It's generally because I have nothing to blog about. I mean I can sit here and start a bullshit blog from time to time because it usually takes a form and away I go but sometimes, I just don't feel like bullshitting. Also, sometimes, things just might be going so monumentally shitty in my life that I don't want any evidence of it online. I don't want in any way to be able to look back at certain things in my life and say "Damn..." I'm not going to learn from that, I'm just going to put myself in another funk that's going to suck more air out oy day in the future.
Today, however, I actually have a topic. And granted it's one of those shitty things that I just said I don't generally want reminders of but this time, I think I need to put this online so that I can look back and remind myself that I've been here and treading this path again is not necessary.
Fair weather friends. I hate them.
Everyone has one or two, some unfortunate people have three or more.
Now I'm not talking about that high school person that you have on your social media that you always see posting but you never really talk to. Except for that one status out of a million random ones that they choose to remind you that they are there on. Those friends are just long distance friends. Even if they used to be best friends they are now long distance best friends. When you travel home, you make it a point to see them, to coo over their children that you remember as small but now they're huge, Give them long hugs because they recently had a break up, admire because you just haven't seen them. They are always your friends that want nothing but the best for you and the feeling is mutual but because of your distance you kind of exist on a plane that says "If I don't see you posting for like a week, not even a random share, I'm going to text/email you and ask you if you are okay because no matter what, we ALWAYS have updated contact info."
I'm fine with that friend. This friend is awesome and always will be.
No, the 'friend' I am talking about is the one that you have a relationship that has slowly declined into one of you being a venting board for the other. This friend calls you on random days to "check in" but right after they hear your voice and are assured that you are indeed still alive they launch into a guilt trip about not hearing from you in a long time or they skip right over that and launch into telling you about every single bad thing in their life that's happened. They don't even notice that your end of the conversation consists of basically "uh huh" and "mmmm". Nine times out of ten, when they're finished dumping on you about the shit in their lives, they have to go. That tenth time, oh you're lucky then... They break out the, "So what's going on in your life?" but the second you begin to tell them, they have to hang up.
This 'friend' also might do something as callous as say, call you in the middle of the night crying which, because they are your 'friend' or in my case one of my 'best friends', triggers that special part of you that wants to make their world okay. Even if that means sitting up ALL NIGHT and talking to them (Again I refer to your end of the conversation being "Mmmm" and "uh huh"). And once you are wide awake and your sleep interrupted brain is trying to process whatever pain your 'friend' is going through (Which, if you are empathetic like me, brings your right down.) They feel better and... have to go. You wanna commit murder on a grand scale of everyone that cause your friend the pain that made her call you at one am crying, but she's fine. You chug a pot or two of coffee and you carry on with your day since you won't be sleeping anymore. But warning, DON'T try to call said friend later that day to find out if they are okay because you won't get an answer. And if you do, you will probably get told that YOU woke THEM up but it's okay because, "Lemme tell you about THIS SHIT..."
So you start to drift away from this friend. You stop calling, you stop daily texting them, you stop reminding them that you exist. One to see if they seek you out to find out how you are. Two to try and remove yourself from their radar. and three, because you're just plain tired of being the one they call whenever something bad has happened. Months go by and you get maybe one text and said text includes the lines "What happened to us? You don't call, you don't text. Did you forget about me?"
Raise your hand if that simple text has made you just wanna take a day trip to slap them.
So you feel slightly guilty and you go back to texting them and calling them once a week until you realize you've fallen into the same fucking pattern again and you are once again the venting board friend. So you distance yourself... again.
Shit happens in your life but you don't call them because you don't want to be that friend. The one that only calls when shit is happening and you need to vent. Your momma raised you better than that. Not to insult said friends momma but come on...
And then one day you look down at your social media and there's this message from said friend saying that they have been wanting to message you but THEY had to get over being hurt because YOU haven't called or texted to check in on THEM.
They wish you the very best in life and are sad that they have been forgotten by you.
Major guilt trip.
Only this time, you don't want to trip so you don't take the ticket. Instead, you finally let them know why you haven't called or texted and remind them that the telephone does work both ways. You unload everything on them and hope that they finally see the truth in what your friendship has become.
But you know what? You know deep down that that they won't see. They'll be mad at you for a month and then they'll extend the olive branch back to you saying that they won't unload on you anymore and even though you can hear the underlying sneer in their voice because you pointed out that's what they were doing you agree to put it behind you and you start texting and calling again and you fall into the same damn trap all over again.
It's happening to me right now. I'm waiting for her to randomly text me with the "i'm sorry, I didn't know you felt that way." text.
Sigh... I was having such a good day. My computer is back to working, I've been working on my room and can actually see my floor in parts now. I even started my laundry so I'll have clean underwear. And now I have a monster headache that is threatening to swallow me whole. I think I am going to go retreat into Sim City solitude.
FUTURE DETTE: When you read this, remember you've been in this cycle before. Don't fall for it chickie, Cut them off. They've handed you the scissors more than a couple of times now. USE THEM!!!!
Stay frosty bloggers. And stay away from fair weather friends. Just stay away.
