Sitting in church...

So first of all, my purse smells like stale fried chicken because my family and I went to Golden corral two weeks ago and they stuck a piece of fried chicken in my purse to take home.  I JUST found it.  Freaking eww on so many levels.

I'm sitting in church, hence the title of this blog, and its first Sunday.  This is the Sunday  when the people born in this month and those married in this month stand to be recognized.  At the end of all of that reverend always asks who would like to be married in that month and I always raise my hand.  Last month, I raised both my hands and told them that this month, I was gonna throw a foot in there for good measure.  

Thankfully this month, reverend didn't ask who would like to be married. Whether this was an accident and he forgot or he just didn't want to see me embarrass myself again I don't know, but he didn't ask.

Its just as well, honestly.   December marks three things for me.  First,  my youngests birthday is this month.  Second, that another year is ending and its one more year spent by myself not for lack of trying... especially hard this year actually.... and Thirdly, I will probably be invited to someone's for the new years and one more year I will have to watch couples  kiss in the new year.

I think three is the one that will break me.  It does every year although most years I make sure to be close to piss  drunk by midnight so that  when tears run down my face I can blame it on the alcohol.  Everyone usually buys that explanation.  I cry, they coo, we all go about our lives.  Same script different year.

I think this year I will just skip the new year altogether. I won't be missed.  So I think I'm going to leave the kids to their holiday with the ex, my mom to church and sit somewhere and make the same wish I make every year; that this be the last one I end not happy.

After this I just have to get through Valentine's Day without climbing a water tower and I should be fine  until my birthday when the whole viscous cycle begins again....

Well I AM in church and several people have complained that I and several of the young folk never pick their heads up for messing with their electronic gadgets.  I guess I'll listen.

See ya later.

O...O...O... Oh!

Yes! I am returning to the Alphabet blog!!

I sat and thought a lot about this blog.  At first only one O word kept coming to mind but in the end I really didn't want to blog about orgasms.  One because I don't remember what those feel like to describe it and two because I didn't really want to do another blog that had to do with sex.  I already did K for Kinky and I may have scared a couple of people with that one.

This was is sort of connected to sex but not really.  I chose Online Dating.

We have Match.com. eHarmony, Plenty of Fish, Single parents Dating, Military Singles, OK Cupid, and about a million other sites out there but do any of them really help?

I have one friend that met her husband on I think Match.com and they're happy.  They're good.  They are the success story that the site likes to tell everyone.

I probably have a free profile on all of them... including Christian Mingle.com.  The problem with that is they don't allow you to communicate with each other if all you have is the free membership.  Paying members can message you and see all the stuff you want them to see but if you aren't a paying member you can't write them back.  Yes Match.com has free communications weekends but honestly, I never see the commercials until Saturday night when the weekend starts on Friday and ends Sunday.  Not enough time to update my profiles.  Or remember all of my log ons.

I paid for Single parent's meet for three months and let me tell you.  It was a waste of money.  most of the people there didn't have kids, didn't want kids, or didn't want a black woman with kids.  If I were 25 and had no kids then maybe they'd consider me but not a thirty year old with kids.  Nope.  I did get a couple of letters from a few guys though.  The one that made me pay the site simply because I wanted to write him back was a scam I think.  It appeared five minutes after I signed up and he told me all about himself.  Way more than he could have possibly have written in five minutes>  Anyway, I paid, and wrote him back, waited for his reply which  came two days later and what he replied was the same exact letter he wrote in the first place.  It took me all of five minutes to realize that the site had a profile that wrote women various letters based on their likes and dislikes to lure them into paying so they can respond.  That guy aside I got a few hits from some guys but they were all across the country and way older than me.  I don't mind a guy older than me but when I was 30, I wasn't looking for a 55+ guy.  And there was one guy I really hit it off with.  I mean I actually would have liked to have met this guy but then in response to one of my letters, he sent me a reply to another woman and a steamy one at that.  When I called him on the wrong name, he tried to apologize but said "I'm sorry, I talk to so many women here that it's hard to keep you all straight."  Wrong! Sorry!  not me!!  I'm ghost.  Stopped paying for that one and let the account go.  It's been about five years on that one.

Christian Mingle is probably a nice site but apparently God wants about $35 a month billed in one easy lump sum of $100+ to show you the match he's picked out for you.  How about I propose a new deal?  I go to church and pay my tithes.  Pay partial attention to the sermon and pray really hard?  How about that?  Deal!

I'm not above online dating sites.  If they were cheaper or rather free, I would actually try to use one the way they are supposed to but then there's other concerns.

Is anyone really who they say they are online?  I don't think so.  I try to be honest but let's face it, even I embellish a little bit.  In body type they offer, Slim, Athletic, Average, Curvy, A little more to Love, and BBW (Big Beautiful Woman).  I'm not Average (Although if America keeps going the way they seem to be, I will be) but at the same time I wouldn't describe me as Curvy because to me that says I have big boobs, small waist and or a big booty.  I have hand sized boobs and a little more booty than average with a not to thin waist.  But oh the things I can do with that booty! Ahem.  A little more to love makes me think I'm outfight saying I'm large but not so large as to make you think, Damn!  I'm not that large.  So usually I alternate between Curvy and A little more to love.  I think I have used BBW once and the men that responded were DEFINITELY in the BHM (Big Handsome Male) category and I'm sorry that's not a turn on to me.  I reserve the right even in my deplorable singlehood to be a little choosy.

Every now and then I talk myself into finding one of the cheaper sites and paying for them but then the news has a conveniently placed story about cyber dating gone horribly wrong and I talk myself right out of it.  And I usually don't even try the free for months to come.  They scare me just that bad.

It's always a possibility I guess.  Not now and maybe not ever for me, but There are success stories out there that aren't made up by PR execs in a smokey office.

One day my doofus in Tin Foil will come and if I have to use an Online Site to find him, I just might have to screw up the courage to do so.

As always comments are appreciated...

Feel free to Write on my Google+ page your suggestions for P.

Till then!!

Happy Thanksgiving!

Wow!  I got out of town and don't blog for two days and you guys blow up my reader stats!  Thank you!  I don't know you but I kinda love you for it!!  So I only took about six or so pictures and I'm going to use them all in this blog...

So for Thanksgiving we went up to the Indian reservation at Cherokee.  It was a pretty straight shot. Take 85 south for like fifteen minutes, hit Shelby (which answered my questions on just how far away the town was... I had previously thought I could get there in 40 minutes.  It took me 25 and that's only because there was a traffic jam that hemmed us up for about five minutes. I was just curious.) and then take highway 74 over hill and dale and up the mountain.  Three hours tops.  And that was with the rain sleet on the bottom of the mountain and the driving snow going up the mountain.

Cherokee is a very quaint place and usually when I say quaint I mean let me out and I never want to go again but I had a good time.  It's nestled into the mountains and a river runs through it.  When I woke up Thanksgiving morning and actually left the room Thanksgiving afternoon (Yes, we were that lazy) I stood in the parking lot and looked at the mountains and was just in awe!  I've always loved the mountains.  They are so majestic.  I do not always driving into said mountains but I love the mountains.

We got up there Wednesday afternoon and after a brief nap for my mom we went to the casino.  I can honestly say that the slots at Harrah's Cherokee are tight.  Like tighter than a virgin's knees on her wedding night...  But whatever.  The whole point of gambling is to pretty much be dazzled by the bright lights enough to put bill after bill in and let it gobble it up.  Not mad.

Came back and decided to sight see a little bit.  One problem with that.  It was nine at night and in Cherokee, nine at night means all closed up.  No lights, no nothing.  It also means the locals drive as fast as they want to and up on your tail because they assume that no non local would be out trying to see what there was around at that time a night.  After we found someplace to turn around, we went back to the hotel.

Thanksgiving morning we work up, we dozed, we re-woke up and lounged around until at least one when we decided it would be a good time to go and see what the reservation had to offer.  The simple answer to that question: Not a doggone thing but it was a fun drive!!  We went in all the directions including the ones we went the night before and discovered that there was stuff out there, just the lights were all off and it was pitch black.  Finally gave up sight seeing around 4 and headed back to the casino.  Mommy played for a little bit; so did I.  The machines were actually giving out money and then they went cold and took it back so we figured time to eat.  We had two choices.  The Chef's Stage Cafe or the Selu Garden Cafe, both of which were offering buffets for the holiday.  We tried Chef Stage because it was the closest but the line was so long that it would have take about two  hours to get in to get a seat.  So I left Mommy at the line and went to see about theis Selu Garden.  Well, no one knew it was there it seemd because there was no wait and I was able to make a reservation for twenty minutes from that time giving me plenty of time to walk back, get Mommy and walk slowly with her back to the restaurant.

I get back to her and there's this hella cute guy... well hella cute as for as African American men go.  The kind that even women who aren't into Black guys can't ignore.... well he had a platinum card and he offered to get us into the chef stage immediately. (For those of you that are non casino savvy, a Platinum card is like the golden Ticket from Willy wonka.  That ish gets you in!  There have special parking and special lines just for them and they get preferred EVERYTHING  Regular people wait in line and park in the nosebleed sections.  Platinum member go right on through and park down where the spots are wide, it's enclosed, and heated.  You get the picture...)  We discussed it and Mommy decided Selu because it was cheaper.  I tried not to broadcast it because I didn't want to hit a rush of people who decided to act on my discovery.

Anyway, food was excellent.  Staff was friendly.  If you ever find yourself at Harrah's Cherokee, I highly recommend the place.  The walk from the casino offered a photo opportunity as well...

 There's something about the river that runs through the reservation that called my inner country girl out and the entire time out there, I longed to find a fishing rod and just stand on the banks catching trout.  Have never eaten trout in my life but I wanted to fish for them SOOOO bad.

Met in interesting couple at dinner and spent probably an hour talking with them before we split up and went back to the casino.  They've already decorated for Christmas (Something that usually annoys me this early but it looked nice there) so of course I had to get a few pics of Mommy and myself.

My mom is awesome!  So we went down to do the slots some more and then I took her back to the hotel and I went out to the tribal movie theatre because they had Hunger Games 2 playing and the price I was told was $8.25 which is almost half what I would pay to get to see it here in Charlotte.  I got there and the lady only charged me $5 bucks!!!!  Awesome!!!!  Cherokee Reservation, you rock my socks off!  But not actually off cause it was freaking cold up the mountains!

Got to see my movie, came back to the hotel and warmed up.

Not a good sleeping night.  I drank iced tea at dinner and neglected to watch the time so when I should hae been sleeping soundly, I was in and out thanks to my caffeine problem.  No big, I was up at 8 and Hampton inns has wonderful coffee and breakfast if you get up.  Well the coffee was awesome always because they ALWAYS have hot coffee waiting but breakfast is only until 10 and it was scrumptious!

Made it back down the mountain in a little under three hours.  Driving a good speed is easy when there's no snow blowing in your face.  It was sunny so we kinda flew down.  Aside from the two very obvious State Trooper speed traps it was free road.

So now I'm home and it's all good.  I'm about to leave here to go get my kids for the weekend in a few minutes.  I would love nothing more than to leave them at their father's for the weekend but they don't have the clothes to stay and Sunday is First Sunday so they need to go to church for communion.  I'm very big on Communion.  I also get my son on the weekends now!  Yay!!

So there's my Thanksgiving blog.

Thank you all for reading my blog over the last two days!  You are awesome!  Love you!!!

(I'm sitting here watching Mrs. Doubtfire and I'm listening to Robin Williams call Sally Field pretending to be all of those people.  Sorta wondering how she can't tell all of them are his voice.  He didn't really do anything but pitch his voice differently for each call.)

Blogger out!!

Damn you Nicholas Sparks...

Damn you to hell and back and then damn you to make the trip again and again.

I just watched Safe Harbor and at the current I am bawling like an effing baby because... well shit. I can't give the plot away to anyone that might read thi that hasn't seen the movie but damn you Nicholas Sparks!!

You did this to me in The Notebook. Why did I think my emotions were going to fare any better at the end of this movie?  Silly stupid me!

How does a man write a story like that?  I need him to help me with my current story.  I need him to write the part of the man because honestly, I'm afraid that the man in my story is coming off as girly although I have already described him as looking like Eric Bana.

Damn you Nicholas Spark, I need you.  When you finish with the trips to hell and back that I've condemned you to, I need your help to make the man in my story the kind of man that's going to make women everywhere fall in love with.  Hell I need you to wave your magic pen and make him real.

I'm so tired of being alone.  I'm going to admit it.  The great big truth behind me leaving Facebook.  It had very little to do with my days getting more productive.  You wanna know the real reason I left?  Because every single day, every hour, every five minutes, I'm there to check to see if he has posted something new. To see if he is online right now.  To see what he is posting anywhere.  Hoping he will message me or comment on one of my asinine statuses.

And the simple solution would be to delete him from my friends list but to tell you the gut wrenching truth, the easier option was to take myself away from Facebook.  I could no more delete him from my Facebook than I could hack off my arm with a butter knife.

I'm not a religious person but for the last month of Sundays I have asked God each and every night why I feel the way I do about him.  He doesn't want me.  He doesn't like me.  So why do I feel like he is my destiny and that if I just wait patiently the same lightning bolt that apparently knocked me on my ass months ago hits him.

This shit hurts.  I have basically turned my back on a whole bunch of friends because I'm trying to stop myself from stalking someone.  What the hell kind of shit is that?

And if I log on and reactivate that stupid page, the very first thing I'm going to do is go to his page.  I can swear up and down an electric mile on a stack of bibles that I won't do it, but within ten minutes I will have done it.  And sat here and cried.  That's just how pathetic I am.

Damn you Nicholas Sparks.  Damn you to hell and back over and over and over again.  You did this!  You caused the band-aid over that part of my heart to rip itself off.  It was healing quite nicely.  It only needed a few more weeks and I wouldn't need the damn band-aid.  But I had to go and watch one of your movies and feel all romantic and shit.

Damn you.  Damn you.

Damn me.

So there may or may not be any posts for the next couple of days.  I may blog via my phone but I seriously doubt it as I hate typing on my phone.  I'll have my tablet but IDK how much I'll type.  We'll see.

Oh fuck it, I'm going to watch another movie...

Night...

So there was no blog last night

And that wan not an intentional thing.  I went up to see a friend of mine and one conversation led to another conversation and before I knew it it was like seven o'clock and I needed to get home.  For half a minute there I forgot that I was Mom and had to get home to dictate bedtimes and whatnot.  It was awesome.  I so rarely get to converse with other adults.

I made it home in record time but that was not without getting lost.  I always get lost at least once but I see new and wonderful things while trying to figure out where I am and it's all good.  So I got home and had a bowl and a half of cereal for dinner and I was done.  I was so drained of energy that I could barely look at my computer.  I didn't even write anymore on the story I'm currently penning.

So no, my non blogging last night was not intentional.

This morning the girls woke me up as usual for school and I sat and listened to the icy rain falling and decided to let them start their Thanksgiving break early.  I mean, the rain was icy and their bus drivers tend to round the corners so fast you half expect the kids in the back of the bus to go flying out of the windows.  I couldn't have them standing in the icy rain waiting for the bus and I couldn't let them ride the bus today and on the same flip of the coin I could not see me getting up, de-icing the car and letting it warm up enough to take two kids to two different schools.  That was, and forgive me for sounded lazy as hell, way too much work with no gratification.  My bed was too warm for me to contemplate getting out of it this morning.

Kayla is having bully problems again.  I finally got her to understand the last time that if you just stand up to them and show them what you're made of they won't mess with you two months ago.  In that case, she hauled off and punched the kid in the nose and we didn't hear anything else from him ever.  Now it's a new girl who's attacking Kay the only way uppity girls know how... looks.  She's saying that Kay need hair extensions and eye surgery.  Is this really what bullies are going for these days?  I mean really?  That little girl wouldn't have survived a day when I was a teen.  To say I was a bully would be going a little too far.  I only effed with those that messed with me or my friends.  This girl would have busted some ish on me about needing hair extensions and eyes surgery and I would have put on my glasses combed my short hair and showed her exactly WHY long hair can be a burden...  Kay is way to passive.  I suppose this is my Karmic punishment for being a badass in middle school.  What I wouldn't give for a set of Freaky Friday fortune cookies right now.  Please God on Monday Let me wake up in my daughters body...

I'm currently looking for a publisher for my book... again.  The one I submitted to asked for the manuscript even after i said that my story was 160k+ words and then wrote me back a month later telling me that they only look at stories 100K words and less.  My question to them is if they knew it was over 100K words at the time of my summary proposal, why did they ask me to send in the manuscript?  I swear if i see a truncated version of my story on the shelves somewhere I am going to sue them for everything they are worth.

I am going to write now.  Maybe that will take some of the sting out of feeling like I'm being taken for a ride.

Ciao Bloggers!

One week...

Okay I have to admit... After I went to YouTube to find this song, it set off a three hour music video marathon.  Whatever, I have no shame in my game, there's not much to do tonight except blog and bug YouTube tonight.  Well, there's write... but that's too much like right...

So it's been one week today since I left Facebook. It actually took me a minute to type just that sentence because I said the line in my head which led to me singing the song which led to watching the video... Don't judge me.

Anyway, it's been a week since I left Facebook and I'm not going to lie and say I don't miss it.  I miss it, just not enough to reactivate.  I miss posting pictures cause I have had quite a few picture moments in the past week as well as some serious status moments.

I had my son this weekend.  I miss having him around.  Life gets just a little more comical when he's here.  I always ask him not to do the dramatic thing but he slips into it like breathing and even I have to admit it takes most of my willpower not to bust out laughing sometimes.

Was sad to see him go. But I'll have him again either next weekend or the weekend after.

My brain has already checked out for the night.  I started this blog at like five tonight and this is all I have written and it's a quarter to ten at the current.  We went to Golden Corral tonight and I think I ate my weight in Shrimp, chicken, steak, and chocolate covered strawberries.  And I'm a big girl....

Needless to say the sugar high has completely worn off.  Even Kay went down early.  I'm dragging ass right now and I'm not even sure what that means.  I think it means I'm really tired. I'm so tired, i don't even care that I probably sound as dumb as a blonde doorknob right now...

Dude... Goodnight!

My stove is a stubborn two year old...

They seriously stopped producing my stove in the seventies and they stopped selling it in the eighties.  Parts started getting scarce in the nineties and were all but impossible to find in the two thousands.  So here we are in twenty thirteen and I still have this reject stove from the seventies that picks and chooses when it wants to work.  Like yesterday, you guys saw it, I rocked like no ones business. Today, it ruined two whole batches of cookies.  And by batches I mean I made the recipe TWICE and over 60 cookies all came out the same... flat and brown and thin.  Around seven I just gave up.  I froze the remainder in oven ready balls but I have a feeling that they too are going to go flat and crispy and I'm just done.

So I was in Food lion this afternoon.  I had to return the coffee I went out and bought my mom. (I bought her beans instead of ground Thursday at BJ's and she went and got a coffee grinder last night at Wal-Mart but found this morning it didn't work and the tone of her voice when she called me this morning said if you love me and you like your ears and living you will bring me coffee.  So even though her voice said don't bother, my mind heard get your ass over here with coffee I got to her house and found that it was just that she didn't have enough strength in her hands to use the grinder.  So I stood there and ground up the whole freaking bag and filled her coffee can, and went to Food Lion to return the one that I had bought her in case I couldn't get the grinder to work...) And I'm in line at customer service behind these two women that are all but screaming at the poor girl behind the counter because they want to return three cans of powdered baby formula and the rules of the store say you can't.  Actually the rules of ALL stores that sell baby formula say that you can't return it in any way, at any time for any reason except if the store sold you expired formula.  But anyway, she's trying hard to give this woman and her boss the dressing down of their lives and they're showing her in black and white that the policy of the store is that they can't take it back.  They even said that they don't know why it wasn't posted on the door. (It's never been posted on the door)  And the women are screaming that the cashier should have told them that they couldn't return them.

The cashier should have told them they couldn't return it??  It's freaking common knowledge.  It really is.  The cashier shouldn't have had to outright tell her... So of course the smaller one pulls out the s word.  She's going to sue them.  Over $45 worth of baby formula.  Why do people always have to pulled out that word when businesses don't act like Burger King and let them have it their way?

Had all the kids today.  They went out to play and then my house predictably turned into the rock band house.  Did that ALL afternoon.  Loudly.  So yeah, this is probably going to be a short blog compared to ,y other ones.

I haven't read Wideacre.  I've actually been writing when I wasn't playing or baking.  Ideas of it just kinda popped into my head.  Might do a little while I wait for my night meds to kick in.

So that's it for today.  We have church tomorrow then we're having family dinner and I have to take the boy back to the ex's house.  I kinda wish he lived with us, but I kinda don't.  He's happier at his fathers and I'm happy to see him on the weekends.  It's fine as it is.  I want for my older niece to spend the night as well.  I think she'd have fun here.  Maybe work that out when it gets warmer.

Okay, that's it, I'm spent.  Going to write a little and then head to bed.

Ciao bloggerinos!!

Love peace and Hair grease!

Just a typical Friday in the house....

I got up with every intention of going back to bed and lounging for a good part of the day... like all of it. I'm serious, I had every single plan of sitting in my bed and alternately sleeping and reading/finishing Wideacre and maybe starting The Favored Child.

And then I got out of bed to do Liv's hair and it just didn't feel right to get back into it.  What the hell is wrong with me? It used to be that if I actually got out of bed, my day consisted of doing everything possible to divert my feet from making a beeline back to it, now once I get out of it, I don't usually get back in until nightfall... I swear if my bed could walk and talk it would do a parental abduction on me or at least sue reality for custody...

So since I was up, I decided to go make jewelry.  I'm working on an orange necklace.  I don't have orange.  Well I do but I want another one.  I was going strong on that one until I remembered the church meeting was tonight and this was my chance to give Tammey her cupcakes and her mother her brownies.  I know I said that we could wait until Christmas since she wasn't able to bring me pans but I found a deal on 18 foil pans at BJ's yesterday so I figured let's do this!  So I started with the glass to make the Cracked Glass Cupcakes when I got that done (Which honestly I should have done last night, I realize now) I started on the red velvet cupcakes.  In the middle of those I had to stop and go to Kay;'s school but that was a five minute trip so whatev...

So I got home and baked those.  While I was baking those, I started on the brownies...

There's a pan missing but only because I couldn't fit it in the picture...  You can see the second batch of cupcakes right above it. Excuse my messy table... And that pile on the floor.  Livy refuses to clean it up.  I don't know why...

Then I started the cookie dough so I could drop it into the brownie pans.  When that was done I loaded the pastry bag and iced Tammey's cupcakes.  Used the small circle tip.  I need to find connectors for the large tips.  I guess I should go to Wilton's online store and try to find them.... Anyway...  They came out looking like this...  The glass hasn't hardened yet so if it doesn't, they will be delivered as such...

She wanted Cream Cheese frosting.  Blech!  Aside from the fact that I can't each cheese in any form, I just don't like the frosting.  Of the dozen left, seven of those got the rest of the frosting and five were left bare.  

I had a little down time after that but not much cause I had to check the brownie/cookies...

They all came out really well.  I'm kinda certain that one of the bottoms might be a little crispy but I'm allowed a little bit of burn sometimes.  At least that's what I'm telling myself...

Anyway, they came out looking like this...

So I sat down to write this blog post and I realized that Mrs. Ware said she wanted Peanut butter as well so here I go.  Back to the kitchen.  Those are in the oven and with the leftover dough for the peanut butter ones I added some chocolate chips and put them on a pan.  Those will be for me.  I get to be selfish...

So in a few minutes I'm going to go get the last of the brownies and let them cool for a bit.  I have to be out of here by six thirty to go get mommy which means I have to have them cooled and bagged by then.  I have been baking since about eleven this morning and I have to admit, I'm tired.  Briefly wanted Facebook back today if only to post these pictures, but my blog is good enough.

Told you I could do Donna Reed better than Donna....

Heh!!!

See you at the end of the night loves!!  Might do the O blog tonight.  I got a topic that's not Orgasm!!  I'm kinda excited!!

By the way, I still have some baking supplies left but only because I need like five dozen sugar cookies and more brownies within the next three weeks....

Long day

Yeah... a very long day.  They cut my food stamps.  Well, they cut everyone's food stamps. I lost about $40.  Huge inconvenience! I don't know how I'm going to survive!! This is a travesty!!  Did that last bit make my sarcasm stink too much? :-)

I'm a food hoarder.  I will always have food in my house 90% of it will be the ingredients to make something from scratch.  I don't do pre-made unless it's one of my exceptions... like spam.  I love spam.  You will never take my spam away from me.

So no cutting my stamps isn't going to kill me.

I have an irk that never fails to happen when I go grocery shopping.  See I go shopping by the month since I pretty much HATE doing the weekly and bi-weekly thing.  What never fails to happen is, when I am in the store with two heavy carts or a heavy cart and my moms cart heavy someone never ever fails to say "Wow, your cupboards must be bare!" or "You must be shopping for a football team!" Or even something to that effect.  Sometimes I smile, sometimes I explain about monthly shopping, and still sometimes, I just nod and keep at my business. Today, it happened in the store and in the parking lot.  Why can't people mind their own business??  I mean if I see a cute guy who has a case of beer in the store, I might say, "Oh, I'm going to your house, you have the beer!" I don't expect an answer, only a smile from said cute guy.  More often than not, I get a small explanation of why he has the case of beer and a nice smile and we go our separate ways.  But to make a statement like I must be shopping for a football team or my cupboards must be bare.... admittedly the second one pissed me off more than the first... ugh.  The lady in the parking lot that stopped and said I must have bare cupboards actually stopped like she expected an answer.  Well not like she expected it.  She stood there until I told her I do my shopping by the month.  Then she gave me a sad little upper class looking down on the serfs smile and walked on.

Left me thinking WTF?  But I said nothing.  I always try to say nothing.  I don't like being that angry black person.  I hate being perceived that way.

Yes, I care about what others think about me.  I worry about my public image.  I try hard not to worry about my weight because that's a serious problem with me.  When I'm happy I don't eat, I lose weight.  When my life kinda sucks I eat too much or I eat the wrong things and I blow up. This causes me to get depressed and I don't eat and I lose weight.  This causes my mom to notice and nag at me or throw out her ninja star weapon "I'm worried about you." so I start to eat and I don't know when to stop or what to put in my mouth and the cycle starts all over again conveniently skipping the I'm happy stage.

When I was first married, I didn't eat for hours but I was having sex so when I lost weight, I was losing it in the right places.  If I was hungry I had a salad or a plate of dinner half the size or what I normally ate.  It was all good.  When my divorce was upon me, I didn't eat because eating reminded me I was alive.  No sex meant for a minute there I looked like a bag of skin.

When I moved to Jersey and was marginally happy, I walked everywhere I could, I ran, I played with my kids, I didn't spend my time eating.  I'm trying to get back to that happy place but I have one roadblock and it's hell jumping over it.

Remember that crush I mentioned a month or so or more ago?  The one that I said i had no idea where it came from and I don't really understand it all.  And it's not that we are two different races, it's that we are two different people at ends of the spectrum so polar to each other that if we stood in our spots, I'm not sure we could see each other.  He's a little bit country, I pretend to be a little bit rock and roll.  He's stoic and knows his course, and I'm as flappable as the wind.  If it says go this way, I breeze that way.  He drives slow enough down the road to see the scenery and I drive fast enough that I can barely see the people I pass flipping me off...  But I can't shake it.  I can't shake him.  I refuse to delete his texts because in my low moment, I sit and read every single one of them and smile like an idiot.  For a moment I feel great and then I realize it'll likely never be and I don't get sad, I get confused as to why.

I just don't understand.  I have dreamed of my future husband for years.  The man I've dreamed about is an architect.  He has a huge family and above all, he's  got a Texas Drawl.  I think...  The man in my dreams that has been there for years has fuzzed over into the crush I can't do anything about.

I don't wish I could change things because truth be told, I've wished on so many stars that space is full of my whispering.  Wherever birthday wishes go is full of them too.  But it's okay because my wishes keep me warm at night, I guess.  (Hey gutter mind.... no! uh uh!  I'm shaking my finger at you in a school marm fashion.)

Sigh.  I tanked my left elbow somewhere and it's killing me.  Nothing I have has helped and moving it is becoming torture.  It's been hurting for a few days but today is the first time I let out that it hurt.  Probably because I was lifting the groceries.  Does anyone else hear a electric guitar play a really loud bad chord when they get a pain?  It can't be just me.

I'm forgetting something... oh right... Wildacre...

I didn't get very far between last night and today because I was busy all day but I did read this morning.  Bea had the baby, her husband came home and saw that he was a full term baby, not a month early baby.  She lied and said that some brigand forced her.  husband got piss freaking drunk and while she was in the parlor with brother, he begged her for a little booty.  Well actually he begged her for the room of pain (This is fifty shades of grey's red room of pain circa 1700's England) but she refused  and told him that he could have her there in the parlor.  In the middle of it all, Mommy walks in and her heart fails her.  They get her to her bed and she's mumbling in her delirium and Bea knows it's a matter of time.  They wake the doc hubby who says to give her a dose of laudanum  every four hours but Bea lies and says that he said to give her the whole freaking vial of it.  Moms dead.  They bury her but the hubs has figured out what his mother in laws ramblings meant and now he gets drunk every night.  Bea has threatened to spread word that he was so drunk he told them the wrong does resulting in the death of her mom.  So now he has to keep quiet.  Oh and Ralph the gamekeepers son is back.  No leg but he's back.  He's burning down farms.  Bea is scared now.

I didn't know Phillipa Gregory could write such twisted ish like this... Damn...

So I'm gonna log off and go to sleep.  I have a big day ahead of me.  I'm going to try and bake the cupcakes and brownies for the church ladies tomorrow.  At the moment, I'm making Apple oat bread and it smells so good.  I'm not going to eat it because I don't really do Oatmeal,  but the smell is making my mouth water.

I love the holiday season!  I love being at home and baking and tidying!  I just wish I could decorate and do the whole happy homemaker thing.  I could do Donna Reed better than Donna herself did it.  And I would enjoy it. Heh.

Okay, breads done, I'm going to get it out of the pan while it's still warm and put it in the bag.  I'm sure the girls will tear into it, it the morning.

Goodnight, guys!

Oh and I was actually tempted to go on facebook today but I resisted it.  I'm proud of myself in that.

Day Three

I think I am going to stop saying "on the planet with no Facebook" because quite honestly, it's every freaking where I go.  The Devil is trying very hard to tempt me back to the social media.  Everywhere I go, someone is checking it and telling me to look at something on it.

It's funny.  Looking at people's facebooks raises no desire to go back to mine.  And I know I say that every day but it's a daily affirmation I need to say a couple of times a day.  I don't know why but I do.

I have Some exciting news!!!  I got an email this morning from my BFF Denise!!!  She had her baby!!!  6 lbs 12 oz and he's BEAUTIFUL!!!!  I wish I lived closer so I could see him in person!!!


Congratulations to Denise and Steve on the birth of their baby boy!!!

It's times like this that make me miss New Jersey.  When my friends have babies I just want to be there to cuddle and coo.  But then I remember the drifts of snow from the two blizzards of 2009 and I think of the pictures of Hurricane Sandy (I don't care what they say that should not have been downgraded to tropical storm), the landlord that a complete and total turd, and the horrible horrible boss that made my job a living nightmare eventually and I am not sorry I moved.  I'm actually sorry I didn't leave sooner.

And while I'm on the subject... Did I miss a memo or something in NJ that says y'all need to move down here??  In the last three or so weeks, I have seen a serious increase in cars from New Jersey.  I don't know if they are visiting or if they have moved here but damn!  Every fifth car seems like is from Jersey... not that I'm counting or anything.  I do know that three of my new neighbormates (People in the neighborhood) are from Jersey. I'm tempted to go to them and ask where in Jersey? Why did they come here?  When might they be going back?

Don't get me wrong.  If my friends in NJ decided to come relocate down here, I would probably be thrilled as punch.  One of them is a teacher so I would make sure I moved to the CMS school district she worked in cause then my kids would get a freaking awesome education.  One of them works with her parents so her moving down here would probably mean they want to open a Charlotte office and I would work so hard at getting a job there.  I'm sorry I like connection and I would beg and plead for that, lol.  One is into wrestling so there'd always be a party at his house because WWE is ALWAYS down here in someway and somehow.  Of course it would mean going to a wrestling party and I quite dislike wrestling but hey it's a party!

(Understand that at this point I have to admit that I typed that last part like three hours ago and have since gotten up and did a few hundred things so I have no idea where I was going with that... Let's continue now.)

So I got farther in Wildacre today and I think I stopped at Bea had weaseled her way onto her brother's honeymoon trip because she was (shudder) sleeping with her brother. (Gag) well about two weeks into the trip, she realized she was pregnant. Gasp!  She tried to lose it by getting on a bad horse and getting thrown but the baby stayed where it was so she came up with a plan to get her new sister in law to raise it as her own.  Sister girl was afraid of sex.  Like deathly afraid of it and she and bro had done it one time.  They figured if she made him think that she had conceived off that one time she would be set for life.  He bought it, brother rushed home because Mom was sick leaving the ladies in France where Bea gave birth to brother's daughter.  Sissy took the baby and formed like an immediate bond.  A serious one and Bea was all too happy to give it up because she hoped it would be a boy who would inherit the farm and one day she could tell him that she was his mother not sissy.  NO such luck.  So they return home with this newborn who's happy and healthy and EVERYONE falls in love with this kid.  But Bea is now finding herself being courted by the country doctor who comes from a family richer than hers but she doesn't want to marry him because he will take her back to Scotland.  This takes her from the farm, so NO!  So now I'm at the part where she has decided to go dominatrix on her submissive brother.  I think I have only wanted to throw the book at a wall about three times today.

Just finished setting the bread maker to make the second bread of the day.  The sandwich squad goes through so much bread it really is cheaper to keep the ingredients in the house rather than run to the store every few days for a loaf and I refuse to buy in bulk and freeze because even I hate thawed bread.  It's yucky.  Besides if i make it, I know all the ingredients in it and can pronounce every one of them.  Some of these commercial breads... hmmm.....  It's surprising how many breads use honey as the sugar when commercial bakers use high fructose corn syrup.  Not that I have anything against HFCS but still.. I'll stick to my honey.

So two things happened today that I haven't mentioned.  First of all, my libby left the house this morning looking like this:

And came back looking like this:

That's right!! Today was braces removal day!!  I wish I had had Dr. Prettyman (Yes that is his real name) when I was a teenager!  I had a guy named Dr. McIntyre and that man kept me in braces from the day after 8th grade ended to the day before my senior prom.  I matched four picture day outfits and one prom gown to my braces.  Countless dance dresses, and even matched my braces to the band uniform and or different holidays (orange and black for Halloween red and green for Christmas, etc...) When it came to the senior prom, I was NOT matching my mouth to my dress and I barged into his office and told him that after four years these tings were coming off if I had to take a pair of pliers to them.  I had had enough!  The truth was he was enjoying the benefits of my mothers insurance. It's okay it bit him in the ass in the end.  I heard he was put in prison for taxes, embezzling, and insurance fraud not too long ago.  I wonder how he justified keeping my braces on on paperwork?  Resistant tooth bone structure? lol

Anyway, the second thing that happened today was Liv had to do a rap for her vocabulary words for homework and I think between the two of us, she has an A+...

Okay to me it looks like there are two video boxes so if this uploads twice I apologize as I've never done a video of my own before...

I'm tired now and it's midnight.  Toodle-oo Bloggers!!

See ya tomorrow!