Bright shiny day dimmed a bit...

Just got back from the Gastro doc... Yippie, I get to have the total irrigation done.  Both ends in one day.  I'm going to be hungry as a mug when I wake up.

The nurse was exceptionally unhelpful when totally not answering my questions.  I'm scheduled at a quarter to seven in the morning for this thing and I have to start taking the stuff the night before and six hours before which means that I will be up past midnight.  I'm not at my best past midnight.  I can do it.  I don't want to, but I can do it.

Based on the pains that I have and the other factors that are too yucky to mention here he feels that yes, we should go down both ends in one day just to see.  The fact that I had a close relative pass away from stomach cancer did not add any sunshine to this visit.  In fact my doctor thought it would be a great idea to tell me everything he tells patients who he thinks need double irrigation. (I am not calling the procedures by their names. I even put it in my calendar as Garden hose.) He wants me to do some looking into stomach and colon cancer.

The fact that the pain that drove me to the er that night was on my left side and the inflammation was on my left side means that the Motrin was what caused the pain I was feeling not the colon problem.  He's not even sure that the colon inflammation would have been noticed until it was a really big issue.  And in his opinion, when things like an inflamed colon can go unnoticed, they tend to point towards the cancer side of the scale.

So operation scare the shit out of Claudette was a rousing success!

And I'm going to worry.  I inherited that ability from my mom.  Jump to the worst possible conclusion almost immediately because there is no one there to say, "Calm down."

Why is that doctors always know exactly which spots to press on your body to make you radiate with pain?? Seriously??  I was doing very well.  Hadn't had a bad Tummy day since Sunday afternoon and before that possibly Thanksgiving because I seriously over ate. But now, he hit that one shit spot just under my ribcage and my entire abdomen feels like I've been doing crunches are drinking a gallon of milk.  Not nice dude.

Grilled/ fried/ baked BBQ chicken for dinner (The kids defrosted a BJ's pack of drumsticks and they all need cooking.  I may be back with the Q blog tonight but I'm gonna say no right now because the need for a tramodal is pressing very hard right now.  You know what?  Let's just assume that I won't be back until tomorrow.

Love peace and Hair grease!

Ow! Hiccups hurt.

night!

Oh Money, money! Wherefore art thou money!!!

For deny thou creditors and return to my bank or if thou wilt not, be but sworn to Duke, Tr. Lawing, and the City of Charlotte and I will no longer be in debt!

I'm in a funny mood at the moment.  I just paid my rent and my electric bill so money here, money gone.  It seems that my bank account is only a brief layover for George, Abe, and Ben... I don't really mind.  Then not staying here means that I can can have water, heat, lights, and a roof over my head so begone you past presidents!  Do not tarry in mine presence much longer!

I remember reading Shakespeare in high school ... see I went to what people now refer to as the white school.  I lived in an upper class, mostly white, predominantly Jewish school district.  Compared to the education handed out in some other school, I would guess that labeling my school as a white school means I got a good one... huh... Anyway, ninth grade year I had this AWESOME English teacher (My second actually because I was first placed in remedial English and my teacher Mrs. Gilmore took all of two weeks to decide that this was just wrong and had me transferred to AP English.) named Mr. Looney.  Yeah that was his name Paul Looney, one of the best English teachers of all time.  We read the Lord of the Flies (Didn't much like the book, HATED the movie) a few others and quite a bit of Shakespeare. I remember sitting in class during Romeo and Juliet wondering why I never ever got called to read Juliet and then to my total surprise, the day we read the balcony scene out loud in class, I got to read it!  Oh Frabdous day!  I loved Romeo and Juliet.  Never quite understood why they had to die and subsequently take down 80% of the cast with them nor how they could have perpetrated this whole thing being what? 14? 15?  I guess times were different then...

I meet with the internal doctor today.  He's going to make the final decision on whether or not I get the garden hose up the bum or not.  For freak out purposes, we're going to go with yes I'm getting it and he's just the fluff and executor. 

Sometime in the wee hours of the morning, one of my smoke detectors decided to beep.  It beeped twice and never beeped again but it was enough to wake me out of a sound sleep and wonder which one of the effers is dying.  I have this thing with smoke detectors.  They are on ceilings.  I am short.  I don't like heights so a ladder, even my little four foot one is a huge point of anxiety for me.  To help with this, TR Lawing put the smoke detector in the girls room where I reach them on my tippy toes but there's still the one that hangs just past the half wall on the second floor of my house.  I can get it but it requires holding onto a door frame and perching on the half wall while trying to reach this and hanging a grand probably a million feet over my living room floor.  No.  Just No.

Have a great friend, D who came over and re attached them and put new batteries in and made then all stop their infernal beeping and work again.  But that was almost six months ago so now we have reached the season of them dying and I am working up the courage to prostrate myself at his feet and beg him to return to make the beeping stop because me on ladders or perched on half walls while hovering over my living room.  No.  Just No. Let the fuckers beep.  It was once pointed out to me that if I call the local fire department, some of them have it where they will send a fireperson out to check and maintain your detectors.  Mine laughed at me when I asked about this.  Brings us back to me dangling off a wall. No. I may have to prostrate myself.  Le Sigh...

In other news, I am working on banishing thoughts of romance from my head by concentrating on my newest story... a romance.  Or maybe with my other story... a romance...  See, I have this theory that if I concentrate on the romantic lives of totally made up people who fall into situations that are sorta absurd, I won't have time to concentrate on my life.  Thus I will be happy...er... happier... and hence I will not feel the need to walk into traffic.  Plus I can totally go live in my fantasy world where I am loved to the moon and back by Jude Law.

Did I mention that I have a thing for Jude Law? I do.  He's my celeb hottie.  My real life hottie is very comparable to him but DAMN IT! I wasn't going to go into that today!

Ugh... time to go get dressed. Or rather finish getting dressed.  I've been sitting here half dressed for like an hour.  It's part of the beauty of being home by myself while the kids are at school.  I get to have naked time and half naked time.  It's actually fun.  I love to put on music and dance during naked time.  That was probably TMI but it's a thought and action that makes me grin like a schoolgirl and I take my happy when I can get it.  So one more romp around the house for half naked time and then I have to get dressed and go do the doctor thing.

Ta!  See ya later!!

Peter Piper picked a peck of pickles....

First off, Today is a special day.  Today is one of my best friend's birthdays.

Happiest of happy birthdays Andi!!  I love you!!

I am one of the few people in my family that can say that rhyme.  As I know of, I am the only one in my family that can say it drinking...

That's a whole new kind of sad.  But a funny sad.  I'm actually laughing about that...

So in case you haven't guessed by the title, This is the P blog... I'm going to have to slow down... I'll be at Z in no time with nothing left to do...But start back at the beginning!

Okay, I have no idea what that P is made up of, but it looked cool so I snagged it for tonight's blog.  It looks almost like Groceries.  Pretty sure if I actually went to the site that hosted the image I'd find out but I'm lazy and at the moment I am watching Once Upon A Time.  At this point considering it's a new episode the fact that I'm writing during it means I love y'all.  Okay so I admit it, I'm blogging during the commercials... I still love y'all though...

So I thought about a topic for P for a few days and the only topic I could come up with that I could write anything about was parenting.

Now bear with me, I'm going to try not to make this one of those blogs where I condemn people but I may get off track.

In my life I have had the chance to observe a lot of parents and the way they interact with their children and I have been around long enough to see how some of those children grow up.  Sometimes I'm happy, sometimes I'm appalled.

When I was a teenager I had a friend, H.  She was, for lack of a better word horrible.  She wasn't a champion bather and she littirally ran roughshod over her mother, a weak spirited woman that I actually never saw again after high school.  They lived in a one bedroom apartment and her mother let her have the bedroom while she slept in the living room.  The place was always cluttered with dolls and cats and I never liked going in because the smell was just... Anyway, H and I were the same age and somewhere in high school, her mom gave up and sent her to live with her dad in NYC.  Her dad wasn't any better in the parenting department as far as I am concerned and the result was that H ran rampant.  His passing away and leaving H a lot of money didn't help.  I kinda lost track of her after that but then shortly after I had Jay our paths crossed again and honestly all I can see was the kind of woman my mother always warned me to stay away from so conclusion the hands off passive parent thing was not something that was a good choice here.

Again when I was a teen I babysat for my mother's coworker and her husband.  They also lived in a one bedroom apartment but they turned the dining room into a bedroom for their boys.  They were very hands on and as a teenager, I always thought they were a little too into their sons' lives.  But then I was a teenager who only craved freedom and space anyway I could have it.  Because the mom was friends with my mom I was able to keep up with them for a awhile.  We all lost touch when her oldest son was in high school and I just went on a Google search and found her youngest son who is now 18 and a senior in college.  I do know that not long ago, her first son made her a grandmother or so I'd heard but both boys have awesome career paths and were/are smart as whips.  So in this case, I guess interactive parenting worked.

My mom bought me up the way she was brought up. She grew up in the age of Children were to be seen and not heard and spare the rod, spoil the child.  She didn't really expect me to be silent unless spoken to.  We talked.  She encouraged that.  Did I tell my mother everything I did? No.  If i had I'd be in a convent and she probably would have had a couple of strokes by now.  I can't say I was a bad girl but I wasn't as glinty gold as I looked from a distance.  Enough said in a blog.  

But I digress, I look around at some parents today and I can't fathom the childhood they had that would give them any indication that they way they are parenting is stellar.  Since I have been down here in Charlotte, I have seen parents who let their children basically run wild.  And I'm not talking about the run wild as mention with H above, I mean well and truly wild.  They don't care if their child steals, swears, and treats people around then like trash.  Across the street from my house I have a woman that moved in about two years ago.  For the first year we never saw her kids.  Didn't know she had kids but this year, they are every freaking where.  Most recently, they have been chasing each other all over the yard with a cap gun or locking each other out of the house.  The few times I have seen her she has been yelling at her kids from the car.  So I'm going to go with hand off parenting here.

I myself am trying the interactive yet hands off approach with my kids.  I'm in their face, I back off, I'm here when they need me, I'm quietly watching, I'm up in their rooms while they are at school, I'm logging onto their facebooks to read the messages and see what they're posting.  I'm all over my kids lives, especially my daughters.

There was a post on Facebook that I used to see. "Parents: Please remember that when you are done raising your kids, the rest of the world has to deal with them."  I take this to mean try and teach them the golden rule.  Do unto others as you would have them do unto you.  If you want others to treat you with respect you must treat them with the same.

There is one kind of parent that really annoys me.  Those are the parents that drag each other on shows lik Maury and demand paternity tests.  Shaniquanaynay is dragging Demarion on the show because he knows he the daddy.  He knows it.  Ain't no way no how that he cain't be the daddy!  She ain't slept wit no one else and the chile even look like him!!  She's up there acting a fool and Maury gets the results and the baby isn't even his.  So then she's crying and running off stage and all unconsolable. But here's the kicker, she comes back with two more guys and she's back acting a fool.  Not as much of a fool since at this point she's admitting to both of these poor men that she was sleeping around on them.  one of them is denying he's the dad and the other is hoping he is the dad but then, neither of them is the dad.  She runs off the stage crying and is inconsolable.  But wait, now this woman is back and she has another man to test.

At what point does this woman realize that every single show will one day be in reruns and her child will see what a fool she's acting on national television.  If you were that child and you grew up and saw your mother acting like that would you or would you not be embarrassed.  Me personally, I would be embarrassed.

I'm no expert on parenting nor do I reserve any right to say that anyone is doing it wrong.  I just simply don't agree with most people's practices.

As always, I'm interested to see if anyone has any input.  Feel free to comment and give me your thoughts on parenting.  What makes a good parent to you?  What kind of a parent are you or do you hope to be?

Well, it's late and while my favorite movie is on, it is after midnight and it won't go off until after 2 am and even that aside, it's a serious tear jerker (A romance...The Holiday I am totally in love with Jude Law.  He's my celeb crush.  If you are out there Jude and read this, please come kiss me.  I don't want anything else from you... right now.  Just a kiss) and I don't want to go to sleep crying... again... (Let it go.)

So goodnight! Sleep tight!  Tomorrow is Cyber Monday so if you have online shopping to do this is the day!  Have fun!!

Sitting in church...

So first of all, my purse smells like stale fried chicken because my family and I went to Golden corral two weeks ago and they stuck a piece of fried chicken in my purse to take home.  I JUST found it.  Freaking eww on so many levels.

I'm sitting in church, hence the title of this blog, and its first Sunday.  This is the Sunday  when the people born in this month and those married in this month stand to be recognized.  At the end of all of that reverend always asks who would like to be married in that month and I always raise my hand.  Last month, I raised both my hands and told them that this month, I was gonna throw a foot in there for good measure.  

Thankfully this month, reverend didn't ask who would like to be married. Whether this was an accident and he forgot or he just didn't want to see me embarrass myself again I don't know, but he didn't ask.

Its just as well, honestly.   December marks three things for me.  First,  my youngests birthday is this month.  Second, that another year is ending and its one more year spent by myself not for lack of trying... especially hard this year actually.... and Thirdly, I will probably be invited to someone's for the new years and one more year I will have to watch couples  kiss in the new year.

I think three is the one that will break me.  It does every year although most years I make sure to be close to piss  drunk by midnight so that  when tears run down my face I can blame it on the alcohol.  Everyone usually buys that explanation.  I cry, they coo, we all go about our lives.  Same script different year.

I think this year I will just skip the new year altogether. I won't be missed.  So I think I'm going to leave the kids to their holiday with the ex, my mom to church and sit somewhere and make the same wish I make every year; that this be the last one I end not happy.

After this I just have to get through Valentine's Day without climbing a water tower and I should be fine  until my birthday when the whole viscous cycle begins again....

Well I AM in church and several people have complained that I and several of the young folk never pick their heads up for messing with their electronic gadgets.  I guess I'll listen.

See ya later.

O...O...O... Oh!

Yes! I am returning to the Alphabet blog!!

I sat and thought a lot about this blog.  At first only one O word kept coming to mind but in the end I really didn't want to blog about orgasms.  One because I don't remember what those feel like to describe it and two because I didn't really want to do another blog that had to do with sex.  I already did K for Kinky and I may have scared a couple of people with that one.

This was is sort of connected to sex but not really.  I chose Online Dating.

We have Match.com. eHarmony, Plenty of Fish, Single parents Dating, Military Singles, OK Cupid, and about a million other sites out there but do any of them really help?

I have one friend that met her husband on I think Match.com and they're happy.  They're good.  They are the success story that the site likes to tell everyone.

I probably have a free profile on all of them... including Christian Mingle.com.  The problem with that is they don't allow you to communicate with each other if all you have is the free membership.  Paying members can message you and see all the stuff you want them to see but if you aren't a paying member you can't write them back.  Yes Match.com has free communications weekends but honestly, I never see the commercials until Saturday night when the weekend starts on Friday and ends Sunday.  Not enough time to update my profiles.  Or remember all of my log ons.

I paid for Single parent's meet for three months and let me tell you.  It was a waste of money.  most of the people there didn't have kids, didn't want kids, or didn't want a black woman with kids.  If I were 25 and had no kids then maybe they'd consider me but not a thirty year old with kids.  Nope.  I did get a couple of letters from a few guys though.  The one that made me pay the site simply because I wanted to write him back was a scam I think.  It appeared five minutes after I signed up and he told me all about himself.  Way more than he could have possibly have written in five minutes>  Anyway, I paid, and wrote him back, waited for his reply which  came two days later and what he replied was the same exact letter he wrote in the first place.  It took me all of five minutes to realize that the site had a profile that wrote women various letters based on their likes and dislikes to lure them into paying so they can respond.  That guy aside I got a few hits from some guys but they were all across the country and way older than me.  I don't mind a guy older than me but when I was 30, I wasn't looking for a 55+ guy.  And there was one guy I really hit it off with.  I mean I actually would have liked to have met this guy but then in response to one of my letters, he sent me a reply to another woman and a steamy one at that.  When I called him on the wrong name, he tried to apologize but said "I'm sorry, I talk to so many women here that it's hard to keep you all straight."  Wrong! Sorry!  not me!!  I'm ghost.  Stopped paying for that one and let the account go.  It's been about five years on that one.

Christian Mingle is probably a nice site but apparently God wants about $35 a month billed in one easy lump sum of $100+ to show you the match he's picked out for you.  How about I propose a new deal?  I go to church and pay my tithes.  Pay partial attention to the sermon and pray really hard?  How about that?  Deal!

I'm not above online dating sites.  If they were cheaper or rather free, I would actually try to use one the way they are supposed to but then there's other concerns.

Is anyone really who they say they are online?  I don't think so.  I try to be honest but let's face it, even I embellish a little bit.  In body type they offer, Slim, Athletic, Average, Curvy, A little more to Love, and BBW (Big Beautiful Woman).  I'm not Average (Although if America keeps going the way they seem to be, I will be) but at the same time I wouldn't describe me as Curvy because to me that says I have big boobs, small waist and or a big booty.  I have hand sized boobs and a little more booty than average with a not to thin waist.  But oh the things I can do with that booty! Ahem.  A little more to love makes me think I'm outfight saying I'm large but not so large as to make you think, Damn!  I'm not that large.  So usually I alternate between Curvy and A little more to love.  I think I have used BBW once and the men that responded were DEFINITELY in the BHM (Big Handsome Male) category and I'm sorry that's not a turn on to me.  I reserve the right even in my deplorable singlehood to be a little choosy.

Every now and then I talk myself into finding one of the cheaper sites and paying for them but then the news has a conveniently placed story about cyber dating gone horribly wrong and I talk myself right out of it.  And I usually don't even try the free for months to come.  They scare me just that bad.

It's always a possibility I guess.  Not now and maybe not ever for me, but There are success stories out there that aren't made up by PR execs in a smokey office.

One day my doofus in Tin Foil will come and if I have to use an Online Site to find him, I just might have to screw up the courage to do so.

As always comments are appreciated...

Feel free to Write on my Google+ page your suggestions for P.

Till then!!

Happy Thanksgiving!

Wow!  I got out of town and don't blog for two days and you guys blow up my reader stats!  Thank you!  I don't know you but I kinda love you for it!!  So I only took about six or so pictures and I'm going to use them all in this blog...

So for Thanksgiving we went up to the Indian reservation at Cherokee.  It was a pretty straight shot. Take 85 south for like fifteen minutes, hit Shelby (which answered my questions on just how far away the town was... I had previously thought I could get there in 40 minutes.  It took me 25 and that's only because there was a traffic jam that hemmed us up for about five minutes. I was just curious.) and then take highway 74 over hill and dale and up the mountain.  Three hours tops.  And that was with the rain sleet on the bottom of the mountain and the driving snow going up the mountain.

Cherokee is a very quaint place and usually when I say quaint I mean let me out and I never want to go again but I had a good time.  It's nestled into the mountains and a river runs through it.  When I woke up Thanksgiving morning and actually left the room Thanksgiving afternoon (Yes, we were that lazy) I stood in the parking lot and looked at the mountains and was just in awe!  I've always loved the mountains.  They are so majestic.  I do not always driving into said mountains but I love the mountains.

We got up there Wednesday afternoon and after a brief nap for my mom we went to the casino.  I can honestly say that the slots at Harrah's Cherokee are tight.  Like tighter than a virgin's knees on her wedding night...  But whatever.  The whole point of gambling is to pretty much be dazzled by the bright lights enough to put bill after bill in and let it gobble it up.  Not mad.

Came back and decided to sight see a little bit.  One problem with that.  It was nine at night and in Cherokee, nine at night means all closed up.  No lights, no nothing.  It also means the locals drive as fast as they want to and up on your tail because they assume that no non local would be out trying to see what there was around at that time a night.  After we found someplace to turn around, we went back to the hotel.

Thanksgiving morning we work up, we dozed, we re-woke up and lounged around until at least one when we decided it would be a good time to go and see what the reservation had to offer.  The simple answer to that question: Not a doggone thing but it was a fun drive!!  We went in all the directions including the ones we went the night before and discovered that there was stuff out there, just the lights were all off and it was pitch black.  Finally gave up sight seeing around 4 and headed back to the casino.  Mommy played for a little bit; so did I.  The machines were actually giving out money and then they went cold and took it back so we figured time to eat.  We had two choices.  The Chef's Stage Cafe or the Selu Garden Cafe, both of which were offering buffets for the holiday.  We tried Chef Stage because it was the closest but the line was so long that it would have take about two  hours to get in to get a seat.  So I left Mommy at the line and went to see about theis Selu Garden.  Well, no one knew it was there it seemd because there was no wait and I was able to make a reservation for twenty minutes from that time giving me plenty of time to walk back, get Mommy and walk slowly with her back to the restaurant.

I get back to her and there's this hella cute guy... well hella cute as for as African American men go.  The kind that even women who aren't into Black guys can't ignore.... well he had a platinum card and he offered to get us into the chef stage immediately. (For those of you that are non casino savvy, a Platinum card is like the golden Ticket from Willy wonka.  That ish gets you in!  There have special parking and special lines just for them and they get preferred EVERYTHING  Regular people wait in line and park in the nosebleed sections.  Platinum member go right on through and park down where the spots are wide, it's enclosed, and heated.  You get the picture...)  We discussed it and Mommy decided Selu because it was cheaper.  I tried not to broadcast it because I didn't want to hit a rush of people who decided to act on my discovery.

Anyway, food was excellent.  Staff was friendly.  If you ever find yourself at Harrah's Cherokee, I highly recommend the place.  The walk from the casino offered a photo opportunity as well...

 There's something about the river that runs through the reservation that called my inner country girl out and the entire time out there, I longed to find a fishing rod and just stand on the banks catching trout.  Have never eaten trout in my life but I wanted to fish for them SOOOO bad.

Met in interesting couple at dinner and spent probably an hour talking with them before we split up and went back to the casino.  They've already decorated for Christmas (Something that usually annoys me this early but it looked nice there) so of course I had to get a few pics of Mommy and myself.

My mom is awesome!  So we went down to do the slots some more and then I took her back to the hotel and I went out to the tribal movie theatre because they had Hunger Games 2 playing and the price I was told was $8.25 which is almost half what I would pay to get to see it here in Charlotte.  I got there and the lady only charged me $5 bucks!!!!  Awesome!!!!  Cherokee Reservation, you rock my socks off!  But not actually off cause it was freaking cold up the mountains!

Got to see my movie, came back to the hotel and warmed up.

Not a good sleeping night.  I drank iced tea at dinner and neglected to watch the time so when I should hae been sleeping soundly, I was in and out thanks to my caffeine problem.  No big, I was up at 8 and Hampton inns has wonderful coffee and breakfast if you get up.  Well the coffee was awesome always because they ALWAYS have hot coffee waiting but breakfast is only until 10 and it was scrumptious!

Made it back down the mountain in a little under three hours.  Driving a good speed is easy when there's no snow blowing in your face.  It was sunny so we kinda flew down.  Aside from the two very obvious State Trooper speed traps it was free road.

So now I'm home and it's all good.  I'm about to leave here to go get my kids for the weekend in a few minutes.  I would love nothing more than to leave them at their father's for the weekend but they don't have the clothes to stay and Sunday is First Sunday so they need to go to church for communion.  I'm very big on Communion.  I also get my son on the weekends now!  Yay!!

So there's my Thanksgiving blog.

Thank you all for reading my blog over the last two days!  You are awesome!  Love you!!!

(I'm sitting here watching Mrs. Doubtfire and I'm listening to Robin Williams call Sally Field pretending to be all of those people.  Sorta wondering how she can't tell all of them are his voice.  He didn't really do anything but pitch his voice differently for each call.)

Blogger out!!

Damn you Nicholas Sparks...

Damn you to hell and back and then damn you to make the trip again and again.

I just watched Safe Harbor and at the current I am bawling like an effing baby because... well shit. I can't give the plot away to anyone that might read thi that hasn't seen the movie but damn you Nicholas Sparks!!

You did this to me in The Notebook. Why did I think my emotions were going to fare any better at the end of this movie?  Silly stupid me!

How does a man write a story like that?  I need him to help me with my current story.  I need him to write the part of the man because honestly, I'm afraid that the man in my story is coming off as girly although I have already described him as looking like Eric Bana.

Damn you Nicholas Spark, I need you.  When you finish with the trips to hell and back that I've condemned you to, I need your help to make the man in my story the kind of man that's going to make women everywhere fall in love with.  Hell I need you to wave your magic pen and make him real.

I'm so tired of being alone.  I'm going to admit it.  The great big truth behind me leaving Facebook.  It had very little to do with my days getting more productive.  You wanna know the real reason I left?  Because every single day, every hour, every five minutes, I'm there to check to see if he has posted something new. To see if he is online right now.  To see what he is posting anywhere.  Hoping he will message me or comment on one of my asinine statuses.

And the simple solution would be to delete him from my friends list but to tell you the gut wrenching truth, the easier option was to take myself away from Facebook.  I could no more delete him from my Facebook than I could hack off my arm with a butter knife.

I'm not a religious person but for the last month of Sundays I have asked God each and every night why I feel the way I do about him.  He doesn't want me.  He doesn't like me.  So why do I feel like he is my destiny and that if I just wait patiently the same lightning bolt that apparently knocked me on my ass months ago hits him.

This shit hurts.  I have basically turned my back on a whole bunch of friends because I'm trying to stop myself from stalking someone.  What the hell kind of shit is that?

And if I log on and reactivate that stupid page, the very first thing I'm going to do is go to his page.  I can swear up and down an electric mile on a stack of bibles that I won't do it, but within ten minutes I will have done it.  And sat here and cried.  That's just how pathetic I am.

Damn you Nicholas Sparks.  Damn you to hell and back over and over and over again.  You did this!  You caused the band-aid over that part of my heart to rip itself off.  It was healing quite nicely.  It only needed a few more weeks and I wouldn't need the damn band-aid.  But I had to go and watch one of your movies and feel all romantic and shit.

Damn you.  Damn you.

Damn me.

So there may or may not be any posts for the next couple of days.  I may blog via my phone but I seriously doubt it as I hate typing on my phone.  I'll have my tablet but IDK how much I'll type.  We'll see.

Oh fuck it, I'm going to watch another movie...

Night...

So there was no blog last night

And that wan not an intentional thing.  I went up to see a friend of mine and one conversation led to another conversation and before I knew it it was like seven o'clock and I needed to get home.  For half a minute there I forgot that I was Mom and had to get home to dictate bedtimes and whatnot.  It was awesome.  I so rarely get to converse with other adults.

I made it home in record time but that was not without getting lost.  I always get lost at least once but I see new and wonderful things while trying to figure out where I am and it's all good.  So I got home and had a bowl and a half of cereal for dinner and I was done.  I was so drained of energy that I could barely look at my computer.  I didn't even write anymore on the story I'm currently penning.

So no, my non blogging last night was not intentional.

This morning the girls woke me up as usual for school and I sat and listened to the icy rain falling and decided to let them start their Thanksgiving break early.  I mean, the rain was icy and their bus drivers tend to round the corners so fast you half expect the kids in the back of the bus to go flying out of the windows.  I couldn't have them standing in the icy rain waiting for the bus and I couldn't let them ride the bus today and on the same flip of the coin I could not see me getting up, de-icing the car and letting it warm up enough to take two kids to two different schools.  That was, and forgive me for sounded lazy as hell, way too much work with no gratification.  My bed was too warm for me to contemplate getting out of it this morning.

Kayla is having bully problems again.  I finally got her to understand the last time that if you just stand up to them and show them what you're made of they won't mess with you two months ago.  In that case, she hauled off and punched the kid in the nose and we didn't hear anything else from him ever.  Now it's a new girl who's attacking Kay the only way uppity girls know how... looks.  She's saying that Kay need hair extensions and eye surgery.  Is this really what bullies are going for these days?  I mean really?  That little girl wouldn't have survived a day when I was a teen.  To say I was a bully would be going a little too far.  I only effed with those that messed with me or my friends.  This girl would have busted some ish on me about needing hair extensions and eyes surgery and I would have put on my glasses combed my short hair and showed her exactly WHY long hair can be a burden...  Kay is way to passive.  I suppose this is my Karmic punishment for being a badass in middle school.  What I wouldn't give for a set of Freaky Friday fortune cookies right now.  Please God on Monday Let me wake up in my daughters body...

I'm currently looking for a publisher for my book... again.  The one I submitted to asked for the manuscript even after i said that my story was 160k+ words and then wrote me back a month later telling me that they only look at stories 100K words and less.  My question to them is if they knew it was over 100K words at the time of my summary proposal, why did they ask me to send in the manuscript?  I swear if i see a truncated version of my story on the shelves somewhere I am going to sue them for everything they are worth.

I am going to write now.  Maybe that will take some of the sting out of feeling like I'm being taken for a ride.

Ciao Bloggers!

One week...

Okay I have to admit... After I went to YouTube to find this song, it set off a three hour music video marathon.  Whatever, I have no shame in my game, there's not much to do tonight except blog and bug YouTube tonight.  Well, there's write... but that's too much like right...

So it's been one week today since I left Facebook. It actually took me a minute to type just that sentence because I said the line in my head which led to me singing the song which led to watching the video... Don't judge me.

Anyway, it's been a week since I left Facebook and I'm not going to lie and say I don't miss it.  I miss it, just not enough to reactivate.  I miss posting pictures cause I have had quite a few picture moments in the past week as well as some serious status moments.

I had my son this weekend.  I miss having him around.  Life gets just a little more comical when he's here.  I always ask him not to do the dramatic thing but he slips into it like breathing and even I have to admit it takes most of my willpower not to bust out laughing sometimes.

Was sad to see him go. But I'll have him again either next weekend or the weekend after.

My brain has already checked out for the night.  I started this blog at like five tonight and this is all I have written and it's a quarter to ten at the current.  We went to Golden Corral tonight and I think I ate my weight in Shrimp, chicken, steak, and chocolate covered strawberries.  And I'm a big girl....

Needless to say the sugar high has completely worn off.  Even Kay went down early.  I'm dragging ass right now and I'm not even sure what that means.  I think it means I'm really tired. I'm so tired, i don't even care that I probably sound as dumb as a blonde doorknob right now...

Dude... Goodnight!

My stove is a stubborn two year old...

They seriously stopped producing my stove in the seventies and they stopped selling it in the eighties.  Parts started getting scarce in the nineties and were all but impossible to find in the two thousands.  So here we are in twenty thirteen and I still have this reject stove from the seventies that picks and chooses when it wants to work.  Like yesterday, you guys saw it, I rocked like no ones business. Today, it ruined two whole batches of cookies.  And by batches I mean I made the recipe TWICE and over 60 cookies all came out the same... flat and brown and thin.  Around seven I just gave up.  I froze the remainder in oven ready balls but I have a feeling that they too are going to go flat and crispy and I'm just done.

So I was in Food lion this afternoon.  I had to return the coffee I went out and bought my mom. (I bought her beans instead of ground Thursday at BJ's and she went and got a coffee grinder last night at Wal-Mart but found this morning it didn't work and the tone of her voice when she called me this morning said if you love me and you like your ears and living you will bring me coffee.  So even though her voice said don't bother, my mind heard get your ass over here with coffee I got to her house and found that it was just that she didn't have enough strength in her hands to use the grinder.  So I stood there and ground up the whole freaking bag and filled her coffee can, and went to Food Lion to return the one that I had bought her in case I couldn't get the grinder to work...) And I'm in line at customer service behind these two women that are all but screaming at the poor girl behind the counter because they want to return three cans of powdered baby formula and the rules of the store say you can't.  Actually the rules of ALL stores that sell baby formula say that you can't return it in any way, at any time for any reason except if the store sold you expired formula.  But anyway, she's trying hard to give this woman and her boss the dressing down of their lives and they're showing her in black and white that the policy of the store is that they can't take it back.  They even said that they don't know why it wasn't posted on the door. (It's never been posted on the door)  And the women are screaming that the cashier should have told them that they couldn't return them.

The cashier should have told them they couldn't return it??  It's freaking common knowledge.  It really is.  The cashier shouldn't have had to outright tell her... So of course the smaller one pulls out the s word.  She's going to sue them.  Over $45 worth of baby formula.  Why do people always have to pulled out that word when businesses don't act like Burger King and let them have it their way?

Had all the kids today.  They went out to play and then my house predictably turned into the rock band house.  Did that ALL afternoon.  Loudly.  So yeah, this is probably going to be a short blog compared to ,y other ones.

I haven't read Wideacre.  I've actually been writing when I wasn't playing or baking.  Ideas of it just kinda popped into my head.  Might do a little while I wait for my night meds to kick in.

So that's it for today.  We have church tomorrow then we're having family dinner and I have to take the boy back to the ex's house.  I kinda wish he lived with us, but I kinda don't.  He's happier at his fathers and I'm happy to see him on the weekends.  It's fine as it is.  I want for my older niece to spend the night as well.  I think she'd have fun here.  Maybe work that out when it gets warmer.

Okay, that's it, I'm spent.  Going to write a little and then head to bed.

Ciao bloggerinos!!

Love peace and Hair grease!