This is the last post for April 2010. In about six minutes give or take five seconds it will be may and Blogspot will archive these last seven post into an April link. Coolio!
Single and blogging...Ready for May flowers!
Friday, April 30, 2010
Wife swap...
A long time ago, I considered signing up for wife swap the television show. I actually got a call back once and they said if it weren't for the fact that I live on base, they would have used me. I was in a completely dysfunctional household with three kids and a husband who treated the military like it was number one , he was number two, his electronics like they were number three and somewhere down the list were me and the kids. They really wanted to use me.
And I wonder where would we have been when the cameras came back a few weeks later? Would our marriage be stronger because they took the total opposite of me and put her in my house with my hardheaded man or would we be in seperate rooms talking about how wife swap only made our differences clearer.
Where would I be? Every mother (well almost every mother) learns valuable lessons during their swap o what would I have learned?
Tonight's episodes taught me that some parent's should get their choice of death. Being beat to death by the kids they oppress or be drug behind a car going sixty miles an hour.
The first episode was a hockey mom that traded with a goth mother. I actually liked the Goth Mom. Okay yeah the Dad was a bit out there for wearing a skirt and top hat, but he loved his family. Even though the boys didn't want to take ballet and hated being laughed at by their peers, they were together as a family. They even took picinics in the cemetary.
OKay wait a minute... I think I may be spouting their freakish tendencies rather than their good... hmm.
Well,, whatever, they were so much better than the other family. The Hockey mom... OMG I wanted to slap her during her introduction. I rarely see parent worse than her and her husband. Their sons play hockey. If they don't score well or skate well, they call them losers. I mean WTF?!?!? How do you look your child, your flesh and blood, the being that God (or whoever) gave you to love nurture, and protect in the eye and call him a loser???? They had a daughter who loved ballet but they woudn't support her because she quote sucked. The father outright said I would rather watch my sons skate and bash and try to kill each other than go watch that because it sucks she sucks, it's torture... At this point I was ready to climb into my television and just strangle him.
The hockey mom ws supposed to give up her style of dress and dress the goth way for the first week but she refused. BUT come rule change she decreed that they goths had to give up their look. In what way was that fair?? Oh! And she called the father a loser in front of his kids. (Seriously can I smack her now)
It was funny. Because the Goth mom she learned that the parents will is not always the kids will and sometimes you have to accept that. What'd the hockey mom learn. not a damn thing That woman didn't learn a damn thing.
I'm not even going into the second episode cause the second episode, that just made black people look bad in all respects. Those folks out there that judge the entire black race based on a few individuals would have been so justified in calling us ignorant based off that one family.
Why do I say that? They made their 14 year old daughter come from her rooom and hand them the remote to the tv in their bedroom even if they were sitting on the bed and it was six inches away from them. She couldn't have a phone, she couldn't talk t boys or friends, and she had to do about five hours of extra school work as dictated by her dad who's ambition at sixteen was to have a gold tooth so everyone would notice him. Who says that Fashion is more important than air. "Everyone has air but not everyone has fashion." I'm sorry did they notice that their daughters braids were jacked all the eff up?
But I'm not going to talk about them.
I still wonder what kind of situation I'd be put in if I went on the show but it's not something I wonder all the time about anymore. I think if they put me in half the situations I have seen lately,. I would kill the husband. Literally kill him. Or call CPS. Or find ways to torture him. (Like the father that insisted he get first pick of all the food served in the house and the kids could have the burnt nasty looking stuff and the mom was forced to actually burn stuff on purpose so that he kids could have some food...? Nah Negro! Uh-uh! I'd put ex-lax and eye drops and keopectate in ALL his food. That boy wouldn't know which hole it was going to come out next but I betcha he wouldn't be so hot to put anything in that I cooked.)
Ugh.... I'm tired. And I have work tomorrow. I need to go to bed.
Single and Blogging is going to bed!
And I wonder where would we have been when the cameras came back a few weeks later? Would our marriage be stronger because they took the total opposite of me and put her in my house with my hardheaded man or would we be in seperate rooms talking about how wife swap only made our differences clearer.
Where would I be? Every mother (well almost every mother) learns valuable lessons during their swap o what would I have learned?
Tonight's episodes taught me that some parent's should get their choice of death. Being beat to death by the kids they oppress or be drug behind a car going sixty miles an hour.
The first episode was a hockey mom that traded with a goth mother. I actually liked the Goth Mom. Okay yeah the Dad was a bit out there for wearing a skirt and top hat, but he loved his family. Even though the boys didn't want to take ballet and hated being laughed at by their peers, they were together as a family. They even took picinics in the cemetary.
OKay wait a minute... I think I may be spouting their freakish tendencies rather than their good... hmm.
Well,, whatever, they were so much better than the other family. The Hockey mom... OMG I wanted to slap her during her introduction. I rarely see parent worse than her and her husband. Their sons play hockey. If they don't score well or skate well, they call them losers. I mean WTF?!?!? How do you look your child, your flesh and blood, the being that God (or whoever) gave you to love nurture, and protect in the eye and call him a loser???? They had a daughter who loved ballet but they woudn't support her because she quote sucked. The father outright said I would rather watch my sons skate and bash and try to kill each other than go watch that because it sucks she sucks, it's torture... At this point I was ready to climb into my television and just strangle him.
The hockey mom ws supposed to give up her style of dress and dress the goth way for the first week but she refused. BUT come rule change she decreed that they goths had to give up their look. In what way was that fair?? Oh! And she called the father a loser in front of his kids. (Seriously can I smack her now)
It was funny. Because the Goth mom she learned that the parents will is not always the kids will and sometimes you have to accept that. What'd the hockey mom learn. not a damn thing That woman didn't learn a damn thing.
I'm not even going into the second episode cause the second episode, that just made black people look bad in all respects. Those folks out there that judge the entire black race based on a few individuals would have been so justified in calling us ignorant based off that one family.
Why do I say that? They made their 14 year old daughter come from her rooom and hand them the remote to the tv in their bedroom even if they were sitting on the bed and it was six inches away from them. She couldn't have a phone, she couldn't talk t boys or friends, and she had to do about five hours of extra school work as dictated by her dad who's ambition at sixteen was to have a gold tooth so everyone would notice him. Who says that Fashion is more important than air. "Everyone has air but not everyone has fashion." I'm sorry did they notice that their daughters braids were jacked all the eff up?
But I'm not going to talk about them.
I still wonder what kind of situation I'd be put in if I went on the show but it's not something I wonder all the time about anymore. I think if they put me in half the situations I have seen lately,. I would kill the husband. Literally kill him. Or call CPS. Or find ways to torture him. (Like the father that insisted he get first pick of all the food served in the house and the kids could have the burnt nasty looking stuff and the mom was forced to actually burn stuff on purpose so that he kids could have some food...? Nah Negro! Uh-uh! I'd put ex-lax and eye drops and keopectate in ALL his food. That boy wouldn't know which hole it was going to come out next but I betcha he wouldn't be so hot to put anything in that I cooked.)
Ugh.... I'm tired. And I have work tomorrow. I need to go to bed.
Single and Blogging is going to bed!
Scallops and bread...
So I made my way to the store and got the scallops. I went to Wegmans and roamed around the store listening to my music and bopping around like a teeny bopper getting the stuff I needed and then I caught a cab home and proceeded to do a United States of Tara thing.
Have you seen that show? It's totally awesome. This woman has three other personalities living inside of her. Well four if you count this season but still I've seen all of them at this point and let me tell you, today I was in full on Alice mode. Well not full on or I would be blogging from the ICU for ODing on cleaning products. (I have actually done this before it's not a fun way to get attention) Alice is the typical mother from the 50's. She speaks like a lady, acts, like a lady, has an impeccablly clean house and cooks gourmet meals. I did the cook thing.
And I burned the first batch because I didn't know that my son had turned up my NuWave oven to 450 from the 350 it basically stays on. But no matter, I figured it out and did the big batch so correctly that I'm sitting here with what is probably my third plate of scallops in front of me and I am trying very hard, very effing hard, to control the desire to make then do a ghost maneuver in twenty seconds or less.
Damn I can cook.
With the bread I wasn't so lucky. I got a bread machine at the salvation army for five dollars and I knew it was going to be a waste of five bucks but still, I bought it. I cleaned it out today and put the ingredients in for the outback honey wheat bread and like I knew it would, it mixed it and let it rise and baked it right over the top and not all the way through. I really need a breadmaker. I good one. And Up to date one. Is anyone out there listening? I need a breadmaker. I have been asking from one for years now but does anyone hear me? Nope.
Whatever, it's not going to break me.
OKay so, the streetlights are on and this thought is running around with yesterdays thoughts having fun on the world wide web. I am going back to being mom and having fun. I think there is going to be another blog tonight before bed because I am watching Wife swap and am very upset with it, but we will see.
Single and blogging is signing off!
So let's move on. What is today's random thought?? Hmmm... do you know I am quite literally stumped? I don't know what to write about.
Oh! I know!! I'll go with the multiple personalities topic since I started it already.
I personally think that EVERYONE has multiple personalities. I also happen to think that the person that greets the world every day is NOT your main personality. S/he is just the one that got to the body first.
For me, I know I have multiple personalities. Many, many, many personalities. I have the happy homemaker who tends to come out when I am facing some kind of emotional stress. I kinda love her but I kind of hate her. She cooks, she cleans, she plays with my kids and makes the world a shiny, pseudo happy, sanitized place. She doesn't quit until every surface shines and every kid is squeaky clean with a home baked cookie in their hand smiling up at me telling me/her that they love her. That's why I love her. I hate her because she always chooses to manifest herself in front of other people. People who don't believe in multiple personalities and who expect that I am going to do some of that stuff when she leaves. (She is also the one that thinks it's effin awesome to mix bleach and ammonia because if they eat through the plastic bucket she mixes them in, then the floors with have to get clean.) I love her I hate her it's not a nice relationship
Who else have I got fighting for control? I have the seductress. She's not as dominant as as I want her to be. If she was as dominant as I want her to be, the guy that I am crushing on would probably actually know that I am crushing as bad as I am. If she were as dominant as I wanted her to be she would not be in the back of my mind screaming "Love me, choose me, be with me!", she would be out there making it happen. She would walk up to him and say *****, I really really like you., I really want to go out with you. She... she... I don't know about her. I'm honestly starting to lose faith in her.
Then there's the pensive wall flower. She's the one that comes out at the parties where I'm usually the only black person in the room listening to music that I don't particularly like in a room full of people who are all connected in a way that I can't be connected. She's the one that everyone at the party sees. She's the one that really pisses me off. We make her go away with enormous amounts of cheap alcohol or minimal amounts of really good alcohol. She's usually around when, and I can't believe I am admitting this, I am around one of my best friends in the whole wide world. Her other friends make me feel so inadequate that I just want to hide in a corner until they all go away and I can be alone with her again. When I am with her all by myself, I don't feel like I'm not good enough, but when we are all together, I feel like why the hell am I here? Why does she put up with me? Me who has no car and always needs a ride. Me, who can't go out and do stuff at the drop of a hat because I have kids that I'm not entirely comfortable leaving them although I want to if only just for an hour. Me who is insanely jelous because my BFF's friends they can do all all that stuff and be with her all the time.
So I use mass amounts of alcohol to make her shut up and go away because of all my personalities, she probably is the one I would like to medicate away like Drop Dead Fred.
When she is driven away by the seventh deadly sin, Dette the funny comes out. Everyone loves her. She's funny, she's witty, she's out on the dance floor having the time of her life, she flirts with the guys, she has animated conversations that aren't about her kids. Everyone loves her. Hell I love her.
Wanna know the problem with her? When I get home, Angry Dette comes out and beats the crap out of her for once again peeking out and she keeps beating her until self pity Dette comes out and I cry. Cry for the things I can't do, Cry for the things I can't afford, cry for the years when by all rights I should have been enjoying life and having fun instead of being beaten down by a husband who saw someone who could crush.
There are many more faces of Dette but these are the ones that everyone sees all the time.
Do you know who I miss? I miss high school Dette. High school Dette talked on the phone, high school Dette went out and had fun even though she was a fat pimply, flat as a board without the socks in her bra band geek. She was a nice person.
Have you seen that show? It's totally awesome. This woman has three other personalities living inside of her. Well four if you count this season but still I've seen all of them at this point and let me tell you, today I was in full on Alice mode. Well not full on or I would be blogging from the ICU for ODing on cleaning products. (I have actually done this before it's not a fun way to get attention) Alice is the typical mother from the 50's. She speaks like a lady, acts, like a lady, has an impeccablly clean house and cooks gourmet meals. I did the cook thing.
And I burned the first batch because I didn't know that my son had turned up my NuWave oven to 450 from the 350 it basically stays on. But no matter, I figured it out and did the big batch so correctly that I'm sitting here with what is probably my third plate of scallops in front of me and I am trying very hard, very effing hard, to control the desire to make then do a ghost maneuver in twenty seconds or less.
Damn I can cook.
With the bread I wasn't so lucky. I got a bread machine at the salvation army for five dollars and I knew it was going to be a waste of five bucks but still, I bought it. I cleaned it out today and put the ingredients in for the outback honey wheat bread and like I knew it would, it mixed it and let it rise and baked it right over the top and not all the way through. I really need a breadmaker. I good one. And Up to date one. Is anyone out there listening? I need a breadmaker. I have been asking from one for years now but does anyone hear me? Nope.
Whatever, it's not going to break me.
OKay so, the streetlights are on and this thought is running around with yesterdays thoughts having fun on the world wide web. I am going back to being mom and having fun. I think there is going to be another blog tonight before bed because I am watching Wife swap and am very upset with it, but we will see.
Single and blogging is signing off!
So let's move on. What is today's random thought?? Hmmm... do you know I am quite literally stumped? I don't know what to write about.
Oh! I know!! I'll go with the multiple personalities topic since I started it already.
I personally think that EVERYONE has multiple personalities. I also happen to think that the person that greets the world every day is NOT your main personality. S/he is just the one that got to the body first.
For me, I know I have multiple personalities. Many, many, many personalities. I have the happy homemaker who tends to come out when I am facing some kind of emotional stress. I kinda love her but I kind of hate her. She cooks, she cleans, she plays with my kids and makes the world a shiny, pseudo happy, sanitized place. She doesn't quit until every surface shines and every kid is squeaky clean with a home baked cookie in their hand smiling up at me telling me/her that they love her. That's why I love her. I hate her because she always chooses to manifest herself in front of other people. People who don't believe in multiple personalities and who expect that I am going to do some of that stuff when she leaves. (She is also the one that thinks it's effin awesome to mix bleach and ammonia because if they eat through the plastic bucket she mixes them in, then the floors with have to get clean.) I love her I hate her it's not a nice relationship
Who else have I got fighting for control? I have the seductress. She's not as dominant as as I want her to be. If she was as dominant as I want her to be, the guy that I am crushing on would probably actually know that I am crushing as bad as I am. If she were as dominant as I wanted her to be she would not be in the back of my mind screaming "Love me, choose me, be with me!", she would be out there making it happen. She would walk up to him and say *****, I really really like you., I really want to go out with you. She... she... I don't know about her. I'm honestly starting to lose faith in her.
Then there's the pensive wall flower. She's the one that comes out at the parties where I'm usually the only black person in the room listening to music that I don't particularly like in a room full of people who are all connected in a way that I can't be connected. She's the one that everyone at the party sees. She's the one that really pisses me off. We make her go away with enormous amounts of cheap alcohol or minimal amounts of really good alcohol. She's usually around when, and I can't believe I am admitting this, I am around one of my best friends in the whole wide world. Her other friends make me feel so inadequate that I just want to hide in a corner until they all go away and I can be alone with her again. When I am with her all by myself, I don't feel like I'm not good enough, but when we are all together, I feel like why the hell am I here? Why does she put up with me? Me who has no car and always needs a ride. Me, who can't go out and do stuff at the drop of a hat because I have kids that I'm not entirely comfortable leaving them although I want to if only just for an hour. Me who is insanely jelous because my BFF's friends they can do all all that stuff and be with her all the time.
So I use mass amounts of alcohol to make her shut up and go away because of all my personalities, she probably is the one I would like to medicate away like Drop Dead Fred.
When she is driven away by the seventh deadly sin, Dette the funny comes out. Everyone loves her. She's funny, she's witty, she's out on the dance floor having the time of her life, she flirts with the guys, she has animated conversations that aren't about her kids. Everyone loves her. Hell I love her.
Wanna know the problem with her? When I get home, Angry Dette comes out and beats the crap out of her for once again peeking out and she keeps beating her until self pity Dette comes out and I cry. Cry for the things I can't do, Cry for the things I can't afford, cry for the years when by all rights I should have been enjoying life and having fun instead of being beaten down by a husband who saw someone who could crush.
There are many more faces of Dette but these are the ones that everyone sees all the time.
Do you know who I miss? I miss high school Dette. High school Dette talked on the phone, high school Dette went out and had fun even though she was a fat pimply, flat as a board without the socks in her bra band geek. She was a nice person.
I will decide when I've had enough, thank you!
OK so I am on the bus going to a real market like I should have done two days ago. It seems that fate did not plan for me to make the bacon wrapped scallops that I savored at Andi's wedding. Ever since that fateful night, I have had a need to make those damn scallops like it was going to prove something to me that I didn't already know.
But whatever. My mom told me to go to the fish store up by me. I have been three times and all three times he said he'd be getting them tomorrow. Well screw tomorrow, I want my damn scallops today and I am going to get them today.
So that's it, the blog from the bus.
single and blogging is getting her scallops.
But whatever. My mom told me to go to the fish store up by me. I have been three times and all three times he said he'd be getting them tomorrow. Well screw tomorrow, I want my damn scallops today and I am going to get them today.
So that's it, the blog from the bus.
single and blogging is getting her scallops.
Pre-Good Morning
This is my day off so I get to do one of the rare things that moms in my situation get to do- go back to bed. Yay! Not that I am going to sleep really. I am up helping the babies get ready for school so the brain is working and therefore the brain has to work. Once the brain works sleep is held at bay.
No matter, I'll get my rest anyway. I have my world trained. No one will call me until at least ten am for fear of hearing something they don't' want to. Hehe I wish they would have a chance of hearing some early morning loving but no, they won't they will hear some very un-ladylike words spout from thine's mouth. It's a well-known fact that I am not legally held responsible for the words that come out of my mouth when you wake me. My ex husband has been victim to this (in person I might add), my mother has been victim to this, and I think perhaps the worst victim of my sleepy tongue was a poor salesman who was really only trying to follow his script. If he's reading and remembers a crotchety woman ripping him new holes in his body, I'm sorry. Sortof.
Anyway, it's 7:13 and the kids have 12 minutes left. I just put them to work cleaning up the kitchen from last night. I don't know how much got in their mouths last night but it couldn't have been a whole lot since my table had bits of chicken tender all over it. And with them being the age they are, I refuse to clean up after them. Oh of course the really messy stuff I will help with but picking up the stuff that missed their mouths, no. I'm not that type of Mom. Stop giving me that look!
So today's schedule, after I pull myself out of bed, is to walk up to the local fish market and see if they got their shipment of scallops. I was in my bestest best good buddy, Andrea's, wedding last friday the 23rd and at the cocktail hour there were bacon wrapped scallops. OMG! I have never tasted them and I love them so I am going to make them today.
But that's not here or there right now, the kids have left for school and I am going back to bed. See you in a few hours Bloggers.!
Single and blogging is going back to bed!
No matter, I'll get my rest anyway. I have my world trained. No one will call me until at least ten am for fear of hearing something they don't' want to. Hehe I wish they would have a chance of hearing some early morning loving but no, they won't they will hear some very un-ladylike words spout from thine's mouth. It's a well-known fact that I am not legally held responsible for the words that come out of my mouth when you wake me. My ex husband has been victim to this (in person I might add), my mother has been victim to this, and I think perhaps the worst victim of my sleepy tongue was a poor salesman who was really only trying to follow his script. If he's reading and remembers a crotchety woman ripping him new holes in his body, I'm sorry. Sortof.
Anyway, it's 7:13 and the kids have 12 minutes left. I just put them to work cleaning up the kitchen from last night. I don't know how much got in their mouths last night but it couldn't have been a whole lot since my table had bits of chicken tender all over it. And with them being the age they are, I refuse to clean up after them. Oh of course the really messy stuff I will help with but picking up the stuff that missed their mouths, no. I'm not that type of Mom. Stop giving me that look!
So today's schedule, after I pull myself out of bed, is to walk up to the local fish market and see if they got their shipment of scallops. I was in my bestest best good buddy, Andrea's, wedding last friday the 23rd and at the cocktail hour there were bacon wrapped scallops. OMG! I have never tasted them and I love them so I am going to make them today.
But that's not here or there right now, the kids have left for school and I am going back to bed. See you in a few hours Bloggers.!
Single and blogging is going back to bed!
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