So it's raining outside and I am spectacularly annoyed at the moment. NO, I'm not annoyed at the rain... How can you be annoyed at rain? Psht!.
I'm annoyed at the ex's girlfriend's mother and family. They seem to want to see just how black I can really get...
When he first moved in with her and my kids started going up to stay with him (and consequently her), I didn't balk. I grew up and figured sooner or later if he was living with her, my kids would have to spend time around her. True I thought then and to some point still do, think that she's a home wrecking bitch but that's besides the point.
Anyway, my kids came home last Christmas telling me that they had a "new Grandmother". THis annoyed me and it hurt my mother. I mean really hurt her. I exaplined then that their father's girlfriend's mother was not their grandmother and it was very hurtful to their actual grandmothers to say she was their grandmother. Regardless of how other families do it, this woman was not their grandmother.
Aside here for a second. I know several people who have grandmothers who aren't really their grandmothers. To quite truthful, the woman I call my Grandmother was in reality my aunt but that's another story for another day. I also know that sometimes when your parents marry another faily the new parent's parents tend to become people's grandmothers. Thats fine too but they are grandparents to the married in kids because they act like grandparents.
This woman never calls (Although I can't really say that I would allow or disallow this. It's never been tried) She doesn't send them birthday cards she doesn't seem to care about their well being when they are away from her. IMO a real grandmother (step, adopted or blood) at least cares about her grandchildren when they aren't there. When I asked nicely why this woman insists on my children calling her grandma the explanation given to me was she didn't want to confuse the baby. He's freaking one!!! I don't think that as he grows up and sees that his half brothers (I don't actually emphasize the half as much as I am here. He's their brother half or not) and sisters aren't calling his grandmother Grandma, he'll ask and he'll be told and I'm pretty sure he'll be perfectly fine with the answer.
Maybe I'm over reacting. Maybe I'm being a little bit harsh. Whatever, It just seems to me that she wants the title from my kids for stupid reasons and regardless of how the grandmother GOD gave them feels or my wishes, she's going to go ahead and insist on this just to get her way. I think it's sick and wrong and I think the time is fast approaching when I am going to have to go and tell her to her face.
Another aside, the ex's gf's father does not want my kids to call him grandpa. according to my kids he said, "They aren't my grand kids. They can call Mr.(First initial of his name I forgot what it is) but they don't need to call me Grandpa or pop pop."
Now why can't he get his wife to think like that...
You ex's girlfriend's mother probably doesn't act like your definition of a real grandmother because of how she thinks you'd react. She may care and her reasons may be more than just trying not to confuse the baby. She might actually like your ex-husband and want to bring your kids into the family too (one of your previous entries mention the girlfriend trying to do this too and being slapped down).
ReplyDeleteHere's some possibilities.
She doesn't call because she thinks you'll bitch her out or hang up immediately.
She doesn't send gifts or cards because she's concerned you'll just send them back or will throw them out.
She doesn't say she wants to bring the kids into her family because she thinks you'll get angry so she says it's for the baby.
Her husband doesn't insist they all him grandpa because he already knows you'll get angry (you did say that he said they don't "need" to call him grandpa, which is different than saying they should absolutely not call him grandpa).
How is this bitterness and resentment going to help your kids? How is it going to help you? I have faith that you can rise above it to make things easier on your daughters and son.
Mr. Stone, I am so sorry that I didn't respond to your comment. I usually try to respond to all of my comments if only to prompt more people to respond to my blogs and thank them for taking the time to even read my ramblings. So first off, Thank you for taking the time and I apologize in being so late to respond.
DeleteThings have actually being resolved between the ex's GF (now finacee)'s mother and I. She did write to my children after the summer they spent at her daughter's house which is where their father was living at the time and she signed the letter Gma for Grandma. I promptly and I am ashamed to admit not very nicely wrote her my own letter stating that She was not their grandmother and my reasons for stressing that. She then called me and (insert an emoticon of me rolling my eyes if there were one, lol) basically preached at me about how single mother have to stick together and so on and so forth. I then calmly explained to her that my children have two grandmothers. I like that she treats like like grandchildren but her wanting that name was out of the question if the only reason she could give me for wanting the name was not to confuse a baby. She agreed and then told me that her husband had warned her that she should have asked me about the name and writing my kids before she presumed to do so and told her that she would be lucky if I didn't go off on her (Like you said except it was he who assumed that I would bitch her out, LOL) She also went on to tell me that he also told her she was lucky that the only thing I was mad about was the names she chose for them to call her.
In the end we or rather I decided they would call her Mrs. J and stick with that. She wrote them one more letter and then even though I encouraged the letter writing she stopped. IDK why.
So there you have it. Like I said I apologize for taking so long to respond and I do thank you for taking the time to read my blog!
Dette