And the meltdown award goes to...

...Me!

Like you had any doubt.

Let's go back to Saturday.  Saturday I was opening driver at work.  It started off as an ordinary day no drama whatsoever.  Joe even called one of the crew and told him not to come in till later because we weren't slammed in any way.  Then about eleven twelve-ish, my lower left abdomen started to hurt like someone was intermittently punching me.  Not sucker punches and not full force punches but still punching me.  I may have doubled over a couple of times because Joe kept asking me if I was going to be able to finish my shift and I kept telling him yes I could I could soldier through it.  I kept in the mindset that I just had so and so many more hours until my shift was over and I could go home and rest.  However around three it was clear that I was not going to make it and I even told Joe yes, call someone in.  However, I did have one more delivery to take which was a triple.  Keep in mind that by that point the dull punching feeling had escalated to a sharp stabbing feeling.  Sort of like my body's way of saying "You didn't seem to want to listen when it wasn't that bad so let me shout at you that you need to stop and sit the eff down!"

I cannot tell you how I made it back to the store.  I really honestly cannot tell you.  I remember leaving the parking lot at the mall after giving both deliveries there to their respective people and the next thing I know Joe and John were randomly standing at the car.  There were some words said.  My mom was called (I don't care what anyone says at 35 years old it is an awesome feeling to know that when I have a bad owie, I can still call my mommy... or in this case have my boss call my mommy...)  I remember John asking me my car or his. And I remember getting in his car.  After that.  I remember morphine.  At one point between them saying they were giving me morphine and me getting said morphine someone came in to get something from me and I told him to go away unless he had morphine.  The morphine gave me one of those all over body shocks.  I don't know if anyone has ever been quite this stupid but if you've ever licked a live 9v battery and the shock that radiates throughout your body from head to toe for a hot second... that's what the morphine did at first and then slowly it took the pain away.

Went to do an MRI.  Discovered that when they give you iodine through an IV it makes you feel warm ALL OVER.  Key note here when the tech tells you that you will feel like you've peed yourself, he is not lying.  At all.  I can't say that was the feeling my mind skipped straight to but because the suggestion was there I eventually came to feel like that.

So, a lot of poking, prodding, and a horrific pelvic exam later we found two things were going on in the end.  One I was constipated.  Two, I had a ovarian cyst burst on me.  Apparently the blockage was fairly close to the cyst.  What this means in medical terms I have no clue.  Which one hurt the most, I have no clue.  I don't know how bad the blockage was considering that one big glass of milk later that problem was solved.  What I do know: That shit hurt like a motherfucker. IT's not often that I'm not able to take pain but this was one of those rare times that I was not able to take the pain.  My wonderwoman cape slipped a little bit and I wasn't Super Dette, I was just pitiful human Claudette who wasn't able to cope with the horrible pain that felt kinda like I was giving birth all over again.  Now factor in that I had C-sections for all of my kids and experienced very little labor time with any of them (I was in labor with Jojo for a couple of hours, I was in labor with Kay for maybe an hour and there was no labor with Livy) the fact that I felt like I was in labor should tell you just how bad I felt.  I'm positive I was crying... hard.  Whether or not I was ladylike about it or I cussed like a sailor on speed I cannot tell you.

I seriously went to be Saturday night at sevenish and woke briefly yesterday but everytime I took my meds I was back down within a half an hour (Which is not a good thing when you drink milk to solve a constipation problem.  Also if you have a burst cyst that still hurts WITH MORPHINE and you need to poo,  Don't do anything to force the poo... The result will be you sitting on the potty bawling your eyes out because now you hurt but you can't do anything about because you have to be on the potty.  You can't call anyone because it's close to the middle of the night and what are they going to do anyway?  Trust me, if you have the two things combined DON"T FORCE THE POO!  NO matter how much Strawberry you put in the milk, don't drink it!  Okay so that was more a note to myself but whatever.

Sunday was a puff of smoke.  I attempted to clean out my dvr and I'm pretty sure I slept through a lot of the stuff I eventually said to delete. I did put a hurting on the mega bag of M&M's that I created though.  Don't ask me when as my brain thought of very little until a text message asking me to work came through this morning at ten.  I got dressed and my neighbor gave me a ride so I got seven hours in when I was technically off.  I had residual pain but it was more of an ache that was easily controlled by tramadol. Made it through the day and had a good time.

I even got to have Jersey mike's Subs for the first time ever.  Nothing spectacular... it was a sub... I have the feeling I didn't get the whole experience but then with the limited things I do eat, I rarely get the orgasmic experience that everyone else gets.  I also got to see John and prove to him that I occasionally do have cracks in my armor that show but I am back on my feet in no time.  I think I might have scared a few new grey hairs on him.  It's okay.  Only makes him more distinguished.  LOL.

So this afternoon, my mom calls my x mother in law and tells her that she will be by to pick up my girls at six pm.  Xmil says this is fine she will have had them fed by then and it's all gravy.  My mom calls me at six thirty and says that she's sitting at the gas station up the street because she got there at six and the kids came out saying that they had JUST started to eat.  Am I surprised?  Not in the slightest.  She always does this.  Even when I was married to her son.  You'd say  "I'll be that at XX:XX.  I need you to be ready."  She'll agree and keep you waiting a half an hour.  When I used to drive over there to get them for church I would say I will be there at nine fifteen and I need for you to be ready because I still have to go get my mom and be to church by ten.  I would be there at nine fifteen and she would keep me waiting until twenty five after so that I had to speed and risk a speeding ticket to get to my mom so that we made it to church on time.  So glad that they go to Elevation Cult... er Church now.  SO GLAD!

Got the girls home and had to lay into them that they need to stop telling people that I don't have time for them now that I have a job.  That is my pet peeve (Well one of them)  They don't seem to mind when they say "Mommy I need" and I can go in my wallet and give but let me miss one night of unfettered Rock band and suddenly Mommy's never there for them... Livy wanted a locking doorknob... I got her one and surprised her with it.  But Mommy never has time for them anymore.  I'm here to tuck them in almost every night and I am here ever single morning when they get up but Mommy never has time for them anymore.  I don't have a man lying up in my bed so that they can't tromp into my room whenever they want as much as I would LOVE to have a man in my bed... But I don't have time for them anymore.  Most people write them off because they know me and know that I will always make time for my kids but they can tell that to certain people like my ex mother in law who will put a million well placed bugs in my ex husbands ears and boom, custody suit city all over again.  He still hasn't cancelled that and it's still hanging over my head.  I can't really do anything major concerning my kids because according to the state, I'm such a bad mother that my ex husband has petitioned them for full custody of my kids.

So that's my last few days.  My Superwoman cape is back in place.  My kids are resting before bed which they will be going to on time because they continue their EOG's in the morning. By tonight, I will know if I am going on a date tomorrow or not... maybe.  It depends on whether o not he remembers I told him I would be awake (Which I probably won't be but I will wake up if he calls)

I need a new phone.  This one is dying fast.  The screen craps out on me on a regular basis and the GPS is crap on it which is not good considering my job.  I've been holding out to see if I can join Joe and Patty's cell plan but now I'm thinking I need to go ahead and get my own and soon.  I've been looking online to see if I can get a good deal without having to pay a tremendous deposit.  It may need to happen sooner rather than later. I think I'll go back to looking tonight.

Well that's me in a nutshell bloggers.  Toodle-oo and Ciao!  Stay frosty!!