So I said it was another blog... Warning this *may* include a small rant...

So this summer I hooked up with a guy... 

He was supposed to be a one night of fun.  I understood that and for maybe the first time I was fine with that.  Then that turned into two nights and then a date.  It all happened very quickly and the daily texting really didn't help keep the pretense of no strings at all.  I think the clencher was the bringing home of my kids.  He said it meant nothing to him that I had children, something that was probably the third or fourth thing out of my mouth, but when it came down to taking me out when I had my kids in residence or coming over when they had turned in for the night seemed to present a problem for him. 


He did make one more attempt after about a month or more of on an off again flirting and we went to see a movie.  That very day it hit the great social stream that he was in a relationship with someone. 


Against all my guarding and plotting to keep my heart out of it, I have to admit, it hurt.  Like almost a physical hurt.  I couldn't believe how much the one announcement that he didn't even make hurt..... It was like a kick to the chest.  But I rallied up and shored myself to forget about him and just plod on.  The little bit of him that I had, was fun.  I won't lie. And for awhile, I refused to let go.  I initiated every text, I hung on the replies like they met something and then when I got the promise of an outing to see a much prized movie, I was over the moon.


I put off the one opportunity I had to go see it on my own because he was going to take me.  I refused to let anyone tell me anything about the movie because he was going to take me.  And then he said he couldn't go.  And I was crushed.


And the opportunity to go on my own never came up again and I got a little pissed off....


But I have shored myself up to a point that I can finally make it through a whole day without thinking about him.  I haven't made it to the actual point of unfriending him from Facebook but that is the least of my issues because one, he's not a big poster and two he rarely posts anything on my wall.  I have taken his text stream and banished it to my privacy box where I don't have to see it everytime I open my messing menu and I no longer worry that my phone is completely charged so that I don't miss a maybe text from him.

I still have a little bit of angst about it all though, don't get me wrong.  I mean, why do guys always want the woman that has kids to be the on the side chick?

I have a theory about that as well...

Guys think that women with kids and no man in the immediate picture are looking for a daddy for their kids.  Mostly black guys have this issue... I don't see many white guys that have this issue to be honest so I think I am fully justified when I rebuttal with, "Negro, I didn't need you to have my kids and I don't need you to maintain my household so what make you think that maybe, just maybe you weren't intended to be something that was just for me?  My kids have a father.  He may not be there as often as I like but they have a daddy. and just so that you know, if a woman asks you to be a role model to her son, that's a good ting!  It basically means that she thinks that you have good moral character and she wants her child to learn from you."

Men that get scared and run away when presented with the woman in their life's kids are all too common now a days.  It's sad, but they are.  It's like men today don't want to deal with any kind of baggage with women.  Never mind the ones that have kids of their own... It's other people's kids that scare them.   They act like all women want their baggage.  

But whatever.  They aren't real men to me.

The great wall of distrust...

I have this theory that one day, the great wall of distrust is going to be one of those wonders of the world that you can see from space.  There's just going to be so many bricks added to it that one day the collective distrust of women everywhere is going to be viewable from space and no man on earth is going to be able to mount it. 

That's not to say that men don't have their wall of distrust.  I personally think that women who abuse the trust of men only do it because sometime in their life a man abused their trust.  Okay some of those women.  Some women are just hoochie bitches.

I only know that my portion of the Great Women's Wall of Distrust is pretty significant.  It spans years...

First my Dad.  Not saying he wasn't there.  For some of my youth, he was there.  But he left.  And after he left he wasn't there.  I have some really awesome memories of being with my dad.  He was awesome when he was there but it was the times that he wasn't there, the times when he didn't show, the times that he didn't call, and the times when he put his step children above me that made me think that men that can walk away from their children like that, are just awful.

Then there was an incident in High School that was enough to make me think that teenage boys are scum.

Then there was the jackass that raped me in college... And the powers that be that declared it was not rape but in fact me just changing my mind about a sexual encounter as all college women are apt to do... Forgive me my scoff...

Then there was the ex who needless to say destroyed about 90% of the trust I had left.  He didn't really try, he was just himself and that's what hurt.  I mean at some point he did actually try to hurt me but he mostly destroyed the trust and added bricks to the wall on his own, just being himself.


Recently another male has added bricks to the wall but not really enough that I should count him amongst the actual mass of the wall...

But that's a whole nother blog...

So,a new guy has helped alot with that.  He may help take some bricks out of the great wall of distrust actually.  We will see.  Only time will tell...

But yeah... I just have that theory that one day the collective distrust of women everywhere will create an actual wall that can be seen from space.  Thoughts?