Hmmm...
Can I just outright say that I want to run screaming into the night and let that be all I say?
No, I didn't think so. Somewhere out there I know that someone is going to want to ask why but there for that one person there's another twelve people out there saying "Randy..." under their breath and they'd be so totally right.
I may or may not have seemed eerily jumpy this past week. That was because of two reasons. The first you don't have to worry about because we all know I have jumpy periods with no explanation... the second was because my kids were scheduled to come home after a month away tomorrow and dude! I was so happy to see them go but it took me about the normal ten minutes (days) to miss them. I really missed them. For all the hell that they put me through, I love my kids.
They light up my day they entertain me and seriously how cool is it that my girls are going to be ten and eleven this year and every morning that they are here I come out of my room and they come flying into my arms screaming "Hi Mommy!!" I mean really? I love that. I can go to bed in the crappiest mood but when they barrel at me in the morning and make me feel just that much more loved I tend to forget about what made me mad in the first place. (of course I only have to go online and probably load up my blog and I'm reminded but still)
So last week, I told him SPECIFICALLY that I needed them back Saturday mid morning because they had a birthday party to go to that afternoon. He said over and over and OVER that that wasn't going to be a problem. I didn't totally believe him and figured that the kids would be late to the party. Let's face it, in my entire divorced life with this man he has shown up on time once. Blew my mind the time it happened.
So he calls today to ask when they had to be back and I said he was supposed to have them back by morning tomorrow but judging by the fact that he was calling to ask me that, I didn't see that happening. That's when I found out, they they are in NEW YORK with his mother. Oddly enough I really don't care that they're with her. I don't have the time or energy to fight that battle and deal with those feelings anymore. They're old enough to tell her what they think of her should they decide to, they don't need me to speak up for them. Its the mere fact that one, he didn't tell me he was taking them up there, and two I was okay with the fact that my kids haven't called me in a week because I was going to be seeing them at the end of this one. I was sooo jazzed.
To say that my heart was completely shattered would be a mild understatement. It also didn't help when I made two phone calls and at the time not one of the people I wanted to talk to picked up. One called me right back so it was cool.
Sometimes, not always and not very often I feel like I'm the one that listens no matter what I'm doing. But others don't do the same. I don't know why I feel like that, but I do. It's a crappy feeling but it's there. It's normally fleeting because uhm, lets face it. No one has telepathy... They can't tell that I can barely see the numbers I am dialing on the phone because I am crying so hard., you know...
So I've laid down and now I'm feeling marginally better. My kids will most likely be home on Monday so at best I'm looking at another weekend home alone. Maybe I'll catch up on my wii fit. I doubt it.
I would say that I will take the time to find out why it sounds like the fan is about to go spinning off on my computer but I just solved that with a can of WD-40.
Side note, you know that joke about only needing two tools in life? It's so politically wrong and so off base but I am so reminded of that right now. HA!
I am also going to change the name of this blog. I don't feel Terminally Single anymore so I think it's time to reflect that...
Claudette is signing off for now. Enjoy your Friday, Bloggerinos. Have a good weekend!
