Seriously... Can I stop being an adult now?? Please? I just want to crawl in my bed with my pretty pajamas on and just stay there. Color in bed, have my mommy bring me lunch and dinner in bed and not have to move all day.
And the sad thing is that I don't mean that in my funny haha always sunny in Claudetteland kind of way. I am totally serious. I'm tired.
I'm tired of being the one that everyone comes to when they need something. Like seriously everyone. If you need it, ask Dette, she most likely has it and even if she doesn't have it, she'll find a way to get it even if it puts her account negative, her gas tank in the red and her sanity in the trashcan. She'll do it. She'll drop everything and do what you need.
I'm tired of listening. Tell Dette. Dette will listen. She may say uh huh and yeah and Mmm a few times making you think that she's half ignoring you and therefore letting you vent on and on and on but trust me, she hears you. And her brain is working overtime trying to figure out a way to fix it for you. Or help you fix it. Or find someone that can help you fix it. She hears you and she's wracking her brain trying to help you. She has a million other things that actually concern her to think about but there's not time for that because she has to fix it for you. Because you're her mother/friend/brother/cousin/dog's babysitter's groomer. You matter. You matter more to her than you know so she has to help you. Because you matter.
I'm tired of taking fifteen steps forward and getting knocked back twelve. NOt quite behind where I started but still so close I can see where I started from. I got a raise at work. Awesome right? No. Not awesome because along with my most fantabulous raise, I got less help that I've been getting.
I admit it, I'm on Food stamps and section 8. But because I got a job that is paying me decent money, they have cut my food stamps. Again. First I was at six hundred eighty. Then they cut it by $80. Then I got the job and they cut it to $387. Then $363. Today... today I found out that they've cut me to $266. My section 8 has raised my rent. I' not saying how much online but it's not a pretty number and it was an unexpected jump. I came home yesterday and found out that my Gas had been shut off so we're taking cold showers.
But my kids need school supplies. My kids need food. I have pared my bills down to the bare minimum and still I can't get ahead. My paycheck has been going to fill in the blanks for the Gas (Which apparently I failed at since they shut the crap off) Electric, and rent because the child support caseworker that was assigned to my case can't seem to actually do her job and get my child support reviewed. I have been getting three hundred for five years. A lady came into the store the other night and she had the same child support card I have and we got into a brief conversation about it. I told her what I get and she told me that she makes $1500 plus on her kids. First off she annoyed me because no lady, you don't make that money. The man or men that you laid down with is supporting his kids. But still... Mine is based on temp jobs that my ex was doing years ago. He now has a $32/hour a job and she swears she can't find his jobs company in the database. It's the FAA. The Federal Air Administration. Out of Washington D.C. But she can't find it.
I'm tired. I'm tired of being unexplainably head over heels for a guy that doesn't see me as a human being much less a woman. I'm tired of listening to everyone tell me about their sex lives while I'm over here trying to get some and coming up woefully short. And I do mean short because I took a chance and put myself out there and the guy... he was smaller than my pinky and couldn't get it up. He used his fingers like a jackhammer and by the time he was done, I was in so much pain that moving for the following week took extreme concentration.
I know I've said this before, but people out there who are in relationships and have single friends... WE DON'T WANT TO HEAR ABOUT YOUR SEX LIVES!!!! AT ALL!!! Chances are we are so wildly jealous of you that we would knock you into unconsciousness and mount your guy to fix our problem in a heartbeat. I personally don't have any friends that I would knock out to steal their men. But still.
I'm tired.
I'm so tired.
I just want to sit down and not adult for awhile.
