December 27, 2023

 SO it's been a few days since I last posted.  I didn't forget, I just wasn't interested in sitting at my computer...

Ive lost count of how any days off Facebook It's been but I still don't miss it and I'm kinda wondering if I'm even going to go back.  It just seems like a big bother.  I'm neither happier or sadder... I just am.

Now onto news.  

Christmas happened.  You know that song that goes Beas greens potatoes tomatoes etc?  Yeh, that was my house. we had:

• Baked Turkey
• Baked Chicken
• Grilled/baked ribs
• Ham
• Sweet potato pie
• apple pie
• Collard greens
• baked potatoes
• mashed potatoes
• caramel cakeYellow cake (mine)
• cornbread
• rolls

I honestly feel like I'm leaving something out but we had a lot... and very little left over.  You know how Jonny Depp keeps asking why the rums gone in POC?  That was me..... Why's the food gone?  But we had a lot of people over.  And three people got to go plates.  Auntie pat came.  It was a great night.  We had a lot of fun.  And the next day, the sky fell down.

No like.. literally.  We got over five inches of rain.  Belmont is STILL under a flood warning because their sewer system sucks.  Its been a whole day of not rain and the water in the river that separates Belmont from Charlotte that was dangerously low is touching the bottom of the damn bridge.  There's a dip in the road near Sam Wilson Road on Wilkinson and that shit was a lake.  Im not even kidding.  There's a whole ass pipe that supposed to drain all that water from this very recognized dip into like this valley but did it do its job?  Nope.  At some point it did because the road drained but I think that's because someone came and did it manually.

I feel sorry for the homeless because dude, every single place that the cops normally don't bother them was ad partially still is under water or so wet it's marshland.

I wish I was kidding.

Side note, I'm watching Frozen for like the nine hundredth time... Did no one notice that they just left Kristoff and Sven at the lake?  Like uhm... sirs... you bought a kid with you and said child was not with you when you got home.... maybe start a search...?

Anyway.  In other news, my mother was right again.  And I hate it.

So the heat has been slowly diminishing in my car for like three months.  Maybe more. At first it wasn't a big deal because I live in North Carolina.  It's like perpetually warm.  If you can get past the winter months first thing in the morning, it's pretty much hot by noon.  So yeah it was a concern but not a big one.  Then it was only hot when I was going 85 mph down the highway, and the these last two or three weeks, I have had nothing but cold air.  Not even warm enough to do Lyft, so I've been doing door dash.  At least the only person catching pneumonia in my car is me.

We're up here googling like we know what the fuck we're looking at and come up with like four things it could be.  And we figured it was the midrange price wise thing and we were prepared to get car shield and all that and put my car in for servicing.  I got hoodies and padded leggings for Christmas so that I could keep working and not catch my death of cold.  Then out of nowhere, not only do I not have heat, this fucker wants to randomly start overheating.  Not all the time and really for like two minutes every four days.  And Mommy, again OUT OF NOWHERE says, go get a ting of coolant and put in your car.  The first day, I ignored her, the next day I fobbed her off, the third time she mentioned it, I flat out lied that I went and got it and put it in.  Tonight, this damn hunk of wheels and bolts does the bing bing bing overheating song and I'm like, I'm right here at Walmart, let me get this damn coolant.

Y'all, my coolant reservoir was so damn dry that shit had COBWEBS.  I quite literally heard my car go AHHHHH when I filled the reservoir.

And then I turned the car on and do you know that raggedy piece of wheels nuts and bolts had fucking heat???  Like, I'm sitting here in padded leggings, a long sleeve shirt and an extra plush hoodie burning the fuck up because now my car wants to work like a functioning car and I'm like oh no you didn't.

SO then I had to fess up to my mom.  She's like I'm gonna beat you.

Fun fact. I don't have to outrun my mom anymore... I just have to go two feet farther than her oxygen hose and she just put the short one back on because the long one was getting tangled.  So I basically just have to get past the living room and Im home free unless she chucks that one, gets to the laundry room, and puts THAT oxygen on.  If she can do that, I'm screwed unless I can get around her and get back to the other side of the house.  I figure it, I can do that, after getting down to my end of the house and getting back to her end, she'll give up.

I'm evil.

Oh!  I almost forgot the most important part. WE GOT A PUPPY!!!!!

I was doing door dash and I got an order for the PetsMart right down from the house and I was like I really don't wanna do a dash in gastonia but it was nine bucks so I took it.  I get there and the worker lady is outside holding this whining ball of black fur with the most adorable eyes you've ever seen and I'm like can I just hold him.  She says yes but before she can actually hand him over, little man jumps out of her arms and into mine like Pikachu, I choose you! Licks ensued.  

His name is Vishous Rhage But we call him Rhage.  He's named after my two favorite Brothers from the Black Dagger Brotherhood.  Petsmart says he's a pitta lab mix but the way he howls id say he has some husky in him.  But get this.  Someone dumped him in the bushes.  That's how he came to be at petsmart. I hope they burn in hell.  This little guy is on'y about 5-6 weeks and he's as big now as Luna was when she was six months old.  He's gonna be a big dog.

HE's not even my dog.  I wanted him to be my dog but he's Livy's dog.  All the animals in the world belong to Livy.  It's fine.  It's totally fine.

Okay well, that's all my news.  And I'm tired so I'm gonna call it a night.

Night loves!!

Happy December!

I just got back from P and J's for Walking dead night (Which turned into Walking Dead, Grey's Anatomy, and Once upon a Time but it's totally cool because we are bad asses who can do that and still function in the morning.... Well they can function in the morning, I have the day off tomorrow, so I'm going to climb back into my cubbyhole of a blanket fort and sleep till noon.)

I had one of those days that upon reflection can best be described as... interesting.  If you are male, you may want to stop reading.   Just saying...

I got up at seven this morning because I had to shower since today was the (insert sarcastic) yay! Pap smear... She wanted to do it last week but mother nature still had her claim on me and despite the fact that she looked me in the eye and said "So?" I refused to let her go up there with all that going on.  Just... no.

So today was the day.  It was supposed to be a quick in and out, pardon my saying.  But she pressed down on the tummy and serious pain radiated throughout my abdomen.  The kind of pain where you don't say ouch but visible tears not only spring to your eyes but fall in streams.  Yeah.  That kind of pain.  Which led to her going back up there to see what was going on.  Yay!  two speculums in the space of ten minutes.  Lucky me.  Suffice to say, this counts as an abnormal visit.  She asked me about my mother's menstrual history which is, you know something every daughter loves to talk about.  My mother started her menopause in her thirties.  This is a fact I didn't know until today when I outright asked her.  As a matter of fact, I was conceived not only because my mother wanted children but because pregnancy was supposed to stave it off for a few years.  Long enough for her to have a couple of kids and then go into it.  I didn't do my job.  It hit pretty much right after I was born.

But I didn't know all that so I told the dr it hit her at 40.  All I really remember was spending my childhood either freezing in the winter because my mom opened all the windows and turned on the AC in a blizzard because she was hot or suffocating because she got a cold flash in the middle of a heat wave and cracked up the heat...  Lewis then asked when my mom had her hysterectomy.  I said 2002 ish.  which would put my mom in her 50's.  Based on that and the fact that I had an abnormal in 2000 and today's exam and the fact that my periods have been increasingly late, she is sending me for an ultrasound.  Her prognosis... I may not even get to make it to menopause.  They may do a hysterectomy and cut whatever it is that's happening to me off at the pass.

I know I make jokes about me loving to have a hysterectomy and be done with it and all but in all honesty, I'm not ready for it to be over.  I'm not talking about sex.  If I ever get to have that again I know a hysterectomy won't stop that but even though my tubes have been tied for 13 years, I could still get pregnant via in vitro.  Not that I want to.  God no!  I'd never make it out of the great mommy loop sane if I had a baby now.  But the fact that I still could was always there.  And having a hysterectomy would completely take away that option.

My mom thinks that my weight loss may have triggered this sudden change in my cycle.  My doctor thinks I am a ticking time bomb.  Neither are being very re assuring.

Guys you may start reading again.

Somehow on the way to get the title to Auntie's car signed over, Mommy and I got onto the topic of the great fight of 2002.

My mom had just had her hysterectomy and she was in pain.  I get that and I don't know about anyone else's mom but when mine is in pain, NO ONE can be happy and very few people can do right and as her only child nothing I do is right.  I can't drive, I hit every pothole, I turn to fast, I'm too far over the line, I'm driving to slow, I'm driving too fast, I'm walking to fast, I'm patronizing her by walking too slow, the food's too hot, the food's too spicy, the food isn't hot enough, the food isn't tasty enough, that's too much salt, now that's too much pepper, I'm in an undeserved huff because I have to go back to the store to get what she really wants to eat... The list is endless and I do mean just that.  That particular visit (I was living in California at that time) I came home and we got into a major blow up which is to say that she bitched just a little too much and I blew my top and came back at her.  Big no no in my family.  Just bottle it up and never say a word.  I remember that fight because I actually took the train up to NY to stay at my mother in law's place and then the shuttle to the airport back to Cali from there instead of staying with my mom.

She pointed out that we didn't speak for almost a year after that one.  And to my utter shock, she said that she didn't believe that our fight had even affected me once because how could a daughter go almost a year without even calling to check on her mother?

First of all I wanted to distance myself because she did call.  Almost weekly.  And every single call that I answered started with, "If I am allowed, can I at least speak to my grandchildren?"  Seriously, why would I call to initiate a conversation with someone that called to give me a weekly guilt trip?  And her friends and the family we had up there kept me informed.  I did care, I just didn't feel like rehashing the argument or going on the guilt trip.  And we never actually worked that one out,. we just started talking again.  This past summer, we had another one of those fights and in the middle of it, she left to drive to NJ with my aunt.  The morning that she left on a twelve hour car drive (A 69 year old and a 56 year old, both women on the road for what turned out to be 14 hours), she sent me an email telling me she was leaving.  She didn't call, she sent an email. "We are leaving out of here around nine a.m. I will let you know when we get there."  That is what the email said.  She emailed me again when they finally arrived after I freaked out because they were on the road so damn long.  But when I pointed that out this afternoon, what I got was, "Well, I was hurt because you blew up at me."

Raise your hand if you remember that fight.  She called me an asshole and hung up on me.  But she was hurt because I blew up at her.  I would insert a gif of a confused eye roll, but why bother.  Just use the one above.

She said that it's so hard to know what makes me mad because she has to tiptoe around certain subjects for fear of making me mad. I refer you to the aforementioned gif above.   I told her that it's not tiptoeing around what makes me mad, it's that she needs to always keep in mind that I am 35 and have kept not only myself but three children alive for over 15 years now.  I'm an adult.  She tends to treat me like I am 16.  And not a good 16, more like a 16 yr old that gets in constant trouble and needs constant guidance on how to do everything but breathe and sometimes that too.  I almost said that she needed to let me run my own life but even that sounded way harsh in my own head so I didn't let that little pearl of sarcasm go forth.  She didn't like that answer but at that moment, we were at the bank to sign over the title and the conversation dropped.
I am quite certain that I haven't heard the last of this.  More certain than I am that the sun will rise and the Earth will continue to rotate.  And it will come up at one of the worst times.  I dunno when that will be but when things start going to shit, I will be expecting it to come up.

She also started in on the job and how it takes up my time.  I'm not even going to bore you with that one.  The conversation didn't go her way so again, it'll come up again.  And it will keep coming up until she gets the answer she wants which is, I will no long work weekends so that I can sit around with her and my kids while we all play on our phones and ignore each other in the name of family togetherness.  Cause you know that's always better than earning money that might one day enable me to get off section 8...

So anyway, My aunt officially signed her PT Cruiser over to me (my mom) this afternoon.  we went to get it registered and it came up as needing inspection.  We were on our way to get it inspected when I realized it had a flat tire.  Got it changed to the donut that I'm pretty sure has never been used in the 13 years she owned the car and was going to go get the inspection when my neighbor told me that they will not inspect it with a donut.  So it's sitting in my driveway on a donut.  But I can drive it to work and back because I have a 10 day pass.  I get paid on Friday so I will be getting the tire changed, inspected, and plates put on all before I go to work Friday night.

So life isn't bad, it's actually good.  I refuse to see the fact that my mom and I had one of those conversations or the imminent possibility of a looming hysterectomy   as the makings for a bad day.  I got a car today.  It's mine.  I can go back on the road a few times a week.  I.  Have.  A.  Car.

Vroom vroom baby!!

Alls good in the hood and I've taken my night meds.  (I will blog about that tomorrow) so stay frosty bloggers!