December 27, 2023

 SO it's been a few days since I last posted.  I didn't forget, I just wasn't interested in sitting at my computer...

Ive lost count of how any days off Facebook It's been but I still don't miss it and I'm kinda wondering if I'm even going to go back.  It just seems like a big bother.  I'm neither happier or sadder... I just am.

Now onto news.  

Christmas happened.  You know that song that goes Beas greens potatoes tomatoes etc?  Yeh, that was my house. we had:

• Baked Turkey
• Baked Chicken
• Grilled/baked ribs
• Ham
• Sweet potato pie
• apple pie
• Collard greens
• baked potatoes
• mashed potatoes
• caramel cakeYellow cake (mine)
• cornbread
• rolls

I honestly feel like I'm leaving something out but we had a lot... and very little left over.  You know how Jonny Depp keeps asking why the rums gone in POC?  That was me..... Why's the food gone?  But we had a lot of people over.  And three people got to go plates.  Auntie pat came.  It was a great night.  We had a lot of fun.  And the next day, the sky fell down.

No like.. literally.  We got over five inches of rain.  Belmont is STILL under a flood warning because their sewer system sucks.  Its been a whole day of not rain and the water in the river that separates Belmont from Charlotte that was dangerously low is touching the bottom of the damn bridge.  There's a dip in the road near Sam Wilson Road on Wilkinson and that shit was a lake.  Im not even kidding.  There's a whole ass pipe that supposed to drain all that water from this very recognized dip into like this valley but did it do its job?  Nope.  At some point it did because the road drained but I think that's because someone came and did it manually.

I feel sorry for the homeless because dude, every single place that the cops normally don't bother them was ad partially still is under water or so wet it's marshland.

I wish I was kidding.

Side note, I'm watching Frozen for like the nine hundredth time... Did no one notice that they just left Kristoff and Sven at the lake?  Like uhm... sirs... you bought a kid with you and said child was not with you when you got home.... maybe start a search...?

Anyway.  In other news, my mother was right again.  And I hate it.

So the heat has been slowly diminishing in my car for like three months.  Maybe more. At first it wasn't a big deal because I live in North Carolina.  It's like perpetually warm.  If you can get past the winter months first thing in the morning, it's pretty much hot by noon.  So yeah it was a concern but not a big one.  Then it was only hot when I was going 85 mph down the highway, and the these last two or three weeks, I have had nothing but cold air.  Not even warm enough to do Lyft, so I've been doing door dash.  At least the only person catching pneumonia in my car is me.

We're up here googling like we know what the fuck we're looking at and come up with like four things it could be.  And we figured it was the midrange price wise thing and we were prepared to get car shield and all that and put my car in for servicing.  I got hoodies and padded leggings for Christmas so that I could keep working and not catch my death of cold.  Then out of nowhere, not only do I not have heat, this fucker wants to randomly start overheating.  Not all the time and really for like two minutes every four days.  And Mommy, again OUT OF NOWHERE says, go get a ting of coolant and put in your car.  The first day, I ignored her, the next day I fobbed her off, the third time she mentioned it, I flat out lied that I went and got it and put it in.  Tonight, this damn hunk of wheels and bolts does the bing bing bing overheating song and I'm like, I'm right here at Walmart, let me get this damn coolant.

Y'all, my coolant reservoir was so damn dry that shit had COBWEBS.  I quite literally heard my car go AHHHHH when I filled the reservoir.

And then I turned the car on and do you know that raggedy piece of wheels nuts and bolts had fucking heat???  Like, I'm sitting here in padded leggings, a long sleeve shirt and an extra plush hoodie burning the fuck up because now my car wants to work like a functioning car and I'm like oh no you didn't.

SO then I had to fess up to my mom.  She's like I'm gonna beat you.

Fun fact. I don't have to outrun my mom anymore... I just have to go two feet farther than her oxygen hose and she just put the short one back on because the long one was getting tangled.  So I basically just have to get past the living room and Im home free unless she chucks that one, gets to the laundry room, and puts THAT oxygen on.  If she can do that, I'm screwed unless I can get around her and get back to the other side of the house.  I figure it, I can do that, after getting down to my end of the house and getting back to her end, she'll give up.

I'm evil.

Oh!  I almost forgot the most important part. WE GOT A PUPPY!!!!!

I was doing door dash and I got an order for the PetsMart right down from the house and I was like I really don't wanna do a dash in gastonia but it was nine bucks so I took it.  I get there and the worker lady is outside holding this whining ball of black fur with the most adorable eyes you've ever seen and I'm like can I just hold him.  She says yes but before she can actually hand him over, little man jumps out of her arms and into mine like Pikachu, I choose you! Licks ensued.  

His name is Vishous Rhage But we call him Rhage.  He's named after my two favorite Brothers from the Black Dagger Brotherhood.  Petsmart says he's a pitta lab mix but the way he howls id say he has some husky in him.  But get this.  Someone dumped him in the bushes.  That's how he came to be at petsmart. I hope they burn in hell.  This little guy is on'y about 5-6 weeks and he's as big now as Luna was when she was six months old.  He's gonna be a big dog.

HE's not even my dog.  I wanted him to be my dog but he's Livy's dog.  All the animals in the world belong to Livy.  It's fine.  It's totally fine.

Okay well, that's all my news.  And I'm tired so I'm gonna call it a night.

Night loves!!

Live, Love, Laugh, Let's talk about L!

So I know I've been absent from this blog for awhile but I have really good excuses this time I promise.  None of which matter but for the record, they are really really good.  Plus, I believe that if people want to read what you write, they will be okay with you taking breaks as long as you come back before the interest completely dies away.

So anyway, I've been thinking about the L blog for a long time and everytime I thought I had a topic that I could BS on for over a thousand characters I kept coming back to the L word that is quite literally on my mind always.  Love.

Every now and then I have to put a disclaimer in my blog.  I have to cover myself so here is a blanket disclaimer:

Now whether or not the current object of my probably unfounded attraction is among my readers or not is not of my concern.  He is aware that I like him.  He is aware that I am as confused by that attraction as anyone could be. He is also aware that based on the fact that it is clear that he doesn't feel the same about me that I can't seem to shake said crush. So honestly, if by some glory of God he wanted a deeper look into the jumble that is my psyche and read my blog he cannot be surprised at what he finds because he was and is the only guy that I have ever laid myself before as an open book.  The only thing I will never say here is his name because I respect him more.  THAT BEING SAID NOTHING I SAY IS ABOUT HIM OR IN REFERENCE TO HIM...


If you know me you know I'm telling the truth when I say it's on my mind all the time.  Yes I do have other interests and do occasionally think about other things and other people but for the most part the topic of Love is always there.  In the forefront, in the background, hanging off to the side biding it's time until it can make one of those blazing returns to the front of my brain.  It's always there.  It's my constant companion and for better or worse (usually worse) it's become the voice in my head. And it sound A LOT like Meredith Grey-Shepperd from Grey's Anatomy.

Wikipedia defines Love as:

The English word "love" can refer to a variety of different feelings, states, and attitudes that ranges from interpersonal affection ("I love my mother") to pleasure ("I loved that meal"). It can refer to an emotion of a strong attraction and personal attachment.^[1] It can also be a virtue representing human kindness, compassion, and affection—"the unselfish loyal and benevolent concern for the good of another".^[2] As well, it may describe compassionate and affectionate actions towards other humans, one's self or animals.

I can't argue with them.  I don't know what love is.  Aside from loving my children and my mother and my family, I do not know what love is.

I love fried chicken.
I love writing and making jewelry.
I love laying in my bed and soaking up all the warmth it has to offer me.

But I have a feeling that's not the kind of Love people are talking about.

I had a friend once tell me their definition of love.  And I asked them because they are in a committed marriage of ten plus years.  By that person, Love was defined as:

"You live and die for that person.  Your first thought in the morning is of them, your last thought at night is of them.  If you had to choose between living life while they die or letting them live at the extent of your own life, you'd die in a heartbeat.  Without the other, you aren't anything..."

To tell the truth, it was at this point that I began to hear blah blah blah, ramble, ramble, ramble, mush, mush...  I had the feeling that she was overdramatizing something that was in reality much simpler and way less sickening in real life.

For the first, I personally live and would happily die for my children. And this is not because I have no romance in my life.  My first thought in the morning is unfortunately not of my children in pretty terms.  It is usually something like "Why are they poking me in the face?"  My final thought of the night is usually how much I love my bed.  If I had to choose between keeping my life and watching a man die, I may make a plea to take my life for theirs but I'm a spoiled selfish only child who would probably just plead not to kill them.  I'm pretty sure I would never say take me not him.  Sorry boo, whoever you are I understand that I seem like a total shit right now but chances are that you knew that when you started dating/married me.  I would however give my life for my children.  I love them.  And that last part, with him, I'm not anything???  Seriously??  I don't have them now so does that mean I'm nothing now?  Wow... I'm nothing.  Nothing sure does feel like a solid slightly overweight black woman that it's severe pain because she's sitting in a chair instead lying down like the doctor told her to.

I was married.  I was not in love with my husband.  I was in love with being married.  I stayed because on a really effed up plane of existence, he offered me a sense of security.  He was the father of my children, he was the provider of my home, he was the one I had promised before God and 17 people to  honor, cherish and a couple other things.  If loving him was supposed to be anything like what my friend described, not, I wasn't in love with him.

Thanks to romance novels that I have been reading since I was about 14 years old, I had some ideas on what I'd like love to be.

In romance novels, the hero and the heroine always meet by chance.  It is attraction at first sight.  I'll give them this.  Or rather, I will give them the attraction part.

There is always always, Always a conflict that keeps them apart.  Okay but usually the conflict isn't as legendary as it is in the book.

You should always trust the oldest person that give you advice. DEBUNK!!!  I call the flag on this one!  No details given but I'm calling the BS flag here.

If you love the other person, sex will always be amazing.  Even if he has you up against a wall after you've worked all day, he's now ripped your last pair of good stockings to hell and there's a picture frame gauging you in the back. It will be amazing.  I could wish this on a thousand stars but I'm pretty sure that when I find my doofus in tin foil we're going to have a couple of kinda bad off sync sex.  Nobody gets it right every time.

Everything is happy in the end. Not even going to dignify that with a smart aleck wisecrack.

So, being the person that I am, I have taken the ideals from purely fictional romance novels and real life and formed my own opinions of what love is.

1. People who love each other must first like each other.  That whole thing of "We hated each other at first" I'm sorry, but if I hate someone I am so not going to hang around them long enough to see the other side of the coin.  Why do that to myself?  I obviously have a good reason for not liking them and I honestly can't see that one day I would like to grow old with them.

2. People who are in love must want to be together.  Not all the time.  No one can be with another person 24/7 and not want to go just a teeny bit insane.  If I had to stare at someone day in and day out and never get a few hours to myself every now and then I'd be sitting in a corner babbling to myself.  Freaking, go watch a football game for an entire Sunday or something!  Gah!!

3. People who are in love understand that sometimes you have to be different to be a match.  After all, two identical puzzle pieces never fit together. One piece has to have a give so the other can take.

4.  There are no perfect couples.  If you think you are perfect together and there are no problems, no arguments, no conflict whatsoever, you are a fictional, probably Disney character and you should see serious help for not only your relationship problems but also the fact that you are an animated character that thinks they are real.

As I believe that Love is ever changing, right now, that's all I got.  I don't much about love, but I know what I want.  I know that I call the man I'm meant to have any future with a doofus in tin foil but maybe I'm his nerd in nylons, his geek in glasses, his slob in silk, or his bookworm in brocade.  I'm not trying to be his princess in pearls.

As always I welcome comments.  If you have something to share, please share it here.  I will try to answer if it warrants a comment.  Please understand that this blog is public so watch your language.  Also understand that two things will happen if you choose to ignore that last request.  One, you will look like the buffoon, not me and if it offends anyone it's running the chance of being deleted.

Today is...

One of those days where I want to sit in bed and just text people.  I don't know why.

But then, I don't know why I do a lot of things or why a log of days feel like they do.

Sigh.  Short blog.  Bleh.