Slowly I am... Said in my most awesome Yoda voice. You know I never understood the Yoda thing. It's funny as all get out to say but I still don't get it.
I'm down to having deep emotional conversations with myself. The kind that make one of us cry. Yeah... Im serious. I have actually been driving myself to tears with my own self loathing. How the hell does that happen to a happy well adjusted person?
Snicker... I couldn't even finish typing that with a straight face... I am so I no way happy and well adjusted and I think I left normal back at the three year old mark...
So let's recap the computer issues. I got up and updated the flash player, I updated internet explorer, and I cleaned out half the ish that was making it run like a caterpillar uphill stuck in molasses. It runs. It does not do games very well, still. I pulled up my ranch this morning, got it harvested and even managed to plant stuff and went to see to the kids. I got back and the flash plug in had crashed. It had crashed while saving. It was still trying to save the crop I had taken off a half an hour prior. So all the work I had done was now null and void and never happened. I shut the shit off and went back to bed.
It's funny how when you are just laying in bed without shit to do NO ONE calls you or texts you, but lay in bed with express need to sleep or escape the world just for a little while and the world is the alarm clock you just can't reach to throw at the wall. Never freaking fails. I sit here in silent torment and nada, not a word. I call a couple of people to have a whine moment and well, you all know how that usually goes. But fall asleep to pretend the world has melted away and suddenly your phone number is the most popular on earth..
I wanted to go to the movies today. I want to see Real Steel. I can probably go, coming back would be a concern. Lack of gas and all that. Then, there's the whole I have ten bucks to put in the yank hit I need that ten bucks for the ticket and we're back to square one.
I should have just gone Friday night when I wanted to, I had gas, and ticket money. Damn if only foresight was as awesome as hindsight... Of course I didn't need awesome psychic powers to know that the quarter tank of gas was going to spark a lecture on how when I get my car, I am going to kill my engine because I ride until the light come on when I have no funds... It was a lesson my grandpa taught my mom. I love the.man always but this is the same man that thought driving 55 in the fast lane of ANY highway was a good thing because it paced others and kept them from getting speeding tickets. The guy that taught my mom to drive with one foot hanging out of the car so he could jump.
So I'm going to have to admit this sooner or later but I don't think I'm going to get to see my movie. The lack of gas covered by the fact that my utilities will most likely be shut off any damn day assure me of the fact that I don't have the right to go do anything fun.
I want a damn job! I want to go to school. I want to better myself but I live to freaking far away from any bus stop, and use of my moms car without submitting to the daily guilt trip is just so not worth the bother. It really isn't.
Sigh... I might should have stayed my ass in New Jersey but I know moving was the right thing to do. My kids have space here, there's no bedbugs or roaches. (Side note my phone just auto corrected roaches to discuss...) They can go out to play. They are getting a good education unlike Asbury Park. Yeah sure I had a job in NJ but it wasn't paying anything. I was drowning in debt there. Here I'm just drowning emotionally. Financially, I'm not sunk yet.
Whatever... My thumbs ate getting tired... I'll probably blog more tonight since there is nothing left to do.
Blogging ciao!
I'm down to having deep emotional conversations with myself. The kind that make one of us cry. Yeah... Im serious. I have actually been driving myself to tears with my own self loathing. How the hell does that happen to a happy well adjusted person?
Snicker... I couldn't even finish typing that with a straight face... I am so I no way happy and well adjusted and I think I left normal back at the three year old mark...
So let's recap the computer issues. I got up and updated the flash player, I updated internet explorer, and I cleaned out half the ish that was making it run like a caterpillar uphill stuck in molasses. It runs. It does not do games very well, still. I pulled up my ranch this morning, got it harvested and even managed to plant stuff and went to see to the kids. I got back and the flash plug in had crashed. It had crashed while saving. It was still trying to save the crop I had taken off a half an hour prior. So all the work I had done was now null and void and never happened. I shut the shit off and went back to bed.
It's funny how when you are just laying in bed without shit to do NO ONE calls you or texts you, but lay in bed with express need to sleep or escape the world just for a little while and the world is the alarm clock you just can't reach to throw at the wall. Never freaking fails. I sit here in silent torment and nada, not a word. I call a couple of people to have a whine moment and well, you all know how that usually goes. But fall asleep to pretend the world has melted away and suddenly your phone number is the most popular on earth..
I wanted to go to the movies today. I want to see Real Steel. I can probably go, coming back would be a concern. Lack of gas and all that. Then, there's the whole I have ten bucks to put in the yank hit I need that ten bucks for the ticket and we're back to square one.
I should have just gone Friday night when I wanted to, I had gas, and ticket money. Damn if only foresight was as awesome as hindsight... Of course I didn't need awesome psychic powers to know that the quarter tank of gas was going to spark a lecture on how when I get my car, I am going to kill my engine because I ride until the light come on when I have no funds... It was a lesson my grandpa taught my mom. I love the.man always but this is the same man that thought driving 55 in the fast lane of ANY highway was a good thing because it paced others and kept them from getting speeding tickets. The guy that taught my mom to drive with one foot hanging out of the car so he could jump.
So I'm going to have to admit this sooner or later but I don't think I'm going to get to see my movie. The lack of gas covered by the fact that my utilities will most likely be shut off any damn day assure me of the fact that I don't have the right to go do anything fun.
I want a damn job! I want to go to school. I want to better myself but I live to freaking far away from any bus stop, and use of my moms car without submitting to the daily guilt trip is just so not worth the bother. It really isn't.
Sigh... I might should have stayed my ass in New Jersey but I know moving was the right thing to do. My kids have space here, there's no bedbugs or roaches. (Side note my phone just auto corrected roaches to discuss...) They can go out to play. They are getting a good education unlike Asbury Park. Yeah sure I had a job in NJ but it wasn't paying anything. I was drowning in debt there. Here I'm just drowning emotionally. Financially, I'm not sunk yet.
Whatever... My thumbs ate getting tired... I'll probably blog more tonight since there is nothing left to do.
Blogging ciao!
