B... Humorous B... are you ready??

I put up the status for B this morning and last night and I got a few good suggestions... Tonight I chose three of them.

Bleach Thanks to Jennifer Beauvais Osorio

Okay, so bleach... evil thing that.  It is like the serpent with the apple... of course that would mean that I am comparing myself to Eve and well... okay sure except that if you read the bible that woman had a crap load of kids and it hurt like hell... So no, I'm gonna stick with Dette...

Bleach is the best freaking thing to hit earth since sliced bread but oh so evil... so evil...

When I was a kid I was spoiled as hell.  I didn't do laundry.  Like at all.  The closest I came to doing laundry was going to switch the clothes from the washer to the dryer for my mom.  I may have helped sort them but considering I kinda a brat, I doubt it.  So when I got married, I was kinda clueless to how the whole bleach thing worked.

Husband says that laundry needs to be done.  After I finish looking at him like he has five heads and all of them are speaking a foreign, foul language, I decide, what the hell.  How hard can it be?  Put the money in, put the soap in, put the clothes in, close the lid right?

Oh how wrong we are when we pretend to know what we don't know.

Make a long story short... White navy uniforms that cost upwards fifty to a hundred bucks, your newborn son's dark blue onsies with the oh so cute blue designs, and almost a half a gallon of bleach DO NOT MIX!!!  The actually make for one really pissed off husband.  They make your mother in law who never wanted you in her family in the first place laugh her fool ass off, but seeing as how the pissed off husband is in a real position to make your life a living hell, I don't recommend mixing the three...

I also do not recommend mixing bleach and a ammonia.  Yes the clean your toilets and counters and floors like no one's business and for a closet neat freak like me that's awesome but you know what... Together, I have found that they make mustard gas.  No, not that foul smell that comes out of the mustard bottle when it's been closed up for a really long time, actual mustard gas.  Bio chemical warfare strength actually.

*Aside here-  If it's really that easy to make a bio weapon that can cause everyone who comes in contact to cease to breathe and flop around on the floor like fish out of water and possibly die from over exposure to it, why have we been loosing wars??  I mean a bunch of housewives could very easily wipe out (Cleaning pun) whole countries and there would be no problem.*

So back to topic.  I mix them quite regularly.  I have actually come up with the right mix so that I don't suffocate myself.  Several of my friends wanna thunk me over the head whenever they find out I do it, but I gotta say, seeing my floors clean and my toilets sparkling, I'll deal with the lectures.  Totally worth it.

Totally.

Boobs Thanks to Rockngranny Gordley

I don't have a whole bunch to say on boobs.  I don't have a whole bunch of boobs.  I wish I had a whole bunch of boobs.  I have a feeling that guys would like me better if I had a bunch more of boobs.

Boobs are awesome.

Here's the thing.  Why do women display their boobs and then get mad when guys look at them?  I saw a woman the other day who was showing pretty much everything God gave her save her areolas and nipples.  I mean damn.  If I was a baby, I would have probably been instantly thirsty upon sight of her.  Now keep in mind I was at the casino in Atlantic City.  An old guy walked by her and I can swear he walked slower than he did in that moment.  His eyes were all in her chest. (And they had the AC on full blast so the rest of the image didn't really need imagination.)  She's at the machine next to me and she turns to me in disgust and says, "Ugh!  Did you see that?  That geezer had his eyes all in my shirt.  Some guys have no class no matter how old they get."

Seriously,.. imagine my face here.  Imagine the self control it took not for me to have the biggest freaking koolaid grin.  Imagine how hard it was for me to not make a remark about her shirt.  Seriously, imagine me just shrugging at her. It was hard.

Boobs are great things, really they are. Boobs are the reason that a lot of people are alive today.  Of course, in that context, they are referred to as breasts, not boobs.  Boobs does not go well with feeding.  "Excuse me, I'm going to boobfeed my kid." just doesn't sound right.

Don't get me started on Breastfeeding.  I personally like breastfeeding.  Besides the fact that it keeps children alive, it gave me a diluted sense that my kids actually needed me for a little while.  When they started walking all sense that they needed me for anything was over.  My son's first steps were to the fridge which he promptly found a way to pull open and grab one of his sippy cups.  Cannot tell you how useless I felt in that moment.

I personally don't see what the big hooplah is over breastfeeding.  Okay yes I agree with people say that a certain modicum of discretion is called for.  I agree with covering both you and your baby while feeding but not because I'm embarrassed, because I really don't want people staring.  People stare.  I'm embarrassed if they stare at me anyways so I'm not going to give them an extra excuse to stare.  That is my ONLY issue with breatfeeding.

And as Forrest Gump says, "And that's all I have to say about that."

Lastly... Baking Thanks to Elaine Knight

Seriously, I could go on an on forever about baking.  Bread, cookies, cakes, you name it, I've probably baked it.  Stoves, campfires, light bulbs, I've probably cooked on it all.

Baking is a huge stress relief for me.  Eating what I bake, however has become a huge chore.

I have regrettably reached the age where eating what I cook is not fun for me.  It's functional.  baking/cooking for other people and watching them become nourished by what I created in the kitchen is what fills me with joy.  I miss eating my baked goods.  I do not miss my pants being a size 26.  I just miss eating.

Baking is something comes natural to me.  Being in my kitchen comes natural to me.  So baking is awesome.

What else can I say about baking.  Nope, I think I covered it all with baking is awesome.

So in the spirit of keeping with the oletter of the day... Bye!!

Fear...

So a few years ago, December 2009, I had Shingles... bad.  I have this horrible lump on the top of my head that looked honestly like something had laid eggs under my skin.  The rash went all the way from my forehead to the crown of my head and cause most of the hair in it's path to fall out.  If I so much as moved too fast, I was in extreme pain.  Pain that rivaled my worst contractions when I was pregnant.  It went down to my left eye and quickly spread to my right eye.  They call it Shingles.  It was bad.  The Dr. that treated me in the emergency room told me outright that for me to get it in my twenties was a rarity and that since one of the triggers is stress, I must have been under extreme stress.

I actually took a Facebook picture of how I looked before the lump on top of my head got big...

This was when the lip was swollen and the whole left side of my face hurt.  You can see where my hair started to fall out at the top.  My Dr. at the time was completely unconcerned that I described my eyes as red and yellow.  He told me to buy an eye patch.  I think it was the day after this or so that I went to the ER to find out it was Shingles and never called my doctor again.

Truth is, I was.  I had an ex husband that was acting like most ex's act which is to say $#(&.  I had a job that was more quickly becoming a place I dreaded going whereas I used to love it. I was raising three kids pretty much on my own and at the time my son treated me the way he grew up watching his father treat me which is to say like I was inconsequential to his everyday life, and I had a landlord who thought he was God's gift and he could treat me anyway he wanted to.  So yeah.  Stress.

Anyway, like I said it affected my eye.  The whites of my eye turned yellow.  I looked like I had a serious case of jaundice.  The slightest amount of daylight hurt my eyes and I had to wear thick dark sunglasses everywhere I went including into my house for up to an hour while my eyes adjusted to the now muted light.  The eye doctor they sent me to hinted that untreated I would have lost my vision.... at first.  He later said that I had damaged my eyes irreparably.  That part I told no one because I put myself in denial and told myself that he had no clue what he was talking about.

Recently I have to take day trips out of denial because my eyes are getting bad.  Really bad.  Bad like sunglasses are increasingly not helping and doing almost anything outside is near impossible.   Driving is becoming something that I don't look forward to because I can be in the middle of the road and suddenly my eyes go blurry and or my vision just blanks out for a second.  Blinking used to help clear it but it doesn't always anymore. Grey days like today actually cause me headaches because they are so bright and I've become the person that has to wear sunglasses almost into nighttime.

I have a real fear that I am going blind and bloggers, I am scared to death.  Scared like you wouldn't believe.  There isn't a damn thing I can do about it because I am now dependent on Medicaid and they don't cover adult's eyes anymore.

I have no one but my kids to rely on if I lose my sight. They aren't old enough to be able to cope with that and I feel that if they aren't 18 when I finally do go blind, my ex will use that as an excuse to take them from me.  Not that I'm selfish that way, If I do lose my sight I will probably give them to him because they deserve a life that I will no longer be able to give them.

I will be so totally alone that I am pretty sure I will want most days to curl up in a corner and die.  I have never really much thought about losing my sight but more and more it's pressing on me.  I have stopped rearranging my house and have become the person that has places for things.  On days when ordinary room light hurts too much for me to see well, I try to walk around with shades on or even with my eyes closed just to get the layout of my house.

I'm a reader.  The written word is a huge part of my life.  If I can't read anymore can I survive?  If I can't get on the computer and type out my feelings would I survive?  Even as I type this, my eyes are starting to hurt a lot.  Hurt like... almost burn.

I am scared to death and I can't tell anyone.  I tried to tell my mom once. She said I needed to wear my glasses more.  My glasses have since been lost actually.  I had to stop wearing them because they actually made it all worse.  And Like I said before Medicaid no longer covers eye care for adults so they were my last pair.  I'm no longer able to go to an eye doctor.

It's after midnight, I should go.  I need to stop looking at the screen like I'm going to find the answers I need.  There aren't really any.

And besides ending up alone and possibly in a dark world where I can't even see my children anymore, the fact that no one can tell me anything has me scared shitless...