What happened to...

When schools covered at least the basic supplies???

The point of public school was that you didn't have to pay for it, I thought.  Yet in the last few years,between uniforms and supplies, I'm pretty sure I've paid out more than I w  ould if I sent them to a private school.

I mean WTF?!?! When I was a kid the school provided the tissues, (I know because at least once a month a kid had to go down to the nurse to get a box) paper (at least the copy paper they used to make the copies of our work) and sometimes, if the teacher was into the germ fighting thing, hand sanitizer or soap.  My mother didn't have to buy a calculator because the school had them.  She didn't have to buy a compass because the school had them.

Tell you the truth, I'm not so upset about compasses and protectors as I am about the tissues and the hand san and all the other little stuff.

Olivia's teacher, like all teachers now, requested a box of tissues in her list of school supplies this year.  You know what.  I'm used to it so the one is fine.  But then Olivia came home yesterday and told me that her teacher only received three boxes of tissues from three kids and that she turned around and told those three kids that they needed to bring more.

Are you effing kidding me?? This right here is why I am the parent that send individual sided things for their own personal use.  Because when you do the right thing and send the big box that you KNOW is only going to end up in her closet or on her desk for everyone's kid plus her to use, she gets greedy and asks for more.

And copy paper.  Each ream has 500 sheets, right? If there are so kids in each class and each kid brings a ream of copy paper that's what? 1,500 sheets of paper.  I'm sorry but yes, I am the parent that's standing there wondering and counting to make sure that my child has 500 copied pieces of work.

Then there's the schools that change uniform colors every year.  Yeah cause I have the unlimited funds to buy green shirts one year, yellow the next, and blue the year after that.  Hello!! I have three kids!  I can't afford to buy brand new everything every year.  Yeah right now Kayla is using the boys old green shirts from a year and a half ago but they will not fit Olivia nor will they be in any condition to should I want to impose a really big shirt on her.  The only way that the shirts Jovaughn left and Kayla's wearing are going to fit Olivia is if the child has decent sized blobs to fill them out as she has always been my small child. 

Not that it matters because they have to make it through the Kayla year and ten sit for another year.  Yeah, no.  I don't see that happening.

I have no clue why schools have stopped providing the basis necessities for our children bit I'm pretty sure that parents are soon going to revolt and the schools aren't going to have anything in their supply closests because patents Sony send anything.

I'm half tempted to go out and get laptops for them to save on reams of paper and notebooks. 
I don't know what else to do.  Fall into line like all the sheep and do what I'm told and keep supplying the schools that don't always use the supplies we buy for just our kids or start the promised rebellion and put my foot down.

I just know that it posses me off and if I don't start the rebellion, I am damn sure going to join it...

I will not be boycotting...

Prepare your stones and sticks and rotten tomatoes to throw because I'm going to say this outright:

I do not agree with Chick-fil-a.  I think they are a bunch of assholes for this latest more of theirs.

-BUT-

I WILL NOT boycott them.  On average when I go for myself I spend 6-10 dollars when I go with my kids I spend 25-30 dollars.  If I deny them my 10-30 dollars there is going to be another person who believes in punishing innocent gay people who will spend that plus more JUST TO SPITE ME.

So tell me why should I punish myself and deny myself or my kids the chicken sandwich that NO ONE else makes so well to punish a chain that couldn't care less?

Another thing... The founder of the chain was a Southern Baptist minister.  It's why they aren't open on Sundays.  If you didn't know this move was coming you need to just go stand in the corner.  Go on.  The hat is already there.

Sorry, I'm not going to punish myself and my kids for one company's beliefs.  If I did that We wouldn't shop or eat out.

Starbucks supposedly doesn't support the troops.
Target won't support the troops
Chick fil-a is anti Gay

Yeah no, I like all of those and the list keeps growing so no...  won't be boycotting... Sorry...

Kissing...

So I'm sitting here watching Love and Hip Hop: Atlanta and these two are sitting here kissing... I think... I mean I think they are kidding but I ain't never done it like that before.

My experience with kissing is closed mouth and basically a peck.  At times it might have been longer but yeah... that's it.

I'm sitting here thinking that I need to learn how to do this.  I need to learn to kiss like this... I want to learn to kiss like that.

Aside from the general fact that it alternately looks like either trying to resuscitating each other or swallow each other depending on which way your head is turned, it still looks like fun...

Is this a black thing? This kissing like you're trying to swallow your partner or is this a general kissing rule?  I don't think I've ever seen white people kiss like this... I think I need to try this with a man from every race and nationality.

Yes.  I need to explore this live sucking kissing thing...

Importance

You must always remember this...

While your problems seem like they are are more important than everything else, in everyone else's world your problems mean very little.

My therapist said this to me today.  I find that it's very true.  In my world my walls are coming tumbling down and the ground is shaking and all I need is someone to wrap their arms around me and hugs and and hold me until it okay to come out of hiding but to the outside world the fact that I'm not up on a water tower laughing maniacally and shooting innocent people (perhaps in light of the recent tragedy that's kinda insensitive but...) I'm perfectly fine.

It's all in how you look at life. 

I have to wrap my mind around it fully because like said my problems are huge in my world.  And in my world I still need that hug.

The happy side of today though is that I have been taken off my phych meds!  Yea!!!  I have a prescription for one but it's at my discretion to pick it up and take it.  It's an awesome feeling!

Nothing else to report today really.  I have a headache so I'm going to take my meds and hit the hay.

Night!

So today was just another day at Wal-mart...

I didn't go to bed until almost two.  Dunno why but whatever...  When my alarm rang at eight am, I started the dryer to iron my Sunday clothes (yes I do that... Stop giving me that look...) and I promptly hopped my ass back in the bed for another hour.

Not that it did any good cause at nine am I still didn't wanna get up... but I did.

Went to church where T very nearly stole my shoes.  It's cool.  I'm used to it now.  I swear though, I am going to kidnap her and take her to the Avenue one day...

After church I wanted some McDonald's for lunch but my bank account had Wal-Mart in mind... So off we go.  By we I mean me cause I was alone.  Mommy didn't go to church today.

So outside of Wal-Mart there's a guy and he's selling pit bull puppies.  O. M. G. They were the absolute cutest puppies on earth.  I wanted one.  What I did not want to hear was a couple of old women telling the man that those beautiful puppies were mongrels that needed to be drowned because pit bulls are evil dogs.  I had to channel my inner Cindy cause I was about to tell them some things I may or may not have made up in order to shut her up but apparently my channeling powers are slow cause some other woman channeled my Cindy and cusesed those women roundly, squarely, and any other shape you wanna say.

My bad mood was made better once inside however.  I have to say right now that damn it, I looked hot today.  I did the hair, I had on the heels, I was looking like a ten plus twenty and I knew it but I digress... The best feeling is when a man in Walmart gets slapped by his woman because he's looking at you.

So in true Walmart style I was not allowed out of the store without being appalled and forays tale from the ghetto came from a Mexican child who was yelling at the woman holding his hand in the parking lot.  Now the kid could not have been more than ten if he was that.  He was telling the girl/woman to let go of him because she was a dirty cunt.  Oh yes, he said that.  It was at this point that I decided it was time to leave Walmart.

So got to mommy's and sat here and made her dinner... Chopped grilled pork chops smothered in grilled onions, yellow bell peppers and mushrooms.

Now I'm watching the end of The Blind Side.  Love that movie.  Makes me cry everytime.  Pretty soon I'm gonna go on home.

It's been a day.

I need the day to end. 

End the effing week already please...

I'm done.  Not even anti anxiety meds can help right now.

Let's recap shall we...?

Sunday morning I went to my fathers church.  Not only did he not RECOGNIZE me, when he introduced me to everyone after the service, NO ONE knew he even had a daughter.  I cannot begin to elaborate on my feelings with that.  If you know me, then you can imagine my feelings.  I have held it up well but that was the FIRST TIME I wanted to sit in a corner and cry this week.

Monday we drive into the city.  Let's say that my first act in the city was to flip off and honk at an NYPD officer... The rest of the day was awesome.  I even got to go to Coney Island and ride the legend- wait for it- ary Cyclone roller coaster.

Tuesday... Eh that was fine.  Long drive, road rage, tired as hell, hot as hell... Absolutely nothing to complain about except that we were so deep in the country that Google couldn't even find me for foursquare...
Wednesday... Six something in the morning... I hear a muffled thump and a scream.  I was wearing wax earplugs because I was sharing a room with mom and she snores.  Flew out of the bed to find my mother in the floor at the bottom of a flight of stairs.

My heart stopped.  Not quite sure its beating regularly yet.

I am about to fall apart.  I swear I am.  I just want to sit in a corner... Hell anywhere... And sob.  Between my dad not knowing me and people he ministers to not even knowing about me to watching my mother in severe pain for the last thirty six hours I need a huge hug.  Not a brief one either.  More like someone to lay down in the bed with me and hold me.  I don't want sex.  I just want to be held.

I have a feeling that since I'm more than likely not going to get held that this week is going to end with alcohol.  I don't want to drink bit I want the warm comfort.

Sigh, I... I... I have nothing.  I will find strength for my mom, but at the moment I have no damn idea where I'm going to get it from....

Starting new Meds...

Okay so update:  I went to the Psychiatrist today.  After a two hour session, She said that she doesn't think I am bi polar although they have to do more tests.  She thinks I am at the not so bad end of manic Depressive and I have a new med.  Lamictal.  Haven't looked it up but I will start it tonight.  I told her about the television in my head and how I just want it to shut off.  I don't want my story ideas to stop I just want the noise that I can't decipher to stop.  Anyway.  like I said I start tonight.  25mg for the next two weeks, then 50 for two weeks and then 100 for a week and I go back to her.  We will see.  I don't think I have ever taken this one before.  If you all notice anything online let me know because chances are I won't see it as I will be in it.  I have friends who can see me IRL and tell me if there's a change.  Sigh... that's all I got... sigh...

Hmmm..

I want to go on a cruise or go visit another country.  I feel like men from another country might just be a little more appreciative of what I have to offer than American men seem not to be.

I'm trying not to complain about it. I've made vows not to complain about it, but I can't help but do so.  American men are just so... so callous when it comes to women.  They seem to think that its okay for them to ignore someone for months on end and then pick up where they left off and its all good. 

From what I can tell, men from other countries don't have this brain deficit.  They understand that if they fuck up and miss a few steps they have to go back more steps than they missed.  That or they just really appreciate women.

What am I saying?  Hmm I don't know.  I'm still just really lonely.  And I'm tired of being lonely.  I don't want to be the one night stand.  I don't want to be the casual fling.  I want a relationship.

Sigh.  Maybe I am destined to be single and blogging forever. 

On a side note a part if me really wants to try out for the bachelor.  Lol.  They've never have a black in or one that had older kids or so many kids.  I think I would be awesome.  I seriously doubt is get a rose at all but I think it'd be awesome.

Que serà.

Okay, I'm outtie...

Today is...

One of those days where I want to sit in bed and just text people.  I don't know why.

But then, I don't know why I do a lot of things or why a log of days feel like they do.

Sigh.  Short blog.  Bleh.

Yawn...

This morning I am speaking in "yawn".  That is to say every single thing I say sounds like one big whiney yawn.  That my kids are really good at translating this is actually a huge surprise!

They have three weeks left and they seem to want to fill it with fighting.  I realize that we do this dance every year.  We get down to the final weeks before the great swap and things either go really good or really bad.  Considering that these are the boys final days with me I am not making big deals out of a lot of stuff.  He is also not trying so hard for me to kill him.  It's all working out kinda well.

Soon this will be a house full of girls.  Lord help us all.  That's all I'm going to say about that.

I really need to blog more.  I mean I have the app on my phone so I have no excuse.  I'm just lazy as help.  See? I came ul with one!  You love me.

I am super duper tired and I'm not overly sure why.  I was up and down all night long and I don't have a reason.  Eh, its Friday.  It's grey out, I'm going back to sleep.  Not that the two are mutually exclusive.

So blog.  Time for medicine.  Ttyl8r!