I'm serious. I could so live without this season. And I mean that literally. Every Spring things come back to life and my lungs decide "Welp, that's it! Better close up shop!" and it take SUPREME effort to get the sumbishes to work even on a half level.I live in a constant red haze of headaches because I cough so hard when trying to breathe that it causes my head to feel like it's breaking apart. I really think the violence of my gasps for breath and coughs are really shaking my brain back and forth and hitting my skull but I'm sure there's some technical explanation for why that can't happen. It just feels like it is. My throat is sore because it's constantly dry from hacking up pieces of my defunct lungs. My nose is raw because I'm blowing it because on top of not being able to breathe, I have allergies. I suck on my inhaler so much that once, when I was sitting at a stop light, I used it like three times in quick succession and a cop pulled me over because he'd been sitting watching the look of calm that I had after each pump. He thought I was getting high. He started pumping my inhaler to make sure that it was albuterol and me sitting there watching my life giving meds being pumped away indiscriminately caused to me to go into an asthma attack and he had to call an emt and explain to them why HE was holding my inhaler while I was having an attack...
I get raped by Spring every year. Every freaking year and all I can do is bend over and take it like a man.
Oh and one more thing I hate in Spring... Baby freaking birds. Cheep chirp cheep all morning long. How's a woman supposed to sleep in when they gather at my window like I'm snow freaking white!?? I swear those things perch on my windowsill and chirp just to annoy me.
I'm not a happy camper bloggers. I love summer because it's hot and I've recently discovered that I kinda rock shorts, I'm cool with Autumn because finally things are beginning to die. Yes, I am the gnarled old woman dancing in glee as the birds go away, the leaves fall, and the flowers die. And OMG! I love winter with a passion because I CAN BREATHE!! It's too cold for anything to live so I have a ball.
But then I get pneumonia like always and end up in bed feeling like I am dying for a week.
But I can breathe!
Dr. Lewis said that If I got Pneumonia one more time she was going to put me on oxygen. I've had it about six or seven times. Once you hit five times having pneumonia you really do lose count. You read my sob story about last Thanksgiving. Not this one that just passed but the year before that. Or was it the year before that? I give up.
Sadly Dr. Lewis is no long at Biddlepoint. I have a new Doctor who is already pissing me off because he won't refill one of my most vital prescriptions. He's messing around with my trazodone. Bad Dr. Bad! Very, very bad! I can't fully blame him, he hasn't been informed that Claudette needs sleep to be sane if if Claudette doesn't get sleep and is not sane, people usually end up crying in a corner. We are not going to impart this last little bit of info to him unless we have to because the very last thing that Claudette needs right now is a 72 hour lock up in a psych ward.
Claudette is going to stop talking about herself in the first person. Kamri would love that. I miss Kamri. A lot. I wouldn't even make car jokes if she came by to say hi. I'd just hug her.
Okay, I'm done complaining. I have to be up for work tomorrow and I am gonna try and keep up with my Qvar so maybe Spring won't ass rape me this year. Livy expressed concern for me tonight. She said I sounded like I was suffocating. I told her I actually am. Little by little I am She stamped her foot and told me no, I couldn't suffocate until I was like a hundred years old...I love my kids!
Goodnight bloggers I love you!
Stay frosty!
