Head Voices...

S..o I think I mentioned once how when I read, I have this voice in my head that actually says the words. Up until a few years ago, all I could tell you was that she was female and her accent went to whatever time period and country the story was set in. Well, a few years ago I listened really closely to what the voice sounded like and imagine my surprise to find out that she is quite literally, Ellen Pompano otherwise known as Meredith Grey or Mrs. McDreamy. I seriously had a good phychotic laugh about that. I say phychotic because it was one of those things that dawned on me when I was in a public place and it wasn't a situation that would call for me to bust out laughing but I did. Yeah...

Well something that never dawned on me, Ellen sounds really funny in Irish. I'm reading Tara Road by Maeve Binchy right now and as all books by Maeve are set in Ireland, so is this (sortof, part of it takes place in America) so as is custom, the voice, Ellen, is speaking with an Irish accent.

I haven't quite figured out who the male voice for the male characters is yet but I have hope that I will soon.

Haha! Single and Blogging is reading until her sleeping pill kicks in... G'night!

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Mind working and it wont stop....

So, I just finished Jude Deveraux's REMEMBERANCE, and i wont bore you with the big plot but lets just say that a woman finds out that she cant find love in THIS life because she and her man royally (and I do mean royally) screwed up their chance four hundred years prior and she finds a way to go back and fix it.

Would that I could be so lucky. I hate when Jude pulls me like this because then all I can think of is what did I do to royally fuck up my love life? How can I fix it? Theres gotta be someway to fix it. If its a matter of past lives and curses like in this book, then my past life put a whopper of a curse down. Rather like the undertaker does in WWF. Or did, its been awhile since i watch the great mans soap opera....

Her curse on him was, "may you always love me and want me but never have me!" The resu?t of this was he married her a few hundred years later but could not do do the deed in bed but he still long for her. His curse was "may you never love anyone BUT me" not really so much of a curse but the present day character had a man and let him go because she didnt really love him...

Makes me wonder. Did i lay a smackdown curse on someone and in return i got "may you be attracted to many but tounge tied to all"? I mean a great many (okay to date five) guys have made my mouth water and my knees turn to spaghetti but my tounge swelled up and refused to pass any cohearant sentences so i ended up looking stupid to all of them. (Of Course one of them if the true personification of asshole NO NOT RANDY... He never tounge tied me) and four of them are on my facebook (good luck with that one!) I still ended up looking stupid to them.

No matter how i bat my eyes or the fact that i could get a man to marry me with probably a day of wife like duties (i can so reach a base part of a man with my cooking. Shut up i know its vain but dammit i can cook my ass off) maybe a week to be sure, but not one of the guys i have ever been attracted to looked passed the fact that i was a lot shy word wise, a little chunky looks wise and a little black race wise. (Oh Come off it, grow up where i did and be one of fifty blacks in a sea of caucasians and see if you dont have just a little bit of insecurity and angst... I happen to know that the sheer fact that i am black kept one guy... Yes the asshole one... From giving me the time of day.)

I have never known love, that much is true. I have never been in love. Hell, I have never even been kissed. (You Dont need lips to make babies... A couple gallons of alcohol maybe... But not lips.) I have never even made love. (I Pity any man who is reading this right now because only a woman would understand that last bit. I have had sex to count at least three times (hehe i made a funny) but i have never made love.)

Am I really asking too much to want to be a mans sun moon and stars? To want to be someone's North pole, south paw, left brain and right hand? It looks like i am asking for every single bit of him but he has to understand he will be the same to me as I am to him.

Ah well, like i said, I hate it when Jude draws me in like that. She makes me think. Think about everything. She makes the voices in my head fairly shout at me.

Do you know i think if i could conduct a courting with just written words i would never have a problem? With my hands i can say anything. With my mouth, not so much.

What did i do to piss someone into cursing me like that?? Damn...

Single and blogging is considering seeing a phychic...

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Sleepy blog

Honestly ya'll, i dont know how long i can keep this up... One night i sleep okay, the next two nights i dont sleep at all, so I take a Benedryl to cheat the system and sleep so well I'm giddy then boom the vicious cycle starts all over again only now ive skipped the sleep okay and gone straight to the sleep like crap. It's like musical chairs where every round you take away a chair, well the night of okay sleep just got nixed.

Not that I don't put my sleepless hours to go use..., no, I do, I really really do. At one am, I found out a friend of mine had eloped and gotten married. So I posted on their walls, the posted on mine, then tweeted till i yawned and thought okay maybe sleep was just late, but no, this was one of those whammys the sleep fairy does, yawning but no sleep.

Exactly how does one right whatever wrong they did to the great sleep fairy?? I would really like to know.

When i finally did get my eyes to stay shut i had the same frustrating dream I have been having for the last month. I can honestly say without a shadow of a doubt when i finally dob get married again its going to be cake cause I've walked that damn aisle so many nights I could get married in my sleep. Haha, i made a funny...

The same question is always there. When will it be my turn? Quite litteraly ALL of my friends have now found their true love. A has A, D has S, L has P, B has D, M has V, and P has J. Okay theres one more to go as far as friends are concerned but all of my girlfriends are with someone now. When will it be my turn? I really liked a guy in NJ but i was too shy to talk to him and then i moved.

I know I'm whining but I'm tired so I can be forgiven. I just need to get the kids off to school. Then I can catch two hours of sleep. I have no problem sleeping at eight am but for the life of me sleeping during night hours escapes me.

On the other hand life with my sims is going well, my mother is in college and since my dad never went to college i denied his sim the chance to go which sent him into a SPIRALING depression. I really should be ashamed of myself but watching the man sit on the floor crying and babbling was just too poetic.

I just need to graduate my mom from college and get her to keet my dad and then close my eye until i hear the baby chime and we should be okay.

Is it eight am yet? Are they gone?? Can i go to sleep? Crap its only seven. Time moved much faster when i got up at six thirty and they got up at seven. Now in interest of actually making the school bus before they have to run for it, i get them up at six thirty meaning i have to rise at six fifteen. Oddly i remember getting myself up and dressed when i was J's age. At what age do your kids not need you to supervise so that they dont try to leave the house looking like various versions of Buckwheat??

Did I happen to mention I was sleepy? Yeah I did. So I'm going to sign off and go supervise although Lord knows I am in no shape to do so...

Single and blogging is yawning and feeling like a petulant child right now...

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Adult time

So i got to have adult time tonight and let me tell you... Adult time is awesome! I never get to let loose and be me but this time i did and guess what bloggers. I talked to people. I talked to guys. It too a few drinks but I did it. Life is good. I rarely get to have a blog where I am happy so when I get to post one, I will. Yay to Patty and Jeff, they are awesome! Yay to adult times! Yay to life! Tonight almost makes me want to admit my real age!

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Snapped pt. 2

(continued Because my phone felt the need to publish in the middle of a sentence).............. Accused me of still having feelings for Randy. Uh, newsflash. He took my technical virginity, he's the father of my kids. Of couse theres soomething there. It damn sure isnt love or affection, though. Its more like aquiesence to the fact that for the rest of my life I have to admit hes alive. I'm not saying that he was the main problem in our marriage. He ownes a good share but then, so do I. We were two very stubborn people who did not under any circumstances want to give. I gave pretty much all of who I was and became someone I thought he could like/love but he gave his heart and other vital body parts to her and gave me his indifference. I was unhappy because he didnt love me. He was unhappy because he was stuck with me. It was both of our faults but I still maintain that a lot of what went wrong could have been fixed if she hadnt batted her eyes and licked her lips in his direction. A woman like that, one who only wants a man after hes just out of reach, thats a tramp. How do I know that she only wanted him then? A little before this all started, I asked Randy why he didnt date her in high school. He said he tried but she didnt want him like that. But suddenly when he was married, she wanted him... Oh well she got him, she even got a kids by him (bloggers I am trying to be nice about the baby but the absolute best I can say is I really hope he grows into his looks. He might just be a very handsome man one day but right now I cant even say cute baby without wondering just how much farther in liars hell I can dig myself) BUT SHE WILL NOT HAVE MY KIDS...... So I am going to end this and probably blog tomorrow with another update. Or tomorrow may just be a happy blog because I went a whole day without hearing the virtues of HER. We'll see..... Single and blogging is going to have a drink....

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Ok, So I kinda snapped a little...

...and Told the kids what I probably shouldnt have as far as the truth about divorce goes. Most parents ease into the birds and bees and why they shouldnt do drugs. I kinda skipped the birds and bees and covered drugs with Myou do and you'll be homeless.' and jumping headlong into the bare raw facts about why daddy doesnt live with us anymore...... To be fair, the kids have been walking around on cloud effing tweleve because they have a new Grandma. Oops, I didn't explain that did I?....... The short of it is that my kids came home yesterday and promptly told me that they have a new aunt, cousins, and a new grandmother namely HER cousins, HER sister, and HER mom. Wait I did cover this... Anyway. It hurts. So tonight, i gave what has to be part thirteen of the riot act to my kids but I ended it differently. After I told the bitter truth about what kind of person she is, I demanded two lists. If shes so great, I want to know why. I want a list of the things I do for them and a list of the things that she does for them. I want to know why shes so effing worthy of the ivory tower...... A thought crossed my mind this afternoon. One more person in my aquaintence

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Let me clear my throat!

I feel the need to scream, bloggers. Really truely scream from my gut. So my kids come backb and Kay has a brand new hairdo. I am not in the slightest bit mad about that. What irked me first off was Kay said her 'aunt' braided her hair. I asked Randy if his sister came down because other than her, the only people my kids call aunt are Andi, Lisa, Patty, and Denise. They arent family by blood but dammit for all the five of us have been through they've earned the title. Hell, Andi is my kidsb Godmother (or reasonable facsimilie of that if something were to happen to me and my mom). He said no it was HER sister. I bit my toungue. We were in a public place so i just swallowed it. The straw that shattered the camels back was that HER mother is to be called Grandma. Say it with me, all together now... OH HELL NO!!!! i waited until dead dad had gotten back on the train and left before i countered that one. Her family is not their family only the baby is their family. I think I may have to go up there and deal with this cause i dont think that lunkhead is going to stop it. When i start having things for the kids to do on weekends he wants them maybe he'll understand but then again this is Randy and that battle may take years. Ugh, Why does this have to be so bothersome?? Why cant the bitch just understand we are not one big happy morman family like on big love??? I dont want her in my world. I tried to do this the adult way but I think I may have to reach down to my inner brat and pull out a few temper tantrums... Single and Blogging is screaming FUCK MY LIFE at the top of her lungs...

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Why me??

I tried bloggers, I tried to wait until I was in person to rail at him for Saturday night, but I exploded over the phone. Do you know that that little... (expletive Deleted) laughed??? he claimes he didnt know what was said. More likely he was waiting for me to lose my top over it. He better be dammed lucky that I wasnt doing it in person because it may have resulted in my being arrested. Seriously this just shows he has absolutely no class and I am actually better rid of him. Classy people and peaople with no class really should mingle. He and his no class girlfriend can have each other. On the bright side i have no kids this thursday through sunday. If i had the means i would try and go up to nj and hang but cant so... My birthday is now in ten days... Gotta say, the prospect of turning thirty one by myself... Not fun... Are you sure you guys dont want to hop in a car and come surprise me?? Just kidding... Okay so i have to go, i have figure out how to get to the amtrak station here... Grrr...

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Ok Seriously...

I think, bloggers, that I may have to rethink my policy on not cussing people out close to Sundays or on them. Too many people are testing their luck to see just how far they can push me and I'm going to be honest with you, if I go over that cliff, Im taking several people down with me. Most markedly, I am going to take The ex and his girlfriend. I try to be a mild manners person. It doesnt always work, but at least I try. DO YOU KNOW, last night about a quarter to twelve my phone rings. My ringtones are currently messed up so I thought it was my mom with a late night thought. No, it was Randy. He asked me if I was sleep and when I told him no, he handed the phone to HER. Bloggers, what followed was possibly the worst half an hour lesson in no class politics I have ever heard. She talked about the way she gre up, there is no HALF brother or sister. There is only sis or bro. She grew up with three brothers and two sisters and none of them had the same combination of parents. Then she went into she was sorry about the circumstances but its life now and how we have to clear the pink elephant out of the room because we are all related. All the kids have Henderson blood. I AM NOT RELATED TO HER!!!! I dont care if the kids are related. The fact remains that no matter how much time psses and the truth is that my marriage wasnt a happy one, this is still the woman that put a real shit stain on my marriage. I mean what the fuck??? In my family when a dog does his shit, he takes it away so it doesnt stick up the room. I also grew up in a family that doesnt raise (for lack of a better more pc word) other peoples bastards. I know its a bad words but still. It was fine for his family to do that. My MIL raised the son her husband fathered duriing their marriage. Apparently the girls family did the same. I dont care about how they gre up. I have to say, this all shows that neither of them have any class because someone with class wouldnt have done that. I'm floored. I wanted so much to hurt something last night so bad it was ridiculous. I'm just.... WOW...

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Finally, a bed!!

So I called the rental company and asked if since the section 8 guy did the initial inspection, is he going to just check the things that were wrong or was he going to do another full inspection because my mattresses being on the floor was killing my back and she said he was just going to check the bad things, so guess what?? I GOT A BED!!!! i wasted no time in putting this bad boy together and it feels soo good, man, you just dont know! i also put my desk and my tall dresser in here. I have someplace to put my clothes and it is so awesome. Other than that and Randy effing up my day by deciding he was going to come at the ass crack of dawn on the one day i get to sleep in (meaning tomorrow instead of tonight) I'm good. I hope everyone in blog land is as happy as i am this moment! muhwah! single and blogging actually had a good day! Diggit!

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