Okay, up and at 'em cowboy

Or rather, sorta up and pretending to be at 'em...

I'm back.  In reality I was back by a quarter to ten this morning, but as totally predicted in my last blog I hit the door, I hit the bed and am just now coming back from lala land.

So right off the bat we get there and get lost because the suite holding the torture chamber was hidden off to the side.  Get in, sign in, and listen to the news talk about the two winners of the mega millions.  The man across from us was someone's ride.  He snored softly in the chair and for the life of me, all I could think about was that he was kinda cute, I could sleep next to that snore.  Totally not what I should be thinking in a GI docs office.  Mommy's greeting this morning was "There is no reason that anyone in their right minds should be up this early." It was 6:15.

So I get in and they do the questions and my main question to the lady asking the question was did her piercing hurt?  She had the one in the actual ear that goes through that little tiny sticky out part... Anyway, she tells me to go behind a curtain and get undressed to put on the gown and lay down.  I had to ask for a plus sized gwon because the regular peoples gown... uhm no.  The plus sized peoples gown swallowed me.  Like almost literally.  The girl comes back in to put my IV line in and after warning her that I have small rolling veins made worse by the fact I haven't had anything to drink since eleven the night before and no food for 25 hours before that she says, "Oh I got this." and blows vein number one.  Bloggers it's 2:30 pm, six hours later and that sumbitch STILL hurts.  Then they brought Royce into the room.

Small aside, how mean is it to have cute guys working in a GI office??  You can't flirt with them because while you're drooling away, they see up your ass or down your throats.  What the hell kinda justice is that?!?

Back to it.  They brought in Royce and he held my hand while she tried, and blew, a vein in the other arm.  She then decided to wrap my first arm in a warm blanket to see if that would help bring them out and as soon as she sat down, Royce spotted a vein in the crook of my left arm and popped that bad boy in.  I like royce.  Other than the fact that he's probably ten years younger than me and probably got to see parts of me I hope my future husband never gets to see he would have been a fine flirt object.  They roll me out of the prep room and I meet Carolyn who says she's my anesthetist. (No I did not get that one right, spell check caught that before I finished typing) I told her she was my new best friend.  Sorry P and L.  This woman had hard drugs, you understand, right?

I'm in the room, they have me hooked up to enough machines to sufficiently scare me so that my blood pressure is way high so they turned them down and put them behind me, waited five minutes and tried again.  Viola!  Out of sight and hearing, out of mind.  BP Came down nicely.  Dr. comes in, no scrubs just a shirt and khakis looking very GQ honestly.  He leans against the counter and the ladies in the room verify my name and my birthdate and allergic to medicines, turn me on my side and literally that is all she wrote.

Im not kidding.  Next thing I know, I'm waking up and cold as hell.  I ask for a blanket and some chick is telling me no, because I need to get dressed so I can go like I was a cheap tumble in the sheets in a pay by the hour motel.  Stomach hurts.  She tells me to double over and fart.  To the small country that was probably blown away over the course of the next five minutes, I sincerely apologize.  Just how much air did they pump up there??  She gets me dressed and out to my mom.  My first words to her: I want a doughnut.  She tells me I can't have one but nurse that was putting me in the car says I can so yay!

Off to DD where I got my glazed Doughnuts.  One was gone before mommy finished paying.  It just magically disappeared.  Poof and all that.  Got home and I don't honestly remember getting out my sweats or eating the other two donuts but as I sit here in my happy elves nightgown with an empty DD bag next to me, I'm pretty sure I both ate and disrobed before faceplanting.

My ex mom in law called me to see how I was doing.  IDK what time that was.  My aunt texted me.  So did MB.  I didn't get to return MB's text till my feet hit the floor but she loves me, she will totally understand how hard it was to roll back the fog to answer the phone.

You wanna know the saddest part right now, bloggers?  I'm hungry, but I'm not.  Like I just sat here and ate about ten saltine crackers to make the tummy stop growling, which it hasn't, but I'm full.  I'm thirsty but I'm full.  I don't want anything else right now.  I wonder if I get on the Wii Fit right now will it tell me I set the two pound goal I set like three months ago?  I'm thinking I've done that two pounds and more.

The size 20 jeans can now be pulled down over the hips without unbuttoning and unzipping.  So any of you guys that were thinking a makeout session is very much needed with me there will be no hassle when it comes to the pants.  None.  They come right off.

See? I can still be funny.

I'm going to go play the Sims now that Chris has fixed my baby.

I'll try and be back tomorrow.  Stay Frosty!

Brief blog

Because I don't have long at all.

I'm about to hit the road to go get my mom.  I have the colonoscopy upper endoscopy this morning at a quarter to seven.  That's right, they're going to go down both ends in the same visit.  I drew the special torture card!  Yay me!

My stomach is so empty it hurts, my mouth is dry and I threw up a good bit of the prep last night so even though everything is all clear so to speak I have a feeling I'm going to get yelled at.  Goody.

I really hope that this doc finds nothing.  Then maybe I will feel better about him scaring the crap out of me when he said he thinks that I need this because he fears cancer.  Do you know how many of my dreams have me telling people what I think of them and then walking off only to die in some tropical setting???

I have been planning my last months in my dreams.  I never get what I want though.  Not even in my dreams.  What kind of mess is that?

I would promise to write after I get home but I'm pretty sure my immediate plan will be to face plant on my bed for a few hours.

Stay frosty I'll be back!