I'm done. Not even anti anxiety meds can help right now.
Let's recap shall we...?
Sunday morning I went to my fathers church. Not only did he not RECOGNIZE me, when he introduced me to everyone after the service, NO ONE knew he even had a daughter. I cannot begin to elaborate on my feelings with that. If you know me, then you can imagine my feelings. I have held it up well but that was the FIRST TIME I wanted to sit in a corner and cry this week.
Monday we drive into the city. Let's say that my first act in the city was to flip off and honk at an NYPD officer... The rest of the day was awesome. I even got to go to Coney Island and ride the legend- wait for it- ary Cyclone roller coaster.
Tuesday... Eh that was fine. Long drive, road rage, tired as hell, hot as hell... Absolutely nothing to complain about except that we were so deep in the country that Google couldn't even find me for foursquare...
Wednesday... Six something in the morning... I hear a muffled thump and a scream. I was wearing wax earplugs because I was sharing a room with mom and she snores. Flew out of the bed to find my mother in the floor at the bottom of a flight of stairs.
My heart stopped. Not quite sure its beating regularly yet.
I am about to fall apart. I swear I am. I just want to sit in a corner... Hell anywhere... And sob. Between my dad not knowing me and people he ministers to not even knowing about me to watching my mother in severe pain for the last thirty six hours I need a huge hug. Not a brief one either. More like someone to lay down in the bed with me and hold me. I don't want sex. I just want to be held.
I have a feeling that since I'm more than likely not going to get held that this week is going to end with alcohol. I don't want to drink bit I want the warm comfort.
Sigh, I... I... I have nothing. I will find strength for my mom, but at the moment I have no damn idea where I'm going to get it from....
Let's recap shall we...?
Sunday morning I went to my fathers church. Not only did he not RECOGNIZE me, when he introduced me to everyone after the service, NO ONE knew he even had a daughter. I cannot begin to elaborate on my feelings with that. If you know me, then you can imagine my feelings. I have held it up well but that was the FIRST TIME I wanted to sit in a corner and cry this week.
Monday we drive into the city. Let's say that my first act in the city was to flip off and honk at an NYPD officer... The rest of the day was awesome. I even got to go to Coney Island and ride the legend- wait for it- ary Cyclone roller coaster.
Tuesday... Eh that was fine. Long drive, road rage, tired as hell, hot as hell... Absolutely nothing to complain about except that we were so deep in the country that Google couldn't even find me for foursquare...
Wednesday... Six something in the morning... I hear a muffled thump and a scream. I was wearing wax earplugs because I was sharing a room with mom and she snores. Flew out of the bed to find my mother in the floor at the bottom of a flight of stairs.
My heart stopped. Not quite sure its beating regularly yet.
I am about to fall apart. I swear I am. I just want to sit in a corner... Hell anywhere... And sob. Between my dad not knowing me and people he ministers to not even knowing about me to watching my mother in severe pain for the last thirty six hours I need a huge hug. Not a brief one either. More like someone to lay down in the bed with me and hold me. I don't want sex. I just want to be held.
I have a feeling that since I'm more than likely not going to get held that this week is going to end with alcohol. I don't want to drink bit I want the warm comfort.
Sigh, I... I... I have nothing. I will find strength for my mom, but at the moment I have no damn idea where I'm going to get it from....
