I found out last night that a very good friend of mine passed away over the weekend.
The thing about it is, I don't know how to talk about him. He was my special friend. He and I had a kind of bond that I don't think I've ever had with another man. He is... was... in a sense the pargon that I held pretty much every other man against. No man ever came close to him.
We met the year I turned 18. I was in college and I was brand spanking new to the internet. I even remember my email... It was detta18jcsu@hotmail.com. Laugh out loud. I was on Yahoo! Games playing Gin Rummy when I was paired up with this guy that called himself Big Poppa. I don't know what about, but we struck up a conversation that held over to actual Yahoo! chat. And we kept talking.
When I found out I was pregnant, I turned to him. When it was decided that I was getting married, I turned to him. It's one of my long kept secrets that to Him and him only, I confided that I didn't love Randy and I didn't want to get married. I wanted to have my baby and go on with my life and Big Daddy kinda convinced me that Randy had asked so that meant I at least owed him a chance to do right by me. When things went south, he was the one that said outright that I'd given it the chance I was supposed to and now it was time to go on with my original plan and be my own woman. Everyone deserves a chance. It's what they do with it that defines who they are.
Big Daddy has been there for me since I was 18. In three years, it would have been 20 years but I'm not going to dwell on that. I'm going to remember the 17 years I did have the pleasure of knowing him. I'm going to hold the memories that I shared with him and keep them close to me.
So I spent the day hanging pictures. My canvas came and I was not happy with what I got. I originally ordered a 30x70 size canvas but they emailed and called and told me that the image was horribly pixelated and they could not in good conscious print it so they scaled it down to a smaller size. What I got was a miniscule thing that just made me mad but I solved the problem by incorporating it into a grand picture wall that I have to say takes even my breath away.
And my efforts today only cost me a wax warmer (That smashed to the floor) the use of my thumbs. I swear, I love my hammer but my aim sucks ass. I smash my thumbs pretty much EVERY TIME I nail something.
I wish I had more to say tonight, but I don't. I'm just going to sit here and watch one more episode of one of my shows and sip on my beer until I'm tired enough to lay down. I think it was a good thing that I didn't attempt to see anyone today. I'm pretty sure I would have been a blubbering mess.
All day. Because that's me.
Stay Frosty loves. I'll be back tomorrow.
