Damn you Nicholas Sparks...

Damn you to hell and back and then damn you to make the trip again and again.

I just watched Safe Harbor and at the current I am bawling like an effing baby because... well shit. I can't give the plot away to anyone that might read thi that hasn't seen the movie but damn you Nicholas Sparks!!

You did this to me in The Notebook. Why did I think my emotions were going to fare any better at the end of this movie?  Silly stupid me!

How does a man write a story like that?  I need him to help me with my current story.  I need him to write the part of the man because honestly, I'm afraid that the man in my story is coming off as girly although I have already described him as looking like Eric Bana.

Damn you Nicholas Spark, I need you.  When you finish with the trips to hell and back that I've condemned you to, I need your help to make the man in my story the kind of man that's going to make women everywhere fall in love with.  Hell I need you to wave your magic pen and make him real.

I'm so tired of being alone.  I'm going to admit it.  The great big truth behind me leaving Facebook.  It had very little to do with my days getting more productive.  You wanna know the real reason I left?  Because every single day, every hour, every five minutes, I'm there to check to see if he has posted something new. To see if he is online right now.  To see what he is posting anywhere.  Hoping he will message me or comment on one of my asinine statuses.

And the simple solution would be to delete him from my friends list but to tell you the gut wrenching truth, the easier option was to take myself away from Facebook.  I could no more delete him from my Facebook than I could hack off my arm with a butter knife.

I'm not a religious person but for the last month of Sundays I have asked God each and every night why I feel the way I do about him.  He doesn't want me.  He doesn't like me.  So why do I feel like he is my destiny and that if I just wait patiently the same lightning bolt that apparently knocked me on my ass months ago hits him.

This shit hurts.  I have basically turned my back on a whole bunch of friends because I'm trying to stop myself from stalking someone.  What the hell kind of shit is that?

And if I log on and reactivate that stupid page, the very first thing I'm going to do is go to his page.  I can swear up and down an electric mile on a stack of bibles that I won't do it, but within ten minutes I will have done it.  And sat here and cried.  That's just how pathetic I am.

Damn you Nicholas Sparks.  Damn you to hell and back over and over and over again.  You did this!  You caused the band-aid over that part of my heart to rip itself off.  It was healing quite nicely.  It only needed a few more weeks and I wouldn't need the damn band-aid.  But I had to go and watch one of your movies and feel all romantic and shit.

Damn you.  Damn you.

Damn me.

So there may or may not be any posts for the next couple of days.  I may blog via my phone but I seriously doubt it as I hate typing on my phone.  I'll have my tablet but IDK how much I'll type.  We'll see.

Oh fuck it, I'm going to watch another movie...

Night...