But I have absolutely NO RESPECT for anyone that takes their own life. In my eyes, you are a horrible coward, not very bright, and maybe the world is a better off place without you if you take your own life leaving others to mourn you and tell people that you will be remembered for all the good you've done.
No. They can remember you for all the good you've done, I'm going to remember you as the dumbass that left people behind to cry and despair that you aren't here anymore.
And I can say that and come by those feelings honestly because once upon a time, I was the one contemplating suicide. Once upon a time I didn't give a rats ass about who I'd be hurting if I ended it all. And then I woke up and I realized that if I took myself away from this earth, I would be hurting three innocent children, condemning my mother to have to live without her child, and leave a whole host of other family and friends to try and remember how I had been and forget how I left.
I had an uncle that killed himself over a woman. To be fair, that side of my family didn't have a terribly tenuous hold to their branches on the family tree (They were a little bit nuts) but still he left two children behind to mourn his loss and who were taken in by his wifes family and separated from their father's family. To this day I have never met them nor do I know their names. Not that I definitely would have known them had their father lived because again, that side of my father's family is... well... ah... yeah... BUT there might have been an off chance.
And I HATE HATE HATE when news articles describe an actor as accidentally overdosing. They live in the world. They know that cocaine, heroin, and alcohol can kill them. They know that mixing them together is a prescription for death. No, they choose to mix/take them therefore there was no accident. That, my dear Watson, is suicide. Unless someone held them down, tied them up, and forcibly shot drugs into their body, they did it to themselves. Feeling down? Feeling like you don't matter to anyone at all? Why go talk to someone that can maybe help you not feel that way when you can tie a rope to the ceiling and swing by the neck until you can't feel the pain anymore? Totally a much better solution. Autoerotic asphyxiation... hmmm... let me deny my brain life giving oxygen just so that my twenty seconds of pleasure can become forty. Never mind that I'm probably by myself and there's no one to take the belt off my throat, that forty seconds of mind blowing please is totally worth it!
Hang on, let me get a napkin, I spilled some sarcasm there.
Like I said, I've been in that dark place. I've felt like there wasn't a damn thing or person that could make seeing the light seem possible. I admit it, I was one of the lucky ones who had people willing to reach into the deep dark hole and pull me out but only because I was willing to let them try.
I just clicked a link to see 25 stars who were gone too soon (And of course out of disgust i closed the page and cannot find it again) but of those 25, 10 were drug overdoses, self inflicted gunshot wounds, and hangings. The rest were truly accidents or medical. On that list was Paul Walker.
Some might argue that he was a stunt driver he knew that by getting in that car he knew he could crash and die but seriously. They weren't racing, they were just trying out a car so no.
And arguably, the one that pissed me off the most was Corey Monteith. He died in a hotel room from a combination of heroin and alcohol. He stuck the needle in his arm, he put the bottle to his lips. The very same combination has killed so many actors it's almost an overdone way of dying. (So yesterday! As if!) So why in God's name are people still mourning this dumbass? Why is everyone remembering what an awesome actor he was (I have seen several of his episodes of Glee I am going to hold any comment I have about that) and what a great person he was. Hello!!! He made the choice to take himself away from all of you! He is the reason you are sad!
Crap, let me wipe up my disdain.
If I had taken my own life all those years ago, do you think my mom would spend her life crying about what a good person I had been? She might have for the first couple of years, but knowing my mom, she would have been angry as hell that I was selfish enough to do whatever I would have done to end my life (It was pills by the way).
I'm pretty sure normal, sane people aren't as cold and insensitive as I am when it comes to stuff like this. I'm sure that someone somewhere is calling me a grinch and waiting for my heart to grow two sizes too big right now, but to me this is common sense. I'm not going to sit and cry myself dry and wear mourning colors over someone that was selfish enough to take themselves away and not care about anyone else's pain.
I just don't see it. I just don't.
