So many of you know I tend to talk smack about my ex husband and tell our past on here but I don't usually talk about anything we are going through in the present unless I'm really mad and need to see it in writing before I figure out what to do. Right now is one of the times of the latter except, I'm not mad, I'm just wondering do I say something now, or do I wait?
I'm going to try for a little back story here but as with my ex and ex family, I'm never sure what what they can find and how they find it so no matter how I safeguard against my writings, I try to keep it at least PG-13 when it comes to him.
In August/early September, I got a letter from Family court saying that my ex was suing me for custody of all three kids. My son, he already has and he holds onto him like I'm going to sell the boy on the black market if he let's him near me. His main motivation for wanting the girls is one, that K is overweight, I feed her too much. Two, their hair is always bad. And three they never have any clothes. Maybe if he takes my reason for living away from me, I will go back to school and make something of myself.
I want to defend here, but honestly, it would be way too long and drawn out. I would get into personal feelings and probably a few slurs and like I said above, I never know what he/they can find and what he/they can't so let's leave it at that.
I have done everything I was supposed to by the dates that they told me to and as yet, he has not. I'm covered. What happens to him is entirely on him. I do know however that this court case will probably drag on forever until he sends it to the next level and that is not okay. I think I am going to call Family Court and see if I can get the ball back to rolling because as long as he has this hanging over my head I can't really do anything without someone taking a closer look at me. Not that it's a bad thing for them to do that but sometimes, I get tired of feeling like I'm under a microscope. This big black cloud of a court case is hanging right over my head holding a sign that basically says "This woman, right here, is a bad mother." I need that sign to go away.
I recently had a revelation about my child support payments and after talking to the ex and getting nowhere I decided to play on the hunch and see for myself. From everything I can figure, everything I thought is correct but the question remains...
Do I play my hand today when he comes to pick up his girls or do I hold onto my hand and play it at a time that is probably going to advantage me the absolute most with the hefty chance that by waiting to play it then, I might screw myself in the bum?
Do you see my conundrum? I can play it and be upfront with him or I can hold it and use it when I think I need it.
His claim is that I never talk to him. I have about a million things to say about that but I digress. Could this be constructed as not talking to him? Could this be like court where I'm holding evidence that could damn him but I didn't share and give him time to correct so it's not in my favor but his?
Life is too freaking complicated for this mess. Quite honestly, I'm over it. I can't wait until my youngest is 18. When she turns 18, I can give it all up and do what I want to do which is be a house sitter.
I know that sounds crazy but I really want to do it. They get to travel all over the world in some cases and be paid to take care of someone else's house. I'd get to travel, and all I have to do in return is take in mail, take care of animals, and water plants, maybe clean up after myself. I could do that.
I always say that if anything happens to my mother I'm not staying in NC. I probably would until my kids were all 18 for the sheer reason of the ex would have no reason whatsoever to follow me to whatever destination I choose to be closer to his kids. When they are 18, he can go where they are if he chooses, because where they are is not necessarily where I will be.
I just need to be done with this. I need to be done with him. I need to be done with trying to coordinate meet-ups, and appointments, I need for him to go back to New Mexico. I honestly wish to hell that I had never helped facilitate his move to NC because it has been nothing except heartache and distress for me. I'm over having to change my schedule to suit him because he pays the child support. It dawned on my the other day that because I don't currently have a job, he expects me to be his calendar as well as drop everything I am doing to bring the kids to him. This morning he asked me point blank "Are you going to bring them to me or do I have to come get them?"
This is going to be the real personal part of my post but do you know how badly I wanted to say, "Negro what the hell do you think? You live past downtown! I am not getting caught in that traffic. YOU get caught in it and sit there. And sit there. And sit there."
Since our divorce, I have had to cancel two meetings with people because he was late or decided to inform me at the last second he wasn't coming. I'm tired of having to rearrange my life.
I have some thinking to do. I have about two hours to decide if I want to play regular poker or Texas Hold'em with my info. We shall see.
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