Why is it that when you really want something in the mail it takes forever, but when you either couldn't care less if it gets there ever or are having second thoughts about something you've mailed, It seems to grow wings and fly from your hand their box??
As you can probably guess, the girlfriend's mother got my letter this morning.
What I was expecting was for her to call her daughter and in turn call the ex and have him bitch at me. (Which would have turned ugly probably) OR for her to call her daughter who still has my number because the ex used to call me from her phone when she wasn't looking who would in turn call me to bitch at me (Which wouldn't have gone anyway except to tone. I feel our confrontation coming in a different forum and face to face. I don't know why but I do.)
What I didn't expect with any real degree of probability, was the girlfriend's mother calling me directly. I mean I know that she had to call her daughter to get my number but whatever.
So she called and first off I apologized because I realized AFTER I mailed the letter that Randy had probably never told her my feeling towards being called Grandma or whatever. That out of the way, I prepared for an assualt. What I got was a half and hour or having God crammed down my throat. You can imagine how much I listened to that. It was either fight that or go about my normal morning duties alternately mumbling "yeah" or "uh huh" when there was a pause. I chose the latter.
I did however give her my full attention when she told me that, like her with her daughters' fathers' families, we will all be friends and maybe one day I will bring my children up to visit her should the ex never return from New Mexico.
I am so glad that my phone had a acessable mute button. So glad. I said such words that made my cat hide but I know she heard nothing because she kept right on talking.
She then mentioned their brother through their father (Their family has an expression, "Show which part of him/her is your half and then you can call them your half brother/sister" It's cute. And since their fathers family collects members like the Bronx zoo, I'll not object to the boy begin just their brother. I have no wish to harm an innocent child) I told her he would always be welcome to come visit his siblings with his father, but I would most likely not be mixing my family with him. (It's more upbringing than anything else. Even if he had come to my children's' family by more up and up means, I wouldn't have brought him around my family. It's just not how its done in my hood.) She wanted to know what he would call my mother. Now I couldn't tell her the likelihood of them ever being in the same room as each other unless through some very uncontrollable circumstances was slim to none so I simply said that seeing as her first name started with a J as well, she would probably want to be call Mrs. J since my children have a special name for her.
Small aside: I realize that I should not be the one asking this given the whole issue but what if I marry someone with kids? If their mother feels the same way I do about the Grandma thing, what would she have them call her??? I can honestly say that being that I have gone through this already, I would ask the mother what she thought was an appropriate name especially if it so happened that all the kids cohabited at some point. I would allow my kids to call my new husbands parent whatever they want but not the grand parents of their new brothers and or sisters. And I think they would feel the same.
So I guess finally she might have realized that she could preach at me as much as she wanted it wasn't going to budge me, we agreed to Mrs. J and left it open for another name in the future. Future in my case being when they are adults.
I really don't think this is finished. I think I am going to go through all three of them before this is over. The ex I can handle. The GF I can hang up on but I know that won't be satisfying enough to her and she will keep trying. If she tries. Big if. Well not that big but still...
Sigh, bloggers. It's hard being me because I think I was raised with much stricter values of right and wrong and it's outlaying if's and but's than most people. I know that sometimes on some subjects I sound like a racist bigot but it's who I am. It's not likely to change very much. I will always have one view of what a family is that differs from someone elses.
Well, I'll keep you posted.
You know is it just me or have the scattered thoughts from an unorganized mind become increasingly straightforward and the mind slightly organized...? Hmmm
