is getting very very old... I wake up with it, I fight it back with aspirin and caffeine during the day and I go to sleep with it.
I've developed a monogamous relationship with a pain in the neck...
Well, I wanted a real relationship... I guess this is what you get when you are really really vague in your prayers... insert weak laugh here.
I'm back to not sleeping well, Despite my melatonin. I have a feeling that that might be due to the copious amounts of caffeine I swig during the day to avoid taking more migraine pills (In case you didn't actually know one of the biggest ingredient in Advil and Excedrin migraine is caffeine and I would much rather get my doses in a bottle of Pepsi) I do generally stop when I hit the two and three hour mark before bed but I guess the build up is taking it's toll.
Well, I'm not going to complain. I do it to myself, so if I'm going to bitch at someone I might as well do it in the mirror and no good ever came of belittling myself in the mirror.
My heat smells like melting plastic. I'm pretty sure that's not a good thing...
So this morning, I don't go back to sleep. I am to take my moms neighbor to her doctors appointment. This is never a bother... In fact, I offered to take her.
Mrs. Lora is a sweet old lady that I would be proud to have as a grandmother. She has an elderly husband that they can never seem to get his sugar under control. One night it was actually under 10. When my mom is mobile she drives her back and forth to the hospital to visit him when he's there but when she's not I do. And it's curious how this came about. Mrs. Lora never really asked anyone for anything so far as I can tell, she's sweet and so far as I can figure everyone likes her. Yet when her husband was in a rehab (the kind for after a long hospital stay) about two months ago, she asked several people to take her up there. not take her and wait for her, just take her in the morning and come back for her in the afternoon. Like eight hours later. The place was quite literally five minutes from the senior complex where they live and do you know that people in that damn complex told her they would take her but she had to pay them twenty-five dollars!?!?!?!? I mean, dude! WTF? It's like a six block ride and they wanted her to pay that... Some people are shameless. Mommy and I offered. For free.
I swear, I had a lock on my gasoline soaked basket on the way to hell, but since moving here, I'm a much nicer person and look at me funny if you want to, but I'm not sure that's actually a good thing.
Did you ever see that Simpsons episode where Homer stopped being angry at Bart and these large lumps broke out on his neck? I feel like that's what my headaches are... Unused meanness. And that eventually it's either going to lump up on me and maybe kill me or come out in one big terrorist size blast that's going to fuck me with a lot of people. I'm talking massive scale like going t the Panthers Stadium and putting glue on all the seats so that no one can ever leave and then piping in the soundtrack to The Sound of Music in Tagolan (That's the language from Thailand).
I want coffee, but that would be a bad idea. Well not really. But it is a bad idea because for some reason, coffee, right now, tastes really bad no matter how I fix it and instead of wasting my precious supply I just choose not to start my day off disgusted.
Today is going to be one of those days that when I actually start my running, the Devil is going to look up and say, "Crap she's awake!"
UPDATE: Mrs. Lora called my mom who just called me. She doesn't have to go to the Dr. today! Yay! I can grab those last few hours of sleep by the tail!
Side note while I have time: Remember that man that I kept telling you I've been dreaming about? He's back. Well, he never really went away, but now he's back in a really clear way. Guys, I have seen his face. Fate or Morpheus or whoever is to take blame for dreams finally let me see his face and OMIGOD, if ever this man has been created, I'm going to have to fight hordes of women just to get at him... Then again, maybe not because he and I seem to have a connection. It's not really a surprise that he's white. Ive seen glimpses of him from different angles and I've seen his children. his eyes are what surprised me most. They are green with flecks of amber in then. And I finally placed his accent. It's definitely a Texas twang. My love is from Texas. Or his family is. Or he is there. IDK and IDC. I've heard his voice. His voice is like Kahlua gliding over ice cubes. Sigh...
Okay, the last child has left for school. Since I don't have to take anyone anywhere, I'm going to slide back into bed and grab a few z's...
When I get up, I think I might put my winter curtains back up. the sheer white ones are really only for spring and summer and since someone apparently hit the Autumn button for Charlotte, they aren't conducive to keeping my house warm... The life of a house...mom?
Okay, the brain is obviously started its shutdown mode sequence so Fare thee well all!!
Thursday, October 13, 2011
Sunday, October 09, 2011
Sigh...
Bloggers, today was one of those tough days that it takes the toughest person to get through.
My son is going through a tough time at school because the kids are calling him gay, pushing him down and "teabagging" him. They are doing this because my son lives in a house of nothing but girls, has no one but us and my mother to turn to, and while I let him go off and do all the boy things he needs to and wants to, he has no male in house to turn to.
He literally turned to me today and in all seriousness told me that I need to get married again or at the very least get a boyfriend because he just can't handle being the only male in my house. It was the first time that he said it and I knew he meant it with all of his core. He wants a man in this house more than I do.
I've been holding on to a thought by a thread but today I realized that that thought is more of a dream and regardless of whatever, it's not going to come into fruition. At least I doubt it ever will.
I have two choices. I can really seriously start looking for a man or I can try and look into foster care and getting a little boy.
The second warms my heart because in truth, I have always wanted another little boy for Jovaughn to be with. I always felt bad that he had no brothers, only sisters. I felt even worse when, for the good of the family as a whole, I had to break us into pieces. If I could I would have so laid down and had another baby but I couldn't bring another child into a loveless relationship. I'd even thought of fostering way back when but even then, why would I bring another child into that?
When I got out on my own and it looked like for a hot second I could keep my head above water, I thought about it again. My son needs another boy to play with, to confide in.
As for the man, I have had enough looking. I have had enough let down. Men are not interested in me like that and I have to accept that. This is not the part where you chime in and tell me I'm a very pretty girl and that I should be patient and just wait. That God will send him to me. I have been patient. I have waited. I've waited years. I have prayed on it and thought about it, and written about it and guess what? Nothing. I so don't want to say that God isn't listening, because I have faith. At least I try to. I'm loosing my grip on faith.
I miss New Jersey. That's probably the first time I said it out loud but dammit I miss being able to go sit on the beach and think. I miss being able to go sit on the beach and cry so that no one can hear me. I just miss it. I love the water. I knew that the water was going to be far away from me when I moved here but I also thought that here is where I would find someone that wanted me. Here I would find that missing part. No not that missing part because I am complete with or without a man. So is my family.
That thought that I have been holding onto? That dream. I'm officially letting it go. I deleted the name from my text log, And I'm contemplating blocking it on Facebook. Seeing it brings me a mixed joy/pain feeling because I know that in the end I'm going to be left with a smoke and mirrors feeling. As much as I wanted it, I know now that waiting on it, the thought, the dream, is going to hurt more in the end because I've been marched up to the top of the hill and shown what life with love might be like but then in a scant two months, I've been kicked down the hill while facing the bully that says, "Stupid Claudette, that's what you'll never have!"
I know I say this often, but whatever. I'm used to being kicked. I hardly feel it anymore. Sure I feel the after effects long after the attack and the culprit has slunk away but whatever.
I'm currently browsing the NC Kids adoption website. I'm going to sign up to be a foster/adoptive mother.
I suck at attracting men while I have kids in tow. They all want hoodrats to give them babies that look just like them. They all want people that can hang out at a moments notice. Not women who have to plan that little time on their own.
But I rock at being a Mommy. And if there's a little kid out there that desperately wants to be loved then I will pour all the love I had set aside for a man into the Mommy cup.
I want to go sit on the beach, curl my toes under the cool sand and just let all my tears make the ocean a little deeper right now. But I can't. I have to stick with my decisions and I have to learn that this is what's best for me.
What's right for us.
What's right period.
My son is going through a tough time at school because the kids are calling him gay, pushing him down and "teabagging" him. They are doing this because my son lives in a house of nothing but girls, has no one but us and my mother to turn to, and while I let him go off and do all the boy things he needs to and wants to, he has no male in house to turn to.
He literally turned to me today and in all seriousness told me that I need to get married again or at the very least get a boyfriend because he just can't handle being the only male in my house. It was the first time that he said it and I knew he meant it with all of his core. He wants a man in this house more than I do.
I've been holding on to a thought by a thread but today I realized that that thought is more of a dream and regardless of whatever, it's not going to come into fruition. At least I doubt it ever will.
I have two choices. I can really seriously start looking for a man or I can try and look into foster care and getting a little boy.
The second warms my heart because in truth, I have always wanted another little boy for Jovaughn to be with. I always felt bad that he had no brothers, only sisters. I felt even worse when, for the good of the family as a whole, I had to break us into pieces. If I could I would have so laid down and had another baby but I couldn't bring another child into a loveless relationship. I'd even thought of fostering way back when but even then, why would I bring another child into that?
When I got out on my own and it looked like for a hot second I could keep my head above water, I thought about it again. My son needs another boy to play with, to confide in.
As for the man, I have had enough looking. I have had enough let down. Men are not interested in me like that and I have to accept that. This is not the part where you chime in and tell me I'm a very pretty girl and that I should be patient and just wait. That God will send him to me. I have been patient. I have waited. I've waited years. I have prayed on it and thought about it, and written about it and guess what? Nothing. I so don't want to say that God isn't listening, because I have faith. At least I try to. I'm loosing my grip on faith.
I miss New Jersey. That's probably the first time I said it out loud but dammit I miss being able to go sit on the beach and think. I miss being able to go sit on the beach and cry so that no one can hear me. I just miss it. I love the water. I knew that the water was going to be far away from me when I moved here but I also thought that here is where I would find someone that wanted me. Here I would find that missing part. No not that missing part because I am complete with or without a man. So is my family.
That thought that I have been holding onto? That dream. I'm officially letting it go. I deleted the name from my text log, And I'm contemplating blocking it on Facebook. Seeing it brings me a mixed joy/pain feeling because I know that in the end I'm going to be left with a smoke and mirrors feeling. As much as I wanted it, I know now that waiting on it, the thought, the dream, is going to hurt more in the end because I've been marched up to the top of the hill and shown what life with love might be like but then in a scant two months, I've been kicked down the hill while facing the bully that says, "Stupid Claudette, that's what you'll never have!"
I know I say this often, but whatever. I'm used to being kicked. I hardly feel it anymore. Sure I feel the after effects long after the attack and the culprit has slunk away but whatever.
I'm currently browsing the NC Kids adoption website. I'm going to sign up to be a foster/adoptive mother.
I suck at attracting men while I have kids in tow. They all want hoodrats to give them babies that look just like them. They all want people that can hang out at a moments notice. Not women who have to plan that little time on their own.
But I rock at being a Mommy. And if there's a little kid out there that desperately wants to be loved then I will pour all the love I had set aside for a man into the Mommy cup.
I want to go sit on the beach, curl my toes under the cool sand and just let all my tears make the ocean a little deeper right now. But I can't. I have to stick with my decisions and I have to learn that this is what's best for me.
What's right for us.
What's right period.
Friday, October 07, 2011
I'm done... solid done...
So today, Jovaughn came home with a bloody cut and a slight black eye. He was bullied again today. I am sick and tired of it and so damn done, you could call me burnt...
I have called the school, I have written the school, and I have gone up to the school. Last year, some kid slapped my son at the bus stop and another kid put it on YouTube. I never actually found it because I don't know the name of the kid that filmed it or what he named the video, but when the school was told, they asked the father of the kid my son pointed out and his father told them it was impossible for him to have posted it to YouTube because he doesn't have internet on his phone.
Seriously... There is a parent out there that's that stupid?? How was he allowed to reproduce? Why wasn't he born with a blinking light as an early warning signal for stupidity and done away with? Oy!
So today, Jovaughn asked me what should he do. I thought about it for a hot second and then I turned and looked him square in the eye when I told him that the next time they fuck with him, he has my full permission to haul out and knock that little ass munching bastard fucker on the ground and not stop swinging until his fists can't reach the kids face anymore.
He said that this will result in a suspension and hearing to decide if he can go back to school. You know what? If they suspend them he will wear that with pride for fighting back. And at the hearing, I will let them know that yes I told my son to fight back. It's a damn sight better than the nothing that they are doing.
You know the schools can pass all the anti bullying rules they want to and people like Lady GaGa can come out and speak about it, but the reality is the schools are doing NOTHING about it. If they are going to do nothing, then I am going advise the boy to do something and I don't care who knows it.
I am so over this bullying thing. So over!
I have called the school, I have written the school, and I have gone up to the school. Last year, some kid slapped my son at the bus stop and another kid put it on YouTube. I never actually found it because I don't know the name of the kid that filmed it or what he named the video, but when the school was told, they asked the father of the kid my son pointed out and his father told them it was impossible for him to have posted it to YouTube because he doesn't have internet on his phone.
Seriously... There is a parent out there that's that stupid?? How was he allowed to reproduce? Why wasn't he born with a blinking light as an early warning signal for stupidity and done away with? Oy!
So today, Jovaughn asked me what should he do. I thought about it for a hot second and then I turned and looked him square in the eye when I told him that the next time they fuck with him, he has my full permission to haul out and knock that little ass munching bastard fucker on the ground and not stop swinging until his fists can't reach the kids face anymore.
He said that this will result in a suspension and hearing to decide if he can go back to school. You know what? If they suspend them he will wear that with pride for fighting back. And at the hearing, I will let them know that yes I told my son to fight back. It's a damn sight better than the nothing that they are doing.
You know the schools can pass all the anti bullying rules they want to and people like Lady GaGa can come out and speak about it, but the reality is the schools are doing NOTHING about it. If they are going to do nothing, then I am going advise the boy to do something and I don't care who knows it.
I am so over this bullying thing. So over!
Monday, October 03, 2011
So my day...
Did not start off as the sunny happy cartoony day where everything goes according to plan... Well, maybe God's plan but certainly not my plan...
but you know that, because I blogged this morning...
So at one, Mommy wanted to go to the YMCA. She wanted to get on her bike and her circuit and since she paid for a membership that I never actually use and can't drive, she had the perfect guilt trip... right there on a silver platter...
So I went. Sure I was kicking in screaming inside but oh well. I got on the exersize bike. I reset the damn thing three times but I finally finished an hour and burned over 600 calories and rode over 11 and a half miles. I can tell you what, If I ever get the chance to get on top of a guy again, I will be able to go at it with complete gustp cause my legs got the workout of a lifetime today!
My brain was screaming Yay!! My body, not so much. My legs hurt like a mother effer. OMG, I haven't had that much pain in my legs since... well let's not go there, lol. But I did it!
Tomorrow there's a Zumba class I'm going to go try. This exercize thing may not be so bad if I do it often... (To those of you that may or may not be reading this and thinking ur... duh!! SHUT UP, LOL)
But oh the pain! I just want someone to lay me down and make it go away. Really I do, I just want all the tightness to just go away...
Randy isn't coming today. He's coming tomorrow. Long kinda stupid story but he's trying and I have to give him credit for that. He deserves that.
I have laundry to fold. To avoid having to make another trek up Mt. Laundry, I am putting it on my bed as it comes out of the dryer. Under this pretense I have to fold it before I got to bed. Of course I came up with this brilliant plan before I went to the Y today...
And yet it hurts the brain to try and come up with a way around this facet of my life...
In other news, My mail carrier has officially pissed me off for what I hope to be the last time. For over a year I have watched as he comes later and later in the day and sometimes not at all and a couple of times I have spotted him driving right past my cul de sac. I can actually see me, one person, one household not getting mail for a day or two but six households getting not so much as a flyer?? That doesn't happen. A few times I or a neighbor put something in the mailbox to be taken and we've put the flag up. Sometimes he takes it but then on the days when he can't be bothered to come through, he doesn't. I have complained to the post office both over the phone and in person to no avail, so today, I called the 800 ASK USPS number and the lady there helped me lodge a formal complaint. Enough is enough.
Why is it that when you give someone the tiniest bit of control over someone's life they always abuse it?? Ugh!
Scattered thoughts later!
Blogs and kisses!!
but you know that, because I blogged this morning...
So at one, Mommy wanted to go to the YMCA. She wanted to get on her bike and her circuit and since she paid for a membership that I never actually use and can't drive, she had the perfect guilt trip... right there on a silver platter...
So I went. Sure I was kicking in screaming inside but oh well. I got on the exersize bike. I reset the damn thing three times but I finally finished an hour and burned over 600 calories and rode over 11 and a half miles. I can tell you what, If I ever get the chance to get on top of a guy again, I will be able to go at it with complete gustp cause my legs got the workout of a lifetime today!
My brain was screaming Yay!! My body, not so much. My legs hurt like a mother effer. OMG, I haven't had that much pain in my legs since... well let's not go there, lol. But I did it!
Tomorrow there's a Zumba class I'm going to go try. This exercize thing may not be so bad if I do it often... (To those of you that may or may not be reading this and thinking ur... duh!! SHUT UP, LOL)
But oh the pain! I just want someone to lay me down and make it go away. Really I do, I just want all the tightness to just go away...
Randy isn't coming today. He's coming tomorrow. Long kinda stupid story but he's trying and I have to give him credit for that. He deserves that.
I have laundry to fold. To avoid having to make another trek up Mt. Laundry, I am putting it on my bed as it comes out of the dryer. Under this pretense I have to fold it before I got to bed. Of course I came up with this brilliant plan before I went to the Y today...
And yet it hurts the brain to try and come up with a way around this facet of my life...
In other news, My mail carrier has officially pissed me off for what I hope to be the last time. For over a year I have watched as he comes later and later in the day and sometimes not at all and a couple of times I have spotted him driving right past my cul de sac. I can actually see me, one person, one household not getting mail for a day or two but six households getting not so much as a flyer?? That doesn't happen. A few times I or a neighbor put something in the mailbox to be taken and we've put the flag up. Sometimes he takes it but then on the days when he can't be bothered to come through, he doesn't. I have complained to the post office both over the phone and in person to no avail, so today, I called the 800 ASK USPS number and the lady there helped me lodge a formal complaint. Enough is enough.
Why is it that when you give someone the tiniest bit of control over someone's life they always abuse it?? Ugh!
Scattered thoughts later!
Blogs and kisses!!
This motherhood crap is getting old...
Wou;dn't it be really shitty of me if I actually thought that? Hah! Mother hood getting old... Like even...
No but it is starting to wear on me a little bit. Normal wear n tear. YOu know, or at least the ones with older kids know.
All week last week the kids lost tv time, outside time, and play time because they have been treating me like the maid again. So you would think that when they got it back, they'd be more appreciative of what they'd lost, right?
Wrong! Big wrong! Super duper, so grandiose you can't see it all wrong!
All weekend, I was constantly turning off the tv and calling them inside to clean up. All weekend!! And then I get up this morning and they two rooms downstairs that they are responsible, look like the 2nd Calvary marched through and left as is. I mean really?
I asked them if they wanted to grow up to be adults that look back on their childhood and say that I threatened them all of their childhoods. They said no. I said then stop treating me like I am your live in maid. I am over worked, underpaid and very unappreciated. The last got me fake as hell sympathy hugs...
Can't say I've had it because I think as Mom, I'm made to take and take and take all the BS in the world but this mom came with a dispenser. They are going to get home today and uh oh!
Although when they get home today their father might just be here so... and he hates the way they keep my house (I am not the evil mother who wants them to scrub every part of my house... I am the even tempered mother who wants them to clean up with at they mess up. So stop making that face.)
And that's another thing that kinda irked me this weekend. I get a text yesterday... "What are the kids doing tonight?" From the ex.
Now I have no problem with the fact that he moved to NM. None at all... He's working a job that for once, he really enjoys. He's making money, which we both enjoy, and the absolute best part... he is at the very least 1,628 miles from me. (Yes I mapquested it...) What I can't deal with is the drop ins. This little woman in Durham demands his presence from time to time (Dude, just send me the money I couldn't give a good giggly dang for your presence) And this presents the opportunity to come see his children. I don't ever have a problem with him coming to see his children but I told him when he moved out there, DO NOT just show up in NC and expect me to drop everything so that you can see them. He got here Saturday and didn't tell anyone here that he was here until Sunday. We actually had plans. He's like "Well I wasn't sure if I was going to get down there or not." Dude, I don't care but a little preparation would have been awesome! A small text: IN NC MAYB C KIDS CALL U L8R would have been fine. Hell, N NC would have been acceptable. Then I would have had some forewarning.
It's all copacetic though... He couldn't get a car to come down yesterday anyway. Apparently now, you need a credit score to rent a car?? IDK, that's a new on me. So he's supposed to take the train down today to be here later and I think take them out to eat. I'm not sure if I'm included in that or not. He usually does include me but I think the kids are old enough that he can handle dinner with them on his own although this time, he has no car so either I let him borrow my moms car, (does anyone else see the warning bells going all crazy?) or I take them, drop them off and go pick them up. (Seriously? No one else sees those warning bells?)
Oh well, life and all that junk...
BTW, Happy October Bloggies! Yay, fall is here!!!
Ta ta bloggies Blog ya later!
No but it is starting to wear on me a little bit. Normal wear n tear. YOu know, or at least the ones with older kids know.
All week last week the kids lost tv time, outside time, and play time because they have been treating me like the maid again. So you would think that when they got it back, they'd be more appreciative of what they'd lost, right?
Wrong! Big wrong! Super duper, so grandiose you can't see it all wrong!
All weekend, I was constantly turning off the tv and calling them inside to clean up. All weekend!! And then I get up this morning and they two rooms downstairs that they are responsible, look like the 2nd Calvary marched through and left as is. I mean really?
I asked them if they wanted to grow up to be adults that look back on their childhood and say that I threatened them all of their childhoods. They said no. I said then stop treating me like I am your live in maid. I am over worked, underpaid and very unappreciated. The last got me fake as hell sympathy hugs...
Can't say I've had it because I think as Mom, I'm made to take and take and take all the BS in the world but this mom came with a dispenser. They are going to get home today and uh oh!
Although when they get home today their father might just be here so... and he hates the way they keep my house (I am not the evil mother who wants them to scrub every part of my house... I am the even tempered mother who wants them to clean up with at they mess up. So stop making that face.)
And that's another thing that kinda irked me this weekend. I get a text yesterday... "What are the kids doing tonight?" From the ex.
Now I have no problem with the fact that he moved to NM. None at all... He's working a job that for once, he really enjoys. He's making money, which we both enjoy, and the absolute best part... he is at the very least 1,628 miles from me. (Yes I mapquested it...) What I can't deal with is the drop ins. This little woman in Durham demands his presence from time to time (Dude, just send me the money I couldn't give a good giggly dang for your presence) And this presents the opportunity to come see his children. I don't ever have a problem with him coming to see his children but I told him when he moved out there, DO NOT just show up in NC and expect me to drop everything so that you can see them. He got here Saturday and didn't tell anyone here that he was here until Sunday. We actually had plans. He's like "Well I wasn't sure if I was going to get down there or not." Dude, I don't care but a little preparation would have been awesome! A small text: IN NC MAYB C KIDS CALL U L8R would have been fine. Hell, N NC would have been acceptable. Then I would have had some forewarning.
It's all copacetic though... He couldn't get a car to come down yesterday anyway. Apparently now, you need a credit score to rent a car?? IDK, that's a new on me. So he's supposed to take the train down today to be here later and I think take them out to eat. I'm not sure if I'm included in that or not. He usually does include me but I think the kids are old enough that he can handle dinner with them on his own although this time, he has no car so either I let him borrow my moms car, (does anyone else see the warning bells going all crazy?) or I take them, drop them off and go pick them up. (Seriously? No one else sees those warning bells?)
Oh well, life and all that junk...
BTW, Happy October Bloggies! Yay, fall is here!!!
Ta ta bloggies Blog ya later!
Friday, September 30, 2011
Why....
...is it that the only guys that pay any attention to me are old male versions of cougars? Nothing against them but they make me feel ugly. Guys my age look at me and I don't know what they see, but it's obviously nothing desirable...
Don't mind me, I'm somehow dragging myself kicking and screaming into a funk. God how do I do this tom myself?
Well I know how, I start thinking about my perpetual single state and it's like a free pass to depressionland. I swear it's the biggest theme park I've ever heard of. It's got everything. The hall of realistic mirrors, The roller coaster ride where you get to find out things about your friends via a stalker feed on the side of the facebook you got to keep up with them, oh and let's not forget the dunking booth that's filled with the disenchantment water from Harry Potter and the deathly hallows... I realize that not everyone has seen this movie so basically it's a waterfall that takes away all spells. If you've made yourself believe you're pretty and desirable, this water takes away that illusion and reveals you for the fat frumpy bag you are, or in my case, I am.
Yes, we all love Depressionland. If you buy a season pass it comes with a free xanax prescription.
It would seem that this trip in, I'm living most of my most depressing moments in my dreams. I smile and joke on facebook, but the reality is, I take the mid morning night because I toss and turn at night and yet still manage to wake up with a wet pillow. At first I thought I was just really sweaty but then I realized that the newest ride in Depressionland; Midnight Madness, comes complete with nocturnal unconscious crying.
...Joy...
So yeah, I've reached the point in all this when I'm questioning a lot of decisions I've made in the last few months.
1. Did I really need my nose pierced? I wanted it for so long. I have always thought they looked cool. I still think mine is awesome but I was in Wal-mart today and a little girl said "Mommy, she has a pretty in her nose!" to her mother. The mother looked at me and pulled her daughter closer and told her we don't stare at people like that. I mean WTF? It's not like I had a tattoo suit and piercings coming out of every orifice. Granted that doesn't mean the person under the tats is a bad person but really? A simple nose piercing make me one of those people to others? The whole point of getting it was that for once I was doing something I wanted to do because I had no other reason besides I wanted to. I felt good about making a decision and following through with it. I felt good. Period. Now suddenly, I'm one of those people...
2. The contacts. It's no secret, I really sincerely HATE my brown eyes. I always always have. My dad used to call them beer bottle brown and true to fates way, he said it around his friends and so the name BUD (yes as in Budweiser) has been a constant nickname of mine around those people... and the people they introduce me to when I'm in the same room as them... "Hey remember when your dad called you Bud?" Yes I remember when my dad called me Bud, I was small and tiny and it annoyed me then but I couldn't say anything because I was a child and apparently no matter how old I get I will still be so to you so whats the use of telling you I HATE that effing nickname? I guess you can say the contacts hide Bud.
3. The biggest indecision yet, was instant gratification worth it? I'm not the kind of person that can do that and not feel something. I want to be but then I don't want to be. Ugh!! I'll cry that one out in my dreams. I guess. I can't actually remember some of my night time dreams.
And that's another thing, I can remember most of my mid morning dreams and surprise surprise, we're back to the friends leaving me behind. Not the Charlotte friends or My Sissy. To date, the only person that has been in the mid morning dreams that I actually wanted to see her there was Shelly and that because in every dream she appears in she does the same exact thing... She walks up, looks at the friends leaving me behind, sighs, looks at me, holds out her hand, and says, "You have to pick your heartaches, Claudette, and that is not one you want to dwell on." Go on, ask me what she does after that and I couldn't tell you for crap. She's says the line she helps me up and then poof she's gone. Sometimes it's not the friends dreams, it's something totally different and she says the same thing. This so totally leads me to think that my dreams are being controlled by my subconscious "heart" or wants and desires and neither of them are working with me right now.
I really think it might have been a bad idea to stop taking my depression meds so long ago. Maybe, just maybe the doctor that put me on them had a point. I mean I know that reportedly all military wives are depressed and in need of massive amounts of behavioral medications but maybe I actually needed them... I convinced myself that The problem was Randy and not me. That once I was rid of him on a day to day basis, I didn't need the pills. I think I should have found another doctor and gotten a second opinion of just how mentally deficient I am. Yeah... time to find a doctor. Time to give into my worst fear that I am indeed one of the many masses that actually need uppers and downers.
I hate that expression Fuck my life cause really? Who's life is that bad but damn if I don't want to just down shots of vodka and say it repeatedly right now.
Like Vodka is going to help... Yeah, I'm feeling lower than the dirt that's under the concrete my house sits on so yeah, let's compound that with a super downer... This is why I buy a bottle once every four or five months (except when I'm partying) because I buy it, take one damn drink and then it sits there for months...
Fuck depression. I want to be able to say that outloud but I always stumble over the words. I can write it all day long, but I cannot say them.
Damn damn damn damn damn.
So okay, I'm going to fold the clothes and go lay down. I'm not going to sleep, I actually fear sleep right. Think I am going to watch Phantom of the opera.
Love gone bad then good then bad bad then who the hell cares... LOL
Anyone else notice that my thoughts aren't actually scattered these days...?
Don't mind me, I'm somehow dragging myself kicking and screaming into a funk. God how do I do this tom myself?
Well I know how, I start thinking about my perpetual single state and it's like a free pass to depressionland. I swear it's the biggest theme park I've ever heard of. It's got everything. The hall of realistic mirrors, The roller coaster ride where you get to find out things about your friends via a stalker feed on the side of the facebook you got to keep up with them, oh and let's not forget the dunking booth that's filled with the disenchantment water from Harry Potter and the deathly hallows... I realize that not everyone has seen this movie so basically it's a waterfall that takes away all spells. If you've made yourself believe you're pretty and desirable, this water takes away that illusion and reveals you for the fat frumpy bag you are, or in my case, I am.
Yes, we all love Depressionland. If you buy a season pass it comes with a free xanax prescription.
It would seem that this trip in, I'm living most of my most depressing moments in my dreams. I smile and joke on facebook, but the reality is, I take the mid morning night because I toss and turn at night and yet still manage to wake up with a wet pillow. At first I thought I was just really sweaty but then I realized that the newest ride in Depressionland; Midnight Madness, comes complete with nocturnal unconscious crying.
...Joy...
So yeah, I've reached the point in all this when I'm questioning a lot of decisions I've made in the last few months.
1. Did I really need my nose pierced? I wanted it for so long. I have always thought they looked cool. I still think mine is awesome but I was in Wal-mart today and a little girl said "Mommy, she has a pretty in her nose!" to her mother. The mother looked at me and pulled her daughter closer and told her we don't stare at people like that. I mean WTF? It's not like I had a tattoo suit and piercings coming out of every orifice. Granted that doesn't mean the person under the tats is a bad person but really? A simple nose piercing make me one of those people to others? The whole point of getting it was that for once I was doing something I wanted to do because I had no other reason besides I wanted to. I felt good about making a decision and following through with it. I felt good. Period. Now suddenly, I'm one of those people...
2. The contacts. It's no secret, I really sincerely HATE my brown eyes. I always always have. My dad used to call them beer bottle brown and true to fates way, he said it around his friends and so the name BUD (yes as in Budweiser) has been a constant nickname of mine around those people... and the people they introduce me to when I'm in the same room as them... "Hey remember when your dad called you Bud?" Yes I remember when my dad called me Bud, I was small and tiny and it annoyed me then but I couldn't say anything because I was a child and apparently no matter how old I get I will still be so to you so whats the use of telling you I HATE that effing nickname? I guess you can say the contacts hide Bud.
3. The biggest indecision yet, was instant gratification worth it? I'm not the kind of person that can do that and not feel something. I want to be but then I don't want to be. Ugh!! I'll cry that one out in my dreams. I guess. I can't actually remember some of my night time dreams.
And that's another thing, I can remember most of my mid morning dreams and surprise surprise, we're back to the friends leaving me behind. Not the Charlotte friends or My Sissy. To date, the only person that has been in the mid morning dreams that I actually wanted to see her there was Shelly and that because in every dream she appears in she does the same exact thing... She walks up, looks at the friends leaving me behind, sighs, looks at me, holds out her hand, and says, "You have to pick your heartaches, Claudette, and that is not one you want to dwell on." Go on, ask me what she does after that and I couldn't tell you for crap. She's says the line she helps me up and then poof she's gone. Sometimes it's not the friends dreams, it's something totally different and she says the same thing. This so totally leads me to think that my dreams are being controlled by my subconscious "heart" or wants and desires and neither of them are working with me right now.
I really think it might have been a bad idea to stop taking my depression meds so long ago. Maybe, just maybe the doctor that put me on them had a point. I mean I know that reportedly all military wives are depressed and in need of massive amounts of behavioral medications but maybe I actually needed them... I convinced myself that The problem was Randy and not me. That once I was rid of him on a day to day basis, I didn't need the pills. I think I should have found another doctor and gotten a second opinion of just how mentally deficient I am. Yeah... time to find a doctor. Time to give into my worst fear that I am indeed one of the many masses that actually need uppers and downers.
I hate that expression Fuck my life cause really? Who's life is that bad but damn if I don't want to just down shots of vodka and say it repeatedly right now.
Like Vodka is going to help... Yeah, I'm feeling lower than the dirt that's under the concrete my house sits on so yeah, let's compound that with a super downer... This is why I buy a bottle once every four or five months (except when I'm partying) because I buy it, take one damn drink and then it sits there for months...
Fuck depression. I want to be able to say that outloud but I always stumble over the words. I can write it all day long, but I cannot say them.
Damn damn damn damn damn.
So okay, I'm going to fold the clothes and go lay down. I'm not going to sleep, I actually fear sleep right. Think I am going to watch Phantom of the opera.
Love gone bad then good then bad bad then who the hell cares... LOL
Anyone else notice that my thoughts aren't actually scattered these days...?
Wednesday, September 28, 2011
Life's not fair... Fine, I'll accept that...
...but that by no means, that I have to like the ass-reaming I'm getting...
So we all know that the ex moved to New Mexico last month, right? I don't have to update anyone? Well I just sorta did but whatever... The company put him in an apartment and said it was all good until he found one. Well in typical RPH style, he has to live like champagne on a city punch budget.
His rent is close to a grand for a probably two bedroom apartment. This means that paying his child support is one of the things he will have to let slip every other five seconds of his life. I mean who cares if your kids don't have a place to live so long as you have a place with Granite counter tops, wall to wall carpeting, a washer and dryer included, and a panoramic view... Of course this was actually his last apartment before he moved to NC but still...
He is now four months behind... I think.... it might actually be five. The state won't let me check the balance because he's made one payment which changed the page to show that and that only. I asked the very nice lady with the very unintelligible Southern accent how to enforce that he pay his child support and she very kindly told me that the state isn't going to go after him until he is Three Thousand Dollars in the hole!!!!!!!
This was one of those moments that I had to hold onto my tongue to not blurt out WTF! Three thousand dollars in the hole?? At three something a month it would take him over a year of nothing to get to that point.
Right now, my bill collectors are being very kind. I mean VERY kind to me. I haven't been able to pay anything for three months now. Every day I wake up to lights, hot water, and my heat clicks on (I warm the house for the kids showers) I want to fall to my knees and thank every GOD in creation. It really really is a miracle.
I'm not even going to go into my social life. One because it's unimportant and two because there is none. He however has a very full one. He goes to fast food restaurants, he's been to the movies at least twice, and once he was out shopping. He even had the nerve to put me down as a contact for his Aaron's rent to own furniture. He better be Sooooo glad they never called me...
It's true what they say... girls do marry their fathers. I heard that when I was a little girl and I said Eeeewwwww. Hell no. Would never be me. But then I did. My father is a deadbeat dad, (Or was he's a little better at it now, I've gotten a birthday email two years running now.) Randy may not be completely deadbeat but damn is he coming close. My dad never paid one damn cent of child support. Randy pays it whenever he can't get out of it. My dad could go months without calling or hearing from me when I was growing up. Randy can go a month without talking to his kids and then he turns it around and accuses me of not letting them call...
I want to go out. I want to be able to live a little but I want to pay my bills more. I know I wanted to go see Lion King in 3D but how can I justify that when I'm not ven sure my lights will be on the next morning, you know?
I have a friend that always used to say "Fuck me running with a chainsaw." You know, this is exactly how I feel right now. LIke someone fucked me with a chainsaw while I was running...
Hmmmm.... What can you do?
So we all know that the ex moved to New Mexico last month, right? I don't have to update anyone? Well I just sorta did but whatever... The company put him in an apartment and said it was all good until he found one. Well in typical RPH style, he has to live like champagne on a city punch budget.
His rent is close to a grand for a probably two bedroom apartment. This means that paying his child support is one of the things he will have to let slip every other five seconds of his life. I mean who cares if your kids don't have a place to live so long as you have a place with Granite counter tops, wall to wall carpeting, a washer and dryer included, and a panoramic view... Of course this was actually his last apartment before he moved to NC but still...
He is now four months behind... I think.... it might actually be five. The state won't let me check the balance because he's made one payment which changed the page to show that and that only. I asked the very nice lady with the very unintelligible Southern accent how to enforce that he pay his child support and she very kindly told me that the state isn't going to go after him until he is Three Thousand Dollars in the hole!!!!!!!
This was one of those moments that I had to hold onto my tongue to not blurt out WTF! Three thousand dollars in the hole?? At three something a month it would take him over a year of nothing to get to that point.
Right now, my bill collectors are being very kind. I mean VERY kind to me. I haven't been able to pay anything for three months now. Every day I wake up to lights, hot water, and my heat clicks on (I warm the house for the kids showers) I want to fall to my knees and thank every GOD in creation. It really really is a miracle.
I'm not even going to go into my social life. One because it's unimportant and two because there is none. He however has a very full one. He goes to fast food restaurants, he's been to the movies at least twice, and once he was out shopping. He even had the nerve to put me down as a contact for his Aaron's rent to own furniture. He better be Sooooo glad they never called me...
It's true what they say... girls do marry their fathers. I heard that when I was a little girl and I said Eeeewwwww. Hell no. Would never be me. But then I did. My father is a deadbeat dad, (Or was he's a little better at it now, I've gotten a birthday email two years running now.) Randy may not be completely deadbeat but damn is he coming close. My dad never paid one damn cent of child support. Randy pays it whenever he can't get out of it. My dad could go months without calling or hearing from me when I was growing up. Randy can go a month without talking to his kids and then he turns it around and accuses me of not letting them call...
I want to go out. I want to be able to live a little but I want to pay my bills more. I know I wanted to go see Lion King in 3D but how can I justify that when I'm not ven sure my lights will be on the next morning, you know?
I have a friend that always used to say "Fuck me running with a chainsaw." You know, this is exactly how I feel right now. LIke someone fucked me with a chainsaw while I was running...
Hmmmm.... What can you do?
Saturday, September 24, 2011
Today...
is pajama day here in the house. The sad thing about that, pajama day isn't actually taking place only in the house. I have left my house now twice and haven't shed the jammies yet. It would be okay if they matched but I am wearing a pink shirt with blue spotted bottoms.
And I don't give a flying fart in space if I end up on someone's Facebook with the caption "Oh my lord!" LOL
So it hit me today that since turning 32 I have become a lot flirtier. Yeah I know it's been only a week but damn. I'm thinking things about people that even I think are too risque for me. I'm flirting with guys both on and off the computer and I'm not shy about it.
Is this what a mid life crisis feels like? Is this how one begins? I know men do shit like buy shiny new sports cars and probably leave their wives for that seasons younger model but what do women do and specifically, what do women who are alone do?
I can't go out and buy a shiny new car, believe me, if I could you would not be seeing me all over Facebook and twitter. I'd be out living. Hell I might even take my kids to a park somewhere far away. If I had a man, hell you wouldn't see me on Facebook either cause new model or not I'm feeling like I might not've unchained him from the bed all day. yes, it's like that.
I don't know and I can't help it. I was listening to Rhianna's "What's my name?" last night and Drake's line about the square root of 69 and the things they could do in 20 minutes... I could help that man figure out all sorts of square roots for 69. Triangles, rhombuses, circles, trapezoids, the list can go on for days and I can tell you... that's exactly how long it would go on... screw 20 minutes... Rhianna might take 20 minutes but my days of trying to reach the golden flag and having the shit be over in under 30 minutes... DONE with a capitol. Hell no, I want more and I want it now.
Hehe this is so not an appropriate blog... I'm a bad girl and I know it but at this precise moment I can neither help it, nor do I want to. I have been a good girl for thirty some odd years and I am tired of it. I want to be bad. I want to have sex in the back of a car, I want to fog up some windows, I want someone to walk into a room and drag me to him and kiss me. My buddy Shawna asked a random question on her profile, "What do you want?" I'm pretty sure she wasn't actually asking what people wanted, but I was drunk that night and I answered, "To be screwed until I don't know my own nationality." That's about right. I want someone to hold me and do things to me that may or may not end with me speaking in tongues and twitching....
Do you know what it's like to have a small Waiting to Exhale moment around every near hot guy you see? Do you know what it's like to see a picture of a guy and his fingers and imagine what those fingers could do??
Please God tell me this is menopause or something cause it cannot continue. I am already crazy, can you imagine just how far off the cliff this would push me. I'm thinking the coyote in the road runner cartoons... It's gotta change. I can't even read one of my romance novels. I want to write on my story but at the moment, I'm thinking the main female character would attack the main male character and it would last for pages...
Ah... it'll pass... at least I hope it will. I'm so jumpy I'm annoying myself.
In other news, My kids keep seeing the adverts for the Lion King in 3D and they have no interest in going to see it. I mean gah!! WTF? My kids have no knowledge of who Mufasa was, they only know Timon and Pumbaa, and they think the story started with Lion King 1½... My poor, poor deprived kids... They know not how they hurt my inner child.
well, I guess I'll go write a little. If when my book comes out and it's not available in the young adult section, you'll know why.
More scattered thoughts to come later! Ciao!
And I don't give a flying fart in space if I end up on someone's Facebook with the caption "Oh my lord!" LOL
So it hit me today that since turning 32 I have become a lot flirtier. Yeah I know it's been only a week but damn. I'm thinking things about people that even I think are too risque for me. I'm flirting with guys both on and off the computer and I'm not shy about it.
Is this what a mid life crisis feels like? Is this how one begins? I know men do shit like buy shiny new sports cars and probably leave their wives for that seasons younger model but what do women do and specifically, what do women who are alone do?
I can't go out and buy a shiny new car, believe me, if I could you would not be seeing me all over Facebook and twitter. I'd be out living. Hell I might even take my kids to a park somewhere far away. If I had a man, hell you wouldn't see me on Facebook either cause new model or not I'm feeling like I might not've unchained him from the bed all day. yes, it's like that.
I don't know and I can't help it. I was listening to Rhianna's "What's my name?" last night and Drake's line about the square root of 69 and the things they could do in 20 minutes... I could help that man figure out all sorts of square roots for 69. Triangles, rhombuses, circles, trapezoids, the list can go on for days and I can tell you... that's exactly how long it would go on... screw 20 minutes... Rhianna might take 20 minutes but my days of trying to reach the golden flag and having the shit be over in under 30 minutes... DONE with a capitol. Hell no, I want more and I want it now.
Hehe this is so not an appropriate blog... I'm a bad girl and I know it but at this precise moment I can neither help it, nor do I want to. I have been a good girl for thirty some odd years and I am tired of it. I want to be bad. I want to have sex in the back of a car, I want to fog up some windows, I want someone to walk into a room and drag me to him and kiss me. My buddy Shawna asked a random question on her profile, "What do you want?" I'm pretty sure she wasn't actually asking what people wanted, but I was drunk that night and I answered, "To be screwed until I don't know my own nationality." That's about right. I want someone to hold me and do things to me that may or may not end with me speaking in tongues and twitching....
Do you know what it's like to have a small Waiting to Exhale moment around every near hot guy you see? Do you know what it's like to see a picture of a guy and his fingers and imagine what those fingers could do??
Please God tell me this is menopause or something cause it cannot continue. I am already crazy, can you imagine just how far off the cliff this would push me. I'm thinking the coyote in the road runner cartoons... It's gotta change. I can't even read one of my romance novels. I want to write on my story but at the moment, I'm thinking the main female character would attack the main male character and it would last for pages...
Ah... it'll pass... at least I hope it will. I'm so jumpy I'm annoying myself.
In other news, My kids keep seeing the adverts for the Lion King in 3D and they have no interest in going to see it. I mean gah!! WTF? My kids have no knowledge of who Mufasa was, they only know Timon and Pumbaa, and they think the story started with Lion King 1½... My poor, poor deprived kids... They know not how they hurt my inner child.
well, I guess I'll go write a little. If when my book comes out and it's not available in the young adult section, you'll know why.
More scattered thoughts to come later! Ciao!
Friday, September 23, 2011
Not sure...
If I did a blog yesterday. I probably didn't because I was tired as a mofo and sitting at the computer seemed to only make it worse.
Yesterday I decided to stay up instead of going back to bed after the kids left with the help of the jet fuel I call coffee. Well that worked and would you believe it, I got my bedroom cleaned AND I made about 5 lbs of chicken fried rice. This please a multitude of people. Patty came and got some, my mother brought her Tupperware to the house when she came to pick us up for Jovaughn's football practice and the kids were ecstatic to say the least. It was good and not too salty or to peppery so I was happy.
Hang on a second I need to put the burgers on the grill...
Sorry, back now. Where was I? Oh yeah, the rice.
It was good, that's about the gist of it.
The boy also cut his finger on a knife in the sink last night because he was playing around. It could have been worse but then almost everything bad that happens can be worse. Ironically even a death. Whatever, he was playing around acting out and the knife cut a good part of his thumb. I made him wash it and put band aids on it because I knew that he was going to be going to school this morning and since all of my kids are hypochondriacs, I knew he'd go to the nurse and she could cleanse it, which he did and she did. He also went back an hour later and called me telling me it hurt. I talked to the nurse who said it was fine nothing a few days wouldn't heal and he should probably not play foot ball today.
So I called the coach and told him that.
Now keep in mind that this is the same coach that I have been flirting with for awhile now. I flirted so well the other night that he locked his keys in his car. Hence the I know I'm a bad girl status on Facebook.
The coach called me back (I had left a message) and basically told me that he could miss practice tonight, but he had no one to replace him on the field tomorrow so he really need Jovaughn because it was hurting him to not have the boy there. Guess who lost a little respect in my eyes... Go on guess. I reluctantly agreed. Jovaughn will play but I am going to pad that thumb so he can't possibly hurt it more. So the boys in my life are happy.
Now if I can please the man I want in my life it's all going to be golden. LOL.
So tonight is bratwurst burgers and veggies for dinner. They wanted french fries but I'm thinking that veggies would be better for them.
Oh I knew I was leaving out an important part of my day. My nose stud came out. Would you believe it, the one time that I forget about the fucker and wash my face and the washcloth rips that sucker right on out. I cussed like a sailor on speed. It didn't hurt though. I called my mom and she came over to sit while the girls came home and I went back to the tattoo parlor (I had John a little worried when I used my foursquare to check in a t a tat parlor, LOL) and quick as a wink with only minimal ouch, she had it back in and I was my now normal pierced self.
I will be much more careful when washing my face from now on...
So okay, I'm going to get back to cooking. Peace and love and maybe another scattered thought will need to escape tomorrow!
Ciao!!
Yesterday I decided to stay up instead of going back to bed after the kids left with the help of the jet fuel I call coffee. Well that worked and would you believe it, I got my bedroom cleaned AND I made about 5 lbs of chicken fried rice. This please a multitude of people. Patty came and got some, my mother brought her Tupperware to the house when she came to pick us up for Jovaughn's football practice and the kids were ecstatic to say the least. It was good and not too salty or to peppery so I was happy.
Hang on a second I need to put the burgers on the grill...
Sorry, back now. Where was I? Oh yeah, the rice.
It was good, that's about the gist of it.
The boy also cut his finger on a knife in the sink last night because he was playing around. It could have been worse but then almost everything bad that happens can be worse. Ironically even a death. Whatever, he was playing around acting out and the knife cut a good part of his thumb. I made him wash it and put band aids on it because I knew that he was going to be going to school this morning and since all of my kids are hypochondriacs, I knew he'd go to the nurse and she could cleanse it, which he did and she did. He also went back an hour later and called me telling me it hurt. I talked to the nurse who said it was fine nothing a few days wouldn't heal and he should probably not play foot ball today.
So I called the coach and told him that.
Now keep in mind that this is the same coach that I have been flirting with for awhile now. I flirted so well the other night that he locked his keys in his car. Hence the I know I'm a bad girl status on Facebook.
The coach called me back (I had left a message) and basically told me that he could miss practice tonight, but he had no one to replace him on the field tomorrow so he really need Jovaughn because it was hurting him to not have the boy there. Guess who lost a little respect in my eyes... Go on guess. I reluctantly agreed. Jovaughn will play but I am going to pad that thumb so he can't possibly hurt it more. So the boys in my life are happy.
Now if I can please the man I want in my life it's all going to be golden. LOL.
So tonight is bratwurst burgers and veggies for dinner. They wanted french fries but I'm thinking that veggies would be better for them.
Oh I knew I was leaving out an important part of my day. My nose stud came out. Would you believe it, the one time that I forget about the fucker and wash my face and the washcloth rips that sucker right on out. I cussed like a sailor on speed. It didn't hurt though. I called my mom and she came over to sit while the girls came home and I went back to the tattoo parlor (I had John a little worried when I used my foursquare to check in a t a tat parlor, LOL) and quick as a wink with only minimal ouch, she had it back in and I was my now normal pierced self.
I will be much more careful when washing my face from now on...
So okay, I'm going to get back to cooking. Peace and love and maybe another scattered thought will need to escape tomorrow!
Ciao!!
Thursday, September 22, 2011
Ugh, Early morning post...
So last night I posted a comment about stupid people being born with a blinking light so that problems in the future can be detected and they can be drowned. I was talking about degenerates like Casey Anthony and the newest woman that's smothered her twin boys to death right after being born, but somone on my friends list decided that I was a heartless cold unfeeling tard who meant special needs children.
No matter how you look at what she wrote on my page it kinda looks like she was attacking me for my comment in public when in all honesty, a private message to me would have cleared up any hurt but it's whatever.
See I logged off and went to bed. As normal with my friends, they came to my defense. I think that's awesome. TO have friends like that is a blessing in more ways than one. Words were said and it was walked away from and all while I was asleep. (or trying to be but that's another story)
BUt then I got a message from another friend who basically told me that because of the negativity on my page, she was deleting me. You know what, bloggers, I'm not even touching my thoughts on that one. It was a parting of ways and now our ships sail different waters.
Oh here's an update. Shit exploded again!! Another friend commented. She wasn't condemning nor coming to my defense but the original offended person jumped on them and started attacking them. I mean seriously?? Really?? For someone who claims its everyone attacking her, she's doing A LOT of attacking first.
So while I am in the middle of writing her a letter politely saying that I need to delete her, she's going off on this morning's friend. She is so damn lucky that I was in the middle of being polite and didn't see her morning crap on my page before I hit the delete button or else that polite little message would have been a very harshly worded go to hell letter.
Is this what social media is for? Jumping on other people that we don't really know and their friends? Gotta say, I think I prefer the days when we used two tin cans and a string to talk to each other...
Gotta go, lots to do today... Muwah!
No matter how you look at what she wrote on my page it kinda looks like she was attacking me for my comment in public when in all honesty, a private message to me would have cleared up any hurt but it's whatever.
See I logged off and went to bed. As normal with my friends, they came to my defense. I think that's awesome. TO have friends like that is a blessing in more ways than one. Words were said and it was walked away from and all while I was asleep. (or trying to be but that's another story)
BUt then I got a message from another friend who basically told me that because of the negativity on my page, she was deleting me. You know what, bloggers, I'm not even touching my thoughts on that one. It was a parting of ways and now our ships sail different waters.
Oh here's an update. Shit exploded again!! Another friend commented. She wasn't condemning nor coming to my defense but the original offended person jumped on them and started attacking them. I mean seriously?? Really?? For someone who claims its everyone attacking her, she's doing A LOT of attacking first.
So while I am in the middle of writing her a letter politely saying that I need to delete her, she's going off on this morning's friend. She is so damn lucky that I was in the middle of being polite and didn't see her morning crap on my page before I hit the delete button or else that polite little message would have been a very harshly worded go to hell letter.
Is this what social media is for? Jumping on other people that we don't really know and their friends? Gotta say, I think I prefer the days when we used two tin cans and a string to talk to each other...
Gotta go, lots to do today... Muwah!
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