I have been having this reoccurring dream for the last five days and it's not so much as the same thing over and over (which I guess reoccurring means) but more like a story that just keeps playing until I wake up and when I get back to sleep it unpauses...
So for the last few years I have sworn off black men. I haven't found one yet that knows how to treat a woman. In my minds eye, a tall Italian came and swept me off my feet. I don't know why, it's just been the ideal that held onto and all men that even acted like I was someone they were interested in me was held up to that standard and sorry to say, failed horribly.
I could never see his actual face in my minds eye and few dreams. I just knew that he was dark haired, mediteranian skinned, and taller than me with a deep voice.
Now, the last five nights, I have dreamt of another man, Surprisingly enough, he is Asian. Never before have been attracted to an Asian man but this guy, I know this guy is the one that is the other half of me. He is about my height, maybe a few inches taller, he wears his black hair short with a bit of a spiky look but I know that it isn't stiff because in my dreams, I have run my hands through it a million times and it smells of almonds. He has brown eyes that slant the exact same way that mine do and in my dreams, I never have to ask him whats up because it's right there in his eyes. His mouth isn't small but it isn't wide and his lips are soft as peach fur when you run it over your cheek going down (not going up) His hands are soft And for an Asian man, rather large. I know that they are bigger than mine (which is saying something). His build isn't athletic, in fact, he has a slight pudge in his stomach and a sprinkling of hair on his chest. (In the past I have abhorred hair on the chest. In excess I still do I don't' actually know why) He can't run. I've seen this. he can catch me though (In one of the episodes, as I am calling them, he was chasing me over a grassy hill and when he caught me we were both out of breath but he kissed me and I could swear my toes curled in and out of the dream.) He doesn't have a baritone voice, but he does have a tenor voice and you guys, when he says my name (He calls me Claudette. NO MAN has ever called me Claudette.) I feel a shiver that again if I feel it that strongly while dreaming, I know I have to be tingling IRL. I don't care if he's just calling my name or it's one of THOSE dreams and he says it in my ear, I still feel the tingle.
And his physical is not all I see. IN my dreams, he plays with my children. He plays basketball and soccer with Jovaughn, he does Karate with Kayla, and he jumps rope with Olivia. My kids don't call him anything. It seems the sound in my dream always, always, ALWAYS fails when it comes time to say his name and I can't read lips to tell what it is...
The last piece of the puzzle or perhaps, a big middle piece is he has a daughter and we have a daughter. I can tell that the older Asian girl is maybe older than Jovaughn and no relation to me but I feel in my heart, that this is my child. I love her like I love Jovaughn, Kayla Grace, and Olivia. As for the little girl, She is clearly mine and my mystery mans child. She has curly black hair and in the dream she is about two. She's built like Olivia (That same dainty way that almost makes you think she's going to be petite ALL her life) She has his face but my eyes. And the thing that makes me know she is my daughter, she has my mothers hands. Thick fingers with delicate tips Fingers that say she can handle a wrench (Or will when shes older) but also play the piano.
I can't figure it out. I know this man (And his daughter(s)) but I don't know this man. I love this man, but I don't even know his name. This man, whoever he is, makes me feel so complete that I want to be in his loving gaze for the rest of my life.
I can't keep dreaming about him. I am in danger of falling in love with him and God help me if there meant to be men between he and I meeting, they will not stand a chance.
Oh bloggers, what am I going to do.
Single and blogging doesn't feel single... She feels complete but incomplete...
