I may sound offensive and insensitive... (So if you think I may offend you or I may sound like an insensitive ass, don't read)

But I have absolutely NO RESPECT for anyone that takes their own life.  In my eyes, you are a horrible coward, not very bright, and maybe the world is a better off place without you if you take your own life leaving others to mourn you and tell people that you will be remembered for all the good you've done.

No.  They can remember you for all the good you've done, I'm going to remember you as the dumbass that left people behind to cry and despair that you aren't here anymore.

And I can say that and come by those feelings honestly because once upon a time, I was the one contemplating suicide.  Once upon a time I didn't give a rats ass about who I'd be hurting if I ended it all.  And then I woke up and I realized that if I took myself away from this earth, I would be hurting three innocent children, condemning my mother to have to live without her child, and leave a whole host of other family and friends to try and remember how I had been and forget how I left.

I had an uncle that killed himself over a woman.  To be fair, that side of my family didn't have a terribly tenuous hold to their branches on the family tree (They were a little bit nuts) but still he left two children behind to mourn his loss and who were taken in by his wifes family and separated from their father's family.  To this day I have never met them nor do I know their names. Not that I definitely would have known them had their father lived because again, that side of my father's family is... well... ah... yeah... BUT there might have been an off chance.

And I HATE HATE HATE when news articles describe an actor as accidentally overdosing.  They live in the world.  They know that cocaine, heroin, and alcohol can kill them.  They know that mixing them together is a prescription for death.  No, they choose to mix/take them therefore there was no accident.  That, my dear Watson, is suicide.   Unless someone held them down, tied them up, and forcibly shot drugs into their body, they did it to themselves.  Feeling down?  Feeling like you don't matter to anyone at all?  Why go talk to someone that can maybe help you not feel that way when you can tie a rope to the ceiling and swing by the neck until you can't feel the pain anymore?  Totally a much better solution. Autoerotic asphyxiation... hmmm... let me deny my brain life giving oxygen just so that my twenty seconds of pleasure can become forty.  Never mind that I'm probably by myself and there's no one to take the belt off my throat, that forty seconds of mind blowing please is totally worth it!

Hang on, let me get a napkin, I spilled some sarcasm there.

Like I said, I've been in that dark place.  I've felt like there wasn't a damn thing or person that could make seeing the light seem possible.  I admit it, I was one of the lucky ones who had people willing to reach into the deep dark hole and pull me out but only because I was willing to let them try.

I just clicked a link to see 25 stars who were gone too soon (And of course out of disgust i closed the page and cannot find it again) but of those 25, 10 were drug overdoses, self inflicted gunshot wounds, and hangings.  The rest were truly accidents or medical.  On that list was Paul Walker.

Some might argue that he was a stunt driver he knew that by getting in that car he knew he could crash and die but seriously.  They weren't racing, they were just trying out a car so no.

And arguably, the one that pissed me off the most was Corey Monteith.  He died in a hotel room from a combination of heroin and alcohol.  He stuck the needle in his arm, he put the bottle to his lips.  The very same combination has killed so many actors it's almost an overdone way of dying. (So yesterday! As if!)  So why in God's name are people still mourning this dumbass?  Why is everyone remembering what an awesome actor he was (I have seen several of his episodes of Glee I am going to hold any comment I have about that) and what a great person he was.  Hello!!! He made the choice to take himself away from all of you! He is the reason you are sad!

Crap, let me wipe up my disdain.

If I had taken my own life all those years ago, do you think my mom would spend her life crying about what a good person I had been?  She might have for the first couple of years, but knowing my mom, she would have been angry as hell that I was selfish enough to do whatever I would have done to end my life (It was pills by the way).

I'm pretty sure normal, sane people aren't as cold and insensitive as I am when it comes to stuff like this.  I'm sure that someone somewhere is calling me a grinch and waiting for my heart to grow two sizes too big right now, but to me this is common sense.  I'm not going to sit and cry myself dry and wear mourning colors over someone that was selfish enough to take themselves away and not care about anyone else's pain.

I just don't see it.  I just don't.

SNOWMAGGEDON!!!!

For the life of me, I will never understand why people like snow.  Sure, it's pretty to look at but here's the thing, after you're finished looking at it, you have to live in it.  And by live in it, I mean you are either forced to go out in it or it is forcing you to stay in your house.

Let me show you something:  This was Feb. 16, 2013 here in Charlotte... 

 and when it finished maybe three hours later all we had was this: 

 and people look at me funny when I scoff because THIS:

was Feb. 2010 in New Jersey and that was about three days after the plows came through.  JUst to show you that Charlotte snow means absolutely bupkiss to me, watch this:  

I'll give you a minute to stop laughing.  In all seriousness that is what I am used to dealing with in the wintertime and that particular day, I left my house as normal to go to work and three quarters of the way to the bus stop, my boss called and said that they had closed the store.  When I called her an hour earlier BEFORE I went out in that mess, she said the store was still open (we later got in a fight as to why I left my house with the weather the way it was.  She denied ever telling me that I should start out and if I didn't get to work my job would be in jeopardy from the beginning, she swears to this day up and down that she told me to stay home and wait and that if they kept the store open and I was late it would be fine...)

And one would think that I dislike snow based on the fact that if on the the off chance we get enough of it, I am trapped inside with my kids but it has nothing to do with that.  I have no problem being in the house with my kids, they ignore me anyways.

I've always equated cold snowy days with sitting in front of a fireplace (Or a tv with a fire on it) snuggling with someone and my kids have passed the "let's snuggle on the couch and watch the snow" phase, they're more into the "Yes! School is closed so I'm going to play xbox all night" phase.  And my love of sitting with a hot cup of cocoa and watching it fall died too I guess.  I wish I still felt the same excitement I felt as a kids for snow but sadly, I don't.

This little Piggy...

Seriously that's adorable.  You can't tell me that's not adorable.  Baby toes are probably about the cutest things around, but I'm doing this wrong for an alphabet blog.  I have to put the picture of the letter... But still... baby toes!!!  And I actually know those toes!  They belong to one of the world cutest little girls!

Ahem... back to the way I'm supposed to do this...

OKay so growing up, I'm sure everyone heard the song head, shoulders, knees, and toes, right?  Growing up I did not know there was another verse to that song... (Eyes and ears, and mouth, and nose...)  I often sit and wonder about stupid trivia and the origin of the song is something I've looked up a few time, never satisfied with the answers.  It seems that someone took another tune, 'There's a Tavern in the Town" First sung by Rudy Valee as the Drunkards song.  It was actually Trinity University College's school song!  Tell me what kind of college has a song about a drunkard as their school song?  And how do you get a children's song from that?

Such questions I fear I will never find the answer to.  In the meantime, I need another picture of toes.

Toes are marvelous things.  One would think that they are completely unnecessary to the human but one would be wrong.  For the first they help with balancing.  Have you ever tried to stand on one foot without your toes touching the ground?  Bloody hard to do.  I know, I just tried and I almost just fell and the vodka in my Kool-aid had absolutely nothing to do with it.  Now put the toes down and magically, you can balance... Well you can... I just nearly fell again.  This time I'm pretty sure it was the Kool-aid.

I might as well say now that I just finished watching Saving Mr. Banks and the voice in my head, which is normally, Meredith Grey from Grey's anatomy is now speaking in a slightly exaggerated British accent so it might leak out to my writing.  Also I must note that I am cracking up here because Meredith Grey does not do British very well...

I don't know about Men, but women abuse the hell out of toes.  If I were a toe and capable of autonomous thought, I would cuss out the woman of who's foot I was on.  We cram toes into shoes and cramp them into a shape that toes weren't meant to so into all for the sake of the legs looking good and making the butt look good.  Screw the butt!

Oh hang on, laughing fit...

The toes of the world are vastly under appreciated.  We walk around like they aren't doing us any good or harm, we paint them garish colors, and some of us, don't take care of them yet still let them see the light of day. (Seriously, if you have fugly toes like I do, just please, keep them covered.  No one wants their next meal ruined because they happened to look down because your neon green nail polish caught their eye and they see ashy, misshapen sausages staring up at them.

Of course I totally feel that toes get us back for people not treating them right because dude!  Have you ever banged your toe into a table leg?  That ish hurts!!  But you are bound to give your toes some serious TLC directly afterwards.  Tell me you aren't going to cradle that foot and pray the pain away.

And speaking of bouund... Did you know that in China, it was considered a thing of beauty to bind women's feet?  I mean seriously?? is this:

Look beautiful?  It would certainly fit some of the Manolos out today but damn that even looks painful.  Supposedly the Emperor Li Yu asked his concubine to bind her feet into the shape of crescents and do a lotus dance for him on just the big toe.  How this because a symbol for beauty, I haven't a clue.  Seems to me that after awhile that would have hurt so much I would have to let those puppies bark.  But however that became a sign of wealth and beauty among women, it lasted until early in the 20th century.  Around the same time that America was begging for blacks and women to have the vote and have say in government, people in China were begging to stop biding women's feet.

We stuff our feet in these:

And think we are pretty, but for centuries, women who cam from money in china, wore these:

I don't know about you, but I'll take the red heels of death. (If you've ever seen me walk in heels after a few drinks you'd understand why I say that)

Men have it lucky.  Wait, time for another toe pic...

Did I mention that I love my friends?  I asked for toe pictures and several of my friends sent me pictures of their toes!  Even after I told them that they were going on the internet and all of my million readers would see them, they said it was cool.!  I love my friends.  And By the way, I love that color!

I saw a snarky e-card once that said if a man has a foot fetish and cheats on his wife, does that mean he got off on the wrong foot?  I laughed a little hard at that.

I love the phrase Twinkle toes.  According to the urban dictionary, it refers to someone who is light and graceful on their feet.  I.E. Ballet dancers.

She:

 would be a twinkle toe. They: 

would be twinkle toes.  And even still, She:  

is my personal hero because I would still be in that position on my death bed which I would have been moved to shortly after attempting that position...

TOE PIC!!

Not that I have a foot fetish by any means but I love kids toes.  I don't think I have met a kid yet that didn't enjoy a round of this little piggy.

"This little piggy went to Market;
This little piggy, stayed home;
This little piggy had roast beef;
And this little piggy, had none;
And this little piggy cried wah wah wah all the way home!"

According the the wikipedia page on the origins of the song, it started from "The Nurse's Song" written in 1728 (See no one can complain about today's musical artists ripping off other song!  We've been doing it since the dawn of time!)

I love playing that game with babues because of the tickle factor.  I'm big on tickles and the fact that I get to tickle baby feet, well the giggle I get from most babies alone is enough to make it well worth it.  Then there's that odd baby, that looks at me with an expression on their face akin to "Who are you and why the $#(& are you touching my toes?"

Anyone notice that the middle piggy is eating a cow?  Just thought I'd put that out there...

TOE PIC!!

Men don't have it any easier in the toe department.  They like to take care of those puppies too but let a man go to a nail salon and get a pedicure and suddenly he's gay.  Because manly men aren't supposed to enjoy someone massaging their feet and scraping all the dead skin off and generally making them look and feel better.  Bollocks. (Sorry, laughing fit.  British Meredith Grey just screamed that loudly in my head!)  Personally I think that a man that can openly do that and not care about the labels' society wants to brand him with is a real man.  He's an even better man if he sits right next to his girl and gets one while she is getting one.

TOE PIC!!

Love the red and green nail polish!  Right now mine are dark purple.  Not that anyone will ever see them until I have had a pedicure but that's the color they are.  A lot like the T above.

I'm pretty much out of things to say about toes.  But let's go over the basic points again...:

1. Don't bind your toes.  They look bad.  Woman alive today who had bound feet can barely walk now so if they aren't being treated well they can't get away.  No bueno...

2. If you have fugly feet, wear socks.  I have fugly feet and toes.  I wear socks everywhere.

3. If it's winter, please wear close toes shoes. No one wants to see Frost bite piggies.  That's like looking at week old vienna sausages.

4. Treat your tootsie's nice.  Don't smash them into things.  Doctors can do nothing but tape them up and charge you five hundred dollars for a fifty cent roll of tape.

5. Take care all of you that wear those high high heels.  It's not good for your foot and worse for your toes.  You may look good but when you are hobbling around at 80, you can bet it was because of all those look good moments where you crammed your tootsies into Manolo Blaniks and Jimmy Chos... Yes I know who they are!  Just because I wear converse and nike doesn't mean I don't know the good shoe designers!

6. Don't laugh at the man getting the pedicure.  If he's that nice to his feet, think of how nice he'll be to yours...

And finally, just so we can end the blog on a good foot (Snort giggle) My last toe pic!!

Stay Frosty Bloggies!! Love ya!!  Big thanks to my friends that sent me toe pics!!!  You guys rock!!

Quick blog before bed...

Nothing special happening today.  And I mean that more than I mean a lot of things.  My seasonal Pre-Valentines Day depression arrived all wrapped up in a pretty package of unwarranted tears for absolutely no reason.  I would just be sitting and boom! I have tears rolling down my face.  Let me tell you whoever said that women cry for no reason and are better for it didn't know shit.  Random bouts of tears; I'm upset to say that this happened over five times today, and then in the middle of that crying because I don't know why I'm crying and further crying because now I can't stop crying.

If i were a man, I wouldn't want my soggy, temperamental, obviously crazy ass either!

So I changed my profile picture on Facebook.  I found a lovely little picture of cupid lying face down on the ground with his arrows strewn about him and an arrow stuck in his back a few years ago and I have to say I love it.  It's dark and gruesome but it's exactly what I would want to do if I could.

Valentines is not a good day for me but then freaking Monday through Sunday isn't a good day for me either so what does it matter?  Monday through Sunday I see my friends getting engaged, getting married, going out on dates and generally being happy that someone on this stupid planet wanted to be with them.  On Valentines day double the amount of people who do this on normal basis will be doing it and they will be televising it. Hallmark will make ten thousand movies where someone hates someone then loves them or someone loves someone and looses them then find someone else and loves them.  They will have everything with a pulse fall in love.  Syfy will cover things without a pulse and things not from this planet or solar system. Animal planet will cover the animals.  National Geographic will cover love under the sea, in the air, on the rocks, the history of love and sex, and how other countries handle love.

Thousands of romance novels will be inspired.

I don't want to be inspired to write a romance novel (I already have most of it written) I don't care about love in the sky, or in the dirt, or in Africa.  I don't even care about the history of sex.

No, What I want is someone that can make me feel like I'm not alone in this crowd we call humanity. I'm standing in the middle of half million people wearing some sort of scarlet letter that makes people stay away from me.  I want the same thing that those million people have: Love.

I have stopped hanging out with my friends on a regular basis.  Believe it or not, I used to be a rather sociable person but now, I have stopped hanging out with them and most times would rather sit here in my house making Sims fall in love and screw like rabbits because watching my friends get that special glow or secret smile when it comes to their loved ones is waking up the green eyed dragon.  You don't want to see the dragon.  I don't like the dragon.  She ends some of my best relationships.

I hate being told that he's on his way.  Dammit someone get him a GPS and a fast car.  I've been waiting for mister right since I figured out I was engaged to Mr. Oh hell no so wrong  I'm tired of waiting.  I'm tired of sighing and smiling when my awesome friends tell me to just wait, he's coming.  I want to rage and scream and throw things and it's because of that one sentence and the ones that say the same in slightly different words.

Can we just skip Valentines day?  Skip over to... I don't know... the 4th of July.  Let me be scared to death of fireworks because they sound like gunshots.  I'll take scared to death right now.  Hell I am scared to death.  I'm scared that I was slated for one chance at being with someone and that was my ill-fated marriage to my ex.  My God, what if that was the only chance I will ever get?  What if i die as only his ex wife?

Oh goody the tears have started again.  At least this time there won't be extra tears because I don't know why I'm crying or how to stop.

I need to disappear.  Turn off all communication and just go away.  But I can't do this because my ex would tell the courts that I'm a horrible mother, my mother would have a heart attack at not being able to find me, I'm sure my friends would go on with normal life.  It's not like I'm a constant presence to be missed. (They'll likely notice tat I've gone ghost if I'm gone over a month)

Ugh.  Good God, These tears are going to drive me nuts.  I sound like a head case.  I'm going to bed.

Stay Frosty or thaw out.  Do whatever you want to do.  I'm outtie.

So tired... So very tired....

So LIv has come in the room twice now and caught me sleeping at my desk.  I would go to be but it's only seven and it seems the hours until bedtime are just slipping by.  Of course that may be because when there's a quiet five minutes I fall asleep...

Pretty sure I might have just fallen asleep right then as well.  Liv came in and said "Mom!" rather loudly.  Pretty good indication that I was snoozing.

Why am I so tired, you ask?

Because the writing bug only hits me on nights when I have to be up early in the morning.  Never on nights when I have nothing to do.

I got the bright idea to totally rewrite the end of Chasing the duchess because when I tried to submit it to Crimson Publishing I had to get it in by a certain time and it wasn't finished so I kinda rushed the ending and I felt a lot of characters got lost in the shuffle and just forgotten about.  I kept telling myself that no one would notice and it would be okay but then I read it again and the perfectionist in me put her foot down and said no so three chapters and an epilogue hit the cutting room floor and I'm currently rewriting.

But the damn bug only bites me when I have stuff to do the next day.

Last night I started writing KNOWING that I had to be up at nine a.m. this morning and the next time I looked up, it was three freaking o'clock!  I itched until four, was awake at five and then again at nine when Mommy called. And usually when she calls to wake me up, I'm bright eyed and bushy tailed but I think this morning I may have mumbled and groaned because she kept telling me to wake up.

So it's bed time and the kids are going down.  I've been sipping on a cup of fruit punch vodka and Kool-aid so of course I'm awake.  By the way... It's nine o'clock now...

I'm a little bit tipsy so I'm going to just end this.  Muh-wah!  Stay frosty!  And I realize to my northern friends that might sound like I'm making fun of you but I'm not!  Stay safe friends!  Love ya!!

Super Schmaghegy Smartbutt!! Sweet Stereotypes!!!

I gotta tell you, I have been looking forward to this blog FOREVER!!!  No seriously I decided on the S blog when I was still on D... and I was all like "Aw man! I can't wait for S, I gotta get through like ten letters though!!" And here I am!!! S, S, super duper S!  Subperulous, Schmexcellent, Super S!!!

So okay, first the picture....

(There was some debate as to whether I should make this Original size, X-large, or Large.  Large won out but the more important question is who was I debating this issue with...)

Now a disclaimer.  The disclaimer is very important in this blog.  There is a video following this.  It is not for the racist, the bigoted, and the generally stupid as hell.  If you are any of those three then first off, what the hell are you doing here anyway, the way I talk about people you should have been gone like eons ago.  Secondly, if you are offended easily, get over it, it will serve you no purpose in life and certainly not on this blog.  Crap, I'm meant to be disclaiming... seriously if you don't know how to take a joke then just close this now, cause I'm about to embed a video that I find quite hilarious and it's the basis for this blog so yeah... I have disclaimed, you have been warned... now those of you that are left, go enjoy the video and I'll see you when you stop laughing... what am I forgetting... oh yeah DO NOT WATCH THIS AT WORK IF YOU DON'T HAVE HEADPHONES! I HAVE OFFICIALLY DISCLAIMED SO YOU CANNOT HOLD ME RESPONSIBLE IF YOU GET FIRED FOR PLAYING THIS!

Have you stopped laughing or should I sit back and wait a few more minutes?

So I ran across this YouTube video totally randomly in 2011 and I was floored.  I was laughing so hard I didn't even catch the meaning until the fifth or sixth time of watching.  In case you missed it My Favorite Martian is basically saying take all the stereotype you've ever heard of and blow them out your rear end because 90% of them are shit.  And it's not just the cultural stereotypes that need to be tossed out it's all of them.  

A definition of Stereotypes:

The definition of a stereotype is any commonly known public belief about a certain social group or a type of individual. Stereotypes are often confused with prejudices, because, like prejudices, a stereotype is based on a prior assumption. Stereotypes are often created about people of specific cultures or races.

Almost every culture or race has a stereotype, including Jewish people, Blacks, Irish people, and Polish people, among others.

Stereotypes are not just centered on different races and backgrounds, however. Gender stereotypes also exist. For example, if you say that men are better than women, you’re stereotyping all men and all women. If you say that all women like to cook, you are stereotyping women.

A lot of stereotypes annoy the piss out of me but I'm going to pick a few and see how long this gets.  The first Stereotype that pisses me off is the ones about those on food stamps.

Want me to say it?  I'm on food stamps.  I need government help to feed my family.  Am I proud of it? No.  Am I going to put on a shirt that says that I get government aid, probably not. As soon as I can get off of it, am I going to march in my social services office and give them their card back? Yes.  Does this mean that I am on Welfare? No!  Am I ashamed of welfare? No.

People seem to think that all government aid is lumped together in one big ball of nedy lazy people that are taking advantage of your tax dollars.  That is not true.  That is not false but as a general stereotype it is.  There are always, always ALWAYS going to be people everywhere that will be given a hand and take a whole arm.  That is not all people.  The general stereotypes that I run into if I happen to be unlucky enough to have to sit through a discussion about government aid is that the people who need it are fat lazy good for nothings that would rather draw the benefits than do something with their life. The people on Medicaid are taking the free healthcare and popping out baby after baby after baby so that the people not on it have to pay through the nose for their care to cover other's care.  That they're all druggies who can't be trusted. Oh and my favorite, the people who don't need aid can't afford lobster for dinner, but people on food stamps can get it anytime they choose to.

Seriously, don't make me laugh.  Starting from the bottom.  If I could get lobster on food stamps, don't you think my ass would have learn to love that shit ages ago?  I JUST got to try lobster when my mother took us out for Christmas dinner and I'm freaking 34!  90% of stores that accept EBT/SNAP benefits have certain items that you cannot get on food stamps.  They don't fly.  You have to pay cold hard cash for them and let me tell you most steaks (The good one, t-bone, prime rib, porterhouse, etc), lobster, fresh seafood (the stuff in the seafood case not the prepackaged stuff) and NOTHING from the butchers block counter (The fresh meat they cut for you) can be bought with stamps... at least not in North Carolina.  You get tot he register and think we're getting away with that shit and the register tells us nope uh uh, cash please.  Hell this afternoon I wasn't able to use my EBT card for some black grapes because that is what they classify a gourmet item.  And the thought that the states should restrict what you can buy on stamps, they already have but what most people are calling for is no sugar type stuff.  They already have that program.  It's called WIC.  As for sugary stuff on stamps, let me ask you this... a gallon of apple cider costs what? Four maybe five dollars?  Guess what? Kool-aid costs two bucks.  And with that small thing of kool-aid we can make drinks for depending on the household up to three weeks. (insert double stereotype that poor folks guzzle kool-aid... I will handle that later.)  The government would have to up the food stamp roof to accommodate cutting out sugary stuff. because the healthy stuff costs so much more. That is not an opinion.  That is a cold hard fact.  Is it a fair fact? No.  But it's still a fact.

Next that welfare people are just druggies.  Seriously, do I have to debunk that one?  I have never tried to get welfare in NC but I tried just after my divorce in New Jersey.  They told me I couldn't get welfare because I had kids.  I asked then who does get welfare?  The woman told me that people with no kids who are trying to get a leg up on life.  That is per a reform that took place and went into effect almost ten years ago.  And the ones that were already on the old system were being phased into the reform which meant they were going to have to stop being the stereotype that unfortunately some of them created.  No more free checks and no more people with a blatant substance abuse problem.  And I love the people who post things on Facebook about all government aid recipients need to be tested for drugs before getting their benefits.  They tried that in Florida.  They spent 26 million dollars that the country technically doesn't have only to come up with one person.  Everyone else passed because here's the thing.  If you know that you are down on the food chain enough to have to ask for help feeding your kids, you know that it's defeating the purpose if you have a coke habit.  It's the ones that don't know just how far down on the food chain that find a way to do drugs and still get aid and somewhere in the back of their heads a little piece of them knows it's not going to last because the government keeps track of everything you buy with that card.  At any given time Social services can tell me how much I spent, where I spent it, and depending on the store what I bought.  Would I mind doing a piss test if they asked me to? Honestly? No.  Because I like the majority know that doing what they don't want you to do is the best way to muck it all up.

Having baby after baby after baby... Again, those of you crying about that have you ever trued to sign up for MedicAid?  Ever?  More than likely not.  The state of New Jersey tells you flat out.  We are covering the kids on this application.  We are not covering anymore.  If you need help for these, then you should be smart enough not to have anymore.  No shit that is exactly what my caseworker in NJ told me.  In NC they did one better.  The application asks if I would be willing to be sterilized and that if I am not it may affect the decision to give me aid.  For shits and giggles I told them no I would not be willing to be sterilized. (I had my tubes tied after my youngest daughter because we could barely scrape by with them and I wasn't bringing another into the picture especially when we had a loveless marriage on top of that.) The result was me being called to an itty bitty room and interrogated about my intention to have more children that I couldn't afford and that the government was going to have to support.  They tried to go the shame route on me.  There was one loophole to this interrogation however.  I could have very easily said that religion prevented me from saying yes.  There isn't a thing they could do about it then, but instead being the sarcastic ass I am, I started laughing and told the stern faced woman that I wouldn't agree to be sterilized because I had been sterilized years prior.  That gave the woman a good pause.  To which she actually apologized for the shaming she had tried to give me.  So no, you can't get on Medicaid and pop out babies like a pez dispenser. It doesn't work like that.

Fat lazy good for nothings... I'm not even going to try and disabuse people of that one.  For every one of us that are on government aid that are trying to do something with their lives there are five more that have simply given up and are content to sit and do nothing.  And yes, I said given up.  In most cases, they go out and they get the job, but it's minimum wage and it's part time but yet the state will cut benefits like it's a full time job.  You can make $150 a week and feel good about yourself and the state will see that you are making money and cut your benefits.  Normally this would be okay but if that $150 isn't guaranteed every week, then that cut in benefits stats to gain on you.  Say you made 150 week one, 75 week two, 100, week three, and 80 the fourth week.  But your benefits were cut $600 because you had a paycheck that said $150.  Your pay adds up to $405.  You are now $195 short on what you normally have to support your household.  The government aid system was not set up to deal with flexible hours and pay.  For most families, that missing $195 is an electric bill or maybe their share of the rent.  After six months of that you are now down about $1,200.  So yeah, I say given up because against odds like that, you really can't win.  Months of choosing which bill you are going to pay that month are going to pile up like a tsunami and engulf you so the thought it is, give up go back on full benefits, catch up with bills and not try to get ahead again.  Not fat lazy good for nothings.  People who have been knocked down so many times they don't know how to get up anymore.

And I will never say another word on Government assistance again.  It's not a topic that I discuss often.

Stereotype Number two and this was mentioned with the kool-aid vs healthy drinks line.

African americans drink nothing but kool-aid and eat fried chicken.

Have you ever seen a painting or drawing of a black family gathering?  Nine times out of ten the prominent food/drink there is Fried chicken and kool-aid.  Because that's what we drink/eat.  Yeah, we do.  But we drink and eat so much more.  Fried chicken goes back to slavery times.  And let me tell you.  Back then more slave owners ate fried chicken that the average modern african american family.  Someone, somewhere put flour on a piece of chicken and threw that bitch in some hot oil and chowed down and it was the greatest meal ever.  Chicken farms.  Hell unless you were lucky enough to have a dairy farm with a cow for beef and a pig for pork you could always find a chicken.  The truth is, chicken is one of the cheapest meats out there.  To make my family chicken wings for dinner, do you know how much it costs?  About 11-20 bucks and we have left over for days. Bag of wings is 7-9 bucks and the oil is about 2.  So depending if I'm making them to eat tonight or to eat for days, I'm still spending less than $25 bucks.  Now you get a whole bunch of people together that have the stuff and know how to cook the stuff, you get a lot of fried chicken, you will get potato salad, cornbread, and there is no doubt that you will get about five different desserts.  Is this a bad stereotype?   No but it's not a totally correct one either.  Have you ever heard of a kid drinking city punch?  You think that's slang for Kool-aid don't you?  Haha no.  City Punch is another way of saying water.  I actually saw on television one woman talking about all the kids telling her that they drink city punch and she went on and on about how the sugar in their diets was going to cause them to be obese and what not.  I think the show that was airing this let her go on and on because either they didn't know what City punch was or they wanted to see just how deep this woman could stick her foot in her moth and down her throat.  She was complaining about them getting fat on water. Hmmm...

Seriously the kool-aid and chicken thing is one of my favorite stereotypes.  I can't say for why totally but it makes me laugh. And if you come from my family, Hells yeah you're going to get fried chicken , all that other mess I don't eat, and five different desserts and if no one thought to buy a few cases of soda, Hell yeah you're going to find both Kool-aid and Cool-aid.  You figure that one out...

Women are bad drivers.  Well, you try putting on your make up in those tiny mirrors.  Let's see how well you drive!  Go on, how bout you shave on your way to work.  Go on!  See how well you drive?

Blacks are better at sports and dancing.  Have you ever noticed that a lot of the dance moves that blacks do look like we're having sex or getting the crap beat out of us or running away?  I'm going to let that marinate in your brain.  As for sports.  It's mostly the ones that we're running in.  Football.  We catch the ball and twenty guys start running at you.  Hell yeah I see a whole bunch of burly guys running at me at top speed, you bet your ass I'm going to run.  Baseball. We ain't hitting the ball.  We're hitting someone that pissed us off and then we're running because their brother/father/posse is coming after us. Track. WE ARE RUNNING AWAY.  Swimming. WE ARE GETTING AWAY.  Basketball. I don't know about them but I;m bouncing my ex husbands face into the floor over and over and over again and science tells us that if we drop it from high enough it's going to hit the ground harder usually so yeah I'm going to shove the butthead's face through an itty bitty hoop and slam it on the ground.  Y'all really think we thinking about the mechanics of the sport?  Ha!!  Good one.

I'm spent bloggers.  I'm hungry, my dinner is calling my name and since the kids are away, my big ol' tub that takes forty minutes to fill is calling me too so stay Frosty, guys!! Till next time!!

The problem with morning

Is that it's too damn early.

Now, I'm not stupid enough to claim that I'm one of those people that hit the floor running at the ass crack of dawn and hope that you believe me because I know that the majority of you will sit there, call me a liar, and laugh your ass off because you know I'm lying through my teeth.  The only time my feet hit the floor running in the morning is if I have to go to the bathroom... or someone is at my front door (mostly because they want to test the theory that I will maim you before 8 am)... or one of my kids is hurt/crying.

Otherwise my feet stay firmly under the covers where it's warm and the top half of me can cuddle with the million pillows I have on my bed.

Trust me, the devil does not look up at my floor and mutter that I'm up before ten and if, by some freak happening like today I'm up, he's so totally not concerned that I'm going to do any damage.  Not at all.

The earth should be split into two parts.  Those that like getting up early and running the world while it's spectacularly bright outside.  And those that like running the world at night and we should only congregate on overcast days and at dusk when it's neither day nor night.

The people on the dark side would all go to to work/school at night and the people on the light side could do all that in the daylight.  And yes, I realize about 85% of the worlds children would be on the dark side of the earth but here's how you sort them out:

• People on the light side will get paid a sun bonus.  Their jobs will end at nightfall and they will go to bed unless they get a day pass to the the darkside.
• People on the darkside will be okay with regular pay since most of the money will be going towards lighting and electricity.  They will sleep during the daylight hours unless they obtain a day pass to the light side.

Passes will only be issued if:

• You live on the dark side and are in a serious committed relationship and need to know what your other half looks like in sunlight.
• You live on the light side, are in a committed relationship and would really like a date without the sun shining on you. Please not that couples dating less than a year will only be granted this pass once every five weeks, couples newly married will get a three day pass, and couples with children will get a nightly pass every two weeks.
• You have saved up a total week of vacation at your job.  Please note you must work for one full year to earn a week so this pass is only available once a year to either side.

Every person at the age of 18 will be required to live on the opposite side of the earth for three months to decide if they want to be in the light or in the dark.

Farmers will always live in the light.  Except the cannabis farmers.  We already will have massive lighting on the dark side so why not take advantage and live on the dark side and use heat lamps.  The hippie cannabis farmers who like organic can live on the lightside and all cannabis farmers will be require to share.

Since even in a perfect world we can't control the weather (and every single one of you Sims players need to stop sniggering...) on any overcast day when the sun is NOT shining but it's not dark dark, the two halves may mingle and rules are suspended.

NO... I haven't spent a lot of time thinking about this.  I'm serious all of that bull shit just jumped off the top of my head this morning.  I'm abstaining from coffee.  No matter what I do save drinking it black, it messes with my tummy.  And one might ask, if I know it's going to do this, why have I still been doing it?

The same reason my lactose intollerant ass still eats ice cream and milk and cookies... because they are just too good to give up and I'm weighing the pain it will cause against the feel better aspect and the feel better aspect is winning.  The feel better aspect of coffee is not winning over the pain factor because I can't do that two days in a row.  I think I'll make myself some tea...  Be right back

...and yet my dumb ass ended up with coffee.. (You don't know it but I was actually AWK for like twenty minutes... I do it often.  Sometimes my blogs are two days in the making...) Remind me of this when I'm in pain in about forty minutes...

So I'm going to go fight with Time Warner cable. Yay fun!  Out of the first 100 channels I can't see about 45 of them so I'm missing a lot of shows... you know when I actually turn on my tele and when it actually wants to work... I don't want to call them, I want to turn my boxes in for newer boxes but I have a whole season of Once Upon A Time saved on my DVR and I don't wanna lose it! Yes I'm whining.

Mystery man was back again last night.  The conversation was... interesting.  We talked about sex.  Not had it, but talked about it.  He's not happy that I don't like sex.. Not happy at all.  Anyone know someone that uses the term cow dung instead of bullshit?  MM actually used that phrase last night.  I have never used that term in my life and don't see myself converting from bullshit to cow dung...

Mmmmm coffee... I love that feeling when each sip spreads through your central nervous system and you get all warm and relaxed.

Okay, I'm going to write again.  I have someone else that I'm thinking of submitting CTD to but this time I'm going to pitch that it's in two parts.

Ta y'all.

Fuck up Mom

That's what I feel like right now.  A major league, royal class fuck up of a mother.

I have one child that thinks she's a diva who can do what she wants when she wants, in the time she wants, because she wants.

This afternoon Liv's friends came to the house to ask her to play.  She acted like I wasn't even there and said "Sure, I'll be right out."  In my day, with my mom, especially if she were standing right there, she would have knocked me down the street and told me to pick myself up and get in the house.  If I cried I would have gotten knocked out again because I knew I was wrong.  And Liv knew she was wrong.  Even her friend knew she was wrong.  Quite honestly, if it weren't for the fact that my kids need to be outside as much as possible and not on the Wii, Xbox, and tablets all the time I would have told her to go in the house.

And this isn't the first time.  I will tell her to go do something and even if I'm standing there, she will go and do something completely different.  When I remind her that she was supposed to be doing the thing I told her to do she widens her eyes and puts on that cutsey girl tone and says "Oh yeah! I forgot!" Picture every blonde ditz you've seen in the movies and that's what she looks and sounds like.  Pisses me off.  I take away all the fun stuff and you'd think that the stuff she's supposed to do would get done but no.  She find another way to slack off and give me the oh yeah I forgot crap.  And her mouth!  Sometimes the child forgets that I'm her mother and she will unleash the wrong tone on me.  You have no idea how many times I have abstained from backslapping the ever loving mess out of her.

And I know that there are some people out there who would tell me to slap the taste out of her mouth and be done with it but no.  I don't hit my kids.  I don't hit them because that means I'm madder than I should be and I have an anger problem.  I recognize that I do and if i get mad enough to actually raise my hand I don't have the turn off switch to say enough.  I run on adrenaline and usually until it's spent I can't stop.  So no, I won't hit my kids.

And then Kay. I have no idea where I went wrong.  Sometimes I don't think I did.  Sometimes  I get the feel like my child is a very high functioning Autistic child.  And there is nothing wrong with that.  Autistic children are people too and more than capable of one day taking care of themselves.  But how does one go about finding out if their child is autistic?  I have taken her to the doctor and pleaded with her to send Kay for testing and recognize that something is wrong and she sends the referral but then I get a letter saying that MedicAid won't pay for the tests.  So I can't get the tests.

But that's besides the point.  She's thirteen and she acts like a ten year old.  I love LOVE LOVE it when she draws me a picture but she draws in the manner of a five or six year old.

If I told you that my thirteen year old drew this, you might ask me how I made it look so knew after all these years.  Because obviously a child drew this.  If I corrected you and told you that my thirteen year old drew this less than a month ago, you would look at me like I had a special child.  I know you would.  Most people do.  Seriously they do.

She doesn't bathe properly.  And I have gotten in the shower to bathe with her and show how how to wash.  And those rare days which are becoming more and more that she sticks and when I say stinks, I mean that smell that the world as we know it associates with the few overweight people who can't get to every crevice on their body.  It's musty and funky all mixed together in one nauseating smell that stays in a room long after the person has left the room.  When I tell her that she stinks she says "Oh well!" or "I know" with a shrug and a face completely void of emotion.

Kids tease her at school.  Acne has hit her hard as it did with me at that age and she's little overweight as I was at her age.  She's awkward and I can't help but feel like if she wore her glasses more she wouldn't be so clumsy but then she complains that the kids call her four eyes.  If I tell her that kids have called people with glasses four eyes since the dawn of glasses she goes into conniption about how much it hurts.

And saddest of all, she has inherited my anger issues.  I've sat an watched how something innocent can make her actually mad enough to threaten someone's life.  My fear for her at school is that she's going to tell someone that she's going to kill them and she will be expelled. They have a zero tolerance policy at school now because of all the kids that went postal and if a kid so much as bites their sandwich into the shape of a gun they expel them.  Kay is just off the chain enough to threaten someone's life in the heat of an argument and there goes her school life.  

I don't know what to do anymore and tonight is one of those nights where I feel like maybe their father was right in suing me for custody.  Maybe I am a shit mom who is doing more damage than good.  

I don't know.  And that both pisses me off and scares the shit out of me...

Well... he's back...

I've been sitting here debating whether or not to actually blog about the mystery guy for the main reason that I don't actually know who is reading my blog.  I.E. by some weird twist of fate most foul, the guy that I have had a crush on for the better half of a year might read this and think I'm talking about him.

And it would be awesome if the man that has haunted my dreams for years upon years turned out to actually be him but I'm sure now, that it's not him.

Other dreams slip away as soon as I wake up and other dreams leave in large chunks but Nearly every single dream starring my mystery man has stayed on.

Last night we were at a mall.  I don't know what mall I know that I have been there before in my dreams but I don't think in real life.  The beginning is a little confounded.  My Mom was in a doctors office and my mother in law dropped the kids off to me in the car outside the mall which was also outside of the doctors office and the she said to me that my daughter K hadn't been feeling well.  So Mom gets in the car and I wheel around for a better parking spot at the mall and when she asks why I told her that there was a fast food restaurant selling whole baked chickens 3 for ten bucks.  And I take the kids inside and leave her sitting in the car.  I don't know why I just did.

Somehow we ended up at an Emergency room in the mall that was run by what I want to say were Chinese people but I don't know.  They operated out of one of those doors that half opens and they took Kay in and closed the door.  (I'm scared as hell that something is about to happen to my daughter) but in the dream I go to a hair supply store.  What I was looking for, I have no idea.  I don't know how long I was in there either but I do know a buzzer/beeper like the ones you get at restaurants when you are waiting on your table started lighting up and I went back to the half door where I was given K back.  She is a 13 yr old as tall as me don't ask me how they gave her back through the door, I can't tell you.  Then we went on our quest for the baked chicken and ended up at a McDonalds.

While my kids are harassing the people at the counter, I'm sitting at a table and watching when a man behind me starts to talk to me.  I never turned to see his face but the voice was like an old friend.  It made me feel safe and warm and loved.  Eventually he came to sit in front of me but here's the kicker.  The POV switched from mine to his.  Suddenly I was looking at myself through his eyes and I didn't look fat, or trying too hard to be cute, I looked like what I am: Just a woman.  And even I thought I looked pretty.  I had this glow around me that almost made me sparkle like The Cullens in sunlight.  He sat there and talked to me about my day and then he took my hand and told me "I'll be there soon.  I want you to know that I'm trying to get to you but everytime I think I'm close there's a roadblock in my way."  And I told him that I would be here waiting.  He then told me that I have no idea how much he loves me.  He wished he could show me; he wished he could show me.  And then he did something that I'm not sure he's done ever: we both stood up and he just held me.  Not tight, not in a sexual way, just stood there, and held me. And suddenly I was back in my body and all my feelings of resentment, and strain, and stress were gone.  I felt nothing but happy, safe, and loved for that one moment and then he said he had to go and I watched his back as he walked away.  He's still tall.  But not so much taller than me. He's lost weight since I last saw him because he's thinner from the back. Sandy light brown or dark blonde hair that's cut but not short short and he was wearing jeans and a black t-shirt.

He doesn't have an accent anymore.  I take that to mean that he's from down here as the Southern accent doesn't stand out to me anymore. Once in the past he had a British accent but I had just finished a movie set in England so that might have had something to do with it.  Most other times he's had a twang or a Southern accent.  Last night he was just talking and there was no accent that stood out.

And as I watched him walk away, there was no crying, no longing or holding out my hand to pull him back, because he said he'd be here soon and that's what I clung to.

And then my kids came back from the counter with the manager who looked like Idris Elba and I woke up because my mother in law was calling me.

I am a good girl who believes in God and all that I *supposed* to believe in but I can't understand why it is that I can't find this guy or that he apparently can't find me in any other place than my crazy ass dreams.  Why does He let me develop crushes on men but make it so that they don't want me.  Being alone sucks ass.  I might as well be the freaking Sahara Desert because no one wants to be here.

Maybe his appearing is to shore me up since Valentines days is quickly approaching.  It will be here in exactly one month from today and there is no way in hell that anyone is going to ask me out.  I'm not that lucky.

Where are you mystery guy?  Next time we dream meet can you tell me what roadblocks are in your way?  Maybe I can help you get through them.  It's more than I want you.  I need you.  I think you are the safety line that keeps me from spinning off into full blown crazy but the rope is starting to fray.

Ugh, blogging didn't help and I still never got my baked chicken!

Stay Frosty Bloggers.  Or stay frosty out there because I'm about to turn up the heat here. Ciao!

What has television sunk to...?

So I'm sitting here watching this new TLC show called 90 day fiancee.  These American guys have at one point in their lives traveled and met these Russian girls and they fell in love and have been communicating for about six months to a year.  Now the girls have obtained 90 day visas to America and they have to get married in that time or be deported.

The first thing I want to say is Shame on you TLC.  I have said that before.  I said that when they came out with Breaking Amish because those people had not been practicing the faith they were professing to leave for at least ten years by the time the show started.  TLC is exploiting Americans and assuming right off that we are all ignorant and just plain stupid.  They further assumed we were when they came out with Amish Mafia.  But I digress...

Seriously?  How do you spend a few days with someone and then a year online and decide you want to be married?  That kind of commitment takes serious work.

Say I met and fell in love with a guy from the country.  I am a serious city girl.  Cannot tell you how serious I am about being in or near the city.  If and I mean if anything jumped off between us, I would have to go out to his element to see if I have a total nervous breakdown at the screech of a bat or the howl of a coyote.  Provided that after a night in the country, I wasn't stark raving mad, we might try for a weekend.  Then I would have to do some type of vacation with him.  All factors have to be explored before the choice of marriage even comes up.  He has to interact with my kids, my family, my friends. I have to interact with his family, his friends.  Because I believe that a wife should be the religion her husband is, I would need to go to his church to make sure I am comfortable. It's just so many factors.

There is no way that I could "Get to know" someone over the internet only.  And even if that were possible, I could not fly to a separate country and cram what should be a year of dating or more into 90 days and conclude it with a wedding. And there's no way that I could do it on television.

One of these girls is highly upset that her "Fiance" is a Mormon that lives with his parents.  First off, I applaud the Mormon religion for abstaining from sex until after marriage.  That's a good way to ensure that there aren't any oopsies.  He explained to the viewing audience why he still lives with his parents.  He works on an oil rig or something like that and is rarely hime.  It makes no sense for him to pay for a place of his own.

First of all on that.  If you are rarely home, why are you looking to get married? You aren't ever there and you are bringing this poor girl from another country and expect that she stays completely faithful to you while you are away for weeks at a time?  Do you think that after you've forced your decision to do this on your parents that it's going to be a happy happy joy joy situation at home while you are gone?  No, mom and dad are going to try hard to adjust to this person that doesn't speak their language but calls them mom and dad.

Second of all, the fact that you are very secure in your faith and okay with not sleeping with her until you are married and she says outright to you that you should forget your religion just one night and sleep with her.  That she wants you and she doesn't want to wait doesn't raise any flags?  Really?  Right there that says to me that in about three weeks from the night you give in, she is going to come up pregnant and you are going to be trapped.  Run dude!  Run!  So then you work out a thing where you now have an apartment with her but again you are clinging to your faith and your best friend is going to share the living room with you while she sleeps upstairs and she's not the least bit happy that you both are out of your parents house because you still won't sleep in the bed with her. RUN, Forrest! RUN!

I didn't even keep up with the other guy and his girlfriend slash wife to be.  All I see in this show is a couple of god digging foreign women and some stupid as hell men.  I realize that this how our race gets diversified but there's got to be a better way.

I mean these are just my thoughts/  Am I biased that even these women that I perceive to be gold diggers can land a man and I still can't, yes.  I freely admit that I am.  I am biased, I am jealous, I am green with envy.  That doesn't change the fact that I think the whole premise of this show is shit.

Ah whatever!  Good night Bloggers.  Sleep tight.