This will appear on Facebook

As will other posts but thats all I will be putting there for a few days. I am putting aside my twitter and my facebook but I will not put aside my blog. My blog is the only thing that lets me maintaince a semblance of sanity right now.

Thank you everyone that stood by me. Both silent and vocal. I love you all and you did not go unnoticed.

There is no way that I am going to sleep without nightmares tonight, so I am going to make a pot of coffee so that in the morning I have some caffine to stick my game face on with. As it is, my daughter had no clue of how I was feeling and her simple statement that this was the best birthday ever made me feel slightly better but in the midst of the day Jovaughn got sick and threw up twice.

Where is my copy of parenting for dummies? Did i lend it out? Can someone read me the chapter on one child being happy and another getting sick? Am I supposed to go screaming into the cold dark night in my skivvies or butt ball naked? I cant remember.

So goodnight, good morning, good afternoon.

Single and blogging is going to get caffinated.

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Shitstorm at my door...

If I could delete it, I would at this point but Facebook mobile wont let me and i cant log onto the site via web as theres no connection here.

I could be base and go to my facebook inbox and copy and paste this am's conversation between Michelle and I and truth be told I think it would clear some issues up if I did.

1. I did not demand multiple apologizes. As soon as one was actually offered, i accepted.

2. Yes Denise apologized. I think, I am still pouing over this mornings email bit by bit so that I dont take anything out of context.

3. My silence was not an endorsement my silence was me trying very hard to let the flames die.

4. I am done with it all and as soon as I can get to an actual computer trust and beleive it will be gone.

5. I said it before and I stand by it, Denise is too good a person to have that particular bit of her past brought up in that way. You werent defending her you were slinging an arrow in her direction and honestly i would love to see if she or her husband saw it as you defending them either. Like I said, shes outta your league.

6. There is a six. You are sitting at your computer thinking that you are playing mind fuck games with everyone here. You arent. You are simply making an ass out of yourself.

7. Yes I know you are expecting. Did I ever say anything about that? Nope.

I refuse to comment on facebook but I will not police my friends anymore because this has gone way beyond what it once was. It has become something twisted and ugly and not something I want any part of. I have tried to be adult and honestly think I did a damn good job at it. Anyone that actually knows me knows in the past, I would have gone off hours ago.

Thank you for ruining my daughters birthday for me Seargent family, I only hope that one day I can return the favor.

Single and blogging wishes the last twenty four hours would simply vanish into thin air.

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So today...

Is my first daughters birthday. She's ten this year and as the parent to a child that runs face first into life, I am shaking my head and smiling.

Not many people know that this is an exceptionally emotional time for me as well. Around this day my skin sort of thins out and little things hurt me alot more because on this day, ten years ago, another woman had to lose her baby so that I could have mine.

Ten years ago, I sat in Monmouth Medical all set to deliver Kayla when my dr came to me and said another woman just came in and the baby was in distress would I mind if they took her first?

Without a thought to the fact that my body had decided this was going to be the day come hell or high water and had swung into full labor, (not the intensity where you just gotta push, but the full levy of contractions every few minutes.) I told him to take care of her.

I will always remember the look on Dr. Lepis's face when he came for me. He never had to say a word. And as i walked to the delivery room, i cried along with the woman who could be heard clearly from the recovery room.

I always looked on that day as God had one cherub to send to Earth and he chose me to be its guardian.

Thats why this day is special for me. Thats why this day, my guard is down and things pierce my heart more easily. This is the day that God made a choice and I was the victor or sorts.

Single and Blogging wants to take this moment and get down on her knees and once again thank God for my gift and I hope I'm doing You proud.

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What happened last night...

Was that one person didnt take a step back and think that something she said COULD offend me because we had known each other so long. When I outright said that I was hurt and was subsenquently defended by people who took offense FOR me both the original parties skipped over the the part where a simple 'I'm sorry if you took offense" would have done wonders, strapped on battle gear and went for teeth.

And as usual, I am the one still catching the manure. Funny how that happens.

In less than twenty four hours two people that I have known nearly all of my life have decided that their own wounds are more important than the ones they inflicted and have taken their friendship from me.

It hurts but what else can I conclude that if I can be nixxed so easily was i really ever that important to you? It really doesnt feel like i was right this moment. Right this moment i feel like i was always deadweight and this last conflict gave them both the very sharp knife they needed to cut me loose.

I will not concentrate on this today, i will enjoy my daughters birthday.

I doubt either is reading this but i never ever meant either of them any hurt, harm, or ill will. In the back of my mind we will still be friends although the bond feels somewhat weaker.

Travel your path I will travel mine own. If again shall we meet, may the reunion be sweet. If this wound will outlast all time as we know it, then thats how it must be. Wounds made by familiars will always be deeper than those by the faceless.

Single and Blogging is hurting but I will not stop being who I am.

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