Not waking up

It’s hard to show who’s typing right now because both of us are wondering what hat it be like if we’d never been born?  What what it’d have been like if we never split into two and what would it be like if we took the rest of this bottle of clonazapam and a handful of tradodone and just... didn’t wake up...

It’d be like going to sleep right?  Dying? Leaving all the pain behind and for once not feeling like we’re no good enough, not pretty enough, not competent enough, or just to put it simply not enough...

The mother unit would be broken, there’s no doubt about that. But unlike us, she has God to turn to. He still talks to her.  Or maybe it’s that she still talks to him.  We’re not really sure how the religious thing works anymore.

The kids would be mad and sad but they’d have their dad and Gabby to cling to.  He’d get to be the only parent whichbhes wanted for as long as e can remember, she’d get to be mom to all of them.  Well probably just Livy and Jojo.  We don’t think she really ever cared for Kayla but we did and that was enough.

Kay would blame Pizza Hut and we feel that somehow this would break her more than it would break anyone else.  For that we apologize.

The father unit.... ell bless him but he’s just come back into our lives and he’s never been aware that there’s wonof us and he’d probably say I was Gods plan and the mother unit would finally beat he shit out of him because there is no plan that her God could have that would rob her of her baby.

The Hut wouldn’t feel a damn thing.  They’d replace us without a second thought although if we ever did this there would be a note telling one and all that he Hut precipitated this cation of cowardice.

Of all the people we would feel for... not sorry... but feel in our eternal soul... would be the friend units that have always been there and have bent over backwards to try and pull us out of our holes.  They have talked us down, talked us up, takes to us t our lower points, laughed with us at our higher points.  For them we would probably hate what we’d done.

But we’d be free.  And maybe finally the two different people that we are.  Claudette could see what Roxie looks like and vice versa because we thing if we ever got separated we might look like very different.

We apologize.  But this is something hat we’ve been thinking more and more about every day that life tells us we aren’t good enough.  We apologize if we ever do this but the pain is getting too much and we can’t hold on much longer.  We’ve been holding on as long as we can and pretty soon our grip is going to slip and when it does....

We are truly sorry.