Can someone tell me why men think that they have the monopoly on Blue balls?? Is it because they think they're the only ones that have balls? They aren't. Women have balls, but ours are in the inside and we call them ovaries. And while we're on lessons, guys, let me tell you, when you jump start those things, especially after they've been dormant for a couple of years, you really need to finish what you start. And that's just advice from a woman.
Men have it so freaking lucky, I think. They get all excited and they can go in the bathroom and jerk jerk jerk until they feel all fine and even with the world again. Girls do that and we're nasty and dirty. I have never once, outside of a really bad porn flick, seen a woman go into a bathroom and attempt to solve that problem on her own. No, women wait until they get home and they pull out vibrators or hit the showers. Why do you think detachable showerheads and extension shower lines sell so well? Because women always have to finish what men start and are too much of a pussy to finish.
And God forbid, as a woman, I try to get said man to understand that it would be nice if he finish what he started. Oh no! Evil!! Stay away from this one boys!! She's gonna insist that you NOT leave her all hot and bothered and then pretend like you didn't do a damn thing wrong.
I guess I shouldn't be surprised that things went the way they went or rather are going. IS it still counted as in motion when you have stopped moving altogether? Whatever. I have kids and even though I knew it was coming and tried to avoid it by saying up front I didn't want one,
EVERY SINGLE MALE ON THE FUCKING PLANET seems to think that if you date a woman with kids, she's going to expect you to want her kids and love them and be daddy.
NO, men. Just NO! In big bold capital letters
NO! Stop that! If by chance there are any men reading this blog please listen and listen well. If a woman outright says to you, and I QUOTE, "I am not looking for a father for my kids. They already have one. One that loves them. I'm looking for someone for ME."
SHE MEANS IT!!! She's not just saying that so that you'll walk into her trap and maybe some women might actually be classless enough to try that line and then get you hooked but a real woman, a woman who already has her battle scars from foraging into the world of men, is not going to say that stream of sentences lightly.
So men, please stop using the excuse "You have kids and I'm not sure I'm ready for that". It's old and it's tired and it put you in a barrel with all the other no ball sac having assholes that used that same lame excuse to get out of getting to know a woman and that isn't really someplace you want to be.
You all keep claiming that divorced black women are all bitter. Stop and take a minute and think about why you think we are. Because we don't put up with bull shit? Because when you throw an excuse at us, we don't just accept it and believe you? That when you do something stupid she expects you to own up to your actions and be a man? Because she wants you to hold her and make her feel like an actual flesh and blood woman and not a three dollar whore?
We aren't bitter. We're battle weary. There's a difference. A big one. And NO, we aren't holding you responsible for what our ex's did to us... well I'm not going to speak for all women... MOST of us aren't making new men pay for past men's mistakes. If you act the same, it's not our fault that we recognize time repeating itself and want to get off the ride. My ex was a son of a bitch (I mean that so literally I could stitch it on a sampler) He lied, he cheated, he belittled me, and he played so many mind games that when I finally got out of the house of mirrors long enough to breathe fresh air, I had no idea who I was. The night we actually started our honeymoon, he was actually INSIDE ME and told me he was sorry, but he planned to cheat on me. He'd always wanted a white girl. And he was in the navy so to him, going to different ports was giving him that opportunity.
But I'm not bitter. Nope. I learned my lesson.
Back to the topic at hand.
Women are not just machines that you men can just turn on and off at the flick of a switch. Okay, maybe some women are and they kinda give women who have a little more grounding a bad name but whatever. If you start something, please please please finish it. If at first you don't finish (maybe because a very unwelcome visitor showed up) go back and finish when you can. And don't make her wait long. What will happen is that everytime she looks at her shower head, the damn thing will cry, "Rape!! Stalker!! Stay away from me!!" or just dribble water as if it's crying because it's had enough. If batteries are on her grocery list every time you glance at it, you're taking too long. And no, the batteries aren't for the Wii remotes or the Xbox controllers. They're for the little friend that she keeps hidden in a drawer so that when you pussy out, she can get some kind of relief.
Okay, I've ranted myself out. The banshee inside my head has screamed all the obscenities she had. I don't feel like doing anyone bodily harm out of sheer frustration anymore. We're all good.
Seriously men, the moral of tonight's rant was basically this: Finish what you start or don't freaking start it. We all have blue balls but some are just a little harder to get back to normal. And stop being pussies. And using people's kids as excuses not to get to know a woman. Grow up and be men. That's all women want. For you to be a man. The one we were attracted to in the first place. Just be him. Let stuff fall into place and happen the way it's going to happen. Stop thinking she's making you pay for shit another man did to her. She's not.
I'm going to bed, bloggers. I'm spent and have to be at work tomorrow at one. I seriously think an espresso shake might actually be needed for the first time in a long time.
On the bright side I did a little retail therapy a few days ago and they go here today. Way too big for me in retrospect but I kinda feel better...
