I'm sorry, Sunday is temporarily unavailable...

You see, it thinks it's Saturday and we are currently trying to handle this identity crisis...

Okay, see, Sunday is my happy happy joy joy day at work for a couple of reasons.  It used to be that way because it meant that I didn't have to see a certain shift leader.  Without him the store was like Disney land.  With him... eh not so much and a day working with Ambs was like working with any one of the great Disney role models that are just about always calm cool and collected.  And that's not me sucking up.  I'm serious...  On Sundays, Ambs is so chill it's like not work at all.  Even if we get a pop, it's no biggie. And after most Saturdays at Howies, Sunday's is a cake walk.  Nearly every Saturday at some point in the day one of us (Maybe more, maybe not, usually just me, Boss man has a song I love to hear that I can't write the words here because well, it's not very nice.) want to just lay down in a corner and cry because Sports and Bounce...  shudder... makes me tremble just thinking about it... Also I love Sundays because it means that Monday morning, I can totally sleep in so I just have to stay on my feet for a couple of more hours and then get home and Wham! Instant mini Vacation because my bed can claim me for up to 48 whole hours! (You know, unless I'm the on call driver which still means I can sleep in because they never need the on call driver until at least noon by which case 80% of the time I'm up and feeling mostly human by then so it's all good.)

But today!  OMG!  No, today was so big that it deserves to be written out in all of it's Valley Girl glory.  Like, Oh My God to the max! Today was like totally, like crazy!

Okay, enough of the Valley Girl.  The older I get the less I can stand to do it, hear it, or think about it.

But seriously.  Today, I swear that Sunday was having an identity crisis and thought that it was in reality, Saturday part two.  Bounce had ten and thirteen pie orders and Sports... well, they must have thought that their calendar said Saturday as well, because Oh My Damn! Even though they weren't on the half hour all day, they had some whoppers in there too... I think one was like a twelve pie order and those sumbishes are extra freaking large.  Oh I'm sorry, did you just refill your sauce and cheese Claudette?  No, you didn't, you must have been dreaming.  Because your sauce bucket is empty... again and you can see the bottom of the make line through what used to be your full cheese lexan... No, you didn't just fill that ten minutes ago.

Today I learned that it is possible to pour two bags of sauce into the lexan at the same time without ending up wearing the sauce like a noob.  Have I seen Joe do it plenty of times?  Yes. Did I think that it was the coolest thing since like ever?  Hell yes!  Have I tried it before?  Yes.  Did I end up wearing most of one bag?  Yes.  Did a good bit of the rest end up on the make line and the floor?  Yes.  Did it today?  No because I was in too much of a damn rush to think about the fact that I was doing it until after I'd done it.  Then Mecklenburg Community Church ordered six pies and I really should have expected it because I took the damn order but when it hit, I had I think two Sports and a bounce... a really BIG bounce (Think eight pizzas and 50 howie wings) on the screen as well as some personal orders.

Oh and the party trays...  I got to do TWO party trays today.  Notice I said I got to do them not that I had to do them.  If you did my job, you'd know that round pizzas and even deep dishes are a dime a dozen and can be done in no time (If you don't complain and need remakes every two minutes... ahem) but a party tray!!!  I LIKE those.  Two extra larges and I think a small (Might be a junior) all smushed together and sheeted out into a dough tray, this thing is 30 slices, a lot of sauce, a shitload of cheese, and ninety freaking pepperoni! (I just want someone to order that sumbish in a works.  Just once!  If I don't get to make it, I at least want to see it!)  And they the ones I did looked BOSS!!  I thought I was on a work high when the owner watched me do one and said it looked good but damn doing two in the space of ten minutes and having them come out looking as good as they did was like an orgasm and a good five hits off a hookah combined with a very good top shelf drink.  It was that good.

AND NO ONE LOST THEIR COOL!!!  Picture it, four women in one enclosed space and a while lotta stuff going on at once.  tensions are going to run high.  But no one got pissed off, no one screamed at anyone, no one whined or complained and as soon as Joe walked in, Ambs took the ladle from me and sent me on break.  I may have look like I was pissed at that moment, but I so wasn't.  My back hurt like a bitch and I was holding that one complaint that I knew would break the good mood.  Trust me, I went and sat in my car and my back was like a little baby whining "Thank you God for sitting down!"

We got another pop later tonight. Not nearly as hard but still a good little hit.  We ran out of wings.  Had enough for one 20 piece order and they got mostly flats and maybe two drums.  I found a lone rogue winge under the racks as I was cleaning.  It was skinny and scrawny and I know what you're going to ask.  Hell yes I popped that thing on a bread tray and sent it through the oven.  Best damn thing I ate all night to that point.

So it's now officially Monday.  My mini vacay is officially starting.  I'm tired. And I have the time card to prove it.  See?  Look at those hours!  I'm a beast man!  I did it and I'm still standing like that awesometastic pizza vixen I am!  Okay, maybe pizza vixen might be going a little too far.... Nah! I make pizzas and I look damn good while doing it and I'm good at it so yeah, awesometastic pizza vixen.  That's me.

Oh yeah... other stuff besides work.

For starters, Kay got asked out on a date.  Yes!! My Kay Kay!  A date!!  I was so floored that I didn't know how to respond.  I did tell her that I had to work all weekend so I didn't think a date was a good idea but then an invite to go to the mall showed up for her and I suspected that the boy was going to be there and that was their way of having their "date" but I let it slide.  Kids today think that adults my age were never their age and therefore, we are monumentally stupid.  But none the less, I let my big girl go to the mall unchaperoned and she did okay.  She spent all of her money on her sister and myself and she didn't have the funds to eat and we're working on that whole sometimes it's okay to be a little selfish thing but she had a good time and couldn't stop smiling about it for hours.  So I'm okay with it.  If she wants to do this again I will just have to make sure she has a little more money to work with.  She may still buy stuff for me and her sister but even Kay gets to a point where she thinks she is spending too much and she stops only using more to buy food.  So if I send her with a good bit, she will eat and have fun.

This little one on the other hand.  Well, that one may not live to see`14...  She asked me Friday if she could go to the library to do research on her report with her best friend who this month happens to be named Jaiden. I said fine but didn't know how they were going to get there.  Jaiden's mom came and picked her up and because I had to work late that night said that Livy could spend the night (I kinda like my kids friends' parents) I said okay and went on to work.  Saturday I told Kay to ask Livy via text what time she'd be back so that my mom could pick them up and Livy informed the both of us that she had taken TWO sets of clothing and she was spending the weekend not just Friday night.

Take a moment to think about who this chick just informed she was spending a weekend.  THink about that.  Relax, I let it go. She's not getting off scott free though.  She doesn't know it yet and she won't notice until it's way too late, but she is about to catch  it for that.  As soon as I have had some time to rest and think and plan.

A little parenting advice: Never punish when you are tired or on the spur of the moment.  Always sleep on it.  Always think about it.  Always weigh your pros and cons and then just after you have lulled your child into a false sense of security where they think that you've forgotten because you're... well old (I mean come on, we had rotary phones, we're like, ancient!) then WHAM! hit them with that well thought out punishment and watch them crumble.

Okay, Y'all, I'm one tired little monkey.  I am going to take my meds and go to bed.  Sometime tomorrow, if I don't get called in, I am going to go fight with Time Warner Cable.  They raised my bill 14 dollars in the past month with no explanation, so I think it's time to say bye bye to them.  Night guys and dolls.

I would use my customary "Stay Frosty" but we are under a winter Storm watch for the one inch of snow we are expecting. Oh don't get on me I know I'm a true northerner.  I've been here long enough to know that snow turns to ice really quick here and people turn form moderately crappy drivers to really shitty ones in a heartbeat.

So get toasty with your special one (or pillow) and cuddle up (or burrow under your covers)  Gather the ones you love close to you and make hot cocoa and watch crappy cheesy movies (or play hours of Rock band)  Take time to hold the ones you love close because one day you might wake up and they are gone and you will only have your memories of them to keep you warm at night.

Stay Warm, loves.  Scatterbrain Dette Loves you!

And the meltdown award goes to...

...Me!

Like you had any doubt.

Let's go back to Saturday.  Saturday I was opening driver at work.  It started off as an ordinary day no drama whatsoever.  Joe even called one of the crew and told him not to come in till later because we weren't slammed in any way.  Then about eleven twelve-ish, my lower left abdomen started to hurt like someone was intermittently punching me.  Not sucker punches and not full force punches but still punching me.  I may have doubled over a couple of times because Joe kept asking me if I was going to be able to finish my shift and I kept telling him yes I could I could soldier through it.  I kept in the mindset that I just had so and so many more hours until my shift was over and I could go home and rest.  However around three it was clear that I was not going to make it and I even told Joe yes, call someone in.  However, I did have one more delivery to take which was a triple.  Keep in mind that by that point the dull punching feeling had escalated to a sharp stabbing feeling.  Sort of like my body's way of saying "You didn't seem to want to listen when it wasn't that bad so let me shout at you that you need to stop and sit the eff down!"

I cannot tell you how I made it back to the store.  I really honestly cannot tell you.  I remember leaving the parking lot at the mall after giving both deliveries there to their respective people and the next thing I know Joe and John were randomly standing at the car.  There were some words said.  My mom was called (I don't care what anyone says at 35 years old it is an awesome feeling to know that when I have a bad owie, I can still call my mommy... or in this case have my boss call my mommy...)  I remember John asking me my car or his. And I remember getting in his car.  After that.  I remember morphine.  At one point between them saying they were giving me morphine and me getting said morphine someone came in to get something from me and I told him to go away unless he had morphine.  The morphine gave me one of those all over body shocks.  I don't know if anyone has ever been quite this stupid but if you've ever licked a live 9v battery and the shock that radiates throughout your body from head to toe for a hot second... that's what the morphine did at first and then slowly it took the pain away.

Went to do an MRI.  Discovered that when they give you iodine through an IV it makes you feel warm ALL OVER.  Key note here when the tech tells you that you will feel like you've peed yourself, he is not lying.  At all.  I can't say that was the feeling my mind skipped straight to but because the suggestion was there I eventually came to feel like that.

So, a lot of poking, prodding, and a horrific pelvic exam later we found two things were going on in the end.  One I was constipated.  Two, I had a ovarian cyst burst on me.  Apparently the blockage was fairly close to the cyst.  What this means in medical terms I have no clue.  Which one hurt the most, I have no clue.  I don't know how bad the blockage was considering that one big glass of milk later that problem was solved.  What I do know: That shit hurt like a motherfucker. IT's not often that I'm not able to take pain but this was one of those rare times that I was not able to take the pain.  My wonderwoman cape slipped a little bit and I wasn't Super Dette, I was just pitiful human Claudette who wasn't able to cope with the horrible pain that felt kinda like I was giving birth all over again.  Now factor in that I had C-sections for all of my kids and experienced very little labor time with any of them (I was in labor with Jojo for a couple of hours, I was in labor with Kay for maybe an hour and there was no labor with Livy) the fact that I felt like I was in labor should tell you just how bad I felt.  I'm positive I was crying... hard.  Whether or not I was ladylike about it or I cussed like a sailor on speed I cannot tell you.

I seriously went to be Saturday night at sevenish and woke briefly yesterday but everytime I took my meds I was back down within a half an hour (Which is not a good thing when you drink milk to solve a constipation problem.  Also if you have a burst cyst that still hurts WITH MORPHINE and you need to poo,  Don't do anything to force the poo... The result will be you sitting on the potty bawling your eyes out because now you hurt but you can't do anything about because you have to be on the potty.  You can't call anyone because it's close to the middle of the night and what are they going to do anyway?  Trust me, if you have the two things combined DON"T FORCE THE POO!  NO matter how much Strawberry you put in the milk, don't drink it!  Okay so that was more a note to myself but whatever.

Sunday was a puff of smoke.  I attempted to clean out my dvr and I'm pretty sure I slept through a lot of the stuff I eventually said to delete. I did put a hurting on the mega bag of M&M's that I created though.  Don't ask me when as my brain thought of very little until a text message asking me to work came through this morning at ten.  I got dressed and my neighbor gave me a ride so I got seven hours in when I was technically off.  I had residual pain but it was more of an ache that was easily controlled by tramadol. Made it through the day and had a good time.

I even got to have Jersey mike's Subs for the first time ever.  Nothing spectacular... it was a sub... I have the feeling I didn't get the whole experience but then with the limited things I do eat, I rarely get the orgasmic experience that everyone else gets.  I also got to see John and prove to him that I occasionally do have cracks in my armor that show but I am back on my feet in no time.  I think I might have scared a few new grey hairs on him.  It's okay.  Only makes him more distinguished.  LOL.

So this afternoon, my mom calls my x mother in law and tells her that she will be by to pick up my girls at six pm.  Xmil says this is fine she will have had them fed by then and it's all gravy.  My mom calls me at six thirty and says that she's sitting at the gas station up the street because she got there at six and the kids came out saying that they had JUST started to eat.  Am I surprised?  Not in the slightest.  She always does this.  Even when I was married to her son.  You'd say  "I'll be that at XX:XX.  I need you to be ready."  She'll agree and keep you waiting a half an hour.  When I used to drive over there to get them for church I would say I will be there at nine fifteen and I need for you to be ready because I still have to go get my mom and be to church by ten.  I would be there at nine fifteen and she would keep me waiting until twenty five after so that I had to speed and risk a speeding ticket to get to my mom so that we made it to church on time.  So glad that they go to Elevation Cult... er Church now.  SO GLAD!

Got the girls home and had to lay into them that they need to stop telling people that I don't have time for them now that I have a job.  That is my pet peeve (Well one of them)  They don't seem to mind when they say "Mommy I need" and I can go in my wallet and give but let me miss one night of unfettered Rock band and suddenly Mommy's never there for them... Livy wanted a locking doorknob... I got her one and surprised her with it.  But Mommy never has time for them anymore.  I'm here to tuck them in almost every night and I am here ever single morning when they get up but Mommy never has time for them anymore.  I don't have a man lying up in my bed so that they can't tromp into my room whenever they want as much as I would LOVE to have a man in my bed... But I don't have time for them anymore.  Most people write them off because they know me and know that I will always make time for my kids but they can tell that to certain people like my ex mother in law who will put a million well placed bugs in my ex husbands ears and boom, custody suit city all over again.  He still hasn't cancelled that and it's still hanging over my head.  I can't really do anything major concerning my kids because according to the state, I'm such a bad mother that my ex husband has petitioned them for full custody of my kids.

So that's my last few days.  My Superwoman cape is back in place.  My kids are resting before bed which they will be going to on time because they continue their EOG's in the morning. By tonight, I will know if I am going on a date tomorrow or not... maybe.  It depends on whether o not he remembers I told him I would be awake (Which I probably won't be but I will wake up if he calls)

I need a new phone.  This one is dying fast.  The screen craps out on me on a regular basis and the GPS is crap on it which is not good considering my job.  I've been holding out to see if I can join Joe and Patty's cell plan but now I'm thinking I need to go ahead and get my own and soon.  I've been looking online to see if I can get a good deal without having to pay a tremendous deposit.  It may need to happen sooner rather than later. I think I'll go back to looking tonight.

Well that's me in a nutshell bloggers.  Toodle-oo and Ciao!  Stay frosty!!

End the effing week already please...

I'm done.  Not even anti anxiety meds can help right now.

Let's recap shall we...?

Sunday morning I went to my fathers church.  Not only did he not RECOGNIZE me, when he introduced me to everyone after the service, NO ONE knew he even had a daughter.  I cannot begin to elaborate on my feelings with that.  If you know me, then you can imagine my feelings.  I have held it up well but that was the FIRST TIME I wanted to sit in a corner and cry this week.

Monday we drive into the city.  Let's say that my first act in the city was to flip off and honk at an NYPD officer... The rest of the day was awesome.  I even got to go to Coney Island and ride the legend- wait for it- ary Cyclone roller coaster.

Tuesday... Eh that was fine.  Long drive, road rage, tired as hell, hot as hell... Absolutely nothing to complain about except that we were so deep in the country that Google couldn't even find me for foursquare...
Wednesday... Six something in the morning... I hear a muffled thump and a scream.  I was wearing wax earplugs because I was sharing a room with mom and she snores.  Flew out of the bed to find my mother in the floor at the bottom of a flight of stairs.

My heart stopped.  Not quite sure its beating regularly yet.

I am about to fall apart.  I swear I am.  I just want to sit in a corner... Hell anywhere... And sob.  Between my dad not knowing me and people he ministers to not even knowing about me to watching my mother in severe pain for the last thirty six hours I need a huge hug.  Not a brief one either.  More like someone to lay down in the bed with me and hold me.  I don't want sex.  I just want to be held.

I have a feeling that since I'm more than likely not going to get held that this week is going to end with alcohol.  I don't want to drink bit I want the warm comfort.

Sigh, I... I... I have nothing.  I will find strength for my mom, but at the moment I have no damn idea where I'm going to get it from....