Seriously that's adorable. You can't tell me that's not adorable. Baby toes are probably about the cutest things around, but I'm doing this wrong for an alphabet blog. I have to put the picture of the letter... But still... baby toes!!! And I actually know those toes! They belong to one of the world cutest little girls!
Ahem... back to the way I'm supposed to do this...
OKay so growing up, I'm sure everyone heard the song head, shoulders, knees, and toes, right? Growing up I did not know there was another verse to that song... (Eyes and ears, and mouth, and nose...) I often sit and wonder about stupid trivia and the origin of the song is something I've looked up a few time, never satisfied with the answers. It seems that someone took another tune, 'There's a Tavern in the Town" First sung by Rudy Valee as the Drunkards song. It was actually Trinity University College's school song! Tell me what kind of college has a song about a drunkard as their school song? And how do you get a children's song from that?
Such questions I fear I will never find the answer to. In the meantime, I need another picture of toes.
Toes are marvelous things. One would think that they are completely unnecessary to the human but one would be wrong. For the first they help with balancing. Have you ever tried to stand on one foot without your toes touching the ground? Bloody hard to do. I know, I just tried and I almost just fell and the vodka in my Kool-aid had absolutely nothing to do with it. Now put the toes down and magically, you can balance... Well you can... I just nearly fell again. This time I'm pretty sure it was the Kool-aid.
I might as well say now that I just finished watching Saving Mr. Banks and the voice in my head, which is normally, Meredith Grey from Grey's anatomy is now speaking in a slightly exaggerated British accent so it might leak out to my writing. Also I must note that I am cracking up here because Meredith Grey does not do British very well...
I don't know about Men, but women abuse the hell out of toes. If I were a toe and capable of autonomous thought, I would cuss out the woman of who's foot I was on. We cram toes into shoes and cramp them into a shape that toes weren't meant to so into all for the sake of the legs looking good and making the butt look good. Screw the butt!
Oh hang on, laughing fit...
The toes of the world are vastly under appreciated. We walk around like they aren't doing us any good or harm, we paint them garish colors, and some of us, don't take care of them yet still let them see the light of day. (Seriously, if you have fugly toes like I do, just please, keep them covered. No one wants their next meal ruined because they happened to look down because your neon green nail polish caught their eye and they see ashy, misshapen sausages staring up at them.
Of course I totally feel that toes get us back for people not treating them right because dude! Have you ever banged your toe into a table leg? That ish hurts!! But you are bound to give your toes some serious TLC directly afterwards. Tell me you aren't going to cradle that foot and pray the pain away.
And speaking of bouund... Did you know that in China, it was considered a thing of beauty to bind women's feet? I mean seriously?? is this:
Look beautiful? It would certainly fit some of the Manolos out today but damn that even looks painful. Supposedly the Emperor Li Yu asked his concubine to bind her feet into the shape of crescents and do a lotus dance for him on just the big toe. How this because a symbol for beauty, I haven't a clue. Seems to me that after awhile that would have hurt so much I would have to let those puppies bark. But however that became a sign of wealth and beauty among women, it lasted until early in the 20th century. Around the same time that America was begging for blacks and women to have the vote and have say in government, people in China were begging to stop biding women's feet.
We stuff our feet in these:
I don't know about you, but I'll take the red heels of death. (If you've ever seen me walk in heels after a few drinks you'd understand why I say that)
Men have it lucky. Wait, time for another toe pic...
I saw a snarky e-card once that said if a man has a foot fetish and cheats on his wife, does that mean he got off on the wrong foot? I laughed a little hard at that.
I love the phrase Twinkle toes. According to the urban dictionary, it refers to someone who is light and graceful on their feet. I.E. Ballet dancers.
She:
would be a twinkle toe. They:
would be twinkle toes. And even still, She: 
TOE PIC!!
Not that I have a foot fetish by any means but I love kids toes. I don't think I have met a kid yet that didn't enjoy a round of this little piggy.
"This little piggy went to Market;
This little piggy, stayed home;
This little piggy had roast beef;
And this little piggy, had none;
And this little piggy cried wah wah wah all the way home!"
According the the wikipedia page on the origins of the song, it started from "The Nurse's Song" written in 1728 (See no one can complain about today's musical artists ripping off other song! We've been doing it since the dawn of time!)
I love playing that game with babues because of the tickle factor. I'm big on tickles and the fact that I get to tickle baby feet, well the giggle I get from most babies alone is enough to make it well worth it. Then there's that odd baby, that looks at me with an expression on their face akin to "Who are you and why the $#(& are you touching my toes?"
Anyone notice that the middle piggy is eating a cow? Just thought I'd put that out there...
TOE PIC!!
Men don't have it any easier in the toe department. They like to take care of those puppies too but let a man go to a nail salon and get a pedicure and suddenly he's gay. Because manly men aren't supposed to enjoy someone massaging their feet and scraping all the dead skin off and generally making them look and feel better. Bollocks. (Sorry, laughing fit. British Meredith Grey just screamed that loudly in my head!) Personally I think that a man that can openly do that and not care about the labels' society wants to brand him with is a real man. He's an even better man if he sits right next to his girl and gets one while she is getting one.
TOE PIC!!
I'm pretty much out of things to say about toes. But let's go over the basic points again...:
1. Don't bind your toes. They look bad. Woman alive today who had bound feet can barely walk now so if they aren't being treated well they can't get away. No bueno...
2. If you have fugly feet, wear socks. I have fugly feet and toes. I wear socks everywhere.
3. If it's winter, please wear close toes shoes. No one wants to see Frost bite piggies. That's like looking at week old vienna sausages.
4. Treat your tootsie's nice. Don't smash them into things. Doctors can do nothing but tape them up and charge you five hundred dollars for a fifty cent roll of tape.
5. Take care all of you that wear those high high heels. It's not good for your foot and worse for your toes. You may look good but when you are hobbling around at 80, you can bet it was because of all those look good moments where you crammed your tootsies into Manolo Blaniks and Jimmy Chos... Yes I know who they are! Just because I wear converse and nike doesn't mean I don't know the good shoe designers!
6. Don't laugh at the man getting the pedicure. If he's that nice to his feet, think of how nice he'll be to yours...
And finally, just so we can end the blog on a good foot (Snort giggle) My last toe pic!!
Stay Frosty Bloggies!! Love ya!! Big thanks to my friends that sent me toe pics!!! You guys rock!!
