...bullshit.
I'm going to be the same opinionated, bossy bitch I was at 12:01 that I was at 11:59.
The only difference is, now you will know it.
It's not so much a resolution as a basic saying is going to happen.
I'm tired of being the one that everyone gripes to but no one listens to. I'm tired of people taking my good days and bringing me down because if they can't be happy then no one will. I'm tired of my bad days not being all mine. If I'm having a bad day, freaking listen to me and console me don't tell me about your day which had to be ten times worse.
I'm thinking about getting my wrists tattooed this year. One side will say, "always remember who you are." Not sure yet what the other wrist will say but I want them on the insides if my wrists so that every time I look down at my hands, I see it and remember it.
It's time I stopped trying to make everyone else's world a shiny happy place and start making my own world less gray.
It's time I start thinking about me. My kids are going to be grown and out of the house soon and what will I do with myself then? Go party? Go hang out all night at friends houses drinking? Work myself to death every night until all I can do is drop my body on the mattress and hope I wake up on time to do it all again tomorrow?
I always said that when my mom passed away, I was going to pull up stakes in North Carolina and go where I want to go, which up until last year was California. Now honestly, that's England. I don't have to live in London. I had always kept to the saying that the only things that can make me stay here were a job that I couldn't leave our a marriage. I can make pizza and count cash and do customer service anywhere. Well maybe not count cash anywhere because the cash registers in Europe confused the hell out of me. And it's not like I'm getting married anytime soon. The guy that I have been in love with FOR YEARS wouldn't know that I'm on the same planet as him if you showed him a live video of me dancing. No other guys seem interested in more than the occasional screw. So exactly what an I holding my breath for?
And I'm going to stop asking myself what is wrong with me. There is nothing wrong with me. Except that not one of my friends know who I am. They think I'm an easy going push over. They think that I'm not mature enough. They think that I'm going to freak out over the smallest little thing and let things blow way out of proportion. They think that they can just idly pass me over for things that I deserve and that I'm going to smile and say it's okay. Because that's what I've done in the past. I bucked up and smiled, said it was ok, then went home and cried and never let them see how much they hurt me.
You hurt me, I will let you know. And then I will be through with you. I spent 2015 looking back and making sure no one was left in the dust like I was the spearhead for no child left behind. This year, if you fall behind I hope you don't choke on my dust too much.
I think that if I make a new years resolution, it will be this: I will blog every night before I go to bed. Some blogs will be obscenely short while some may be obscenely long. I will stick to one point, I will not name names, I will not defame anyone nor will I get overly personal. This blog is for me and if you don't like it, I'm not standing over you making you read. Be a goddam adult and so coming to me whining about how I hurt your feelings when you obviously didn't give a damn about mine which is probably the reason you ended up in my blog in the first damn place.
Ring a ding ding. Let 2016 sing with me saying to the world that this is who I am and if you don't like it, kindly exit through the door on the left. I have a daily cap on how much bullshit I can take and I'm sorry for you but if that limit is reached, you will be sol.
Let the year of Claudette begin.
