So... yeah...

Hmmm...

Can I just outright say that I want to run screaming into the night and let that be all I say?

No, I didn't think so.  Somewhere out there I know that someone is going to want to ask why but there for that one person there's another twelve people out there saying "Randy..." under their breath and they'd be so totally right.

I may or may not have seemed eerily jumpy this past week.  That was because of two reasons.  The first you don't have to worry about because we all know I have jumpy periods with no explanation... the second was because my kids were scheduled to come home after a month away tomorrow and dude!  I was so happy to see them go but it took me about the normal ten minutes (days) to miss them.  I really missed them.  For all the hell that they put me through, I love my kids.

They light up my day they entertain me and seriously how cool is it that my girls are going to be ten and eleven this year and every morning that they are here I come out of my room and they come flying into my arms screaming "Hi Mommy!!"  I mean really?  I love that.  I can go to bed in the crappiest mood but when they barrel at me in the morning and make me feel just that much more loved I tend to forget about what made me mad in the first place. (of course I only have to go online and probably load up my blog and I'm reminded but still)

So last week, I told him SPECIFICALLY that  I needed them back Saturday mid morning because they had a birthday party to go to that afternoon.  He said over and over and OVER that that wasn't going to be a problem.  I didn't totally believe him and figured that the kids would be late to the party.  Let's face it, in my entire divorced life with this man he has shown up on time once.  Blew my mind the time it happened.

So he calls today to ask when they had to be back and I said he was supposed to have them back by morning tomorrow but judging by the fact that he was calling to ask me that, I didn't see that happening.  That's when I found out, they they are in NEW YORK with his mother.  Oddly enough I really don't care that they're with her.  I don't have the time or energy to fight that battle and deal with those feelings anymore.  They're old enough to tell her what they think of her should they decide to, they don't need me to speak up for them.  Its the mere fact that one, he didn't tell me he was taking them up there, and two I was okay with the fact that my kids haven't called me in a week because I was going to be seeing them at the end of this one.  I was sooo jazzed. 

To say that my heart was completely shattered would be a mild understatement.  It also didn't help when I made two phone calls and at the time not one of the people I wanted to talk to picked up.  One called me right back so it was cool.

Sometimes, not always and not very often I feel like I'm the one that listens no matter what I'm doing.  But others don't do the same.  I don't know why I feel like that, but I do.  It's a crappy feeling but it's there.  It's normally fleeting because uhm, lets face it.  No one has telepathy...  They can't tell that I can barely see the numbers I am dialing on the phone because I am crying so hard., you know...

So I've laid down and now I'm feeling marginally better.  My kids will most likely be home on Monday so at best I'm looking at another weekend home alone.  Maybe I'll catch up on my wii fit.  I doubt it.

I would say that I will take the time to find out why it sounds like the fan is about to go spinning off on my computer but I just solved that with a can of WD-40.

Side note, you know that joke about only needing two tools in life?  It's so politically wrong and so off base but I am so reminded of that right now.  HA!

I am also going to change the name of this blog.  I don't feel Terminally Single anymore so I think it's time to reflect that... 

Claudette is signing off for now.  Enjoy your Friday, Bloggerinos.  Have a good weekend!

Gotta love first impressions...

So I went out to get the mail and bring the trash can in. The guy in the house that in down the tiny hill from my driveway come out his back door to mess wit his grill (his house faces Long Grass his porch faces my driveway.) Very little eye contact has EVER been made and no words... ever.








Gotta love those interesting first conversations...






Him: "Hey"

Me: "Hi"

Him: "So uh, how are you?"

Me: "Good and yourself?"

Him: "I'd be doing better if I could talk to you."

me: (playing very dumb) "Talk to... me?"

Him: "Yeah, I mean I've been watching and I never see a man come in."

Me: (Didn't feel like this, today.) "Really? You aren't watching hard enough." (And I came inside)








Moral of the story; Never wear your pj bottoms and work out tank outside to get the mail...







This is Almost as bad as my all time favorite pic up line "If you're this pretty when I drunk, imagine what you'll look like when I'm Sober..."







SMDH

Soo Hmm..

Haven't heard from me in a few days, huh? Wondering if life is going so swell I don't need blogger anymore?  Don't really give a fart in space? 

Hehe... if you can't tell, I'm in a good mood.

It's okay, you can come out of your hiding place.  No one is dead or maimed.  I'm just okay.  That's all.

My kids come home next weekend.  I'm really jazzed about that.  Then we go on vacation.  I'm jazzed about that as well.  The summer is ending and in a little over a month I will have yet another birthday.  I'm planning to celebrate by punching a hole in my face if I have the funds for it.  Don't you love how I say that? 

So I got an email from CPCC this morning.  I got accepted.  Yay me!  I have to go in a do the placement tests and paperwork.  I have to find out for certain if my pell grant stuff went through so I can go but otherwise, I am technically a college student again.  Feels funny.

My cat and I are fighting but just the mere fact that the fight is between myself and a cat makes the whole thing kinda laughable.  You should see us, I tell her to go away and she rubs my legs.  I nudge her away and she meows and comes back.  I give up and she hops onto my chest and I become her bathtub.  It's really comical because I don't think she considers it a fight at all,m she probably considers it as a tough row in training her owner.

LOL.

I have decided to try something new and watch football this season.  Stop gasping and looking at me like I've finally lost the bag of marbles God gave me... (I actually hawked them for a long island ice tea in my twenties but oh well) I simply want to see what all the fuss is about.  I don't get it and have decided today that instead of scorning it, I am going to embrace it.

It's a beautiful day out.  Hot kinda but still a beautiful day.

So basically that's all, I just wanted to check in. 

I'm going to go play the Sims for awhile. 

See ya round!

Applying for the Pell Grant...

So I've decided to apply for the pell grant, finally.  I think that now that I am 32, I'm old enough to appreciate a higher education.  At 17 and 18 I can honestly say I didn't.  I really saw it as just when I thought I was free and done with classes, I had to sit in more classes only these were a whole new level of spectacularly boring.

I don't know what I am going to go for.  I want to go for Culinary but a very good friend of mine suggested I use my love of children and my like of educating them to go for special Education.  It's a thought.  Right now I am going to take the basic classes.

Excuse me while I cringe at the thought of a math class...  You have no idea how much I hate math.  I am actually one of the many people who would be totally and completely lost without a calculator.  Go ahead and snicker.  I'm laughing too but it's the truth. 

So let me go and get this done. 

I'm actually kind of excited about going back to school.  The thought of one day getting a j9ob that will enable me to pay my way without needing the help I'm generally scorned for is a bright bright star in the sky for me right now.

C'est La Vie!  Single and Blogging is going to work on going to get some higher education!

Food Stamps...

So once again maybe nine friends on my news feed for Facebook have been passing around the post about the junk food tax and how it will affect people with food stamps.

Why are you so down on people with food stamps?  Contrary to what you want to believe, food stamps are not being paid for by your taxes.  At least not directly.  One would think that a mother/ father feeding their kids any way they can short of putting on a ski mask and robbing a bank or panhandling would be looked on favorably. 

True there are some people out there that seriously abuse this wonderful program.  They sell their stamps for cash and go get their hair done or they sell them to families who just don't want to pay food tax and some shit and some such but here's the thing... not everyone does that and going on a very social media and saying how you are sick of paying for my groceries or you support a tax that limits what we can buy kinda makes you look like a bit of an ass in my book because you are judging me, who doesn't do anything but use what she's given to feed her kids, by the Same standards as the woman down the block selling her stamps, getting her hair done, going clubbing while her kids are eating government peanut butter on stale bread.

You want to feel like you are paying for my groceries?  Fine next month when my kids need food, how about I come to you directly with my hand out and you come buy the food?  Then you can bitch and moan.

True I am not working right now but here's an FYI, I'm looking into going to school.  Even when I was working my job was barely paying my utilities and rent.  I had to beg and plead with my kids father to send money so I could buy food.  Have YOU ever had to beg your child's other parent for money to feed your child??  It's almost as degrading as having to stand in line for hours for the little bit that the government is willing to give.

Social media changed the way government benefits worked once before.  It changed WIC and not for the better.  Before you cold get real cereal and juice for children.  now you can only get basic brands.  No sugar, no taste, no reason to have your kids eat it.

Hey just for shits and giggles, I want to see you put your kid on a completely sugar free diet.  Ever drank Orange juice with no sugar in it?  Love those bland Cheerios with no sugar don't you.  Like that store brand milk that's kinda watered down and expires in three days?  Lets see if they still want to eat. 

You have your high paying job that affords you and your kids everything you want food wise and that great but some of us, we couldn't ask Mommy and Daddy to send us to that Ivy league school or buy us the suits to get that top level job.   We couldn't play sports to get us into a good college.  Some us got to that good college and one fateful night we made a decision that cost us the little bit of freedom we got at eighteen.  Do I regret getting pregnant and not finishing school with my original class?  Not one damn bit cause you know what?  Some of those top achievers who studied and avoided all vices have a pretty little piece of paper that says they can do something to curl up with at night.  I have kids that love me.

And just to clarify, I am not a skeez, a whore, a drug addict, or degenerate because I get help from the Government.  I am a woman that needs help.  Do I call you a uptight yuppie or anything because you think you are in a position to thumb your nose at me?

I don't feel like a real rant.  You out there that think I am a target for you unjust and hypocritical thoughts just remember that in this changing economy you may be on top one day and standing behind me in the social services line the next.  Keep in the back of your mind that the things you are saying you support now may just bite you in the ass one day....

Terminally Single and Blogging is going to step off her soapbox. 

So sick...

I'm so sick of the lies...

So okay I'm just venting... there's no need for anyone to comment or actually read this...

I have reached my limit.  I'm done.  At this point, I just want to throw my hands in the air and say screw it all.

I no longer believe that I am going to find any happiness.  I don't.  I can't.

You know everyone tells you the same bullshit lie that if you just get out there, you'll meet someone.  I know that lie very well, I've heard it about ninety MILLION times now and you know what it ranks right up there with my ex husbands line, "I care about you." with my all time most hated sayings.

It's bullshit.  All of it.  You have to go out somewhere to meet people.  You have to have the means to go somewhere to meet people.  But you can't go anywhere to meet anyone if you can't get to where the people are.  I have two and a half weeks left before my kids come home and what the hell have I done this summer but become the crazy cat lady who has deep meaningful conversations with her cat and played Gourmet Ranch so much that my day actually revolves to some point around when my dishes/crops are ready.  I've managed to knock out six seasons of Nip/Tuck in what?  Four days?  I have learned that there are medical procedures out there that I didn't know existed.  A couple of them I would actually want but that's not the point.  I know McNamara/Troy better than they know themselves at the moment and you know what?  That actually sickens me.

So I guess everyone needs a moment when they say fuck it and just forget it all.  I'm going to clean my house from top to freaking bottom and them since my mom, Angel that she is, has agreed to pay for me to see Harry Potter, I'm going to treat myself.  And then, I think I'm going to get back into my jewelry making so aside from the loss of my belief in love or actual happiness I will have a clean house and a few new sets of jewelry to collect dust on my wall to show for it.

I so can't wait to get my car.  I need it so badly that it's becoming more than something that I want.  I need to get out of this house.  I need to get a job or go to school I need to meet people that aren't little facebook pictures to me.

I need to scream out loud and seriously get a fucking life!

Terminally Single and Blogging is going to sign off now...  I've vented.  I'm not empty but I've unloaded some of my rage for the moment.

bored blog

My head hurts.  Yeah I know that's one hell of an opening line.  But I'm sitting here with Twitter open in one window and listening to my phone get my tweet replies from across the room five minutes after the fact and damn... my head hurts.


So the cat came home today.  She talks back now.  Conversations just got a lot funner. (Oh please I made up that word eons ago... stop looking at me like that...)  I am slowly becoming the crazy cat lady.  As for Mambo, well she takes it all in stride.  She hops in my lap, claws her way painfully to my shoulder to eat my hair and when I tear her off of me and throw her on the bed, she repeats the process three times until I have tired her out nd she falls asleep on my bed.

OH SHIT A MOUSE JUST RAN UNDER MY BED. time to wake the damn cat.

Put the cat on the floor and shooed her under my bed.  She is now looking at me from the corner of my bed with an expresson akin to WTF am I doing on the damn floor.

I love my cat.  I miss my midnight.  She was a mouser.

So I guess that clean thing just got became a more critical need than even I figured.  I'm not worried... It's just an itty bitty field mouse but still standards have to be set.  Fucker gotta die.  This is what happens when your son wants to be the PEAT president and put the mouse he catches outside.  When this one gets caught he's going down the toilet.  I wonder if I can get some glue traps in the morning... Ah who am I kidding... afternoon.

So I'm actually in no mood for this and I'm going to end it before I go into one of my I really want a man tirades.  I mean I do.  I really really do but I'm about to just open my eyes and realize, it ain't gonna happen.

So I'm going to read in bed and pretend that there's someone to talk to in my house that doesn't meow or squeak.

Goodnight.