So I'm not making a resolution or anything (because if you know me, making a resolution is the quickest way to get me to stop doing something) But I'm trying this out to see if I can see how much I change over the course of a year.
I thought about actually writing it down in a book but then, I thought, nah...
So Jan1...
I officially took off the fake wedding ring. I took it off and set it on the shelf and I think it about it often. Like at least once every few hours I look at or feel my ring finger where it was for over two years.
At first I was wearing it because it made the men at the Hut stop flirting with me. Like armor I guess. Whatever, it worked and the old fugly guys that batted their geriatric eyes at me stopped.
In a way I feel like it was armor to protect myself from looking at other guys too.
I'm going to say it. I have been in love with a friend of a friend for almost 8 years. He's on my Facebook and I think maybe he considers me a friend but I don't really think so. He doesn't say hello. He stopped acknowledging any Facebook post I put on his wall years ago and for the last four years, not even a Happy Birthday. I can't say I'm any better. I stopped posting on his wall and trying to talk to him because it honestly broke my heart when he didn't respond so I just stopped. But I didn't fall out of love with him. I don't even KNOW him. He never gave me the chance to but for some reason I'm in love with him.
I deny up and down and every possible way that I'm in love... that I've ever even known what love it. I didn't love my ex husband. I honored my vows to him but I never actually loved him. I don't know anything but basics about this guy and if he asked me to I would...
Well I would at least give him a try. Maybe we wouldn't get along together and maybe we would but a try would be nice.
Whatever.
Like I said I took off the ring. I have laid down the armor. Whether or not he gives me a chance. I am open for someone to come take a try at me.
Jan 2.
Worked today at the hut. Still felt for my ring but it's absence didn't bother me as much today as yesterday when the separation was brand new.
I still don;'t know how to flirt or show a man I'm interested in. So i went back to Tinder. I was super liked by a guy and I liked him back. If he responds and says hello maybe we can see in person if we have anything really in common.
I wish I had more to report on today but I can't muster anything, and I have to get to bed. i have to be up at 6:30 in the morning for my morning client.
I'm tired. I've fixed my work schedule so that i don't have any days off and it's starting to wear me down. Like I'm going to crack soon and it's not going to be one of those duct tape and super glue fixes.
Ah well...
A new day starts in 10 minutes and 11 seconds. Let's see what Jan 3 brings...
