So I'm guessing Roxie is gone. No goodbye to me or anything. Not even a random bag of Candy Corn left on my desk.
But I guess that's okay too.
So I'm pretty sure I'm ready to talk about it without crying too much and if I or she talked about it I apologize for repeating myself (Ourselves?). But Monday night was unofficially the last time I will ever set foot in a Pizza Hut again.
Monday, and understand that this is the last night that Roxie and I were together, we get this call from a friend at another hut telling us that the manager there was telling someone how he was taking over Arboretum the next day. That was our store. She called us to warn us that we were getting fired. So we called Brad who, of course, sent us to voicemail but answered the "Am I getting fired?" (Because he refused to acknowledge the DID diagnosis) and he answered with "no but we need to talk tomorrow". Our response was that we were off tomorrow. Never once did we ask if we could meet Wednesday or anything and never once did he offer to meet us somewhere Tuesday.
Wednesday morning, I woke up. Just me. Roxie was there but she was chilling. It was a day off so she wasn't needed. I could feel her but not to the point where she was in any way in control. And I spent the day cleaning and doing laundry and whatnot. Brad texted and asked me to meet him at the Bojangles behind Mountain Island at 930 am. I asked is this a meeting I had to dress in uniform for. He said yes, I said okay.
Wednesday Morning, again, I woke up. But instead of knowing Roxie was there, I didn't. I even sat in the car and asked her if she wanted to do this or did she want me to do this and I got no answer. None whatsoever so I figured if I needed her to handle this she'd come out.
I was wrong. Roxie apparently decided it was time for me to start living and handling shit all on my own. Admittedly I still kinda low key resent her for that but in a way, I can't really blame her because I know now, that I was hiding behind her. Anyway, I walked into he restaurant and brad came in shortly after. Without preamble he slid a sheet in front of me and told me in the most clinical and cold voice that I have EVER heard that I was being demoted to a shift leader. Not assistant manager not being given the help I need. Not even going to be working with the guy that said he was taking over my store. I was being demoted and sent back to prosperity. The store I was shot at over some damn chicken wings. And I was being demoted to a pay rate lower than that that I had hired my own shift leads at.
Understand that at this point they have more than doubled my rent, taken away my food stamps and for days I had been living without water because I couldn't afford the bill. Not once did Brad ask me if everything was okay. He's over there every damn day asking if Diamond was okay and texting her all the time but never once did he ask me if I was okay to which I would have probably not said yes for the first time.
Not only was he sending me back to the store I was shot at, he was cutting my pay in half if not more and telling me that sometimes I'd even be a driver.
I cried for Roxie. I signed his paper because I thought I could do it and maybe then I thought I could do but I signed it and left. I got in the car and I begged for Roxie to answer me but all I got was silence so I went to housing and showed them and then I went to Kelley who reactivated me as a Keeper. So didn't have a gap job wise.
And then I went home and commenced drinking. You don't need to know the gory details of it but apparently I am a very... uh... social drunk and called a lot of people. In the end, Kat had to come from her job and put me to bed. Also... Apparently Roxie said goodbye to her. She said that I had been asleep for awhile but I looked her in the eyes and said Thank you for helping her, I can sleep now. So Roxie said goodbye someone.
Not that I'm not used to it. Usually when Roxie goes away for long periods of time she doesn't say goodbye in the traditional sense. I usually get what I feel like is a random hug and then she's gone and I don't know when she'll be back. If she'll be back. How to bring her back.
This episode in "Down the Rabbit hole" has taught me one thing though..... As a person, you expect certain people to always be there and some others to at least not run away but more than two of the people that I had hoped would at least try to help me, ran. And I don't mean ran with small letters I mean RAN with capital bold letters. One of whom I, Claudette, really liked. And honestly, I think him running away hurts more than Roxie going away because I know one day, Roxie will be back back but him, he, he won't be because I think I'm smart enough to realize now that when the chips are down, he will probably cash out and walk away from the table. And I don't think I can feel that hurt anymore. Realizing that he could do that as coldly as Brad and his meeting hurt almost as bad as Brad and his meeting and I can't feel that way ever again. I don't want to feel that way ever again. Either you are there for it all or not there at all. I forgive him though. If I had readers out here, I would ask if it's possible to even feel like a friend to him but I don't have readers. Silly Dette, Readers are for popular people! LOL.
I mean, can you call someone that drops you that bad a friend? Can you?
One friend gave me his honest open opinion about the whole thing and I respect him. He's still my friend. I may be feeling a bit salty towards him but he's always been my friend, he's always given his whole opinion and he's never lied. So yeah, he's a friend.
I have to think on the first guy. Probably to be blogged about another time because that's going to have to be a conference between my head and my heart and right now, my heart is on crutches hobbling to and fro and my head is being stubborn and telling my heart to suck it up while it goes through stacks of paperwork for the last few weeks trying to sort out what the hell just happened. How we went down the rabbit hole how we called out Roxie, how the last few weeks just happened because I'm going to be brutally honest, There are somethings that Roxie did that I have no memory of except snatches of conversations she may have wanted me to hear or text messages between her and whoever. Right now my brain feels like the most overworked secretary in the world.
But I'm able to function again, so Roxie, if you're out in the ether and you surface long enough to read this, Thank you and I love you because if you hadn't been here these last few weeks I'm pretty sure id be dead right now. So thank you. Thank you for being the Wonder Woman you apparently always have been.
Ciao Bellas. Have to take the minion to work.
