Government issued dick where r u?

I’m reaching that point where the government issued fuck boy should be getting ready to be shipped to my house any day now.

I mean seriously, why isn’t this a thing?  Why can’t the government just make this happen?  They can regulate everything else...

I’m about to go watch fifty shades of kinky fuckery again just so I can remember what sex between two people is because self serve sex is NOT sex.  I don’t care what people say.

I’ve screamed my own name so much even the neighbors know when I’m using the self serve lane...