I will not be boycotting...

Prepare your stones and sticks and rotten tomatoes to throw because I'm going to say this outright:

I do not agree with Chick-fil-a.  I think they are a bunch of assholes for this latest more of theirs.

-BUT-

I WILL NOT boycott them.  On average when I go for myself I spend 6-10 dollars when I go with my kids I spend 25-30 dollars.  If I deny them my 10-30 dollars there is going to be another person who believes in punishing innocent gay people who will spend that plus more JUST TO SPITE ME.

So tell me why should I punish myself and deny myself or my kids the chicken sandwich that NO ONE else makes so well to punish a chain that couldn't care less?

Another thing... The founder of the chain was a Southern Baptist minister.  It's why they aren't open on Sundays.  If you didn't know this move was coming you need to just go stand in the corner.  Go on.  The hat is already there.

Sorry, I'm not going to punish myself and my kids for one company's beliefs.  If I did that We wouldn't shop or eat out.

Starbucks supposedly doesn't support the troops.
Target won't support the troops
Chick fil-a is anti Gay

Yeah no, I like all of those and the list keeps growing so no...  won't be boycotting... Sorry...

Kissing...

So I'm sitting here watching Love and Hip Hop: Atlanta and these two are sitting here kissing... I think... I mean I think they are kidding but I ain't never done it like that before.

My experience with kissing is closed mouth and basically a peck.  At times it might have been longer but yeah... that's it.

I'm sitting here thinking that I need to learn how to do this.  I need to learn to kiss like this... I want to learn to kiss like that.

Aside from the general fact that it alternately looks like either trying to resuscitating each other or swallow each other depending on which way your head is turned, it still looks like fun...

Is this a black thing? This kissing like you're trying to swallow your partner or is this a general kissing rule?  I don't think I've ever seen white people kiss like this... I think I need to try this with a man from every race and nationality.

Yes.  I need to explore this live sucking kissing thing...

Importance

You must always remember this...

While your problems seem like they are are more important than everything else, in everyone else's world your problems mean very little.

My therapist said this to me today.  I find that it's very true.  In my world my walls are coming tumbling down and the ground is shaking and all I need is someone to wrap their arms around me and hugs and and hold me until it okay to come out of hiding but to the outside world the fact that I'm not up on a water tower laughing maniacally and shooting innocent people (perhaps in light of the recent tragedy that's kinda insensitive but...) I'm perfectly fine.

It's all in how you look at life. 

I have to wrap my mind around it fully because like said my problems are huge in my world.  And in my world I still need that hug.

The happy side of today though is that I have been taken off my phych meds!  Yea!!!  I have a prescription for one but it's at my discretion to pick it up and take it.  It's an awesome feeling!

Nothing else to report today really.  I have a headache so I'm going to take my meds and hit the hay.

Night!

So today was just another day at Wal-mart...

I didn't go to bed until almost two.  Dunno why but whatever...  When my alarm rang at eight am, I started the dryer to iron my Sunday clothes (yes I do that... Stop giving me that look...) and I promptly hopped my ass back in the bed for another hour.

Not that it did any good cause at nine am I still didn't wanna get up... but I did.

Went to church where T very nearly stole my shoes.  It's cool.  I'm used to it now.  I swear though, I am going to kidnap her and take her to the Avenue one day...

After church I wanted some McDonald's for lunch but my bank account had Wal-Mart in mind... So off we go.  By we I mean me cause I was alone.  Mommy didn't go to church today.

So outside of Wal-Mart there's a guy and he's selling pit bull puppies.  O. M. G. They were the absolute cutest puppies on earth.  I wanted one.  What I did not want to hear was a couple of old women telling the man that those beautiful puppies were mongrels that needed to be drowned because pit bulls are evil dogs.  I had to channel my inner Cindy cause I was about to tell them some things I may or may not have made up in order to shut her up but apparently my channeling powers are slow cause some other woman channeled my Cindy and cusesed those women roundly, squarely, and any other shape you wanna say.

My bad mood was made better once inside however.  I have to say right now that damn it, I looked hot today.  I did the hair, I had on the heels, I was looking like a ten plus twenty and I knew it but I digress... The best feeling is when a man in Walmart gets slapped by his woman because he's looking at you.

So in true Walmart style I was not allowed out of the store without being appalled and forays tale from the ghetto came from a Mexican child who was yelling at the woman holding his hand in the parking lot.  Now the kid could not have been more than ten if he was that.  He was telling the girl/woman to let go of him because she was a dirty cunt.  Oh yes, he said that.  It was at this point that I decided it was time to leave Walmart.

So got to mommy's and sat here and made her dinner... Chopped grilled pork chops smothered in grilled onions, yellow bell peppers and mushrooms.

Now I'm watching the end of The Blind Side.  Love that movie.  Makes me cry everytime.  Pretty soon I'm gonna go on home.

It's been a day.

I need the day to end. 

End the effing week already please...

I'm done.  Not even anti anxiety meds can help right now.

Let's recap shall we...?

Sunday morning I went to my fathers church.  Not only did he not RECOGNIZE me, when he introduced me to everyone after the service, NO ONE knew he even had a daughter.  I cannot begin to elaborate on my feelings with that.  If you know me, then you can imagine my feelings.  I have held it up well but that was the FIRST TIME I wanted to sit in a corner and cry this week.

Monday we drive into the city.  Let's say that my first act in the city was to flip off and honk at an NYPD officer... The rest of the day was awesome.  I even got to go to Coney Island and ride the legend- wait for it- ary Cyclone roller coaster.

Tuesday... Eh that was fine.  Long drive, road rage, tired as hell, hot as hell... Absolutely nothing to complain about except that we were so deep in the country that Google couldn't even find me for foursquare...
Wednesday... Six something in the morning... I hear a muffled thump and a scream.  I was wearing wax earplugs because I was sharing a room with mom and she snores.  Flew out of the bed to find my mother in the floor at the bottom of a flight of stairs.

My heart stopped.  Not quite sure its beating regularly yet.

I am about to fall apart.  I swear I am.  I just want to sit in a corner... Hell anywhere... And sob.  Between my dad not knowing me and people he ministers to not even knowing about me to watching my mother in severe pain for the last thirty six hours I need a huge hug.  Not a brief one either.  More like someone to lay down in the bed with me and hold me.  I don't want sex.  I just want to be held.

I have a feeling that since I'm more than likely not going to get held that this week is going to end with alcohol.  I don't want to drink bit I want the warm comfort.

Sigh, I... I... I have nothing.  I will find strength for my mom, but at the moment I have no damn idea where I'm going to get it from....