...So for awhile nothing new huh? Well there were some new developments but that's been developed and done. I hung that picture on the wall and have stared at it so much I broke it, ha ha.
I make jokes but in a way it kinda hurts.. But then I always make jokes to make the pain ebb.
So for a hot second I had some lovin' in my life. Doesn't matter who I did or didn't tell. It's a ghost matter right now.
The problem is, I'm not sure that it was ever meant to be anything long term or what. I've only dated Randy so uh... kinda fuzzy on relationships and the mechanics. Whatever. I've got one problem. I've got this feeling that keep nagging at me...
Yeah, have no clue what the feeling is. It's actually kind of annoying, really. IDK I mean, I keep my phone fully charged like night and damn day in case he texts and I get this happy jumpy and lemme tell ya, horribly annoying feeling in my stomach when he does. If I am in another room and have actually let my newest body part stay in my bedroom or where ever for more than five minutes, I practically have phantom limb syndrome. But at the same time, I'm pretty sure it's now just a friendship and well... Can I say I feel like it just might be slowly killing me.
Okay that is a very grandiose exaggeration of it but you understand. That flowery, sickeningly happy jumpy feeling in my stomach becomes a steel toed boot that's kicking hard. Here's the odd thing. I could say this is all one horrible crush but it's not kicking my heart, it's kicking my lungs.
I mean, WTF?? Someone wanna enlighten the girl who is new to this world of having a guy actually talk to her? I mean I should take what I can get and run with it. Right?? Am I right??
Good freaking Lord. the feeling is annoying. What the feeling turns into is annoying. the fact that I am living this but have no clue what it is annoying.
And OMG my air conditioner is freezing me to death, hang on I'm going to turn it down... Okay back...brrr...
So in high school I had major massive crushes that took hold and regardless of the fact that he, whoever he was that year was either clueless or fully aware of my *love* (and I use that term so very loosely you'd swear I had butter in my hands) I held on relentlessly. Freshman year of high school there were two. The trumpet and the drummer... Oooh the drummer... sorry flashback. Sophomore year was the saxophone and the trumpet player. No flashbacks there. Junior year... hmmm... obviously he was forgettable whoever he was and senior year... now that was a landmark year. I set my little heart so high on the social ladder I couldn't even see it anymore. I *loved* two of the classes biggest socialites. That year they both knew. I know this for a fact. One of them even thanked me for the tons of secret admirer cards I stuck in his locker in my yearbook....yeah...
See? I have no clue how to handle anything with the opposite sex. You guys!! Help!! I feel a serious repeat of high school happening and I feel like I'm on that runaway train that you see in stupid old comedies where they try to hit the brake and it pops off and then they try the anchor and the chain breaks and they keep careening down the hill...
Yeah okay, now I'm blathering. Sorry but you know I tend to do that when I'm picturing the tremendous wreck that's going to happen.
Oh yeah, another hilarious anecdote. About three weeks ago, I had a major and I mean MAJOR mental breakdown and almost called him (Gasp) to tell him that once my kids came home we'd be done. No shit I did. My two besties in like the world quashed that one in the ass. Really quashed. I had convinced myself that I'm not worth the time it would have taken to be with me. Funny huh? For once my insecurities might have actually saved my ass but I'm going to have to wait until Cupid puts me at the top of a mountain with a rail car and no brakes to find out. of course seeing whats happened, my besties are probably going to let me tank that one and it will be the worst thing I ever do and I will be mad that I followed my instincts.
Frack!! Why can't life come with a manual? Why must everything be so damn difficult? I'm pretty sure I asked that awhile ago in another post.
So tonight I'm not going to stay on the computer all night. I'm actually going to do what I need to do and then go read in bed and call it a virtual night. I have church tomorrow and I am determined to stay awake this Sunday.
I still want to scream obscenities...
Okay. Good night my loves. Happy blogging and happy living. More scattered thoughts from a highly unorganized mind later!!
Saturday, August 27, 2011
Friday, August 05, 2011
Annoyed.... Grr...
So it's raining outside and I am spectacularly annoyed at the moment. NO, I'm not annoyed at the rain... How can you be annoyed at rain? Psht!.
I'm annoyed at the ex's girlfriend's mother and family. They seem to want to see just how black I can really get...
When he first moved in with her and my kids started going up to stay with him (and consequently her), I didn't balk. I grew up and figured sooner or later if he was living with her, my kids would have to spend time around her. True I thought then and to some point still do, think that she's a home wrecking bitch but that's besides the point.
Anyway, my kids came home last Christmas telling me that they had a "new Grandmother". THis annoyed me and it hurt my mother. I mean really hurt her. I exaplined then that their father's girlfriend's mother was not their grandmother and it was very hurtful to their actual grandmothers to say she was their grandmother. Regardless of how other families do it, this woman was not their grandmother.
Aside here for a second. I know several people who have grandmothers who aren't really their grandmothers. To quite truthful, the woman I call my Grandmother was in reality my aunt but that's another story for another day. I also know that sometimes when your parents marry another faily the new parent's parents tend to become people's grandmothers. Thats fine too but they are grandparents to the married in kids because they act like grandparents.
This woman never calls (Although I can't really say that I would allow or disallow this. It's never been tried) She doesn't send them birthday cards she doesn't seem to care about their well being when they are away from her. IMO a real grandmother (step, adopted or blood) at least cares about her grandchildren when they aren't there. When I asked nicely why this woman insists on my children calling her grandma the explanation given to me was she didn't want to confuse the baby. He's freaking one!!! I don't think that as he grows up and sees that his half brothers (I don't actually emphasize the half as much as I am here. He's their brother half or not) and sisters aren't calling his grandmother Grandma, he'll ask and he'll be told and I'm pretty sure he'll be perfectly fine with the answer.
Maybe I'm over reacting. Maybe I'm being a little bit harsh. Whatever, It just seems to me that she wants the title from my kids for stupid reasons and regardless of how the grandmother GOD gave them feels or my wishes, she's going to go ahead and insist on this just to get her way. I think it's sick and wrong and I think the time is fast approaching when I am going to have to go and tell her to her face.
Another aside, the ex's gf's father does not want my kids to call him grandpa. according to my kids he said, "They aren't my grand kids. They can call Mr.(First initial of his name I forgot what it is) but they don't need to call me Grandpa or pop pop."
Now why can't he get his wife to think like that...
I'm annoyed at the ex's girlfriend's mother and family. They seem to want to see just how black I can really get...
When he first moved in with her and my kids started going up to stay with him (and consequently her), I didn't balk. I grew up and figured sooner or later if he was living with her, my kids would have to spend time around her. True I thought then and to some point still do, think that she's a home wrecking bitch but that's besides the point.
Anyway, my kids came home last Christmas telling me that they had a "new Grandmother". THis annoyed me and it hurt my mother. I mean really hurt her. I exaplined then that their father's girlfriend's mother was not their grandmother and it was very hurtful to their actual grandmothers to say she was their grandmother. Regardless of how other families do it, this woman was not their grandmother.
Aside here for a second. I know several people who have grandmothers who aren't really their grandmothers. To quite truthful, the woman I call my Grandmother was in reality my aunt but that's another story for another day. I also know that sometimes when your parents marry another faily the new parent's parents tend to become people's grandmothers. Thats fine too but they are grandparents to the married in kids because they act like grandparents.
This woman never calls (Although I can't really say that I would allow or disallow this. It's never been tried) She doesn't send them birthday cards she doesn't seem to care about their well being when they are away from her. IMO a real grandmother (step, adopted or blood) at least cares about her grandchildren when they aren't there. When I asked nicely why this woman insists on my children calling her grandma the explanation given to me was she didn't want to confuse the baby. He's freaking one!!! I don't think that as he grows up and sees that his half brothers (I don't actually emphasize the half as much as I am here. He's their brother half or not) and sisters aren't calling his grandmother Grandma, he'll ask and he'll be told and I'm pretty sure he'll be perfectly fine with the answer.
Maybe I'm over reacting. Maybe I'm being a little bit harsh. Whatever, It just seems to me that she wants the title from my kids for stupid reasons and regardless of how the grandmother GOD gave them feels or my wishes, she's going to go ahead and insist on this just to get her way. I think it's sick and wrong and I think the time is fast approaching when I am going to have to go and tell her to her face.
Another aside, the ex's gf's father does not want my kids to call him grandpa. according to my kids he said, "They aren't my grand kids. They can call Mr.(First initial of his name I forgot what it is) but they don't need to call me Grandpa or pop pop."
Now why can't he get his wife to think like that...
Thursday, August 04, 2011
First Chapter of my Story....
Chapter One
Paige rolled down her window and propped her free arm on the door, letting her hand float on the wind as she drove down the highway at seventy-five miles an hour. Her cell phone was ringing again. She reached down and picked it up. Glancing at it over the steering wheel, she saw it was her mother calling again. She didn’t want to talk to her mother. Not yet.
She pressed the button on the side of the phone and the display changed to fifteen missed calls. A moment later, it chimed that she had a new voicemail message.
Paige could guess what it said. It probably said the same thing that the first one had said; that she was making a big mistake and she needed to go back to Steve and her girls.
She wanted so much to just chuck the small, silver colored flip phone out of the window and keep driving. Instead, she tossed it onto the seat next to her and turned up the volume on the radio.
It was a long stretch of road ahead of her, and Paige’s memory unwillingly flashed back to three weeks ago.
She and Steve were sitting in the living room of their townhouse watching television and it suddenly hit her that she wasn’t living the life she always envisioned for herself. She wanted out and, more importantly, she wanted to live. She had no idea what inspired this thought, only that there it was and she couldn’t ignore it.
As luck would have it, the very next Monday at work, Keith Ortega, her boss, came to her and told her that the restaurant she worked, Pandora’s Box, at was opening a chain in England and that she had been chosen to lead up the kitchens in them. A dream come true job.
She raced home to tell Steve over email. When she saw his car in the driveway, she thought even better, I can tell him person! She raced up the stairs and began looking for him in all of his usual spots: the study, the living room, the game room and the backyard.
It was while she was looking in the backyard thinking that if Steve’s car was home he had to be home as well, that she heard what she thought was a playstation game coming from their bedroom.
I’m going to get him! She thought I told him he was not to bring that game system into our bedroom. That’s why we have a game room.
Paige ran up the stairs and flung the bedroom door open only to find Steve and his boss rolling around in the sheets of her and Steve’s bed, having sex.
The door hadn’t hit the wall and the floor was carpeted so neither Steve nor his boss knew Paige was standing in the doorway. The woman got on top of Steve and they continued. It was like a triple x horror film to Paige. They were so absorbed in their act, that neither of them yet noticed her. Suddenly, as the woman came, she tilted her head back to enjoy the sensation and that’s when she saw Paige. Paige upside-down, but still, Paige. She screamed loudly.
“Oh yeah, baby! Scream for me!” Steve said.
“Oh I’ll scream for you. In fact, I did. Last night.” Paige said.
Steve pushed the woman from on top of him and sat up in bed.
“What are you doing here?” he accused “You aren’t supposed to be off work until five. It’s only noon.”
“Forgive me for coming home early to tell you a bit of news. I can see that you’re busy, I’ll come back later.” Paige said.
She turned and walked out of the bedroom. Then she stopped and thought about it. She was about to leave her house while that woman stayed. Then again, what did it matter? She was going to England. All the same, a little fun wouldn’t hurt. At least, it wouldn’t hurt her. She walked back into the bedroom and grabbed the woman by her long brown and red hair. She hadn’t had a chance to put any clothes on yet so she was still naked. Paige practically drug the woman out of the bedroom and down the stairs then took her to the front door and opened it.
“Oh please, let me get my clothes and I’ll leave quietly…,” the woman begged.
Paige smiled. She lived on a heavily populated street that had traffic going to at least ten other streets coming up and down it regularly. She tossed the woman out of the door and shut it with a bang. On her way back up to the bedroom, she turned the sprinklers on. Waste of water, she knew, but still fun all the same…
Next, she went to the kitchen and got a kitchen knife. She marched back up the bedroom and confronted her husband.
“What are you doing with that knife, Paige honey?” Steve asked.
“You move one muscle off of that bed and you’ll be wearing your balls as earrings. You got me?” Paige said
Steve nodded.
Paige began packing bags and gathering her jewelry. When she had finished, she glanced around the room. Seeing nothing else that belonged to her, she left to go downstairs.
In the study, Paige calmly sat at the computer and logged onto the banking site she and Steve used. She transferred every penny in their joint account and his personal account into her personal account and signed off.
In the living room, she took two pictures of each of her girls and tossed them into her bags. She wrote a note to her oldest daughter, Juliet, giving a brief explanation about why she had left, that she would be in touch soon, and to tell her sister to do their best and run Daddy ragged. She had taught her children French a long time ago and this was what she now wrote the note in since Steve could neither read nor speak it. She placed the note in a Juliet’s journal, which she kept in the bookcase.
Finally content that she had taken everything she wanted out of the house, she went out and put her bags in her car. When it was packed, she went back to the front door and opened it. The woman, who was now cowering behind a bush to avoid the crowd that had gathered, looked up at her pleadingly. Paige stood aside and nodded for the woman to come inside. She was a mere blur as she ran in the house. Steve had dared to don pants and come downstairs.
“Here’s the deal,” Paige said. “I don’t want any of this anymore. I have a job opportunity overseas and I am taking it. You are going to be single dad unless Mrs. Silicone and Liposuction here wants to marry you. You get the house, you keep your car, and I get my freedom. Plain and simple. You will hear from my lawyer in about a week to a month.”
Steve just looked at her with a stupid expression on his face. Paige shook her head and turned to leave.
“It’s been fun.” She said. “I would wish you nothing but happiness in your new life, Steve but instead I’ll offer my sympathies to the new little woman.”
“Don’t walk out on me Paige, you’ll regret it.” Steve said in a warning tone.
“You are daring to threaten me?” Paige asked.
“It’s not a threat. You leave and you don’t come back.” Steve said.
“My my, but the yellowtail has a backbone now.” Paige said. “I had no plans on coming back. At least not to you.” She turned and walked out of the house closing the door behind her.
And that put her where she was now: driving down the highway headed toward the East coast to sign the papers saying she was to be the head chef in the new chain Pandora’s Box and then catch a flight out of the states to England.
Her cell phone rang again. She glanced at the caller ID. This time it was Steve. He was probably calling because by now, he realized how stupid it was to give her his net banking password and that she had all the money and had already withdrawn it. This time, she really did throw the phone out of the window.
That one probably didn’t get service in London anyway.
Less than 48 hours...
So yeah, my kids have now been home for a little less than 48 hours.
I love them dearly, but I'm kinda ready to give them back now.
Don't worry this is a daily feeling. I bounce from it to "I'm so glad to have my babies home" in the span of an hour multiple times a day. I still love them and while I cry when their Daddy pulls out of my driveway, I am always happy to see them return home. Always.
They scare my cat. Hell they scare me. I sent them to their father for a little over one month. I sent them as children and he returned them as near teenagers. My son, Holy Damn! He was standing at my shoulder when he left on June 22nd and when I got him back, the boy is now standing at my chin and very nearly looking me in the eye. My baby girl, let's not go there. It's a running joke in our family that whatever clothes you buy Livy, she will be able to wear them for YEARS. I'm serious, she can fit into something she had when she was five (And does so regularly... I think I may be at the start of a problem here...) Well, not anymore. She can still fit some of her clothes from a few years ago, but her butt popped and well as she gained a half a foot. So those shorts that were getting too small now scream HOOTCHIE MAMMA! I mean damn! She wears these only in the house now. She tried to get out of my house wearing them yesterday... she didn't make it past the stairs. And Kayla!! Wow. She slimmed down a little bit this summer. She's about to slim down some more because we're all going to start taking walks and running and whatnot.
I missed my kids. I really did. And while I may have moaned and complained about my loss of freedom once they come back I'm still glad they are back. I missed them.
Of course I really didn't loose that much freedom. They are all ten and above now so Mommy can date and hang out with her friends for a little while now. They can stay home for a bit and it's all good.
Even if their dad decided to take that job in New Mexico. Yep, you heard me. New freaking Mexico. As in across the country.
Wait see, you might be taking that last to mean I'm not happy as a fat kid in a candy store reading a sign that says 'EVERYTHING YOU CAN CARRY FOR A PENNY!"
I am jumping for freaking joy! He's moving ACROSS THE COUNTRY!! I don't have to do the, "I'm coming to get them on Saturday" calls on Thursday anymore. HE actually has to plan to see them and give me massive advance notice. He's not in the same state as me! I love my life!
Sorry had a rush of emotion. I just wanna cry I'm so happy.
Now if I could just get my personal life to line up as nicely, I could just fall out right here with a smile... No wait, I did that last week when he said he was taking the job... Oh well, I'll find an equally exuberant way to celebrate.
My son starts football tonight. I'm not sure how I feel about this. He's already strong, this will make him stronger. HE can already outrun me when he gets in trouble, this will make him faster. So far the only good side I'm seeing to this is that it will help work on his asthma and he will get slimmer. (Of course this will mean that Daddy will have to buy new clothes which he will do happily if his son looses weight...) I just have to find an activity for the girls. Kayla wants ballet and Livy wants to do karate and or kick boxing.
I'm wondering should I be concerned that my ten year old wants to learn kickboxing... hmmm
So okay, back to writing I go. Oh yeah, I'm writing again! Isn't that cool? I think I am actually going to send it to an agent this time. I'm going to work hard on getting published. I've made it one of my goals...
Claudette is signing off for the moment... I may or may not be back with more happy gushy moments!
I love them dearly, but I'm kinda ready to give them back now.
Don't worry this is a daily feeling. I bounce from it to "I'm so glad to have my babies home" in the span of an hour multiple times a day. I still love them and while I cry when their Daddy pulls out of my driveway, I am always happy to see them return home. Always.
They scare my cat. Hell they scare me. I sent them to their father for a little over one month. I sent them as children and he returned them as near teenagers. My son, Holy Damn! He was standing at my shoulder when he left on June 22nd and when I got him back, the boy is now standing at my chin and very nearly looking me in the eye. My baby girl, let's not go there. It's a running joke in our family that whatever clothes you buy Livy, she will be able to wear them for YEARS. I'm serious, she can fit into something she had when she was five (And does so regularly... I think I may be at the start of a problem here...) Well, not anymore. She can still fit some of her clothes from a few years ago, but her butt popped and well as she gained a half a foot. So those shorts that were getting too small now scream HOOTCHIE MAMMA! I mean damn! She wears these only in the house now. She tried to get out of my house wearing them yesterday... she didn't make it past the stairs. And Kayla!! Wow. She slimmed down a little bit this summer. She's about to slim down some more because we're all going to start taking walks and running and whatnot.
I missed my kids. I really did. And while I may have moaned and complained about my loss of freedom once they come back I'm still glad they are back. I missed them.
Of course I really didn't loose that much freedom. They are all ten and above now so Mommy can date and hang out with her friends for a little while now. They can stay home for a bit and it's all good.
Even if their dad decided to take that job in New Mexico. Yep, you heard me. New freaking Mexico. As in across the country.
Wait see, you might be taking that last to mean I'm not happy as a fat kid in a candy store reading a sign that says 'EVERYTHING YOU CAN CARRY FOR A PENNY!"
I am jumping for freaking joy! He's moving ACROSS THE COUNTRY!! I don't have to do the, "I'm coming to get them on Saturday" calls on Thursday anymore. HE actually has to plan to see them and give me massive advance notice. He's not in the same state as me! I love my life!
Sorry had a rush of emotion. I just wanna cry I'm so happy.
Now if I could just get my personal life to line up as nicely, I could just fall out right here with a smile... No wait, I did that last week when he said he was taking the job... Oh well, I'll find an equally exuberant way to celebrate.
My son starts football tonight. I'm not sure how I feel about this. He's already strong, this will make him stronger. HE can already outrun me when he gets in trouble, this will make him faster. So far the only good side I'm seeing to this is that it will help work on his asthma and he will get slimmer. (Of course this will mean that Daddy will have to buy new clothes which he will do happily if his son looses weight...) I just have to find an activity for the girls. Kayla wants ballet and Livy wants to do karate and or kick boxing.
I'm wondering should I be concerned that my ten year old wants to learn kickboxing... hmmm
So okay, back to writing I go. Oh yeah, I'm writing again! Isn't that cool? I think I am actually going to send it to an agent this time. I'm going to work hard on getting published. I've made it one of my goals...
Claudette is signing off for the moment... I may or may not be back with more happy gushy moments!
Friday, July 29, 2011
So... yeah...
Hmmm...
Can I just outright say that I want to run screaming into the night and let that be all I say?
No, I didn't think so. Somewhere out there I know that someone is going to want to ask why but there for that one person there's another twelve people out there saying "Randy..." under their breath and they'd be so totally right.
I may or may not have seemed eerily jumpy this past week. That was because of two reasons. The first you don't have to worry about because we all know I have jumpy periods with no explanation... the second was because my kids were scheduled to come home after a month away tomorrow and dude! I was so happy to see them go but it took me about the normal ten minutes (days) to miss them. I really missed them. For all the hell that they put me through, I love my kids.
They light up my day they entertain me and seriously how cool is it that my girls are going to be ten and eleven this year and every morning that they are here I come out of my room and they come flying into my arms screaming "Hi Mommy!!" I mean really? I love that. I can go to bed in the crappiest mood but when they barrel at me in the morning and make me feel just that much more loved I tend to forget about what made me mad in the first place. (of course I only have to go online and probably load up my blog and I'm reminded but still)
So last week, I told him SPECIFICALLY that I needed them back Saturday mid morning because they had a birthday party to go to that afternoon. He said over and over and OVER that that wasn't going to be a problem. I didn't totally believe him and figured that the kids would be late to the party. Let's face it, in my entire divorced life with this man he has shown up on time once. Blew my mind the time it happened.
So he calls today to ask when they had to be back and I said he was supposed to have them back by morning tomorrow but judging by the fact that he was calling to ask me that, I didn't see that happening. That's when I found out, they they are in NEW YORK with his mother. Oddly enough I really don't care that they're with her. I don't have the time or energy to fight that battle and deal with those feelings anymore. They're old enough to tell her what they think of her should they decide to, they don't need me to speak up for them. Its the mere fact that one, he didn't tell me he was taking them up there, and two I was okay with the fact that my kids haven't called me in a week because I was going to be seeing them at the end of this one. I was sooo jazzed.
To say that my heart was completely shattered would be a mild understatement. It also didn't help when I made two phone calls and at the time not one of the people I wanted to talk to picked up. One called me right back so it was cool.
Sometimes, not always and not very often I feel like I'm the one that listens no matter what I'm doing. But others don't do the same. I don't know why I feel like that, but I do. It's a crappy feeling but it's there. It's normally fleeting because uhm, lets face it. No one has telepathy... They can't tell that I can barely see the numbers I am dialing on the phone because I am crying so hard., you know...
So I've laid down and now I'm feeling marginally better. My kids will most likely be home on Monday so at best I'm looking at another weekend home alone. Maybe I'll catch up on my wii fit. I doubt it.
I would say that I will take the time to find out why it sounds like the fan is about to go spinning off on my computer but I just solved that with a can of WD-40.
Side note, you know that joke about only needing two tools in life? It's so politically wrong and so off base but I am so reminded of that right now. HA!
I am also going to change the name of this blog. I don't feel Terminally Single anymore so I think it's time to reflect that...
Claudette is signing off for now. Enjoy your Friday, Bloggerinos. Have a good weekend!
Can I just outright say that I want to run screaming into the night and let that be all I say?
No, I didn't think so. Somewhere out there I know that someone is going to want to ask why but there for that one person there's another twelve people out there saying "Randy..." under their breath and they'd be so totally right.
I may or may not have seemed eerily jumpy this past week. That was because of two reasons. The first you don't have to worry about because we all know I have jumpy periods with no explanation... the second was because my kids were scheduled to come home after a month away tomorrow and dude! I was so happy to see them go but it took me about the normal ten minutes (days) to miss them. I really missed them. For all the hell that they put me through, I love my kids.
They light up my day they entertain me and seriously how cool is it that my girls are going to be ten and eleven this year and every morning that they are here I come out of my room and they come flying into my arms screaming "Hi Mommy!!" I mean really? I love that. I can go to bed in the crappiest mood but when they barrel at me in the morning and make me feel just that much more loved I tend to forget about what made me mad in the first place. (of course I only have to go online and probably load up my blog and I'm reminded but still)
So last week, I told him SPECIFICALLY that I needed them back Saturday mid morning because they had a birthday party to go to that afternoon. He said over and over and OVER that that wasn't going to be a problem. I didn't totally believe him and figured that the kids would be late to the party. Let's face it, in my entire divorced life with this man he has shown up on time once. Blew my mind the time it happened.
So he calls today to ask when they had to be back and I said he was supposed to have them back by morning tomorrow but judging by the fact that he was calling to ask me that, I didn't see that happening. That's when I found out, they they are in NEW YORK with his mother. Oddly enough I really don't care that they're with her. I don't have the time or energy to fight that battle and deal with those feelings anymore. They're old enough to tell her what they think of her should they decide to, they don't need me to speak up for them. Its the mere fact that one, he didn't tell me he was taking them up there, and two I was okay with the fact that my kids haven't called me in a week because I was going to be seeing them at the end of this one. I was sooo jazzed.
To say that my heart was completely shattered would be a mild understatement. It also didn't help when I made two phone calls and at the time not one of the people I wanted to talk to picked up. One called me right back so it was cool.
Sometimes, not always and not very often I feel like I'm the one that listens no matter what I'm doing. But others don't do the same. I don't know why I feel like that, but I do. It's a crappy feeling but it's there. It's normally fleeting because uhm, lets face it. No one has telepathy... They can't tell that I can barely see the numbers I am dialing on the phone because I am crying so hard., you know...
So I've laid down and now I'm feeling marginally better. My kids will most likely be home on Monday so at best I'm looking at another weekend home alone. Maybe I'll catch up on my wii fit. I doubt it.
I would say that I will take the time to find out why it sounds like the fan is about to go spinning off on my computer but I just solved that with a can of WD-40.
Side note, you know that joke about only needing two tools in life? It's so politically wrong and so off base but I am so reminded of that right now. HA!
I am also going to change the name of this blog. I don't feel Terminally Single anymore so I think it's time to reflect that...
Claudette is signing off for now. Enjoy your Friday, Bloggerinos. Have a good weekend!
Thursday, July 28, 2011
Gotta love first impressions...
So I went out to get the mail and bring the trash can in. The guy in the house that in down the tiny hill from my driveway come out his back door to mess wit his grill (his house faces Long Grass his porch faces my driveway.) Very little eye contact has EVER been made and no words... ever.
Gotta love those interesting first conversations...
Him: "Hey"
Me: "Hi"
Him: "So uh, how are you?"
Me: "Good and yourself?"
Him: "I'd be doing better if I could talk to you."
me: (playing very dumb) "Talk to... me?"
Him: "Yeah, I mean I've been watching and I never see a man come in."
Me: (Didn't feel like this, today.) "Really? You aren't watching hard enough." (And I came inside)
Moral of the story; Never wear your pj bottoms and work out tank outside to get the mail...
This is Almost as bad as my all time favorite pic up line "If you're this pretty when I drunk, imagine what you'll look like when I'm Sober..."
SMDH
Gotta love those interesting first conversations...
Him: "Hey"
Me: "Hi"
Him: "So uh, how are you?"
Me: "Good and yourself?"
Him: "I'd be doing better if I could talk to you."
me: (playing very dumb) "Talk to... me?"
Him: "Yeah, I mean I've been watching and I never see a man come in."
Me: (Didn't feel like this, today.) "Really? You aren't watching hard enough." (And I came inside)
Moral of the story; Never wear your pj bottoms and work out tank outside to get the mail...
This is Almost as bad as my all time favorite pic up line "If you're this pretty when I drunk, imagine what you'll look like when I'm Sober..."
SMDH
Monday, July 25, 2011
Soo Hmm..
Haven't heard from me in a few days, huh? Wondering if life is going so swell I don't need blogger anymore? Don't really give a fart in space?
Hehe... if you can't tell, I'm in a good mood.
It's okay, you can come out of your hiding place. No one is dead or maimed. I'm just okay. That's all.
My kids come home next weekend. I'm really jazzed about that. Then we go on vacation. I'm jazzed about that as well. The summer is ending and in a little over a month I will have yet another birthday. I'm planning to celebrate by punching a hole in my face if I have the funds for it. Don't you love how I say that?
So I got an email from CPCC this morning. I got accepted. Yay me! I have to go in a do the placement tests and paperwork. I have to find out for certain if my pell grant stuff went through so I can go but otherwise, I am technically a college student again. Feels funny.
My cat and I are fighting but just the mere fact that the fight is between myself and a cat makes the whole thing kinda laughable. You should see us, I tell her to go away and she rubs my legs. I nudge her away and she meows and comes back. I give up and she hops onto my chest and I become her bathtub. It's really comical because I don't think she considers it a fight at all,m she probably considers it as a tough row in training her owner.
LOL.
I have decided to try something new and watch football this season. Stop gasping and looking at me like I've finally lost the bag of marbles God gave me... (I actually hawked them for a long island ice tea in my twenties but oh well) I simply want to see what all the fuss is about. I don't get it and have decided today that instead of scorning it, I am going to embrace it.
It's a beautiful day out. Hot kinda but still a beautiful day.
So basically that's all, I just wanted to check in.
I'm going to go play the Sims for awhile.
See ya round!
Hehe... if you can't tell, I'm in a good mood.
It's okay, you can come out of your hiding place. No one is dead or maimed. I'm just okay. That's all.
My kids come home next weekend. I'm really jazzed about that. Then we go on vacation. I'm jazzed about that as well. The summer is ending and in a little over a month I will have yet another birthday. I'm planning to celebrate by punching a hole in my face if I have the funds for it. Don't you love how I say that?
So I got an email from CPCC this morning. I got accepted. Yay me! I have to go in a do the placement tests and paperwork. I have to find out for certain if my pell grant stuff went through so I can go but otherwise, I am technically a college student again. Feels funny.
My cat and I are fighting but just the mere fact that the fight is between myself and a cat makes the whole thing kinda laughable. You should see us, I tell her to go away and she rubs my legs. I nudge her away and she meows and comes back. I give up and she hops onto my chest and I become her bathtub. It's really comical because I don't think she considers it a fight at all,m she probably considers it as a tough row in training her owner.
LOL.
I have decided to try something new and watch football this season. Stop gasping and looking at me like I've finally lost the bag of marbles God gave me... (I actually hawked them for a long island ice tea in my twenties but oh well) I simply want to see what all the fuss is about. I don't get it and have decided today that instead of scorning it, I am going to embrace it.
It's a beautiful day out. Hot kinda but still a beautiful day.
So basically that's all, I just wanted to check in.
I'm going to go play the Sims for awhile.
See ya round!
Wednesday, July 20, 2011
Applying for the Pell Grant...
So I've decided to apply for the pell grant, finally. I think that now that I am 32, I'm old enough to appreciate a higher education. At 17 and 18 I can honestly say I didn't. I really saw it as just when I thought I was free and done with classes, I had to sit in more classes only these were a whole new level of spectacularly boring.
I don't know what I am going to go for. I want to go for Culinary but a very good friend of mine suggested I use my love of children and my like of educating them to go for special Education. It's a thought. Right now I am going to take the basic classes.
Excuse me while I cringe at the thought of a math class... You have no idea how much I hate math. I am actually one of the many people who would be totally and completely lost without a calculator. Go ahead and snicker. I'm laughing too but it's the truth.
So let me go and get this done.
I'm actually kind of excited about going back to school. The thought of one day getting a j9ob that will enable me to pay my way without needing the help I'm generally scorned for is a bright bright star in the sky for me right now.
C'est La Vie! Single and Blogging is going to work on going to get some higher education!
I don't know what I am going to go for. I want to go for Culinary but a very good friend of mine suggested I use my love of children and my like of educating them to go for special Education. It's a thought. Right now I am going to take the basic classes.
Excuse me while I cringe at the thought of a math class... You have no idea how much I hate math. I am actually one of the many people who would be totally and completely lost without a calculator. Go ahead and snicker. I'm laughing too but it's the truth.
So let me go and get this done.
I'm actually kind of excited about going back to school. The thought of one day getting a j9ob that will enable me to pay my way without needing the help I'm generally scorned for is a bright bright star in the sky for me right now.
C'est La Vie! Single and Blogging is going to work on going to get some higher education!
Food Stamps...
So once again maybe nine friends on my news feed for Facebook have been passing around the post about the junk food tax and how it will affect people with food stamps.
Why are you so down on people with food stamps? Contrary to what you want to believe, food stamps are not being paid for by your taxes. At least not directly. One would think that a mother/ father feeding their kids any way they can short of putting on a ski mask and robbing a bank or panhandling would be looked on favorably.
True there are some people out there that seriously abuse this wonderful program. They sell their stamps for cash and go get their hair done or they sell them to families who just don't want to pay food tax and some shit and some such but here's the thing... not everyone does that and going on a very social media and saying how you are sick of paying for my groceries or you support a tax that limits what we can buy kinda makes you look like a bit of an ass in my book because you are judging me, who doesn't do anything but use what she's given to feed her kids, by the Same standards as the woman down the block selling her stamps, getting her hair done, going clubbing while her kids are eating government peanut butter on stale bread.
You want to feel like you are paying for my groceries? Fine next month when my kids need food, how about I come to you directly with my hand out and you come buy the food? Then you can bitch and moan.
True I am not working right now but here's an FYI, I'm looking into going to school. Even when I was working my job was barely paying my utilities and rent. I had to beg and plead with my kids father to send money so I could buy food. Have YOU ever had to beg your child's other parent for money to feed your child?? It's almost as degrading as having to stand in line for hours for the little bit that the government is willing to give.
Social media changed the way government benefits worked once before. It changed WIC and not for the better. Before you cold get real cereal and juice for children. now you can only get basic brands. No sugar, no taste, no reason to have your kids eat it.
Hey just for shits and giggles, I want to see you put your kid on a completely sugar free diet. Ever drank Orange juice with no sugar in it? Love those bland Cheerios with no sugar don't you. Like that store brand milk that's kinda watered down and expires in three days? Lets see if they still want to eat.
You have your high paying job that affords you and your kids everything you want food wise and that great but some of us, we couldn't ask Mommy and Daddy to send us to that Ivy league school or buy us the suits to get that top level job. We couldn't play sports to get us into a good college. Some us got to that good college and one fateful night we made a decision that cost us the little bit of freedom we got at eighteen. Do I regret getting pregnant and not finishing school with my original class? Not one damn bit cause you know what? Some of those top achievers who studied and avoided all vices have a pretty little piece of paper that says they can do something to curl up with at night. I have kids that love me.
And just to clarify, I am not a skeez, a whore, a drug addict, or degenerate because I get help from the Government. I am a woman that needs help. Do I call you a uptight yuppie or anything because you think you are in a position to thumb your nose at me?
I don't feel like a real rant. You out there that think I am a target for you unjust and hypocritical thoughts just remember that in this changing economy you may be on top one day and standing behind me in the social services line the next. Keep in the back of your mind that the things you are saying you support now may just bite you in the ass one day....
Terminally Single and Blogging is going to step off her soapbox.
Why are you so down on people with food stamps? Contrary to what you want to believe, food stamps are not being paid for by your taxes. At least not directly. One would think that a mother/ father feeding their kids any way they can short of putting on a ski mask and robbing a bank or panhandling would be looked on favorably.
True there are some people out there that seriously abuse this wonderful program. They sell their stamps for cash and go get their hair done or they sell them to families who just don't want to pay food tax and some shit and some such but here's the thing... not everyone does that and going on a very social media and saying how you are sick of paying for my groceries or you support a tax that limits what we can buy kinda makes you look like a bit of an ass in my book because you are judging me, who doesn't do anything but use what she's given to feed her kids, by the Same standards as the woman down the block selling her stamps, getting her hair done, going clubbing while her kids are eating government peanut butter on stale bread.
You want to feel like you are paying for my groceries? Fine next month when my kids need food, how about I come to you directly with my hand out and you come buy the food? Then you can bitch and moan.
True I am not working right now but here's an FYI, I'm looking into going to school. Even when I was working my job was barely paying my utilities and rent. I had to beg and plead with my kids father to send money so I could buy food. Have YOU ever had to beg your child's other parent for money to feed your child?? It's almost as degrading as having to stand in line for hours for the little bit that the government is willing to give.
Social media changed the way government benefits worked once before. It changed WIC and not for the better. Before you cold get real cereal and juice for children. now you can only get basic brands. No sugar, no taste, no reason to have your kids eat it.
Hey just for shits and giggles, I want to see you put your kid on a completely sugar free diet. Ever drank Orange juice with no sugar in it? Love those bland Cheerios with no sugar don't you. Like that store brand milk that's kinda watered down and expires in three days? Lets see if they still want to eat.
You have your high paying job that affords you and your kids everything you want food wise and that great but some of us, we couldn't ask Mommy and Daddy to send us to that Ivy league school or buy us the suits to get that top level job. We couldn't play sports to get us into a good college. Some us got to that good college and one fateful night we made a decision that cost us the little bit of freedom we got at eighteen. Do I regret getting pregnant and not finishing school with my original class? Not one damn bit cause you know what? Some of those top achievers who studied and avoided all vices have a pretty little piece of paper that says they can do something to curl up with at night. I have kids that love me.
And just to clarify, I am not a skeez, a whore, a drug addict, or degenerate because I get help from the Government. I am a woman that needs help. Do I call you a uptight yuppie or anything because you think you are in a position to thumb your nose at me?
I don't feel like a real rant. You out there that think I am a target for you unjust and hypocritical thoughts just remember that in this changing economy you may be on top one day and standing behind me in the social services line the next. Keep in the back of your mind that the things you are saying you support now may just bite you in the ass one day....
Terminally Single and Blogging is going to step off her soapbox.
Wednesday, July 13, 2011
So sick...
I'm so sick of the lies...
So okay I'm just venting... there's no need for anyone to comment or actually read this...
I have reached my limit. I'm done. At this point, I just want to throw my hands in the air and say screw it all.
I no longer believe that I am going to find any happiness. I don't. I can't.
You know everyone tells you the same bullshit lie that if you just get out there, you'll meet someone. I know that lie very well, I've heard it about ninety MILLION times now and you know what it ranks right up there with my ex husbands line, "I care about you." with my all time most hated sayings.
It's bullshit. All of it. You have to go out somewhere to meet people. You have to have the means to go somewhere to meet people. But you can't go anywhere to meet anyone if you can't get to where the people are. I have two and a half weeks left before my kids come home and what the hell have I done this summer but become the crazy cat lady who has deep meaningful conversations with her cat and played Gourmet Ranch so much that my day actually revolves to some point around when my dishes/crops are ready. I've managed to knock out six seasons of Nip/Tuck in what? Four days? I have learned that there are medical procedures out there that I didn't know existed. A couple of them I would actually want but that's not the point. I know McNamara/Troy better than they know themselves at the moment and you know what? That actually sickens me.
So I guess everyone needs a moment when they say fuck it and just forget it all. I'm going to clean my house from top to freaking bottom and them since my mom, Angel that she is, has agreed to pay for me to see Harry Potter, I'm going to treat myself. And then, I think I'm going to get back into my jewelry making so aside from the loss of my belief in love or actual happiness I will have a clean house and a few new sets of jewelry to collect dust on my wall to show for it.
I so can't wait to get my car. I need it so badly that it's becoming more than something that I want. I need to get out of this house. I need to get a job or go to school I need to meet people that aren't little facebook pictures to me.
I need to scream out loud and seriously get a fucking life!
Terminally Single and Blogging is going to sign off now... I've vented. I'm not empty but I've unloaded some of my rage for the moment.
So okay I'm just venting... there's no need for anyone to comment or actually read this...
I have reached my limit. I'm done. At this point, I just want to throw my hands in the air and say screw it all.
I no longer believe that I am going to find any happiness. I don't. I can't.
You know everyone tells you the same bullshit lie that if you just get out there, you'll meet someone. I know that lie very well, I've heard it about ninety MILLION times now and you know what it ranks right up there with my ex husbands line, "I care about you." with my all time most hated sayings.
It's bullshit. All of it. You have to go out somewhere to meet people. You have to have the means to go somewhere to meet people. But you can't go anywhere to meet anyone if you can't get to where the people are. I have two and a half weeks left before my kids come home and what the hell have I done this summer but become the crazy cat lady who has deep meaningful conversations with her cat and played Gourmet Ranch so much that my day actually revolves to some point around when my dishes/crops are ready. I've managed to knock out six seasons of Nip/Tuck in what? Four days? I have learned that there are medical procedures out there that I didn't know existed. A couple of them I would actually want but that's not the point. I know McNamara/Troy better than they know themselves at the moment and you know what? That actually sickens me.
So I guess everyone needs a moment when they say fuck it and just forget it all. I'm going to clean my house from top to freaking bottom and them since my mom, Angel that she is, has agreed to pay for me to see Harry Potter, I'm going to treat myself. And then, I think I'm going to get back into my jewelry making so aside from the loss of my belief in love or actual happiness I will have a clean house and a few new sets of jewelry to collect dust on my wall to show for it.
I so can't wait to get my car. I need it so badly that it's becoming more than something that I want. I need to get out of this house. I need to get a job or go to school I need to meet people that aren't little facebook pictures to me.
I need to scream out loud and seriously get a fucking life!
Terminally Single and Blogging is going to sign off now... I've vented. I'm not empty but I've unloaded some of my rage for the moment.
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