently late leaving. Not the best send off. The point was I didn't go to sleep because the last few days have been sort of an issue with me and sleeping. The issue being that I don't. At least not enough to call it sleeping. It's more like dozing. And that being the case if I had gone to sleep Monday night I would have slept clean through my alarm to get up and be at Mommy's house. I know it so I chose to go to sleep.
After the kids got off to school, I did get back in the bed. I can't honestly say I slept. The sun was up and although, thankfully no one called me or texted me or was brave enough to ring my bell, but still I basically tossed and turned until I gave up and got up. That was around one and then I didn't bother to do anything productive until around three.
I really dislike it when my sleep pattern gets screwed three ways from Sunday. (There's a funny saying. I wonder where it came from.) It generally takes forever and massive amounts of sleeping type drugs to get it back on track. And I am increasingly no good until it gets to that point. My temper is notoriously short (We're talking like THE shortest fuse here. There is no time to scatter as I can go from pleasant and smiling to throwing things at you in like .01 seconds.) and I'm prone to sit and look at you with a blank expression on my face. And when I say blank. I really mean blank because the brain goes into safety mode. So whereas when I give you a blank look on my normal slept through the night days I'm usually thinking about something but on no sleep days there is absolutely nothing behind those eyes.
Last night I couldn't tell you what went wrong. I took the melatonin and I laid down. I even threw a Tramadol in there for good measure. I guess Tramadol really does contain caffeine cause man I tossed and turned and stared at my ceiling for hours. And then had to get up an hour early because the little one had to be at school before six forty five for her field trip today.
Please don't think I am complaining. I really am not. The problem is usually cause by something I did and exaggerated by more things that I do. When I was married, Randy used to cure these non sleeping streaks by dragging me to bed. And I do mean that literally. He would get so sick of me by like day three or four that he would drag me off to bed and well, ensure that I went to sleep. Sometimes I miss being married.
Sometimes.
And like I said before, it really doesn't help that the meds I take have a sexual appetite side effect. I mean really?? It's was cute in the beginning, to be hot and bothered and ready to drag some poor male into my room and not let him out for a day or so but now it's like... that's just it... I can't come up with a colorful description of what it's like. I'm effing horny and lemme tell you when you have no one to help you with that problem and you have tried to solve it yourself, it's not a pretty feeling. Come to think of it, knowing my female friends out there, I'm pretty sure you know exactly the feeling I'm talking about.
My house is making funny sounds. It usually does when I'm here by myself or up by myself. I seem to be the only one who ever hears these noises. LIke I can not touch the dresser my television sits on all day. And no matter what when I go to bed, it always has to creak and groan. My mom calls them settling noises. Like the house is settling down for the night. Tell me, what did the house do all day that it has to settle in for the night? As much running as I do some days, shouldn't I be the one groaning and creaking?
Spring has definitely sprung here in Charlotte. My nose has confirmed this by affixing itself in the run position. I have gone through more tissues than ever this past few weeks. As for the crap in my lungs, that's still there. Nearly impossible to cough up but it still feels free to choke the living crap out of me when I get to talking. Or driving. Lately, it has decided to creep up on me when I'm driving. Usually on particularly curvy roads. It has however decided to make a strategic retreat this morning. Possibly because I have a doctors appointment and we all know you can suffer from something until you feel like you are nearly dead. The day of your doctor's appointment arrives and suddenly you feel freaking better.
So I need to go straighten my hair. If I'm lucky enough the coughing will stay at bay while I have hot instruments of female torture in my hands. Although I don't think so because the cough and crap sensed I was talking about it and it has made a glorious show of strangling me to the point that it took me about ten minutes to type that last bit.
It is going to be a good day. I am not going to kill anyone today. I am not even going to attempt to kill anyone today. Nor am I going to think about killing anyone today. Today is a good day. I have now been to the school twice today as I had to take a pause and drive the little girl next door to school. She missed the bus. Again. Poor child. I treat both her and her brother like they are my own. I guess that's why my neighbor, their grandmother trusts me with them. Women usually trust me with their kids. I treat just about all kids like they are my own. Dunno if that's a good thing or bad. I think I got it from my mom. Every kid she taught was her kid. I think I had a revolving door of siblings growing up and my mom treated us all the same. If they acted up in her class, she gave them that blank look that screams "I'm waiting for you to act human again." and if they were sick, she treated them as if they were fragile eggs. Just like me.
So sigh... Time to go try to put an official start on my day. See you all later!
