And all through the house, the only one stirring was being quiet as a mouse. She brewed up some coffee and went to her room, in hopes that her daughters would be awake soon. For this was the first day of Thanksgiving break and at ten minutes to ten her kids still weren't awake. As she sat and sipped her coffee with cream, she thought that the silence just might make her scream! She'd taken her night meds only eight hours before but some numbskull had telephoned her only twenty minutes before. So sleep was now ended and she was awake trying to decided what form this mornings blog might take.
OKay, enough of that, I could sit and bullshit that all morning because I'm just that screwed up.
So lately, I've rediscovered a baser side of me that shall we say I was kinda happy when it went away? Things that I want to happen are on my mind and they are reliving the last time I was in that situation which considering my strained relationship with the person I was last in that situation with is not really one of those things that I want to dream about.
Good news! I cut the trazodone down to 100mg instead of the 200mg I took Monday night and I got my dreams back.
Bad news. I dreamt about things that I really shouldn't have all night long. Around nine thirty this morning, some asshat called my phone and woke me up. I attempted to go back to sleep but the part of my brain that loves to villainize a certain someone took the pretty happy libido inspired dreams and turned them sixty way from awful. I think this is my brain warning me not to even try to walk that path again. This time I'll be without shoes and walking on broken glass.
No, I'm not listening to Annie Lennox... why do you ask?
If you don't get that connection, you may not be old enough to read my blog.
So I've been listening to Taylor Swift's Blank space and I have decided that that little twit came out with a song that describes me right now. "Find out what you want, be that girl for a month, but the worst is yet to come." Yeah, that's me. I pretended to like a whole bunch of crap that I had no interest in for the sake of making for a happy relationship and now I can sit back and wonder if I hadn't fucked up and put him off me, would I still be trying to pretend I liked that stuff? Would I spend our whole relationship sitting and smiling through endless showings of Firefly? How long could I pretend that only parts of Battlestar Galactica appealed to me? (And honestly I really think that I could have been hooked on that show if the Sunday night thing had continued but they didn't and I had time to come down from it.)
And I'm generally not like that. I don't pretend to like something for a guy. I'm pretty much straight up front when I come across a guy who is big into something like sports. I will make your game day snacks and I will not bother you while you are watching your overpriced game of catch played by guys who really shouldn't be wearing spandex. I will go away and write and you won't hear from me until said sporting event is over. If your team wins I'm happy to help you celebrate. If your team loses, you can touch my boobs until you feel better. That's a happy compromise, right? I can do that because honestly helping celebrate probably means I'm getting sex. Commiserating after the team loses means, I'm getting sex. I could totally be that wife.
And it's not like I would be the only one giving in that scenario because you gotta think, I'm a writer. Just like Sundays when he ignores me for sports, there are going to be random days when I disappear into my writing and I'm not even gonna know you're here. When I come out of that fog, I'm more than likely going to have just killed someone or have written a love scene so either way, I'm going to need comforting which might lead to sex or I'm going to full on attack and you get sex.
My kids are finally awake. Yay!! I think I'm going to bake today. Livy has been asking me for some peanut butter cookies and I have a mind to finally indulge her. Don't judge me, it's the holiday season, the one time of year when it is acceptable to abuse your oven on a daily basis and no one bats an eye.
I better get a move on. I have to work tonight. Maybe tonight I'll take some cookie to work. Let's just hope I don't have to sit through another lecture. I'm not going back into that. If you didn't read about the new feature at my job where I get lectures every day, you can read it here. That one didn't post to my Facebook so I'm not sure who saw it and who didn't.
Oh well, time to get up and pretend to be productive.
But after this song, it's like the ONE backstreet boys song I listen to all the way through all the time...
I'm gonna stop saying stay Frosty because tis the season for snow. No Bueno. I don't like snow. So stay toasty bloggers!!
