I'm sorry, Sunday is temporarily unavailable...

You see, it thinks it's Saturday and we are currently trying to handle this identity crisis...

Okay, see, Sunday is my happy happy joy joy day at work for a couple of reasons.  It used to be that way because it meant that I didn't have to see a certain shift leader.  Without him the store was like Disney land.  With him... eh not so much and a day working with Ambs was like working with any one of the great Disney role models that are just about always calm cool and collected.  And that's not me sucking up.  I'm serious...  On Sundays, Ambs is so chill it's like not work at all.  Even if we get a pop, it's no biggie. And after most Saturdays at Howies, Sunday's is a cake walk.  Nearly every Saturday at some point in the day one of us (Maybe more, maybe not, usually just me, Boss man has a song I love to hear that I can't write the words here because well, it's not very nice.) want to just lay down in a corner and cry because Sports and Bounce...  shudder... makes me tremble just thinking about it... Also I love Sundays because it means that Monday morning, I can totally sleep in so I just have to stay on my feet for a couple of more hours and then get home and Wham! Instant mini Vacation because my bed can claim me for up to 48 whole hours! (You know, unless I'm the on call driver which still means I can sleep in because they never need the on call driver until at least noon by which case 80% of the time I'm up and feeling mostly human by then so it's all good.)

But today!  OMG!  No, today was so big that it deserves to be written out in all of it's Valley Girl glory.  Like, Oh My God to the max! Today was like totally, like crazy!

Okay, enough of the Valley Girl.  The older I get the less I can stand to do it, hear it, or think about it.

But seriously.  Today, I swear that Sunday was having an identity crisis and thought that it was in reality, Saturday part two.  Bounce had ten and thirteen pie orders and Sports... well, they must have thought that their calendar said Saturday as well, because Oh My Damn! Even though they weren't on the half hour all day, they had some whoppers in there too... I think one was like a twelve pie order and those sumbishes are extra freaking large.  Oh I'm sorry, did you just refill your sauce and cheese Claudette?  No, you didn't, you must have been dreaming.  Because your sauce bucket is empty... again and you can see the bottom of the make line through what used to be your full cheese lexan... No, you didn't just fill that ten minutes ago.

Today I learned that it is possible to pour two bags of sauce into the lexan at the same time without ending up wearing the sauce like a noob.  Have I seen Joe do it plenty of times?  Yes. Did I think that it was the coolest thing since like ever?  Hell yes!  Have I tried it before?  Yes.  Did I end up wearing most of one bag?  Yes.  Did a good bit of the rest end up on the make line and the floor?  Yes.  Did it today?  No because I was in too much of a damn rush to think about the fact that I was doing it until after I'd done it.  Then Mecklenburg Community Church ordered six pies and I really should have expected it because I took the damn order but when it hit, I had I think two Sports and a bounce... a really BIG bounce (Think eight pizzas and 50 howie wings) on the screen as well as some personal orders.

Oh and the party trays...  I got to do TWO party trays today.  Notice I said I got to do them not that I had to do them.  If you did my job, you'd know that round pizzas and even deep dishes are a dime a dozen and can be done in no time (If you don't complain and need remakes every two minutes... ahem) but a party tray!!!  I LIKE those.  Two extra larges and I think a small (Might be a junior) all smushed together and sheeted out into a dough tray, this thing is 30 slices, a lot of sauce, a shitload of cheese, and ninety freaking pepperoni! (I just want someone to order that sumbish in a works.  Just once!  If I don't get to make it, I at least want to see it!)  And they the ones I did looked BOSS!!  I thought I was on a work high when the owner watched me do one and said it looked good but damn doing two in the space of ten minutes and having them come out looking as good as they did was like an orgasm and a good five hits off a hookah combined with a very good top shelf drink.  It was that good.

AND NO ONE LOST THEIR COOL!!!  Picture it, four women in one enclosed space and a while lotta stuff going on at once.  tensions are going to run high.  But no one got pissed off, no one screamed at anyone, no one whined or complained and as soon as Joe walked in, Ambs took the ladle from me and sent me on break.  I may have look like I was pissed at that moment, but I so wasn't.  My back hurt like a bitch and I was holding that one complaint that I knew would break the good mood.  Trust me, I went and sat in my car and my back was like a little baby whining "Thank you God for sitting down!"

We got another pop later tonight. Not nearly as hard but still a good little hit.  We ran out of wings.  Had enough for one 20 piece order and they got mostly flats and maybe two drums.  I found a lone rogue winge under the racks as I was cleaning.  It was skinny and scrawny and I know what you're going to ask.  Hell yes I popped that thing on a bread tray and sent it through the oven.  Best damn thing I ate all night to that point.

So it's now officially Monday.  My mini vacay is officially starting.  I'm tired. And I have the time card to prove it.  See?  Look at those hours!  I'm a beast man!  I did it and I'm still standing like that awesometastic pizza vixen I am!  Okay, maybe pizza vixen might be going a little too far.... Nah! I make pizzas and I look damn good while doing it and I'm good at it so yeah, awesometastic pizza vixen.  That's me.

Oh yeah... other stuff besides work.

For starters, Kay got asked out on a date.  Yes!! My Kay Kay!  A date!!  I was so floored that I didn't know how to respond.  I did tell her that I had to work all weekend so I didn't think a date was a good idea but then an invite to go to the mall showed up for her and I suspected that the boy was going to be there and that was their way of having their "date" but I let it slide.  Kids today think that adults my age were never their age and therefore, we are monumentally stupid.  But none the less, I let my big girl go to the mall unchaperoned and she did okay.  She spent all of her money on her sister and myself and she didn't have the funds to eat and we're working on that whole sometimes it's okay to be a little selfish thing but she had a good time and couldn't stop smiling about it for hours.  So I'm okay with it.  If she wants to do this again I will just have to make sure she has a little more money to work with.  She may still buy stuff for me and her sister but even Kay gets to a point where she thinks she is spending too much and she stops only using more to buy food.  So if I send her with a good bit, she will eat and have fun.

This little one on the other hand.  Well, that one may not live to see`14...  She asked me Friday if she could go to the library to do research on her report with her best friend who this month happens to be named Jaiden. I said fine but didn't know how they were going to get there.  Jaiden's mom came and picked her up and because I had to work late that night said that Livy could spend the night (I kinda like my kids friends' parents) I said okay and went on to work.  Saturday I told Kay to ask Livy via text what time she'd be back so that my mom could pick them up and Livy informed the both of us that she had taken TWO sets of clothing and she was spending the weekend not just Friday night.

Take a moment to think about who this chick just informed she was spending a weekend.  THink about that.  Relax, I let it go. She's not getting off scott free though.  She doesn't know it yet and she won't notice until it's way too late, but she is about to catch  it for that.  As soon as I have had some time to rest and think and plan.

A little parenting advice: Never punish when you are tired or on the spur of the moment.  Always sleep on it.  Always think about it.  Always weigh your pros and cons and then just after you have lulled your child into a false sense of security where they think that you've forgotten because you're... well old (I mean come on, we had rotary phones, we're like, ancient!) then WHAM! hit them with that well thought out punishment and watch them crumble.

Okay, Y'all, I'm one tired little monkey.  I am going to take my meds and go to bed.  Sometime tomorrow, if I don't get called in, I am going to go fight with Time Warner Cable.  They raised my bill 14 dollars in the past month with no explanation, so I think it's time to say bye bye to them.  Night guys and dolls.

I would use my customary "Stay Frosty" but we are under a winter Storm watch for the one inch of snow we are expecting. Oh don't get on me I know I'm a true northerner.  I've been here long enough to know that snow turns to ice really quick here and people turn form moderately crappy drivers to really shitty ones in a heartbeat.

So get toasty with your special one (or pillow) and cuddle up (or burrow under your covers)  Gather the ones you love close to you and make hot cocoa and watch crappy cheesy movies (or play hours of Rock band)  Take time to hold the ones you love close because one day you might wake up and they are gone and you will only have your memories of them to keep you warm at night.

Stay Warm, loves.  Scatterbrain Dette Loves you!

Probably my Shortest blog ever!

There ya go!  Proof that I am still alive. LOL.

Last night I wasn't tired at all when I left work but my body said I needed to think again this morning.  I did attempt to get up.  Key word: Attempt.  I think I rolled over a couple times for the girls.  I think I may have said goodbye when they left for school.

I'm not sure.

What I am sure of is EVERYONE in creation tried to blow up my damn phone this morning.  And I wasn't having any of it.  I got four calls, six texts, a Tinder message, and a facebook message this morning and every single one of them went highly ignored until my eyes decided to pry themselves open around 11:30.  Normally around the third thing to try and wake me up I give up and get up but I didn't even hear most of them.  I heard the first text and amazingly enough my fingers typed an appropriate response (IDK) to the text.  The first call was from the drug store and the FB message, well I glanced at that and rolled over.

When I'm THAT tired, a circus arriving in a thunderstorm during an earthquake couldn't wake me.

Tonight, I'm tired and I have a slight headache on top of it but I'm going to take my imitrex and Go to bed.  Might try and clean out a couple DVR episodes. (Who am I kidding I'm going to cue up Jane the Virgin on my computer and probably fall asleep in my chair)

So night night, loves!  Take care and stay Frosty!

Wasn't a stellar day...

So there it is... Today's snapshot.  I probably could have summoned up a fake smile for the blog purposes but honestly, since the blog is supposed to be about how I'm feeling, a fake smile wouldn't be doing anyone any justice.

I found out last night that a very good friend of mine passed away over the weekend.

The thing about it is, I don't know how to talk about him.  He was my special friend.  He and I had a kind of bond that I don't think I've ever had with another man.  He is... was... in a sense the pargon that I held pretty much every other man against.  No man ever came close to him.

We met the year I turned 18.  I was in college and I was brand spanking new to the internet.  I even remember my email... It was detta18jcsu@hotmail.com.  Laugh out loud.  I was on Yahoo! Games playing Gin Rummy when I was paired up with this guy that called himself Big Poppa.  I don't know what about, but we struck up a conversation that held over to actual Yahoo! chat.  And we kept talking.

When I found out I was pregnant, I turned to him.  When it was decided that I was getting married, I turned to him.  It's one of my long kept secrets that to Him and him only, I confided that I didn't love Randy and I didn't want to get married.  I wanted to have my baby and go on with my life and Big Daddy kinda convinced me that Randy had asked so that meant I at least owed him a chance to do right by me.  When things went south, he was the one that said outright that I'd given it the chance I was supposed to and now it was time to go on with my original plan and be my own woman.  Everyone deserves a chance.  It's what they do with it that defines who they are.

Big Daddy has been there for me since I was 18.  In three years, it would have been 20 years but I'm not going to dwell on that.  I'm going to remember the 17 years I did have the pleasure of knowing him.  I'm going to hold the memories that I shared with him and keep them close to me.

So I spent the day hanging pictures.  My canvas came and I was not happy with what I got.  I originally ordered a 30x70 size canvas but they emailed and called and told me that the image was horribly pixelated and they could not in good conscious print it so they scaled it down to a smaller size.  What I got was a miniscule thing that just made me mad but I solved the problem by incorporating it into a grand picture wall that I have to say takes even my breath away.

And my efforts today only cost me a wax warmer (That smashed to the floor) the use of my thumbs.  I swear, I love my hammer but my aim sucks ass.  I smash my thumbs pretty much EVERY TIME I nail something.

I wish I had more to say tonight, but I don't.  I'm just going to sit here and watch one more episode of one of my shows and sip on my beer until I'm tired enough to lay down.  I think it was a good thing that I didn't attempt to see anyone today.  I'm pretty sure I would have been a blubbering mess.

All day.  Because that's me.

Stay Frosty loves.  I'll be back tomorrow.

Rainy days and Mondays

Can't say they've ever got me down.  On the contrary, I love Mondays (mostly because unless there's an issue, I am off and I get to sleep in.  Seriously, my girls don't even expect me to be awake in the hour they take to get ready for school on Mondays.  Tuesday I may be a little more awake and human but not on Monday.) And Rainy days are always awesome.

I think it's something about the smell of a good rain.  It's like renewal.  Everything is washed clean.  As Martha Stewart says, "It's a good thing."

Seriously though, have you ever just stood at your door and watched it rain then taken a big deep breath (okay maybe I don't take a deep breath, I have asthma and it doesn't like the spring like weather)  IT's a metallic kind of smell, but I like it so much.  If I could bottle it into a perfume and a fabric softener and a air freshener I so would.  And Don't tell me that they make Rain Fresh as a scent because I have smelled those.  They smell nothing like a good clean Spring rain.

So my mom wants me to start looking for another job.  She says that I am slowly killing myself.  My bones can't take it and I am probably doing more damage to myself in the long run by staying.  She didn't get far though.  I pointed out that in the past year (which honestly, I didn't even realize it's been almost a full year until the other day when Amber and I were talking about it) I have lost almost fifty or so pounds, my happiness is through the roof because I get to see something besides my four walls everyday, and I have money that I didn't have to ask anyone for.  I no longer want to take long walks into traffic because my serotonin levels are just amazing to the point where even my doctor noticed the last time I saw her.  She said, and I quote, "In the past three years that I've known you, I have never seen you smile as much as you have in the last few months." Even my kids are happy.  Mommy doesn't get to spend as much time as she wants to with them so the time she does spent is made extra special and memorable.  So no, mom, I'll be keeping my job so long as my job wants me.

I fixed my dryer today.  Donald showed me how and told me where to order the part and took pictures so I'd know how to reconnect things but I put that sumbish on all by myself today and it works!! I have a working dryer again!

Rainy days and Monday always get me happy.

Plus, tonight is walking Dead night with my Patty and Joe!!! I get to go over and watch a show that I didn't want to watch but they talked me into watching and then hooked me on watching and I get to go be with them!  Yay!  Love my P and J.

So you may or may not have noticed that with each blog I now take a webcam picture.  Don't worry they WILL get better, I just ordered one that is supposedly 50 MP but I have a feeling that it's really 5.0  It's whatever, it'll still be a better picture.  I think I will keep up the picture thing because sometimes, when I'm reading someone's blog (yes I do follow other peoples blogs) I sometimes wonder what they look like or for the ones that I read daily, I wonder what they look like that day.  You know they can be describing that that they look and feel like crap and I wonder, do they really?  So yeah.  I think when I blog from now on, I'm going to include a picture.

Valentines and Easter are dangerous holidays.  Food Lion had Dove Chocolates on sale buy one get one free.  so of course i got two bags.  And Ice Cream.  And M&m's.  I've been sitting here snacking on Dove Chocolates since last night.  I think I am going to go make myself a milkshake.

I so Love Mondays!

Alight luvs, Stay Frosty.  I may or may not blog later tonight.  I may just let this be todays blog and wait until tomorrow to come back.

Stay Frosty!

So, a little bit of pissed off I guess...

I grew up with a teacher for a mother.  I've seen every trick and scheme that parents use to get their kids to do well in school.  If seen children work hard and get sneakers or a game or some treat.  And to be honest, even as a kid I thought it to be a disgusting parenting practice.

Why would you pay your children to learn??  Should the fact that they will grow up not to be an ignorant dumbass be reward enough?? If you pay your kids to learn they are only learning to get something and that something is not the satisfaction that they have learned something.

My ex has for years been paying my kids to learn and no matter how many times I ask him not to do it, he insists that they need an incentive to get good grades.

Here's an incentive:  They get good grades, they get into a good college and they might eventually get a job that will let them be independent adults and not depending on Mommy and Daddy for everything because they didn't have someone paying them every time they did well.

But no matter how many times I get mad, every quarter they get the report card, they get $5-10 for every A and $2-5 for every B.  Olivia came home with $10 this weekend while Kayla came home with $5.

I don't want my kids to think that the only reason they need to pay attention and do well in school is because Daddy is going to give them money.  It's like when they were little.  I gave then quarters for losing teeth.  Their Dad gave them five dollars per tooth. I took them to the dentist to get them to learn proper dental hygiene but no they wanted that green so what I got was kids trying string to a tooth and the other end to a doorknob or a (god help me but  am not lying) bicycle.  They tried anything and everything to pull their teeth out so that they could show them to Daddy and get the money.

My choice of word then: "Stop paying my children to rip teeth out of their heads!!!" his response? "I'm not! The tooth fairy is!"

If the tooth fairy were real I'm pretty sure she would have knocked him upside his head for that.

So now, I say "Stop paying my children to learn!"  He says, "I'm not, I'm giving them an incentive to keep it up!"

No, Randy you are not.  You are paying them to learn.  You are paying them to do their homework.  YOu are paying them to better themselves.  They need to want to better themselves because it will make them better people!

Ugh....

Also he has been updating my mother on his plans for my (okay I really should say our) kids.and not me again.  I really hate it when he does that.  I just found out via my mom that he is taking them with him to Oklahoma this summer.

JUst once I'd really like to know what's going on with my kids before my mom knows.  I'm just saying.

I have nothing real to bitch about.  Just the ex.  He hasn't pissed me off in a good long time because he really is a good guy most times.  HE was a shit husband and can sometimes be a sub par human being but he's very rarely been a bad dad.

On another note, how awesome is it that this is ALL I have to complain about??  I mean life is awesome in just about every single aspect besides the ex.

I have a charmed life and I love it!

Smooches!  Stay Frosty luvs!!

Lacy Nighties and freshly wash hair..

So yeah, this is me right now.  Don't even try and blow up that picture to see if you can see anything. You can't.  I took this picture five million times on purpose so that you couldn't see anything.

So I just got out of the shower and had a marathon oil down session.  I really need someone to do my back.  I have short arms and my eczema is acting up again.  It really sucks.

But yeah, I thought with this much hair I just might actually break my neck washing it this time.  Of course I have that fear every time I get my braids wet because let's face it, dry this mess is an extra fifteen pounds on my head already.  Add water to it and damn it's like someone attached a lead weight to the top of my head and swung that ish backwards.  I have actually given myself a serious neck cramp washing my braids before.  Hell one time I got in a pool and while the water felt so good (think orgasmically good) on my scalp while I was in the water, the weight of it pulled me backwards into the pool when I tried to get out.  Trust me it was both hilarious and frightening.  I climbed up and no sooner than my hair being free of the water did the weight pull me backwards so hard I lost my grip on the ladder and went flying backwards back into the pool.

A backwards flop into the pool is not fun when you are so shocked you gasp deeply.  And get a mouthful of highly chlorinated water up your nose and down your throat.  Lifeguard had a good time giving me mouth to mouth though.  Then he laughed.  Then the paramedics they called because I couldn't move my head (my neck hurt so bad I couldn't move and they thought maybe I'd fractured something so they called the EMT) laughed.  Then the doctors are the ER and the xray techs laughed.  It wasn't until a nurse at the er with longer braids than I had at the time told me that the same thing had happened to her before did I finally laugh. (Although I may have only found the humor in the situation because I had been given painkillers by that point)

But it's whatever. washing this mess put a strain on my neck but I got it done and it's actually almost dry now.  I think I washed all the chemicals they put in the hair to preserve shiny and whatnot out because OMG my head feels so much lighter.

It also doesn't smell like pizza anymore.

Working at Hungry Howies has given my nose a new appreciation for the girly scents.  Ask me if I gave a crap about jasmine and lilac before.  I can assure you I didn't.  And for awhile after I started working there I still didn't so long as I didn't smell like tomato sauce and cheese.  But now lately, I am actually noticing the girly scents.  Cherry, Strawberry, coconut, They're actually pretty mice.  And random guys walk past you and say "Mmm you smell nice!" I'm seriously not kidding.  I had a customer catch a whiff of my perfume once and tell me that I was the nicest smelling female he's smelt in a long time.

Mixed reaction.  Just what do females in his smelling vicinity smell like and why was he actively smelling them and me?

I had a point to this blog, I'm pretty sure I did.

So tomorrow I will go back to First Mt Zion for the first time in maybe four months.  I'm not allowed to blog about whats been going on but let's just say that my faith has been seriously tested by the events that have been taking place there.  So much so that I didn't even bother to find another church like my mother did, I just would rather work on Sundays and occasionally watch someone pray on TV.  Okay who am I kidding, I'm not watching anyone pray on TV.  I think Queen Mary on Reign was blessed by a priest in one of the last few episodes.  That counts, right?  Yeah, that counts.

I'm 35 and I have to admit, my faith has been tested so many times that it's seriously not funny anymore.  Two churches that I have been to now have been torn apart by it's members fighting, One was really a bunch of ex sinners trying to get right with God and although they took care of my family and I, I never really felt comfortable amongst them.  But then at this point in my life I can honestly say that I have never felt at home in any actual church.  I love the church family I met at FMZ but when it all boils down to it, it's the people I miss, not the church.  That doesn't seem right to me.  I really don't think I am the church going variety.

And some people aren't and that's okay.  Not everyone believes that going to a building with people praying and preaching at you and around you is the right way to commune with God.  I am one of them.  I can be standing outside enjoying the sunshine and feel a particular need to say something to God and I know he hears.  I don't need to dress up and go to a building to talk to Him.

But tomorrow I have to go back for one reason.  Again I can't blog about what and why but I think after tomorrow if all goes the way it's supposed to go, I may be an infrequent visitor.

Eh, whatever... another rambling thought off the top of my head.

Which now contains dry hair so I'm going to take my melatonin and finish my beer (probably not one of those sentences I should put online) and grab some sleep so I can get it and go to church.

Night bloggers!  Stay Frosty!

So about now...

Is when I post the usual "I hate Valentine's day" post.  Or I go all over Facebook saying how I hate the toddler with the smelly diaper and the sharp stick...

But this year, I'm not going to do that.

I'm just simply... not.

I don't actually hate valentine's Day.  I never have.  In reality, I kinda like the day.  I mean it's a day dedicated to love and I am a hopeless (Key word: HOPELESS) romantic. how can someone who loves romance NOT love Valentines Day??

No, what I don't love is watching all of my friends who have partners amp up the love and PDA five million times.

I mean seriously, I look uncomfortable and nod absently when you guys tell me ALL ABOUT your love issues, now I'm supposed to sit and watch you make out.  Nope, I'll pass.  Love you bunches, but... I'll pass.

But it's whatever.  This year there are two movies that I want to see and I'm going to see them.  Not on Valentines day because Valentines Day is a Saturday.  I will be a captive of Sports Connection from like eleven AM on.  YEs, I know who I work for.  No I did not change jobs.  My job is the whipping boy of a little gym called Sports Connection every single Saturday.  We bend over and they whip away.

But We love it.

That sounded way less dirty in my head.

Who am I kidding, no it didn't.  LOL.

Anyway...

I want to see the 50 Shades of Grey Movie and I want to see Kingsmen.  Both come out the day before Valentine's Day and both will hopefully be there the following Monday.

I don't really have a reason for why I am not going to hate on Valentine's Day this year.  There's no man in my life.  (If you remember, I kinda screwed the pooch on that one a few months ago and even if I hadn't he's no longer apart of the work scene and I have the feeling that even if we were still anything to each other he wouldn't have given a shit to my feelings when he left.  I'm pretty sure that his quitting would have been our break up since he assumed I hated him as much as anyone else and never said a word to me when he left.) There's no romance there whatsoever.  BUT I do have good friends, a good job that I enjoy almost more than writing, and my kids are happy and healthy.

So why be down?  Because I'm not getting laid?

Please... sex isn't everything.

It's nice, don't get me wrong but I've reached a point where it, or rather lack of it, isn't going to break me.  I'm perfectly fine with or without it because I am perfectly fine with myself.

Also, I have stopped getting a million different colors in my hair.  I am down to black, grey and silver.  That's right, I'm rocking grey hair and loving it.  I mean, you tell me, how do I look?  (And yes, that is a webcam snapshot so this is what I look like as I type this.  I know, I'm a hottie dot com.  I did not just say that... Also, no cracks about how I need to clean off my bed. I know it's messy)

So it's late and I have to be up for work tomorrow because it seems I am a morning person.  Hehe, I'm not.  Far from it.  My boss thinks I am and I play the role fairly well as long as there is caffeine nearby. Although I'm not sure who the caffeine helps more.. Me or the people around me....

Yawn!  Tomorrow is truck day and my shift leader has promised me that for the first time in a  year... I will be helping to put stuff away.  The fact that I moaned and said "But I'm a girl..." didn't help plead my case that I really don't want to lift anything.  So I will be taking my tramadol to work tomorrow.  Pray for me, this may be the last time that I walk upright for a few days... LOL.

OKay, stay frosty, chickies!!

I love you.  I always have, I always will.  Just make sure you love yourself and life will be okay!

Night!

What if there is no Happy ever after??

The majority of females grow up with Disney ideals that someday after everything is said and done, their knight in shining armor is going to show up and everything is going to be okay.  Some of the more reality based females understand that everything might not be okay forever but for that moment, at least, everything will be bright and shiny.  This is not to say that all girls grow up with these ideals.  Some simply don't have that Disney-esque happily ever after in the back of their minds.

Girls like me tend to sneer at those girls.  At least I used to be apart of the group that did that.  Now I'm starting to see life from their perspective.

What if there are no Happily Ever Afters?  What if all we have and all we will ever get is Contentedly right nows?  What if those make us so content that they seem like Happily Ever After?

I grew up with the happily ever after as my goal in life.  My entire childhood all I wanted was my man to sweep me away from New Jersey where I never felt like I fit in and take me somewhere where he would marry me, let me have his kids and we would be happy for the rest of our lives.  It was my dream.  My happily ever.  To be very honest, my happy ever after dream wasn't actually a by product of Disney.  They didn't hit the upswing of princesses until I was an adult really.  I only had Snow White, Cinderella, and sleeping beauty as my Disney female role models.  Let's break that down for a second:

Snow White- Her mom dies and she gets a really bitchy stepmother.  (Keep in mind that I have NEVER seen Snow White) Mommy dearest decides one day that little snow is way to pretty so the only obvious solution is to kill her.  Snow runs away and goes to live with seven tiny men that look after her in exchange for her cooking and cleaning for them.  When he prince charming finally finds her, she's in a coma because mommy dearest found her first and the naive little thing took and ate an apple from a stranger that was poisoned.  He kissed her and she woke up thanks to true loves kiss.

Cinderella- Mom dies, she gets a step mother who treats her like the maid.  She wishes really hard and a fairy godmother gives her a pretty dress so she can go to a dance where she meets a prince and then runs away leaving a shoe.  HE scours the country searching for the one woman that fits this shoes because NO ONE else in an entire kingdom can possibly have the same sized shoe as one girl.  He finds her, he marries her.  They live happily ever after.

Sleeping Beauty-  Girl gets taken away by three old women because an evil woman threatens her life way down the road.  She meets a man in the forest and basically plans to spend her life with this guy whose name she doesn't even know.  She falls into a coma and he kisses her.  She wakes up, she's in love, they get married.

If I had based my happily ever after on those three role models, I think I'd be even more screwed up than I already am.  

No, my happy ever after role models were women in the romance novels I read.  They had real struggles but in the end, their men did take them away from all of that.

I'm serious.  All I wanted growing up was to get as far away from New Jersey as possible.  Not my friends though.  In my happy ever after we were friends forever no matter where I went but I just needed out of Ocean Township New Jersey.  I wanted away from my mother and the old school family that never saw who I really was.  I wanted my knight to take me away to a house where I could put my feet in the grass and run free.  Where I could sit in the sun and smile while I watched our children romp and play.  At night he would hold me and make me feel loved.  I would keep his house and cook his food.  This was my happy ever after.

I'm not going into go into my marriage. Nor am I going to go into last summer.

I sat and thought about it tonight.  All of my life I have been looking for my happy ever after and all of my searches have come up short.  In my pursuit of the happy ever after I have let a lot of contentedly right nows pass me by.

No more.  If offered a contentedly right now, I'm taking it.  I'm not going to sabotage it because I hope it turns into happy ever after, I'm going to take it for what it is.  A chance to be happy right now.  A chance to for once, not be the one left on the sidelines wanting.  

You want me, happily ever after, you have to be the one to do the footwork.  As for me, right now, I'm living in contentedly right now from now on.

No strings.

No expectations.

As long as I'm happy in the moment, I'll take it.

I'm in.

So....insert witty blog title here...

Yeah... I got nothing...  At all.

I need to blog but I don't really have a subject.  I can tell you about what I've been eating.

French fries.  I have become even more addicted to french fries.  McDonald's french fries.  Recently, I discovered that I like them dipped in hot fudge.

NO, I'm not pregnant.

Last time I checked members of the opposite sex want to have... you know actual sex for that to happen and I can assure you not one damn member of the opposite sex wants me in that way.

Let's see what we can cover.

Love life:

As mentioned above.  No one wants me in that way.  This is not for lack of me trying.  A good friend of mine said that I shouldn't look to be with anyone until I am happy with myself.

I am happy with myself.  I actually for the first time in probably forever have no issues with myself.  I am okay with my weight, I am okay with the fact that I have complete and total bursts of utter inappropriateness.  I am okay with the fact that sometimes I can be shy and sometimes I can be the most gregarious person you will ever meet.  I am okay sitting at home with myself and doing nothing.

I am happy with myself.  The only thing that I am not happy with about myself is that I can find anyone that happy with me the way I am happy with me.  And I'm not looking for love, I'm looking for... just someone.  I'm wierd and crazy, and sometimes moody and all I want is someone that's okay with that and maybe a little of the same.

I blogged a few days ago about how I was over someone and that I didn't care anymore.  That was a lie.  I mean every day that goes by something happens that makes me want to punch him.  Hard.  But I'm not going to lie.  If he showed me the slightest bit of interest I would probably melt like a snowman in Tahiti. That actually pisses me off but there's a reason behind that.


Work life:

That area of my life is a little bit more interesting. Things are being shaken up there and I am neither happy or amused.  In fact people that I love dearly are talking about going away.  I don't like that.  At all.  I want them to stay and I want other people to go.  I can't make people stay nor can I help make people go but still....  I love them.  We're like a big family.  And just to prove we are close I can tell you with absolute honesty that we have been bouncing the same cold in varying degrees around for maybe two months.  Seriously.  LIke a huge waltons style family.  I love my work family.  I would do a lot for them and wouldn't trade any of them for anything.

Family:

My mom is still being my mom.  Which is to say that there are moments when she forgets that I'm 35 not 16 and she basically decides my life for me.  I am dealing better with these moments.  I tend to listen, take to heart her advice and then completely ignore it in favor of doing what I want to do and then look back in retrospect and realize that she may or may not have had a point and maybe I should have done something her way.  But then that's every relationship with mothers and daughters.

My daughters have, thanks to my aunt and my mother, acquired tablets and cell phones.  This means that I am no longer needed for entertainment.  At all.  It is now so freaking quiet in my house that I'm pretty sure if I screamed, no one would hear it.  On the upside though, my girls actually contact me now.  Now that they have texting and whatnot, I get random I love you texts and whatcha doin? texts.  It's great.

Health:

Not so awesome here.  Like I said above, I finally caught the cold/flu we've been passing around work and OMG!  I'm not sure but I was fairly certain for a couple of days there that I actually was going to die.  And if it would have stopped the nose blowing, the coughing, and the sore throat, I would have given myself gladly over to death himself.  I still have the breathing problems because hey!  I have asthma that really sucks and my voice still sounds like that of a great groan man but with those I can so deal.  Well not with the no breathing.  I have good nights and bad nights with that.


So have I missed any facet of my life?  I'm pretty sure I covered it all.  If I missed anything, let me know.  Until then, stay frosty!!

So this has been a fairly bad (But fairly productive) week...

Bad because last Saturday night, whatever I have been dodging by working with patient zero FINALLY caught up with me and punched me hard.  At the end of the call back shift Saturday night I had such little voice that I had to wait until I got to a stoplight to text my manager for the next day to let her know that I was feeling like shit because I didn't have enough voice for my text to talk feature to pick up.

Stop looking at me like that, yes I text while driving but not actually text.  The text while talk lets me keep my eyes on the road and I really only do it at lights anyway.

I'm withering from that look.  And you know who I am talking to.

Anyway, Sunday Morning, the awesometastic Ambs texted me and said not to come in and to get some rest.  She is awesome have I said that?  She is.  I probably didn't get out of bed until like two in the afternoon and then I firmly ensconced my tushie on the couch and crocheted until the girls came home.  But I should go back and explain Saturday.

Saturday was one of those nights at work.  Just one of those nights.  K was out sick so J1 asked the drivers (Which I was that night) to stay an hour later which meant that J (or rather for the purpose of this blog, since I try not to use names, shall be referred to as J3) had to stay until 10:30, F was free to go at 9 (which she did, happily) and I was there until 1130 (No big deal I'm okay with this because aside from listening to J2 talk (whine) and talk (complain) and talk (bitch) all night I get tips because people tend to tip females on Friday and saturday nights so I was totally fine with this PLUS, I was headed into overtime so... yaya!)  At ten ten J2 decided to let J3 go which, he had been there all damn day, so awesome!  At ten twenty J2 decided to let me go which left him with only 1 driver for the next hour and a half and if anyone has ever worked pizza, you do not want to have only one driver on Saturday night.  You just don't.  But despite anything and mostly because my throat already felt like the highway to hell, I left. I got to Walmart and bought my over the counter drugs to feel better and made it 90% of the way home before J2 texts me talking about one driver and six orders on the screen.

In no happy alignment of the universe are six orders going to line up perfectly for one driver to take.  I doesn't happen.  It's one of those miracles that not even God can make happen. Not on a Saturday night.  I ask him point blank if he needs me.  He says yes so I hotfoot it back to work.

OMG total and complete chaos.  That is the absolute only way to describe what I walked into.  He seemed to have run out of everything on the make line so there's all these lexans on top and he's kinda working around them but I don't know how.  I take a double, T takes a triple.  I get back and need to take a triple because T has one waiting for her in west bumblefuck. (In retrospect she probably should have taken the triple as I had to have a remake because I tripped on the carpet and dropped the third person's pizza on the carpet outside of their room... Seriously doubtful T would have been that clumsy.)

The whole time B was there.  At one point he was putting the bags in the trash cans for J2.  I noticed that J2 sat and texted while I did the cut table for some of the time.  While the make line looked like D day but... No judgements. (Total judgements)

I'm sorry to say that my burning throat put aside my need to have at least my makeline look decent and I walked away after the second run and left.  I was not going to stay and help clean for someone who was on his phone texting when he could have been cleaning before.  And it sounds totally mean of me, but I don't care what time he finally got out because a lot of Saturday night could have been avoided if J2 had just done what J1 wanted and kept drivers until the hours that J1 asked the drivers THEMSELVES to stay.

But whatever.

Sunday as I explain was spent in a nyquil/Dayquil haze.

Monday I was feeling better enough to go get steaks and potatoes to fix the girls an actual dinner and we sat and played life and watched Twilight breaking Dawn until bedtime.  It was nice to spend time with my kids.  They are awesome.  Tuesday I crocheted.  nothing really happened.  Wednesday I did go into work but I had developed a cough by them so J1 promptly sent me home.  Like I did some stuff off the clock but Mommy brough K to the store because she picked her up from school and was going to pick up pizza for the girls and take them home but J1 was like "Go home.  We're dead and you're still sick.  Go home."  Thursday, I still had the cough but I made it through work so yay!!

Now today was a special kind of hell in itself.  I got like maybe five hours of sleep last night because my asthma has decided that even though the cold seems to be about done with me, it is not.  So last night was spent trying hard to breathe. Like almost needed to go to the ER trying.  I would have gone but I could barely breathe long enough to sit up right did you think I was gonna try to drive?  And call an Ambulance and have no way home when they finally release me?  No.  Just no.

Managed to get to sleep about three ish for K to wake me at 730.  I had to get up and get dressed because I had my very first rehab for my shoulder today.  Got there and had to walk so far because the directions said to park in the garage which was around the bloody corner but only for me because I had an old copy of the directions instead of the new copy that said to park in front of the damn building.  Did I mention that it was freaking cold?

Got there and waited like forty minutes to be seen in which time I helped one woman open a door that she thought was automatic while the receptionist just talked on the phone pretending to ignore said woman because well... she was confused about a door. (There was a pad on the wall that says wave your hand in front of it for the door to open.  She waved her hand in front of it maybe thirty times and the door stayed shut so she thought it was broken.  I had compassion for two reason.  One she was old.  Like way old.  She had a cell phone but it was one the oldest flip phones I had ever seen.  I think it might have been a cousin to the original razor. The second reason was because the exact same pad was on the outside of the door and I had stood there for five minutes waving my hand in front of it like an ass before figuring out that I would in fact have to use the door knob.)  Then a woman that bathed in perfume came at sat next to me which started a coughing fit.  When I moved away she said "Thank you because honey, I do not want to catch what you have."  To which I replied "I have asthma and whatever perfume you bathed in is setting it off."  She got offended.  My excuse, when there is sever lack of oxygen getting to my brain, please don't expect the guard at the gate between mouth and brain to be conscious to do anything.  Then I got called in and stat there while the woman told me that since I am a medicaid patient, they can't do anything for me because medicaid doesn't cover therapy.  Like I'm sorry, was this not something you could have told me over the phone yesterday when you called me?  Like ever?  Cause an hour of my day or more was just really wasted when I could have been trying to catch those Z's that were so elusive last night.

Anyway, went to get breakfast, took my boss a espresso shake and then came home and crashed like it was the end of a hard day only to be woken by mom.

So now I am off to work.  I am hoping that today is going to be okay.  IT's going to be a long shift.  I like those but sometimes when I'm feeling like maybe forty percent they can be killer.  But I'm not the type to complain and honestly I put two complaining statuses up on FB already so I'm going to hold all complaing for a week.  I'm not a complainer...

Please go let tonight be a good night!

Stay frosty bloggers!!