Nothing special happening today. And I mean that more than I mean a lot of things. My seasonal Pre-Valentines Day depression arrived all wrapped up in a pretty package of unwarranted tears for absolutely no reason. I would just be sitting and boom! I have tears rolling down my face. Let me tell you whoever said that women cry for no reason and are better for it didn't know shit. Random bouts of tears; I'm upset to say that this happened over five times today, and then in the middle of that crying because I don't know why I'm crying and further crying because now I can't stop crying.
If i were a man, I wouldn't want my soggy, temperamental, obviously crazy ass either!
So I changed my profile picture on Facebook. I found a lovely little picture of cupid lying face down on the ground with his arrows strewn about him and an arrow stuck in his back a few years ago and I have to say I love it. It's dark and gruesome but it's exactly what I would want to do if I could.
Valentines is not a good day for me but then freaking Monday through Sunday isn't a good day for me either so what does it matter? Monday through Sunday I see my friends getting engaged, getting married, going out on dates and generally being happy that someone on this stupid planet wanted to be with them. On Valentines day double the amount of people who do this on normal basis will be doing it and they will be televising it. Hallmark will make ten thousand movies where someone hates someone then loves them or someone loves someone and looses them then find someone else and loves them. They will have everything with a pulse fall in love. Syfy will cover things without a pulse and things not from this planet or solar system. Animal planet will cover the animals. National Geographic will cover love under the sea, in the air, on the rocks, the history of love and sex, and how other countries handle love.
Thousands of romance novels will be inspired.
I don't want to be inspired to write a romance novel (I already have most of it written) I don't care about love in the sky, or in the dirt, or in Africa. I don't even care about the history of sex.
No, What I want is someone that can make me feel like I'm not alone in this crowd we call humanity. I'm standing in the middle of half million people wearing some sort of scarlet letter that makes people stay away from me. I want the same thing that those million people have: Love.
I have stopped hanging out with my friends on a regular basis. Believe it or not, I used to be a rather sociable person but now, I have stopped hanging out with them and most times would rather sit here in my house making Sims fall in love and screw like rabbits because watching my friends get that special glow or secret smile when it comes to their loved ones is waking up the green eyed dragon. You don't want to see the dragon. I don't like the dragon. She ends some of my best relationships.
I hate being told that he's on his way. Dammit someone get him a GPS and a fast car. I've been waiting for mister right since I figured out I was engaged to Mr. Oh hell no so wrong I'm tired of waiting. I'm tired of sighing and smiling when my awesome friends tell me to just wait, he's coming. I want to rage and scream and throw things and it's because of that one sentence and the ones that say the same in slightly different words.
Can we just skip Valentines day? Skip over to... I don't know... the 4th of July. Let me be scared to death of fireworks because they sound like gunshots. I'll take scared to death right now. Hell I am scared to death. I'm scared that I was slated for one chance at being with someone and that was my ill-fated marriage to my ex. My God, what if that was the only chance I will ever get? What if i die as only his ex wife?
Oh goody the tears have started again. At least this time there won't be extra tears because I don't know why I'm crying or how to stop.
I need to disappear. Turn off all communication and just go away. But I can't do this because my ex would tell the courts that I'm a horrible mother, my mother would have a heart attack at not being able to find me, I'm sure my friends would go on with normal life. It's not like I'm a constant presence to be missed. (They'll likely notice tat I've gone ghost if I'm gone over a month)
Ugh. Good God, These tears are going to drive me nuts. I sound like a head case. I'm going to bed.
Stay Frosty or thaw out. Do whatever you want to do. I'm outtie.
